How "One Size Fits All" Should Not Be Applied to Underwear

Okay, so, when I was in Vegas last weekend, I forgot to pack my... um... undies. 

Me... commando. Kidding.

We were staying at the MGM Grand, which has about a thousand shops inside, so I assumed that at least one of those shops would carry... sundries. 

So, I went into the nearest shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have sundries?" 

And the lady was all, "We have toothpaste."

And for a moment, I got a little disgusted trying to figure out how toothpaste would help my undy (singular of undies?) situation. 

Then I realized that perhaps I was using the word "sundries" in the wrong way. Perhaps it didn't mean what I thought it meant. Perhaps even though it sounds like "undies", it might mean something else.

So, I was all, "Okay, I'll take a toothpaste. Also, as a sidenote, do you have... underwears?" Because if you use the plural, it's less embarrassing. 

She's all, "Um we have these..." She holds up a thong that has words on it. Something about which way to do something. 

I was all, "Do you have anything... with more coverage? With a back that doesn't go... between things?"

She sent me to another shop, the only place in the entire hotel that carried non-novelty undies. 

Upon entering the second shop, my face went red. It appeared the clothing designer had been challenged to make as many outfits as possible using only the material from a handkerchief. 

I asked the lady behind the counter, "Um... undies?"

She pointed me toward a basket, with tiny little black boxes inside. Each tiny box (about the size of a ring box) claimed to contain three underwears. 

Apparently Las Vegas really is magic. 

I asked the lady again, "How do you tell the sizes?"

She's all, "They're one size fits all."

me: "WTF?"

Because "One Size Fits All" is for sweatshirts, and ponchos, and sleeping bags. Not underwears!

But the lady pointed to the side of the box, where it clearly stated (in 10 pt font) One Size Fits All. And then in the small print underneath, it stated Sizes 4-8. 

me: "That is not One-Size-Fits-All. That is One-Size-Fits-A-Small-Percentage-of-the-Population-and-Have-You-Seen-The-People-at-your-Slot-Machines?-It-is-Not-THAT-Percentage!"

She's all, "That's all we have."

me: "The people who fit in these [holds up box] are not the people who forget underwear. They're the people who pack their underwear very carefully because they love how they look in underwear."

her (looks at the poor woman having a breakdown about underwear sizes. Pities her.) "Do you want the box or not?"

me (resigned): "I'll take it. Maybe I can stitch two of them together."

I have to say I got used to the feeling, and eventually I stopped picking at them. 

So... how was your Thanksgiving? I ate so much that "One-Size-Fits-All" is a mere fantasy land far, far away. 

and We have a Winner!

The winner of the EVERBOUND ARC is...

Jessica @ Books: A True Story

Jessica, email me your mailing address at brodiashton at gmail dot com

And for everyone else, don't worry. I will be holding a ton of ARC contests before the end of the year. So check back here often! 

The EVERBOUND trailer revealed! And... enter to win an ARC!

P.S. Read to the bottom to find out how to enter to win an EVERBOUND ARC...

The EVERBOUND trailer is live on EW.com!  

It looks like this:

Is it geeky to get a screen shot framed?

To celebrate, I'm giving away an ARC of EVERBOUND. Entry is simple! Four steps:

1. Click on this link
2. Watch the trailer
3. Leave a comment ON EW.COM'S PAGE. Like the page too. 
4. Come back here and leave a comment telling me you left a comment. 

So, in all, you will leave TWO comments. This is important. Because it just is. If you don't leave two comments, the police will come and arrest you. (Sorry, pulling from my sister's empty threats to her children)

So... go watch! And report! And be sure to leave EW.COM a comment! 

Contest ends tomorrow.  

Update: *Contest Closed*

Exciting News, Having to do with the EVERBOUND Trailer, and a Certain Magazine

I have some very exciting news! 

No, I haven't learned to cook. 

Yes, I had a great time in Vegas, but that's not the news. 

I'll give you one more guess...


...


Did you guess that the book trailer for EVERBOUND would be revealed by Entertainment Weekly (EW.com) on Thursday??????

Wait... you did? 

Okay, well I guess that sort of lets the air out of my balloon, and by "let the air out of my balloon" I mean "sucks", but it's okay. You are good at guessing. 

So here's the official announcement. 

EW.com will reveal the book trailer for EVERBOUND this Thursday

I'm really thrilled about this news. Why am I still in red? There we go. Anyway, I'm really excited about this, because I have been a fan of Entertainment Weekly for a long time. In fact, I'm pretty sure we were one of the first households to subscribe to the magazine.*

*Claim not verified by... anyone.

To celebrate the news, I'm sure I will hold a contest for an EVERBOUND ARC, so check back here for details on Thursday. The contest will involve watching the trailer, so make sure you have 90 seconds set aside for that. 

In other news:

Remember that time I came home from New York City to find a beta fish on my bookcase? Well this time I came home from Vegas to find a parrot in my living room. She was so colorful, I had to look around me to make sure I'd really left Las Vegas. 

And actually, she's pretty adorable. I named her Pigeon. 

Sam's all, "Why did you name her Pigeon?"

I'm all, "I don't know. She just looks like a Pigeon."

He's all, "That's like naming an award-winning poodle 'Mutt'."

Then I was all, "We should name her Mutt Romney!" Then I laughed, but I laughed alone because it's not a very funny joke.

We settled on "Pigeon Scout". The "Scout" part comes from our favorite girl name, but we didn't have any girls. I finally have another girl in the house. 

*Fist bumps Pigeon* 

*Pigeon gets knocked to the floor because she has no fists*

So, what do you think of Pigeon Scout? And what do you think of my exciting news? 

And how long did you say parrots live? 

What Happens in Vegas... is that I'm Wearing a Corset. I can guarantee it's a one-time deal.

Hey y'all! 

Are you in the Vegas area? Do you want to be in the Vegas area? Would you like to go to Vegas this weekend? Me too!

So if you're in the area, or if you have access to an airport, or boots that are made for walkin', then get your bum down to the Vegas Valley Book Festival. 

Saturday is devoted to YA! I'll be on a Paranormal panel at 12:30 and then I'll be signing books, along with a buttload of other amazing authors later in the afternoon. And then that night, I'll be attending the Steampunk Ball, also with a bunch of other authors. 

I tried out my steampunk outfit today. 

By far the best part of shopping for a steampunk outfit is looking like a middle aged mom (which I am) and walking into a store that carries whips and gadgets and saying, "I'd like to try on every corset you have."

The guy at the counter gave me a very weird look. So just for fun, I followed up the request with, "And make sure there's space in the dressing room for two..."

And then, when he looked even more confused and not just a little bit disgusted, I winked and said, "You know, room for two... because it takes two to tango..."

And then when he dry-heaved a little in his mouth, I remembered I was a middle aged mom, and so I sealed the deal by saying "And by tango, I mean I've got two kids at home who are waiting for me to make chicken nuggets. So just give me my corset." 

I can pretty much guarantee I'm the only person who tried it on with a shirt beneath it, and a sweater over it. What can I say... I like layers. 

I have a clock hanging on a chain around my neck, black boots with buckles, lace fingerless gloves and a tiny hat that was apparently made for elves, not humans. Either I'm rocking the steampunk, or I'm going to an 80's revival. 

So what do you think of the outfit? Does it exhibit enough steampunkery? 

I decided to drive to Vegas, so I need some new music to listen to. What songs/bands have y'all fallen in love with lately? Any songs you can't get enough of? Please leave them in the comments, so I won't fall asleep on the drive. 

And if you're coming to Vegas, make sure you find me. I may even be giving away a bunch of EVERBOUND ARCs.