Book Bloggers Slash Local Authors Shootout at the Golden Corral: or How I Named my Chest

Do you like the new blog look? The old look was making me itchy, so I'm going to be trying out some new looks. Let me know what you think.

We have some rockin' book bloggers in Utah, and on Saturday night I went to their Bloggers/Authors social extravaganza at the Golden Corral. 

 (some of the bloggers and authors. I'm too lazy to name names.)

Since I am neither a "Book Blogger" nor an "Author" I was a little unsure what to put on my nametag. 

It's not a matter of self-esteem or anything, it's semantics. I am not technically a book blogger, and since I haven't published a book I'm not an author either.

So Emily Wing Smith made me a new nametag: Brodi Ashton: Bombastic (which means pompous or overblown).

Oh wait, it says "bombtastic". Which is a made up word meaning... well... not pompous and overblown.

I'd never been to the Golden Corral, but I was excited to relive my hardcore buffet days from Vegas.

It was very reminiscent, although I kept waiting for the pirate ships full of dancing women to appear from the ceiling and toss beads at us. I guess that's only a Vegas thing...

(Me, Agent sister Sydney Salter and Suey's Hubby)

The evening culminated in a rousing game of "Book Swap". The rules are simple: Bring a used book. Then swap it. Other than that, it's Anything Goes! Some of us forgot padding, so there were a few injuries.

Other ensuing shenanigans (I stole some pics from Suey):

- Number of times we'd cheer when the book swap numbers were called: 32

-Number of times James Dashner would say one of the following: 

"Stop Cheering! There are no winners and losers!"

"It's not a drawing!"

"Everyone's a winner! Stop it!"

... 32

-I won Carol Lynch William's book THE CHOSEN ONE. James got a Baby book. See? There are winners and losers. 

-Bree Despain won a bodice ripper. The male model on the cover was undressing everyone in the Golden Corral dining room with his eyes. By the time dessert rolled around, everyone was naked. That's when the pirate ships appeared and the disco ball lit up. Makes you want to come to the next one, right?

-Number of trips I took to the ice cream bar, all the while claiming "I'm gonna get my ten bucks back in ice cream alone!": 4

-Number of times I complained that the hot fudge machine was rigged to be difficult: 4

-Number of times I told James to "stop looking fuzzy" for my camera phone: 2

-The whole night, I refrained from saying how I thought Apollo Anton Ohno is cute, because I didn't want Natasha Maw to think I was hitting on her husband:

(Natasha, her hubby, and her sister Leisa. The resemblance to Ohno is uncanny, isn't it? Although from his expression in the pic, I imagine a little word bubble above his head saying, "If someone tells me I look like Apollo one more time, I swear I'm gonna throw this table across the room." Just kidding. He's really nice. This is a long picture caption, isn't it?)

Here's the real Ohno. Tell me there isn't a resemblance...

-Every time someone asked me about my book, I'd answer using "We..." As in: "We're still waiting... We're working on it... We're spending our mornings writing..." I don't know why this made me feel better. As if writing wasn't such a lonely endeavor. I finally said, "And by 'we', I mean me, my left boob and my right boob. The three of us are working hard on the book."

-When asked why she had two nametags, someone said it was so she could name her two best friends:

-I won't tell you who it was...

All the Benefits of Attending the WIFYR Conference (Meeting Shannon Hale!) and Using Google to Answer my Fashion Questions

Happy Monday Y'all

Don't forget there's still time to enter to win Bree Despain's The Dark Divine. Really, you just have to leave a comment. Yep. I'm that easy.

1. So, last weekend I got together with some of my friends from the WIFYR workshop. (See the friendships you can make? If you haven't signed up for the workshop, do it now.)

Since our workshop in June, one of us signed with an agent (Kim Reid), one of us had a book come out (Bree Despain), one of us sold a book to Greenwillow* and signed with an agent (Heather Dixon). In fact, the editor and the agent she signed with both came to WIFYR and she met them there. See? Good stuff happens.

Anywho, so we had a little reunion of sorts, and Shannon Hale came too and dished about the latest goings-on in the industry, because she really is that cool.

I wanted to be cool too, and since I can't do it through my wit or my writing success, I decided to buy a knit headband like all the kids are wearing.

Only, when I put it on, it looked like this:

And I thought, although that woman looks very hot, I don't think that's how it's supposed to be worn.

So then I tried it Rafa style:

And really I looked more like Bjorn Borg:

Finally, I knew I was going to be late to the party, and I had to come up with something because I didn't bother actually doing my hair. So I ended up Googling "how to wear a knit headband".

What do you think? Somewhere between Rafa and Bjorn, right? I'm sure that's what every woman aspires to look like: a mix between Rafa and Bjorn.

Also at the party:

*Bree Despain said her husband should totally write bodice rippers, and then offered no further explanation. (Brick, feel free to defend yourself. Unless you really do want to write bodice rippers. In that case, I'd exercise your right to remain silent.)

*Leisha Maw asked me why I haven't blogged about blood or other bodily fluids lately. I guess I need to remedy that.

*Joel Smith said he doesn't tweet because someone (okay, it was me) kept laughing at his tweets. I said that was a good thing.

*Someone said they don't tweet because they have nothing interesting to say. Then I took a look at some of my latest tweets:

Watching Doggy Makeovers on the Today Show. Wondering when we switched to the alternate universe where this is news.

At marathon writing day, @emilywingsmith said, "Wearing bunny slippers means I want a guy to put the moves on me."

Local news anchor just said a rumor was "spreading on the world wide web." She then pegged her pants and said, "talk to the hand".   

Willard Scott's creeping me out. As in, there's a 50% chance I can find him on Today, and a 50% chance I can find him peeping in my windows.

And it got me thinking, WTH am I tweeting about? What was it about Willard Scott that I had to share with the world immediately?

Well, really it's the creepy way he talks about the Smucker's birthdays. "Here's Eleanor LaMott, she's 105 years old today. Doesn't she look young? Spry? Hot? I'm gonna get me some of that. She can butter my toast any day. Whoa ho ho. Happy Birthday Eleanor."

Okay, he doesn't go that far, but I'm reading between the lines.  Moving on...

*Jenilyn Tolley joined my conversation just as I raised my hands up in the air and shouted "Eustacian tubes!" She promptly left.

*Amy Reall dropped her homemade pie, and then still served it:

It was delicious.

*Bree Despain called me a comment whore. I totally agree, but I'm not sure what it means. Like there's nothing I won't do for comments? Or I pay for comments? Or I get a lot of comments? At least it's a cool title. Brodi Ashton. Comment Whore.

*Shannon Hale said it's very easy to make fun of James Dashner, but not as easy to make fun of Brandon Mull because of the dimple in his chin.

*Someone said she hasn't gotten very far in a certain book because she only reads it on the toilet.

*Okay, that was me. The high point in my conversation-making skills.

So, what did y'all do this weekend? Anyone else signed up for WIFYR?

*corrected

Our Annual Holiday Book List Compiled... and Can You Believe James Dashner asked me to "Fetch"?

OUR BLOG BOOK LIST

So, I put all of our suggested books and authors together in a nifty list. I was going to link to them and stuff, but just thinking about trying to accomplish such a task makes my lips itch, and I figured we live in a Google world.

Books:

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

The Dark Divine by Bree Despain

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

Keturah and Lord Death by Martine Leavitt

Archangel by Sharon Shinn

Fairies of Dreamdark books by Laini Taylor's

Attolia series by Megan Whalen Turner

Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Brigg

Alpha and Omega series

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia Wrede

Edgar Eager books

Lament by Maggie Stiefvater

Immortal: Love Stories with Bite by P.C. Cast

Intertwined by Gena Showalter

Wake, and Fade by Lisa McMann

The Mortal Instruments Trilogy

Invasive Procedures by Orson Scott Card

Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan

Firegirl by Tony Abbott

Savvy by Ingrid Law

Ida B. by Katherine Law

Alcatraz and the Evil Librarians by Brandon Sanderson

His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman

Graceling and Fire by Kristin Cashore

When you Reach Me by Rebecca Stead

Lips Touch by Laini Taylor

Impossible and Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society

The Princess Bride

My Big Nose and Other Natural Disasters by Sydney Salter

Jungle Crossing by Sydney Salter

Austenland by Shannon Hale

Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind by Heidi Ashworth

Authors to Read:

Lisa Shearin

Tasha Alexander

Deanna Raybourn

Susan Wittig Albert/Robin Paige

Other shenanigans at the Author Palooza:

As my last post mentioned, I went to the Barnes and Noble Author Palooza a couple days ago and here's a rundown:

-My "Essence of Jacob" hand lotion was overpowering. I think it's to do with the musky, earthy, steel-abs scent.

-Bree Despain, not believing it was so strong, decided to snort some. Seriously, Valynne held out the tiny bottle of "Essence of Jacob" for all to smell, and Bree jerked her head forward and impaled her nose on the bottle.

-Bree learned the hard way that upon contact with nasal passages, "Essence of Jacob" burns. (As it should. You've seen those abs, right?)

-I like typing "Essence of Jacob" in every sentence.

-Moving on... Stevie Wonder took our picture:

(Me, Emily Wing Smith, Valynne)

-James Dashner asked me to "fetch" him some more copies of Maze Runner. Apparently he doesn't know me very well.

-Valynne told James to "Fetch Off."

(Me and Valynne. Valynne is Secretary of Defense - aka "Bouncer" - of our Writing Group)

-James offered me his Sharpie pen he'd used to sign all night to make up for the offense. I took it and used it to sign our peace treaty.

-One of Mette Ivie Harrison's books has the word "Princess" in the title, but no actual princess in the book. So she signs it with "There is no princess in this book. Mette Ivie Harrison." I bought one of them, and when she told me how she was going to sign it, I said she might as well include, "There is no Santa Claus either."

Apparently Mette can't tell when I'm being sarcastic:

Which would be fine if I hadn't told her I was giving the book away on my blog. So apparently, only those 12 years old and older will be eligble to win, because by the time you're 12, you should know the truth, right?

-James Dashner showed off the paperback version of The 13th Reality, featuring a new artistic rendering of the main character.

When I saw it, I meant to say, "I would totally root for that boy." But it came out as, "I could totally go for that boy."

Creepy. I guess the "Essence of Jacob" went all the way to my brain.

Blogging may be sporadic for the next week or two, but I'll try to be on time.  What's everyone doing for the Holidays?

Beautiful Creatures Launch Party

Sorry so late today! I spent the morning driving home from my writer's retreat through a blizzard...

1. So, Free Query/First Page Friday was a huge success. I received more entries than I thought I would, and I can’t wait to read them all. Early trends: fantasy.

I thought it would be fun to share some tidbits from the samples in the next few weeks. (Don’t worry... if you sent me something I won’t share anything without permission).

Here’s the first line from Jenilyn Tolley’s page:

“I used to believe that my real mom was a stripper.”

I remember reading her first page at BYU over the summer, and I thought, Why would someone think that? Made me read on.

2. We went to the launch party for Beautiful Creatures the other night. The book is getting great reviews, and it’s already been optioned for a movie.

I’m about halfway through and savoring the gothic southern tale.

What makes it even better is that the two authors, Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, are two of the coolest women around. I first met them when they recruited me to participate in a Writing Partners project where we exchange writing samples with a 4th grade elementary class.

(Kami, Margie, Me)

Other shenanigans at the party:

*In a unanimous vote, nobody thought my newly-darkened hair is brunette, so I vowed to show them. Show them all. (We played with color at my writer's retreat. I will unveil the new hair on Wednesday. Please don’t tell my mom I used store coloring kits without adult supervision. She’d kill me.)

*We met a book blogger of Tongan heritage. Emily Wing Smith said she knew Kika was Tongan because she was wearing flip-flops. (Emily is a friend of the Tongans, and has learned this little secret.)

(Sara Zarr, Valynne, Emily, Me, Bree, James Dashner, Kika, Kika's Friend)

*When Kika said she was an accounting major, I accidentally said, "Oh, that's great. If accounting were actually fun, I'd like it." Sorry Kika. And all of you accounting majors.

*Sara accused Emily of making sweeping generalizations about Tongan footwear, to which Emily responded by swiping her with my Pashmina shawl.

*We met Robbie the "boy with books" blogger. He told me that during a “which Glee character are you?” discussion, he was voted most like Rachel. He also gave Beautiful Creatures 5 stars.

(Emily, Sara Z., Heather Gardner, me, and blanket of Robbie)

*We went to dinner with Utah’s number one book blogger, Natasha Maw. She ate the last appetizer, even though I made her aware of my diabolical plan to steal it. It was like I told her, she shrugged and reached across the table to grab it and eat it.

*We discovered that Sara Zarr’s happy face looks the same as Sara Zarr’s annoyed face, except for a slight arch in the eyebrows.

(Sara Z. happy, and Heather Gardner)

*Apparently we all need hearing aids. When Emily told us she bought Sara Z. "Jesus Pens", I heard "Jesus Pets". I was a little surprised Emily would purchase a Jesus-themed Chia Pet.

*When I told Bree and Valynne they had "Thick boots on", they heard "thick boobs on." For some reason, they didn't question me about it. Apparently, That sounds just like something I would say.

*At dinner, when the waitress commented on my cool phone cover, I told her I bought it to match my brunette hair, and she didn't bat an eye. (Is it bat an eye, or an eyelash?) Anyway, so she totally thought I was brunette. And I trust random waitress girl over writer chicas.

*Somebody at the party kept spontaneously forcing his 2-year old to do pushups.

*Okay, it was James.

So, I dyed my hair twice last night at our writer's retreat, despite Bree Despain's best efforts to convince me Hair is a Many Splendored Thing.

I will say this: the hair resists brown. It does, however, prefer red. Can't wait to show you all the pictures. It's a good thing my mom doesn't read my blog...

Blog Birthday, and the SCBWI Conference Goings-On.

Happy Blorthday!
Or is it Happy Blogiversary?

Anyway, my blog turned one year old today.

One year ago, my agent Ted came into town and asked the now historic question, "Publishers are going to Google your name. Do you have a blog?"

me: "Totally. Of course. Just don't check it tonight, kay?"

Then I raced home and wrote my first post: My Foot Lives in my Mouth... Sorry, Does that Sound Gross? , and emailed my entire contact list, begging them to comment so I wouldn't look like I'd just started a blog that day. Which is what I did.

At first, I thought I'd run out of things to blog about after a week. Funny, huh?

I went to the Utah SCBWI Conference over the weekend.

Publisher Elizabeth Law spoke about five things writers don't have to worry about:

1. Trends. Don't try to write to "what's hot now".
Ex:
If there's anything Nosferatu (hot vamp in the 1920's) taught us, it's that our obsession with vampires is as fleeting as a granite mountain. But the second you try to write about them, the mountain crumbles.

2. Don't worry about working in the "telling detail". If it doesn't sound natural, don't put it in.
Ex:
"I walked into the classroom. The smell of chalk mixed with eraser assaulted my nostrils, and the desks gleamed as if they'd been cleaned with wood varnish by a custodian who loves his job like a trucker loves his truck."

I copied that sentence from one in my book. I think maybe I'll cut it now.

3. Don't worry about making your writing sound ethnic, hip or trendy.
Seriously, don't try it. Fuhgehdaboutit. Umm... capice? Talk to the hand. Grown-ups suck! Cowabunga. Text you later. Me Tarzan. You Jane. Confusius say... Mama Mia!

She sort of forgot 4 and 5.

Here's a rundown from the rest of the events:

*Emily Wing Smith tried out her new video camera, and thought no one would notice it was a video camera, even though she walked around looking like this:

*Matt Kirby got away with wearing a Dr. Seuss t-shirt to the author social while the rest of us were sweating in actual clothes.

(Sarah DeFord Williams, Matt Kirby, Bree Despain)

*Matt thought my fear of Thing 1 and Thing 2 was heeelarious.

*Emily insisted she could suck on a giant ice cube and still look normal. I don't see anything.

*I circled the library four times before I spotted the elusive entrance to the underground parking. Apparently, the library likes to watch confused drivers and laugh its arse off.

*Elizabeth Law said she would give a contract to anyone who could set her up on a date. I offered hubby. She declined.

*Bree Despain appeared on a panel of debut authors. Her ARC of The Dark Divine was the hot ticket at the raffle. Go Bree!

*Matt Kirby theorized that our civilization would morph into a culture where people partake in crazy activities just so they'd have something to blog about. I say, it already has.

*Bree and I reminisced about the party last year, when the two of us went to the wrong party. For 45 minutes. And didn't even notice. The partygoers were all dressed in hoity toity clothes, many carrying pooches in their purses. I remembered thinking, "Boy, Children's authors must be rich!"

How wrong we were. The author's party was in the basement.

So, what did you guys do this weekend? Anyone hit the conference? Any NaNoWriMo updates?

Anatomy of an Author Smackdown and FBF Winner

1. FBF Winner

Smokey the Hairless Cat clawed two winners out of the pile this week. We tried to extract one of them from his pointy claws, but he was having none of that.

Jenni Elyse
Susan

Pick your top three choices from the picture below (I have them all autographed, and also I have Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick) and email me your address. (Email address on sidebar).

Everyone who left a comment on Bree's blog will be entered in this week's FBF.

2. For those of you who followed the blog or Twitter over the last 48 hours, you may have heard that the Author Chimichanga Smackdown of '09 is on.

Recap:
a: Our blog challenged Bree Despain to write 45 pages of her sequel to The Dark Divine by next Monday. (5 days from now).
*We left threatening messages on her blog and Twitter.
*If she doesn't come through, we get to break her kneecaps. (To be fair, we can only do this by throwing pea gravel at her knees from 3 yards away. No hammers. But we will stay as long as it takes to break a kneecap.)
*If she succeeds, we raise the stakes, with an even crazier demand.

b: Some of you (who shall remain nameless... Okay, it was Una. And Lulabell) suggested Bree dish back my own medicine. So she has upped the ante.
*She demanded that I finish my new novel "Broken" in the next two weeks. Or she will sic her giant New Zealand Cousin's after me. (Their preferred method is ripping my leg hairs out, one hair at a time, until I am dead.)

c: F.O.B. Una asked what an "author throw down" consists of.
I'll tell you:
*First, we chuck unnecessary adverbs at each other. Mightily. and Awesomely.
*Then, we attach dangling participles to the ends of braided ropes, and we crack the whips like a lion-tamer.
*The whole thing looks really lame, and ranks just under Star Wars fanboys doing Chewbacca impersonations, and just above Trekkies playing Klingon Uno.

To finish my book, I'd estimate I have to write 25,000 more words. 275 words per page, so that translates into roughly 90 pages. In 14 days. Which is about 7 pages per day.

7 pages a day. What do you think? Do you think I can do it?

Current Word Count: 40,000
Goal: 65,000

Here's the thing: In order to do this, I sorta have to shut myself off from the world for a bit. I may have to call in a couple of surprise guest bloggers. (Don't worry, I'll get either authors or well-established bloggers, or people I think are really funny, or my mailman.) Because we are a team at this blog (Team Tamale), and we are challenging Bree's blog (Team Gluten-Intolerant), I would like to put it to a vote.

Are you with me on the Chimichanga Challenge?
Will you still be here at the end of the two weeks?
Do these pants make my butt look fat?

Please keep leaving encouraging/threatening comments on Bree's blog. She loves them!

3. Decoding Sam

We were at Nephew A's birthday party the other night, when I overheard Hubby Sam talking to my sister's Mother-in-law and Father-in-law.

In-laws: "You and Brodi only have two kids. Isn't it time you had another?"

Sam (laughing because we get this question all the time): "No. If I have any more kids, it's not going to be with Brodi. It's going to be with another woman."

Huh? Usually we're all like, "No, our family's done. Perfect size."
What do you think Sam meant by this? Do you think I should incorporate the silent treatment? Or will that just encourage him to go find another baby-maker?

Answers to the Mysterious Blood, and the Best Way to Deal With Writer's Block

Happy Monday Y'all.

1. Pool of Blood Update:
I think some of you were under the impression that the pool of blood from last friday's post was a mere few drops. I should've put a ruler next to the picture, because the entire spatter was probably a foot long. I did some checking in at the police station for what could've possibly happened. According to police reports, some sort of mystical being - whom eye-witnesses say was dressed all in white with white feathery objects sticking out of its back - spontaneously bled out right on that spot.

At the same time, 9-1-1 was flooded with phone calls about a canine with watery eyes and a whimper that would break your heart.

So, I guess it is true: Every time a puppy cries, an angel dies.

(Is that a real saying, or did I just make that up?) Ha ha. I'll be here all night. Did I tell you the one about where the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Pope walk into a bar? And the horse says, "Why the long face?"

2. My weekend:
The writer peeps and I went to the Costco in Lehi for a book signing. Author Becca Fitzpatrick was there, signing copies of her debut YA novel "hush, hush". Dark, creepy, paranormal romance. (You hear that, Cam?) I can't wait to read it.

There's a chance a couple of copies will make their way into the Free Book Friday pile this week...

Afterward, we were hangin' in the parking lot, chatting. Read that as: I was trying to push my cart to my car, but Bree Despain was blocking the aisle so I couldn't move.

You see, Bree is sorta, kinda, just the tiniest bit... freakin' nuts. She's got a deadline approaching for her sequel, and simple words like "and" and "the" just aren't coming to her.

Valynne and I were giving her a pep talk in the parking lot. I tried to be quietly encouraging, but it wasn't working.

So, out of nowhere, I shout: "Gimme me 25 pages by next Saturday, or I'll break your legs!"

She gave me a hopeful look: "Really? You would do that for me?"

Me: "Yeah. I totally know a guy."

Bree: "I don't know if I can do it."

Me: "If you don't, I have a powerful blog, and I know how to use it. I'll spread lies."

Bree: "You would never."

Me (shouting in a parking lot near Provo, site of the BYU Cougars, just before their homecoming football game, packed with snack-buyers): "Bree hates B-Y-U! She thinks Cougars are Pansies!"

Her: "Shhhhh!"

Me: "BREE LOVES TAMALES!! SHE WANTS TO MARRY THEM!!"

Understand that there was a guy wandering the parking lot, selling hot tamales out of a plastic zip-lock bag. I didn't realize that when I yelled this, he was right behind us. So, Mr. Tamale Guy, I apologize. No offense to tamales. I am a friend of the tamales.

But I was serious about invoking the power of the blog. Bree needs to know that we are a formidable blog, and we follow through on our threats. Because she was all, "Your blog readers don't have the guts!" And then we threw down right then and there.

So, I thought it would be nice if y'all went over to her blog and left her a cryptic comment. Something along the lines of, "I'm watching you..." or "I know a tamale guy..." If you do, you'll be automatically entered in the FBF drawing this week. (But leave me a comment and let me know you if you did, so I'll know which commenters were from me.)

BTW, I upped the demand to 45 pages from Bree by one week from today. For bad behavior.

3. I thought shaving kits were fool-proof.
So, I've been cutting the kids' hair. Yesterday, Sam's all, "Cut my hair."

I'm like, "I don't think that's such a good idea. Remember last time? the infamous 'bald patch of 09'?"

He says, "Cut my hair. I demand it."

Last time I cut it, the sides were a little long. I didn't know they had those nifty slanted left/right ear attachments until after I cut it. So this time, I used the attachments. Here's the result. Why is guy hair so hard to cut? And why is Sam so stubborn when I suggest he fill it in with a black sharpie for a couple of days?

Free Book Friday, Utah Book Awards, and a Mysterious Pool of Blood

It's Free Book Friday. Read to the bottom to find out how to enter. (It's easy, again.)

Utah Book Awards
Last night, BFF Emily Wing Smith won the Utah Book Award for The Way He Lived. She proved she did not expect to win, because at the awards ceremony, when her name was called, she hadn't written an acceptance speech.

She still did a great job.

Emily Wing Smith, Em's Dad, Sara Zarr

Unflappable Sara Zarr was also a nominee for her book Sweethearts, and it was so good to see them both up on stage. Fabulous night. If you get a chance, go tell Emily Wing Smith and Sara Zarr congratulations!

Writer peeps Bree Despain, Kimberly Reid, Sara Bolton and Valynne Nagamatsu were on hand to scream and cheer.

(me, Valynne, Sara B., Bree, Emily)

We were supposed to dress up a little, and so I wore heels for the first time in a year. I soon remembered why I don't wear heels. My feet were killing me.

So after the event, we decided to go to Gourmandies for dessert. About a 3 block walk. In my killer shoes. Not killer as in "hawt", but killer as in "tip-toeing across a bed of nails."

For the rest of the post, I thought it would be fun to see how well y'all know the blog. So I devised a multiple choice test. Let me know how you do.

When my feet can't take anymore abuse, I decide to
a) switch shoes with Bree
b) hop on Sara B.'s back
c) take my shoes off and walk barefoot for the 3 blocks to the restaurant

The answer is: c. Emily Wing Smith talked me into it. Strange enough, she was okay with me walking in the filth of 3rd East, but she told me to push the crosswalk button with my elbow. To avoid germs.

On the walk, I almost step in:
a) a pile of broken glass
b) a pool of blood
c) bird poop

If you answered all of the above, you are correct. But we were definitely most intrigued with the pool of blood.

Puddle of Blood

After several discussions about whether or not it was really blood, including such words as "viscosity consistent with the consistency of blood" (we felt very smart after that sentence) we decided to examine it. I took a paper from my purse and dipped it.

After Brodi dips the paper in the blood, Valynne proceeds to :
a) smell it
b) bring it under the light for a closer look
c) throw it away

Valynne sniffs out the truth

This one should be obvious. She smells it. But we soon realize none of us really know what blood smells like.

When Valynne smells it, Bree shouts:
a) AIDS!
b) Hepatitis!
c) EWWWW!

Yep. All of the above. She basically yelled these three phrases over and over on the entire walk to and from the restaurant. She just varied the order.

Upon unfolding the paper with the blood on it, Brodi discovers the random paper she pulled from her purse was:
a) a receipt from recent AAA visit
b) a love letter from Sherman Alexie
c) Kid C's handwritten story about his mom

If you guessed C, you'd be right. My purse if full of 98% junk, 2% valuables. Of course I picked the valuable paper.

By the way, his story goes like this: "Once Upon a Time, my mom was awesome. I see pot." I've had it in my purse for months. Classic.

After the story is besmirched with blood, I:
a) throw it away
b) wipe it off on the grass
c) tear the bloody part off, chuck it in front of a lawyer's office, and take off.

The answer is: b, then c. We just happened to be in front of a lawyer's office on our walk home from Gourmandies.

After I throw it on the doorstep of the lawyer's office, Emily says, "Wait. ----"
a) Don't litter."
b) That can't be sanitary."
c) Fingerprints!"

Thankfully, Emily has my personal freedom in mind. It's C. To keep me from being implicated in a murder, she kicks the paper into the bushes.

On the way to our cars, Emily Wing Smith suggests her hubby Dan can carry me, because of his:
a) Strong muscles
b) Asian heritage
c) Gymnast heritage

The answer: c

Emily and her hubby Dan

At dinner, Brodi makes a confession:
a) She didn't know Emily's hubby was Asian
b) She had a high school boyfriend who licked her toes
c) Her pants fell down at the awards ceremony when she stepped over the row of chairs to get to her seat

Ummm... all three. Thankfully I was wearing a sweater that covered my behind.

Which word is uttered at dinner, followed by hysterical laughter:
a) Boobs
b) Seaman
c) Rectal

Okay, it's all of the above. What can I say? We're all twelve years old.

So, to enter into the Free Book Friday contest, answer the following questions:
1. Do you think it was blood?
2. Do you have any theories as to what happened?
3. Do you know any blood spatter experts?
4. Can you see any images in the blood? Virgin Mary? Mickey Mouse?

If you turn the picture on its side, I think it resembles a scorpion. I don't know what this means.