Hey Y'all.
I thought it'd be fun to answer some of your questions at the top of some of the blogs. Feel free to ask me anything! It can be about writing, querying, revising, Rafa, pancreatic cancer, holes in hearts, my deodorant preference... anything. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find someone who does.
So anytime you want to participate, leave a question in the comments section, and I'll collect them.
I'll start with a question from my neighbor:
QUESTION ONE
Neighbor: Why do you always use the word "y'all"? You're not southern.
Well, neighbor, it's simple. I have a deep and abiding love for the Southern plural possessive.
Example of plural possessive in action: "What are all y'all's plans for the weekend?"
I first heard the Southern plural possessive when I met my friend Raina (Ethel) from Louisiana, and it's been true love ever since.
ON TO THE BLOG
My brother-in-law recently commented on the number of wristbands out there, proclaiming the latest cause.
It's gone from this:
...to Autism Awareness to "I Heart Boobies" (breast cancer awareness)
We totally want in on that action. In picking our cause, we discussed many options:
RAISE AWARENESS OF RAFA'S CALF MUSCLES
(His arms get all the attention)
CURE EXCESSIVE SALIVA PRODUCTION IN CANINES
However, eventually we decided on a cause that is near and dear to our hearts, and affects more people per year than constipation.
How many of us have had Ugly touch our lives? Are you ugly, or do you know someone who is?
Now, this was not inspired by anyone in particular, especially not the man I saw the other day outside of the grocery store. Or that one baby who obliterated the old adage "All babies are beautiful."
There are no screening tests for Ugly. There are no risk factors (although there is something to be said for heredity). Ugly can hit anywhere, anytime.
As a side note, if Ugly hits you unexpectedly, and it's an emergency, it's okay to call 9-1-1.
Let us take a note out of Spain's book. That country has obviously found the answer to Ugly, judging by their men's Davis Cup Tennis team.
(Spain's Tennis Elite: laughing at how handsome they are)
Remember: There are no ugly people. Only Ugly faces. And bodies.
So, how was all y'all's holiday weekend? Do you have any questions for me? Do you have any causes you'd like to highlight? Do you have any personal stories involving Ugly?
What is the most number of times you've said boobies or something to do with boobies in one day?
ReplyDeleteI can attest that the saying "All babies are beautiful" is pure lies! My nieces-in-law proved that from the very beginning! Hopefully, none of my in-laws read your blog. If they do, I guess it's time to come clean about what I think of the looks of those babies!
Jenni- Excellent question. I can't wait to answer it!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure your in-laws don't read my blog. I think my readership is holding steady at 10 people a day, so what are the chances they are in that group?
Color me not impressed with the Spanish mens tennis team. Yeah, they have the flowing long hair, the good looking faces, the muscles, etc...but are they comfortable enough in their manhood to ride a bike with a baby seat in back, and no baby? Think not. Sam - 1, Spanish Tennis Heart-throbs - 0.
ReplyDeleteI can't keep up with all of these wrist bands. I just looked down, I am wearing 17 of them. At least I look stylish.
I'm gonna buy a few of those bands and throw them at people at Walmart.
ReplyDeleteOk here's my question. Do you, honestly, put on your pants one leg at a time?
Sam- You definitely have beaten the Ugly. Congratulations! I've got your gold star at home. And when you get home, I'll be wearing all your wristbands and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteJust checking to see if people read my comment responses.
Debbie- Excellent question. I will add it to the list, and start collecting data to determine the answer.
TMI, Brodi, TMI! What you and Sam do with your wristbands is no one's business but your own.
ReplyDeleteDebbie- You passed the test! No more inappropriate comments, I promise.
ReplyDeleteWhoops. I totally meant Jenni. Sorry! I failed the test.
ReplyDeleteNot funny, but very important to my personal sanity: When is your book getting published? It's been submitted to editors already, right?
ReplyDeleteAnd, really, you haven't seen ugly until you've spent some time with a long-term meth addict. It's to the point that I don't even notice ugly anymore. Or swear words. Or sex talk. (What armbands?)
Is my word verification referring to Rafa or Sam? Can't tell: "azessisi." No, must be that foreign tennis team.
Robin- was that "a-sissy"? If so, that was totally referring to... um... Rafa.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question, it is an excellent one. I will add it to the bushel, and answer it on Monday. :) Short answer: It's very close to being submitted.
[Jumping up and down in excitement]
ReplyDelete"Very close" is good. :D
I was pronouncing it "he's a sissy," but with a Cockney accent. :D
But now, after being so rude to your lovely men, I'm being chasened by the Word Verification gods. Apparently, "imaticke," which clearly means that I'm a clock. Or a bomb. Or an insect. That can't be good. I feel such foreboding....
Robin- Thanks for being so excited! Although you know it still might not sell... ah publishing. I love it.
ReplyDeleteAs for being called a tick, I'd take it as a compliment. Ticks are very stubborn and tenacious. And sturdy.
I can state that I had an Ugly baby...Kid N, but don't tell her that. She was funny-looking from the get-go and I blame my in-laws. She has sort of grown out of it but not to the point that I'm totally convinced she won't revert back to Ugly. Ah, the struggles some of us have to face.
ReplyDeleteI do declare, your love of southern verbality is quite hospitable. Consider touching up your grammar though. Anybody worth a pound of (non-instant) grits knows that "Y'all" is really the singular possessive, and "All y'all" is the plural possessive. Incorporate that into your writing for instant street cred.
ReplyDeleteps. If Sam wants to impress the masses even more with his fake baby in the carrier skills, replace the bike water bottle with a large sippy cup. Trust me: it fits nicely in the cage.
Erin- Well, I wasn't going to name names, but Kid N is the baby I was talking about.
ReplyDeleteKent- I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from exposing this blog to the rules of grammar. I'm trying to keep it PG-13.
Wow. You've opened up a whole new realm for the word ugly. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteHere's my question: How's your heart hole? Are you all clear for everything? And did the surgery change anything? Besides fixing the hole itself.
Um, if I dialed 9-1-1 every time I had an Ugly emergency...they'd probably block my number. Awesome is all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteSadly, it is true, not all babies are beautiful. Plus, don't all children go through an "ugly" stage when they are all awkward and such. I am still waiting for when my "ugly" stage ends. Sign me up for the cure!! Maybe instead of arm bands we should also give out face bands...to protect the public AND increase awareness of this issue!?!
ReplyDeleteI am completely stumped for a question. Have you ever found yourself completely tongue-tied, especially at a very important moment?
Melissa- I had an Ugly emergency the other day. The stupid 9-1-1 line was blocked for so-called "real" emergencies. I'm filing a complaint.
ReplyDeleteCath- Excellent question. I shall add it to my big bag of questions. BTW, I saw your pics from your time at Kara's cabin. What a fun trip! I can't believe you hauled all your kids by yourself. You're amazing.
ReplyDeleteUna- Kid B totally went through an ugly stage when he was a few months old. Thankfully, he's starting to grow out of it. Everyone goes in and out of Ugly during one lifetime. I'm in a particularly ugly patch right now. Maybe you have a good point about the facemasks!
Thanks for the question. I'll add it to the queue.
Ok I have one. What is the most meaningful book you have ever read? How did it affect your life?
ReplyDeleteLulabell- Excellent question! I can't wait to ponder on it.
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT !
ReplyDelete