Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Proof that Even My Subconsious is Politically Correct

I had a strange dream last night.

This door-to-door salesman appeared on my front porch wearing a turban and a shalwar kameez. He was selling machine guns. He had one in his hands, and asked me if it was okay if he did a demonstration. 

The last thing I wanted to do was to give this salesman the impression that I was scared. I would never make assumptions based solely on the fact that he was wearing a turban. Some of my best friends in Pakistan wear turbans and shalwar kameez. I didn't want to be accused of racial (or religious) profiling. I wanted to act just like I'd act if a Catholic or a Baptist was at my door, brandishing a gun for sale.

So I said, sure. Please commence with the demonstration.

He loaded the gun, pointed it at my house, and - swiveling back and forth - proceeded to riddle my house with bullets. As the kicker to the demonstration, he shot me in my leg.

"Do you see how the bullet lodged in your bone, instead of going through and through?"

I nodded, trying not to cry.

"It's amazing isn't it? And that's not even full strength! That bullet was diluted 10 to 1."
"Wow," I grunted, as I hobbled over for my checkbook. 

"That's not all." The salesman then pulled out two hand grenades. "Check this out." He removed the pins out and through them over my roof and into my back yard.

We listened for a few moments. 
"You're expecting a big boom, right? Am I right??" The salesman said, excited.

I nodded.

"Well that's the beauty of these babies. You never know when they're going to explode!"

"I'll take two," I said, although at this point it was more like a whimper.

The salesman pulled out a sticker and put it on the shoulder of my shirt.  It read: 

I am Politically Correct.

So, dear blog readers... what does it mean?

And I will say this:  writers often complain of insomnia, but sometimes isn't it really a blessing? 

Interpretations please!


  1. I have no interpretation of your dream.

    But I am terrible at deciphering dreams. Last night, I dreamt that I opened the door and a big huge Chocolate covered cinnamon bear was standing at the door. I proceeded to tackle him and eat him all up within 5 minutes. Yep, just another dream without any meaning.

  2. Sam- your dream sounds a heckuvalot better than mine.

  3. clearly, the meaning of your dream is that you should buy a gun and get your concealed firearm permit because something BIG is about to go down at your place.

    or it could just be another dream...

  4. I think it means you need to drink more milk.

  5. The meaning of your dream is that you don't want to be brandished as a racist, religion againstmatist, etc., so you'll do anything you have to stay be brandished as politically correct, even take a bullet in the leg.

    I often have dreams like that. And, when I say like that, I mean of my brother-in-law killing my entire family. This actually happened when I was nine and I wouldn't go near him without calling him a murderer for more than three months.

  6. Ha-ha! That's a very disturbing way. Maybe I should stop complaining about my dreams, strange as they are. (Like that "romantic" vacation that involved killer robots, petting skunks, and walks on the beautiful beaches of Park City.)

    Good luck interpreting that! I'd blame it on the revisions.

  7. Rachel- I think it had something to do with the armed hostage-taker running through my neighborhood last night, trying to evade the cops. True story. Did you see it on the news?

    Debbie- I thought milk was bad for you. I've replaced it with a mixture of two parts Diet Coke, one part Mountain Dew.

    Jenni- when you say "This actually happened when I was nine", you need to clarify that your referring to the dream, and not the fact that your brother really did kill all of your family.

    Jenilyn- You just described my honeymoon.

  8. Ha ha! Yeah, that was a little ambiguous, wasn't it? Oops. Also, I realize which word I was looking for but couldn't think it when I said againstmatist. The word was prejudice.

  9. Oh my!! Is anyone in your life walking all over you? And you're still trying to please them? That's the only thing I can think of!
    I have a recurring dream about driving at night on a dark road and realizing I have no headlights. That and being told I never really graduated college and have to move back into the dorm (a nightmare, trust me). But your dream- ACK!

  10. i am speechless....

    i think you are under great amounts of stress...

    it may be time to start in w/something stronger than a dt. coke.

    fwiw- i am having the opposite problem lately (no sleep).
    not sure which is worse....

  11. I think it means that you need a bullet-proof house.

  12. Jenni- I totally knew what you meant by "againstmatist"!

    Gina- I think your interpretation is spot on! Now, would you mind telling my husband and my children to stop walking all over me? (You can email them if that would be better). :)

    p.s. I dream I have to redo high school. I hate those dreams.

    Dorien- I added Mountain Dew to the Diet Coke, but so far it's done nothing!

    Lily- You'd think brick and mortar would be enough to stop bullets...

  13. Since you're in the middle of revisions, couldn't the turbaned guy with the gun be your editor, who charmingly insists on decimating large sections of your beloved book, but you can't disagree, since, well, you wouldn't want to appear anti-editor, now would you? So instead you agree, and bleed, and cower, and wimper, and do what the nice gunman says, no matter how much it hurts or how utterly insane his ideas are....

    You don't suddenly have a couple of ticking time-bombs in your book, do you?

  14. Wow, Robin. I think you're exactly right.

    I opened the final version of my ms, and it did bleed a little.

  15. This is the best blog post you have ever written. I'm going to go share the love on twitter.

  16. Whoa. The best? I can only assume your standards are very low! :) Thanks for the Twitter love.

  17. I'll tell you what yours means if you tell me mine!

    I dream (often, scarily) that I am being chased, or hunted down.

    In the general direction of Temple Square/Church HQ/et al

    Or on the grounds themselves.

    Mostly this happens in the winter, but I do recall the grounds being green one time.

    Your turn!

    (now I totally have to go do a dream interpretations post on my blog!!)

  18. Jeepers Brod! This is deep stuff. With tomorrow as deadline it seems your dreams are reeking havoc with your sanity. Hang in there! Maybe it was the neighborhood lock-down Tuesday night. Did that have anything to do with it?? I didn't dream that night because I couldn't sleep!! My other interpretation: Being politically correct isn't who you really want to be. You want it as bad as you want a hold in your leg. That's my "shot in the dark" (pun intended).

  19. SalGal- I think it means you're hungry.

    Cath- Not the most exciting interpretation, but definitely the most probable.