I'm Baaaaaaaaack! And let me tell you about a Great Writer's Conference!

(Imagine the title of this blog said in a creepy "Jack Nicholson" All-Work-And-No-Play kind of voice.)

(Oh wait... He never says "I'm baaaaaaack", right? He says "Heeeeeeeere's Johnny".)

(So which movie has the guy saying, "I'm baaaaaaaaack?")

(Should a blog post start out with this many parentheses?)

(No)

Hey y'all! I'm back from my summer blogging break. You didn't know I was taking a summer blogging break, did you? Well, neither did I. But the suits who run this blog (they don't exist) insisted I take a break (because I'm totally lazy). 

(By the way, we have officially reached the world record for "Most Parentheses in a Single Blog Post.")

(They will be awarding me the Parenthetical Crown tonight in a special ceremony). 

(Do periods go outside the parentheses? Or inside?.).

Anyway, the reason I'm here is to tell you about an awesome writing conference! For writers! It's this thing:

(contrary to what is being advertised, no writers will be put under literal construction)

I will be delivering the keynote address. Which means I will be using my entire repertoire of cuss words (because I swear like a sailor when I'm nervous). 

Here's what the organizers have to say: “The $49 includes a catered lunch and the day offers networking opportunities and book signings with our authors. Whether writing fiction, non-fiction, or for adults, young adults, or children, there’ll be something for everyone.”

Are you a writer who would like to connect with other writers, be inspired, or learn some crafty stuff? Then this is the place for you! You can register here.

Also, for those of you who will be at Salt Lake Comic Con, I'll be speaking on a panel Saturday at noon. And if that isn't enough to entice you to go, I will be wearing an elf costume. 

Hope to see you at either of these thingees! 

Now... how was your summer?