FBF Winner, and Presenting the First Page of My New Book (Feel Free to Disregard)

1. Free Book Friday Winner:

Keersten

Choose your top three books from the picture and email me your address. (Email in sidebar).

2. Team Tamale Deadline
Tonight is the deadline for Team Tamale. And I can tell you all, I'm finished with my book! Now there's a huge difference between typing The End, and having a draft that's actually readable by someone else.

Right now, it's about at the reading level for hamsters. By December, I'm hoping to take it to the next level. Bats.

3. SCBWI Conference

Anyone in the Salt Lake area writing for children out there? Young Adult, Middle Grade, Picture Book? The SCBWI Utah conference is this Saturday. I'll be there. I also happen to know Bree Despain will be speaking at some point.

And SCBWI Queen Sydney Salter brings in editors, agents and authors who shed skin cells on the whole publishing industry. (You thought I was going to say "shed light", didn't you? I was going to, but I didn't want to be cliche.)

If you do want to go, make sure you email Sydney Salter asap and work it out with her that you want to pay at the door. Tell her I sent you, and she'll jack up the price an extra 10%. Her email's in the sidebar.

4. I vow to Up My Blog Quality, so Up Yours.

Y'all know I've been a little light in brain cells lately with this whole Chimi-Challenge '09. But now that it's over, at least my part of it is, I promise my blog quality will resume it's normal, lackluster sweaty sheen. I just snorted over that last sentence. Heh heh. It doesn't even make snense.

I bet right now, y'all are wishing for a guest blogger. Well, too bad! My blog's not cool enough to attract guest bloggers.

So, as a final salute to mediocrity, I will present the first page of my new book. Feel free to skip to the end of this post without reading. I will not be offended.

Whoa. Stage fright. Hubby just told me, "Maybe you don't want to share your first page. Maybe you want to wait until you've revised a few times."

To which I reply, "Did General Custer hesitate on his way to Little Big Horn? I think not."

So, like a mobster who brings a knife to a gunfight, I present my first page. As for comments, ummm... if you have to choose between being nice, and being honest, choose nice. (btw, it's a Young Adult novel, about a teenage girl who's been gone for a long time, but gets a chance to go back to her high school)

CHAPTER ONE

It’s too soon.

But, really, I’d been gone for one hundred years. Everything about my old life would be too soon. Especially high school.

The halls of Jackson High looked the same, and I reminded myself that above ground – far above the Underneath - only a few months had passed during my absence.

Senior year. A waste of time, in one respect, considering I would never graduate. But I needed be here to glimpse, for a moment, the life I had before. The year I should’ve had. To see Jack one last time. To stockpile memories that would nourish me for the next century. I could do this without hurting him again.

I glanced down at my schedule. First period English Literature. As I checked the room numbers at the tops of the doors, curious whispers floated along the hall behind me. Hanging in the air above my head. Blended together, belonging to no single voice.

Isn’t that Nicole Beckett?
She looks awful… Is she using?
Has to be… She was with the band. What else would do that to person?
Poor Jack. Does he know she’s back? Does he know she’s strung out?

When I found the right room, I clutched my books into my chest, lowered my head, and walked through the door.

Someone -- probably the teacher -- called from near the front of the classroom. “Miss Beckett? Is it?”

Hearing my own last name did strange things to my heart. Made it beat a little faster. A little harder. It’d been so long since I had a last name. For a hundred years, Cole only called me by my first name.
***

Okay, thanks for humoring me. Now to just get up the courage to press "publish post". How's y'all's week going? Pressing "Publish Post" in 3.... 2.... 1

Weekend Top Five, The Conundrum that is the Smile, and Anatomy of a Star Trek Smackdown

Rundown from Chimi-Challenge week:

1. Deadline to finish my WIP (Broken) is Wednesday night at midnight. I spoke to Team Tamale officials, and they are confident the book will be finished at 11:59.

a. For the next act, Team Gluten-Intolerant will finish her sequel by Nov. 30.

b. How is everyone doing on NaNoWriMo? Shellie? Eden? Olivia? Alysa? Hannah? Who am I missing?

2. We got our family pictures Saturday morning. We've been planning it for two years. The Photographer said for everyone to wear the same solid color like red, blue, black, tan or similar. We all showed up in different colors: Red, Blue, Black, Tan and White. Two years planning, and we still don't get it right. Even I know Blue and Black don't match.

(Ashton family throwing leaves in frustration over our inability to coordinate colors)

3. Our original photographer had to cancel at the last minute because of a death in the family. We began to think the Universe didn't want us to get our pictures taken. Then my good friend from high school Heather Zahn Gardner stepped in and rescued us.

Apparently, the Universe doesn't care if we get our pictures taken or not, only that we continue to struggle with the simple concept of the elusive "Smile".

Take 1Take 2

Take 3

Take 4

Take 542

You can see Heather had her work cut out for her, but she remained cool and calm.
Behold, here are Kid B and Kid C, looking cuter than our collective gene pool should allow.

4. Attempted to potty-train Kid B.
You know how babies get their nights and days mixed up? Well, Kid B is exhibiting the same behavior, only with potty-training. He sits on the toilet for hours at a time, and then gets up and goes into the living room to pee.

Apparently all the world's his toilet, except for the actual toilet, which is his oyster, and he'd never pee in his oyster.

(Please, Sir? Just one more diaper?)

5. The other night at Sunday Dinner, there was a fissure in the Galaxy. Did you hear it?

It all began when one side of the table uttered the classic fightin' words: "In the Star Trek Universe, the Gold uniforms signified command, and the red, engineering."

Well, you can imagine the Smackdown that ensued. (For those of you who don't know, a Star Trek Smackdown consists of two people climbing into a fighting arena with nobody watching, because nobody cares.)

The other side of the table answered with a, "Uh Nuh Yuh Did-enh!" (Translated: "Oh no you didn't" in Klingon). "Gold signifies engineering. Red: Command!"
Then they turned to me, the one with the iPhone at hand. I looked it up and found the source of the discrepency: Yes, we are all losers, no matter what color we wear.

How was all y'all's weekend? What did you do? Do you know the meaning of the Trek uniforms? Do you care?

Off to write at Border's. Team Tamale Forever!

Free Book Friday, and a Metrosexual Guest Blogger

Team Tamale update:

52,000 words. 13,000 more in 6 days.

Free Book Friday
Today, we have our first "Guest Blogger due to Me Being Totally Whacked out Because of Trying to Write 25,000 words in 14 days." (I copied that sentence from my book yesterday. You can see the quality of the work I'm putting out.)

So, without further adoodoo, please welcome Hubby. And please show him some comment love, because he is a very insecure metrosexual man. He's also made it very easy to enter in the FBF. I miss each and every one of you.

From Sam

I am filling in for Brodi today. HOW EXCITED ARE YOU ALL FOR THAT BIT OF NEWS? Today you get a very sexy metrosexual guy talking about very nonsexy things.

Brodi has had a long stressful week of writing and just living life. She told me that she was going to cook me dinner if I did not write her blog today, so that is why I am stepping in. I love Brodi but cooking ain't her thing. Don't get me wrong, she knows how to order takeout...she knows how to turn on the oven (I think she does)...and she knows how to ask me to cook up spaghetti...but cooking ain't her thing. So for her to threaten me with cooking up a meal, well, lets just say--it is like a normal person screaming at the top of their lungs for HELP. I put on my superhero outfit, tried to put out the oven fire from her cooking and here I am typing out this blog.

For those that do not know me, I am Brodi's adorable husband. I am 6'3", I weigh 200 pounds, I lift weights often, I like long walks along the beach...ok, none of that is true, except for the long walks on the beach stuff and for that, I usually have to wear a speedo which is truly liberating. Anyway, hopefully I have only lost about 50% of the readers so far.

Hold on--interruption of Brodi and Carter playing a game. Kid C wants to play 'Let's guess what number I am thinking of'...ok, sure.

Kid C: I am thinking of a number that is between 1 and 500,000. Guess what it is?

Brodi: 1,000.

Kid C: No.
Brodi: (slapping forehead in exasperation)

Sam: going to grab a sleeping bag because of a long night ahead of guessing a number out of 499,999 options.

I don't know if any of you watched it, but the reimaginging of the old tv series 'V' premiered on Wednesday. Brodi and I are kind of ScyFy (the lame nonsensical acronym that the SciFi channel has switched to) geeks, as you all have read thru Brodi's blog. In fact, she is actually geekier than me--no joke, I believe that she has watched Aliens (not Alien which was decent but vastly inferior to its sequel) at least 113 times. It was on 5 times in one week once and I think she missed a total of 4 minutes of it.

If it is an alien/monster/zombie/especially zombie/vampire, then we will be watching it. So, I started thinking of what were some of our favorite tv shows that are little paranormal/science fiction-y. Here is our list of my top 5 shows in the past 15 years:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer--

This is the classic. Stupid title, fabulous show. It really was groundbreaking. A girl is given special gifts and she has to save the world. And save it she did. Excellent dialogue, touching moments, great fight scenes. A hot Michelle Gellar (never hurts to have a pretty woman as the main character for all of the 15 year old geeks at home) and this show made a near household name out of Joss Whedon.

Firefly--

We still shed tears over the cancellation of this show. It was short lived and terrific. Cowboys in space...how could it be cooler besides maybe being Hip Hop-pers in Space? Another Joss Whedon show and it starred Nathan Fillion who everyone loves. Once again, great stories and likeable characters and it even led to an equally terrific movie, Serenity.

Lost--

Don't get me wrong, this show has had troubles. A great first season was followed up with some problems in seasons 2 and 3 but it has been back on course over the past few years. What is not to like? an airplane full of people crash into a deserted island that is not so deserted as it has some possible mean people who have a pet Polar Bear as well as machine guns, a giant time traveling wheel, a VW van, bright lights, science projects, comic books, hot mess of women, and flash forwards--how can you not love that all?

Fringe--

If you are not watching, watch. It is strange, to say the least. A possibly evil science corporation, bald people, death by goo on a bus, monsters, mad loveable scientist. And how can you not love Anna Torv? Even the old Dawson Creek's very own Joshua Jackson turns in great performances.

Angel--
David Boreanez. Being a true metrosexual, I can say without insecurity, he is one good looking man. You loved him in Buffy...you love him in Bones...and he was fun in Angel, the follow up to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He is a vampire, protecting the city of LA from bad vampires and other bad people. It also kept the lovely Eliza Dusku and Charisma Carpenter on television which is appreciated by me as well. (It is OK for me to say this as I have put up with Brodi's 78 posts on her secret lover, Rafa Nadal).

So, there is the list? Have any of you seen these shows? if so, what have you seen, what have you liked?

Enter the Contest
It is Free Book Friday and you can get a free book by just doing one of the following three things:

1. Follow me on my amazing, though not quite as spectacular as Brodi's blog, blog at: www.samandbrodi.blogspot.comn Yes, that is shameless plug and I do not expect any of you to follow up...so off to choices 2 and 3 for a chance to enter in to the free book contest.

2. Comment on your top 2 (or more if you desire) favorite science fiction shows (and for you old timers, you can include Star Trek if you like...we won't hold it against you for being old and cheesy to like that show)

or, 3. Just leave a general comment about anything.

If you have yet to do so, follow Brodi here on the blog or follow her on Twitter (@BrodiAshton).

Thanks for putting up with me today. Enjoy your weekend. And I hope you will soon be able to erase the image of me in a speedo from your memory.

FBF Winners, Author Smackdown, and My List of Things That Must Go

1. FBF Winners

Two winners this week. One from the Smackdown Post and one from last Friday's post.

Smackdown Winner: Una
Friday's post Winner: Cam

Please email me (in sidebar) with your top three choices from the picture below and your mailing addresses. There are also two copies of Hush, Hush.

2. Author Smackdown

First round goes to Bree Despain (aka Team Gluten Intolerant). She emailed me 45 pages of her sequel Monday night. If you get a chance, congratulate her. Now she must finish her book by Nov. 30th.

Next Round: Team Tamale (that's us) owes an entire novel by one week from today.

Original word count: 39,528

Word Count as of this morning: 48,742

So, about 49,000. Goal 65,000.

16,000 words in 8 days. Doable.

How is everyone's NaNoWriMo going? Shell, Alysa, Eden, Olivia, Hannah?

3. Things that Must Go

Okay, so today is one of those days where I need everyone’s help with the blog. I am bra deep in my race to finish my book. Let’s do a big blog-wide list of things that must go. I’ll start.

1. When Twitter friends Tweet something like, “I’m eating Mangoes and Sticky Rice. Sorry you can’t be here @brodiashton. It’s soooo gooood. 140 characters doesn’t do it justice.”

2. Those lights on cars that look almost like they are brights, but not quite, so I don’t know if the butt-munch behind me is mad at me, or just driving normally. So I don’t know if I should slam on my brakes in response to our disagreement, or if there’s no disagreement in the first place. Capice?

3. Itchy skin.

4. Wine Frye "hot spots" that don’t work. I need a Wi-Fi hit, Barnes&Noble in Sugarhouse. I need a hit! Why do you insist on thwarting me?

5. Goldfish that refuse to die of natural causes.

6. People who don’t understand Barnes&Noble is a place to write novels. Not talk to your kids about what kind of books they should read. Be quiet!

So, help me out here folks. What are your Things That Must Go?

NaNoWriMo, Team Tamale, and why my Head Exploded on Halloween... hint: Legos

1. NaNoWriMo

Welcome to National Novel Writing Month, where thousands of people try to write an entire novel in the month of November.

It took me two years to write my first novel, so I admire anyone attempting this feat. A few of my friends are going for it. Good luck Eden and Shellie and Bree and Olivia and Alysa.

Anyone else doing it?

2. Author Smackdown/Chimichanga Challenge '09

Team Tamale Update:

Goal: 65,000 words
Current word count: 45,000
Time left: 10 days

20,000 words. 10 days.

Team Gluten-Intolerant's deadline for 45 pages is tonight. We'll see what happens...

For our next challenge, Bree must finish her entire book by the end of November. It's convenient because she has joined NaNoWriMo. But inconvenient because writing an entire book in a month is hard. 50,000 words hard. Go Bree!

She blogged about it today, so please go over to her blog and encourage/threaten from Team Tamale.

3. Here's my rundown of the weekend

-On Halloween, a woman at Smith's Marketplace, behind me in the checkout line, says to me, "Is your name Angie?"

me: "Excuse me?"

her: "Are you Angie?"

me: "Um, no. Sorry."

Her: "Oh. It's just that you look like one of my friends who I haven't seen in a long time."

me (thinking I'm funny, and I'll make her day): "Oh yeah? What's her name?"

Her: "Um, Angie. Didn't I mention that?"

Me (realizing she doesn't think I'm funny): "Right. Yes, you did mention that. I just wasn't sure she was the friend you were talking about when you said I looked like your friend. Maybe Angie's not your friend, ya know?"

Her: "Um, what?"

Me: "Sorry. I'm dressed as a mental patient today. Get it? Ha ha."

Her: Walks away, chooses another checkout line to stand in. She said it was because the line was moving too slow. I couldn't agree more.

- All three goldfish are still alive. My friend offered me a fishbowl to use instead of our mixing bowl, but I told her I was afraid a real fishbowl would give the fish the wrong idea. About long-term housing options.

-Considering how much shaking the fish endured at the hands of my three-year old, I sorta thought they would fall victim to the old "five step exploding heart" maneuver. You know, where they take five steps and then their heart explodes because of all the abuse.

But so far, no exploding fish hearts. Maybe it's because my bowl is so small.

Kid C named the fish: Schmatzy, Flatzy, and Bill.

- I spent two hours Halloween night building Kid C's Lego battle ship. The picture on the box looks like this:

But the inside looks like this:
It says "Ages 8+" but I think they're giving my kid way too much credit. What do they think- I gave birth to Einstein? Have they met me? Have they met middle America?

Why in the world does the Lego company think we actually want to do the building ourselves? I felt like after I was finished, Lego should freakin' be paying me the $29.99. My fingers developed callouses overnight. I'm considering suing.

(The finished battleship)

Next time, I'm buying a pre-made one on eBay or something. btw, did you notice the stellar paint job on the wall behind the shelf? That was me. I didn't know it would be a backless shelf.

-More than a few trick-or-treaters asked, "Just how many pieces of candy can we take? Three? Five?"

Shrewd little boogers. I'm not calling them names. They were dressed exactly like shrewd little boogers.

I'm off to write. How was everyone's Halloween? What did y'all do?

Free Book Friday, and My Dad's War on Pancreatic Cancer

I love Everyone!

It's Free Book Friday. Find out at bottom how to enter.

1. Team Tamale Update:

Goal: 25,000 words in 14 days

Progress after 2 days: 4,000 words

21,000 more to go. Kapow.

Team Gluten-Intolerant is kicking butt as well, although she did waste three words doing this:
Go Bree Despain, and Team Gluten-Intolerant!

2. Pancreatic Cancer Update

I hate Halloween.

I've probably mentioned this, but 2 years ago, doctors discovered a tumor in my dad's pancreas on Halloween night. Cancer. Anyone know the numbers they throw at you once you've been diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer? It's not a pretty cancer. (As opposed to those beautiful cancers that look like fractals).

But a rock star doctor up at Huntsman Cancer Institute performed a complicated surgery called the Whipple, where they basically took out half of every organ. (The Whipple sounds too pansy. I since renamed the surgery: THE BEASTMASTER or THE VORTEX OF FIRE )

(Sis Erin, Dad, Me up at Huntsman Cancer Institute)

Anywho, against all sorts of odds, he's made it to the two year mark. Every three months, he gets his blood tested for the CA 19-9 protein... AKA "Tumor Marker". So every three months, the specter of cancer hangs over our beds, threatening our sleep, our sanity. We're always just one blood test away from life-changing.

For a year, the tests came back normal.

Then three weeks ago, the test showed an increase in the dreaded Tumor Marker. (Remember that one Friday, three weeks ago, where it took me forever to answer comments? Wait, what am I asking...? that my blog readers remember posts from three weeks ago? Seriously, get over myself!)

I probably don't need to tell you that once the cancer comes back... it ain't good. But I guess I did just tell you.

Sorry. Rambling.

Moving on, they decided to wait three weeks and then repeat the blood test.The day before Halloween. The dreaded Halloween results. Again. ARGH.

Last night, the results showed that we're still in the game! Tumor Marker came down! If the cancer was back, you'd expect it to go up steadily. It came down to funky town.

*Punches fist in the air- imagining she looks like Bruce Lee, but admitting she probably looks more like Cloris Leachman reaching for her next drink...*

So, I had to resurrect one of my favorite videos. The video shows two cats reenacting my Dad's battle with Pancreatic Cancer. My dad is the orange cat. Pancreatic Cancer is the black cat.



Funny cat fight - Watch more Funny Videos

3. My kids went to a Halloween party the other night, where they won three goldfish. Real, live, actual goldfish.

(Kid C as the Grim Reaper. Kid B as Winnie the Pooh. Sorta looks like the Grim Reaper is about to capture the Pooh, doesn't it?)

The goldfish came in little plastic ziplock baggies, and every time I tried to grab hold of Kid B's bag, he'd step back and shake the bag at me in a very threatening gesture. I'd say, "Be soft," and he'd start sqeezing the bag. I shadowed him all night, trying to keep that stupid goldfish alive.

He even ate while holding onto the bag. At one point, he reached for a donut and forgot he was holding the fish, and the bag went splatting to the ground.

Against all odds, all three fish are alive and swimming around my mixing bowl.

My Dad. My Goldfish. Despite the numbers, everyone's alive!

On a related note... anyone know how to kill goldfish and make it look like an accident?

Free Book Friday
To enter, leave me a comment and shout a big giant woo hoo for my dad! Those of you who left a comment on Bree's blog per Monday's request are already entered, but give me a woo hoo anyway.

Happy Halloween. What are y'all going as?

Anatomy of an Author Smackdown and FBF Winner

1. FBF Winner

Smokey the Hairless Cat clawed two winners out of the pile this week. We tried to extract one of them from his pointy claws, but he was having none of that.

Jenni Elyse
Susan

Pick your top three choices from the picture below (I have them all autographed, and also I have Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick) and email me your address. (Email address on sidebar).

Everyone who left a comment on Bree's blog will be entered in this week's FBF.

2. For those of you who followed the blog or Twitter over the last 48 hours, you may have heard that the Author Chimichanga Smackdown of '09 is on.

Recap:
a: Our blog challenged Bree Despain to write 45 pages of her sequel to The Dark Divine by next Monday. (5 days from now).
*We left threatening messages on her blog and Twitter.
*If she doesn't come through, we get to break her kneecaps. (To be fair, we can only do this by throwing pea gravel at her knees from 3 yards away. No hammers. But we will stay as long as it takes to break a kneecap.)
*If she succeeds, we raise the stakes, with an even crazier demand.

b: Some of you (who shall remain nameless... Okay, it was Una. And Lulabell) suggested Bree dish back my own medicine. So she has upped the ante.
*She demanded that I finish my new novel "Broken" in the next two weeks. Or she will sic her giant New Zealand Cousin's after me. (Their preferred method is ripping my leg hairs out, one hair at a time, until I am dead.)

c: F.O.B. Una asked what an "author throw down" consists of.
I'll tell you:
*First, we chuck unnecessary adverbs at each other. Mightily. and Awesomely.
*Then, we attach dangling participles to the ends of braided ropes, and we crack the whips like a lion-tamer.
*The whole thing looks really lame, and ranks just under Star Wars fanboys doing Chewbacca impersonations, and just above Trekkies playing Klingon Uno.

To finish my book, I'd estimate I have to write 25,000 more words. 275 words per page, so that translates into roughly 90 pages. In 14 days. Which is about 7 pages per day.

7 pages a day. What do you think? Do you think I can do it?

Current Word Count: 40,000
Goal: 65,000

Here's the thing: In order to do this, I sorta have to shut myself off from the world for a bit. I may have to call in a couple of surprise guest bloggers. (Don't worry, I'll get either authors or well-established bloggers, or people I think are really funny, or my mailman.) Because we are a team at this blog (Team Tamale), and we are challenging Bree's blog (Team Gluten-Intolerant), I would like to put it to a vote.

Are you with me on the Chimichanga Challenge?
Will you still be here at the end of the two weeks?
Do these pants make my butt look fat?

Please keep leaving encouraging/threatening comments on Bree's blog. She loves them!

3. Decoding Sam

We were at Nephew A's birthday party the other night, when I overheard Hubby Sam talking to my sister's Mother-in-law and Father-in-law.

In-laws: "You and Brodi only have two kids. Isn't it time you had another?"

Sam (laughing because we get this question all the time): "No. If I have any more kids, it's not going to be with Brodi. It's going to be with another woman."

Huh? Usually we're all like, "No, our family's done. Perfect size."
What do you think Sam meant by this? Do you think I should incorporate the silent treatment? Or will that just encourage him to go find another baby-maker?