Newt Status: Newt's threatening to contract a communicable disease if I continue ogling the Mac Notebook.
Have you read Twilight? Okay, dumb question, because I bet 99.9% of the people reading this blog have read it. I happen to be good friends with the two ladies who make up the 0.1% of the non-readers.
I went to see the movie "Twilight" with these two friends. Seriously, it was one of the funnest, funniest nights of my life lately. Below, I will attempt to recap our conversations throughout the entire show. Most of you know the obsession with all things Twilight, Edward, Bella, Jacob, so hopefully you will find the humor in this.
My two friends did have preconceived notions of the book: there was a vampire. His name was Edward. That's about it. Join me, on a tour of Twilight, with the virgins.
To protect the identities of Raina and Alissa, I'll call them Lucy and Ethel.
L&E: "Wow. Edward's hot."me: "That's not Edward."
L&E:"Who is it?"
me: "Jacob."
L&E:"Who's Jacob?"
me: "He's a friend/Quiliute/shapeshifter/werewolf."
L&E: "Huh?"
L&E: "Okay, there's Edward. He's pretty cute."me:"That's not Edward either. That's Mike."
L&E: "Oh. Does she end up with Mike?"
me: "No. Despite her numerous suitors, she never ends up with anybody except Edward."
L&E: "So that's Edward. What's up with the coif?"me: "I think it's sort of like his trademark 'do."
L&E: "He looks good straight on, but there's something wrong with his profile."
me: "That's in the book. Stephenie Meyer was very specific about Edward's profile being his only flaw."
L&E: "Seriously?"
me: "No. Edward doesn't have flaws."
L&E: "Vampires climb trees?"
me: "Apparently."
L&E: "Is that in the book?"
me: "I don't think so. Neither is the phrase "Hang on, Spider Monkey"."
L&E: "Vampires read minds?"me: "Not all of them. Just Edward."
L&E: "Why can't he read her mind?"
me: "Ummm, I'll tell you later."
L&E: "What's wrong with his skin?"me: "It's the sun."
(Edward says it's the "skin of a killer").
L&E:"It doesn't look like the skin of a killer. It's sort of sparkly."
me: "Um, Yeah."
L&E: "Jasper's hot."me: "I know. I totally agree."
L&E: "I thought they didn't eat people?"me: "That's only the Cullens."
L&E: "Why is James only after Bella?"
me: "I don't know."
L&E: "Does it end happy?"
me: "It's Stephenie Meyer. It always ends happy."
L&E: "Seriously, does his hair ever calm down?"me: "I think they have paid professionals to make sure that never happens."
L&E:"Does he turn her into a vampire?"me: "Not right now."
L&E: "When?"
me: "After she becomes impregnated and bears their hybrid spawn."
L&E: "Huh? Vampires can have babies?"
me: "Oh, man."
Seriously, it was so much fun! So go out and find your own Twilight Virgins (they are hard to spot, trust me, and no, you can't borrow mine).
I think that is the exact conversation that I would have with Brodi except for the continual comments about how hot the main characters were.
ReplyDeleteThe other difference is that I don't think I have used the term 'coif' so well done to the ladies.
I don't think it is, but if by chance, the phrase 'spider monkey' is actually used in the movie, I will go tonight with you to see it.
"Spider Monkey" is in the movie! Now you have to see it with me! No givebacks!
ReplyDeleteI also concur that "Spider Monkey" is in the movie.
ReplyDeletealso were they kidding when they said "Jasper is Hot"
I was a newbie when I saw the movie and I also thought Jasper is hot! What a funny poat!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletewell crap, my comment was supposed to be edited, NOT mysteriously disappear.
ReplyDeletespider monkey IS in the movie, you have to go now Sam!
and bro, where on EARTH did you find TWO women that had not yet read this book?? LOL at your night!
Shellie-
ReplyDeleteNo, we were not kidding about thinking Jasper is hot. In fact, I will go out on a limb, and say he is the hottest character in the entire movie!
(don't stone my blog, all of you Jasper haters)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletethat is so funny, and who hates jasper? and spider monkey isin there.
ReplyDelete(creeping out from behind the rock I've been under for the past couple of years) I too am a Twilight virgin. I don't know how I managed to miss it. My friend loaned me her book and I did read the first page. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteDorien- Apparenty Twilight Virgins aren't that hard to find. We have two confessed virgins right here in the comments section!
ReplyDeleteJasper is seriously not that cute. My favorite is jacob!!!! I am not a twilight virgin all though i did not like the books when they first came out but then they grew on me. Until i read brodi's book and then her book became my favorite!!!
ReplyDeleteAh, man, Elizadaisyjane, could you be any cuter? :)
ReplyDeleteBrodi,
ReplyDeleteHow come Elizadaisyjane gets to read your book and not me? You should publish and sell this post to a column (at least the Sandy Hometown News or Journal). I was crying while I was reading it. P.S. Jasper IS hot.
crying cuz I was laughing so darn hard. BTW I loved your Christmas card-- girl, you and sam are joke-people! luv, lis
ReplyDeleteso did you like the movie--yes I read the books, but YES, I could put them down--I'm proud of the and just to let you know I'm still 120 pages away from finishing the 4th book and have been that way for well over a month. I love that I have control! (what a boring life I lead) ha
ReplyDeleteI don't know why it posted as anonymous--me-Deanna, wrote that wonderful comment--above
ReplyDeleteDude, you nailed it--there is definitely something wrong with Edward's profile. I think he doesn't have enough nose for his face or something. And Jasper is hot--when doesn't look constipated.
ReplyDeleteBree- You're right. It's not enough nose for the face. Who would have thought too little nose would ever be a problem?
ReplyDeleteHA, HA, HA!!! I am laughing so hard! Awesome post - yeah, hold on spider monkey wasn't in the book....hmmm...and it was such a great line too. Pity.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I'm glad we aren't the only ones who look forward to slushy soft drinks.