The Debut of our Cover Band, The Barely Manilows... with video.

Some people didn't think it would happen.

Some people thought I was only kidding.

Some people thought that we would suck.

Well, 2 out of the above 3 people were wrong. I wasn't kidding. It did happen.

Our critique group The Barely Manilows (More commonly known as The SIX) sang at the launch party for the awesome Emily Wing Smith and her new book BACK WHEN YOU WERE EASIER TO LOVE.

And while we originally threatened that anyone caught filming the catastrophe, I mean, performance, would lose a pinkie finger, we have since embraced the fact that we have no control over the interwebz. So now, we would like it to go the way of a virus. 

In the video, from right to left: Bree Despain on maracas, Kimberly Webb Reid on the Triangle, Sara Bolton on Bass Vocals, Emily Wing Smith on Castanets, Valynne Maetani Nagamatsu on weird jingle bell thingee with a long red stick... and finally, that's me on the keyboard.

I tried to get a keytar, but apparently it's not 1986. Oh well.

Enjoy. (The lyrics are below for your amusement. Just follow the bouncing ego.)

Her name was Joy, and

She was dumped by Zan

he liked to wear his grandpa's shoes

And he left her with the blues

But she was clueless

Why he liked her less

And while she tried to heal her heart,

Noah Liked her from afar

And then on beverage night

He liked to drink his Sprite

They were young and they fought each other

Who could ask for more

At the Haven

Mormon town, Haven

The dullest spot north of the border

At the Haven

Mormon town Haven

Music and Passion were never the fashion at the Haven....

They weren't in love

So joy and noah

they took a road trip

so she could stalk Zan like a fool

And surprise him at his school

But there's this detour

They're stuck in Vegas

And while his car is getting fixed, then their feelings get all mixed

And all you need to know

There's Barry Manilow

And the rest you can read within the pages of the book

At King's English

You can buy copies

They'll even print you out a receipt

At King's English

The Great King's English

Reading and Passion are always the Fashion

At King's English...

Go Buy the book.

Thanks to Jenni Elyse for taking and uploading the video. 

And now, as to the comments, please be kind. :)

Why Novel Writers Should Never Write Lyrics... and the Real Story Behind Copacabana

So, we had our first band practice of the Barely Manilows yesterday. Because we're performing at Emily Wing Smith's launch party tomorrow, and we didn't want to wait until the last minute. 

We also wrote new lyrics. I have since decided that writers of novels should never write lyrics. We get caught up in the mechanics. Here are some of the questions we asked while we were writing:

"I know this line makes for a good rhyme, but we haven't properly set up the character's motivation for the action."

"We can't put this here. It's chronologically inconsistent!"

"Too much description!"

"Did you really just try to sneak that -ly adverb in there?"

"Boyfriendless is not a word!"

"This line is, like, the definition of telling and not showing."

I have to say, the original lyrics have their fair share of telling, not showing.

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....they fell in love

If I were writing the lyrics, I would've gone with something like this:

     "Lola!" The manager had to shout to be heard above the warm-up band. "You're up next!"

     "Coming!" Lola called from the dressing room. She glanced in the mirror, pulled her dress down to there and then turned to the girl standing in front of the adjacent mirror. "Hey, Mona. Do you think these yellow feathers in my hair are a bit much?"

     The girl studied Lola, tilting her head. "I'm not sure. What are you dancing tonight?"

     Lola groaned. "The merengue and the cha-cha. Again."

     "Girlfriend, you'll never be a star if you don't switch it up now and then." With that, Mona whipped around - the ruffles from her dress grazing Lola's bare thighs - and exited the room with a flourish.

     Lola sighed. I'll be a star in Tony's eyes.

     She straightened the feathers in her hair, pulled her dress slightly past there, and made her way through the throng of dancers coming back from their number. 

     "Hey Lola!" a red-headed dancer said. "Look for the guy in the front row, with the diamond nestled in his hairy chest. He's fast with the tips. And I think he's packing heat!"

     "I only have eyes for Tony," Lola responded, despite the thrill of a gun, and the promise of chest hair.

     As she stepped out into the club, she looked across the crowded dance floor, to where Tony was wiping down the bar. 

     He'll make such a good husband, she thought. Provided his temper doesn't get him shot one day. (Foreshadowing. Zing!)

     As if he felt her gaze he raised his head, his eyes meeting hers. She pointed to her wrist, and mouthed the words, what time are you off?

     He raised four fingers. She should've known. He always worked from eight to four. So late. At least they were young and they had each other. What could go wrong?

     She adjusted her dress again - it was always riding up above there - and then she wiped a fresh sheen of sweat off her forehead as she took her place in front of the band. 

     "It's hot in here tonight," the trumpet player Mark said from behind her. 

     "I know!" Lola said. "Where are we... Havana or something?"

     "Nope. Just north of Havana."

Then: The Chorus.

Sure, the words don't really fit with the music. But isn't that the mark of a true musician? Someone who can write music to fit these words

     

Fellow band member Valynne made us these band costumes:

I'm not saying the t-shirt company's claim that they are "one-size fits all" is a vicious lie, but I will say Barry's face looks even more distorted than usual when I wear it. 

And, is it meant to be a crop top? 

Emily's launch is tomorrow night at the King's English at 7:00. Let's party. Who's with me? And are there any Barry fans out there?

My Book is now in Orbit... And how a Bookstore is making me Cry

Hey y'all.


My editor informed me that yesterday Balzer+Bray/HarperCollins launched their 2012 winter list. (And for those of you who don't know, Everneath is on that list!)


This is very exciting, although I don't know exactly what it means. The word "launch" has certain connotations, so I can only assume it means the Balzer+Bray team gathered in the parking lot (because it's Manhattan, and every building has an outdoor parking lot), carrying their little rockets made of balsa wood, each rocket with the name of a book on it.  


Then they all count to three and light the fuses, and the rockets are sent into orbit around the earth. 

My book is somewhere over Nantucket. Watch for it in the skies!

Or the launch might mean my editor presented my book to sales and marketing teams, a bunch of whom I met on my trip to New York. (Hi, Sales and Marketing team! *waves frantically*) They were such an enthusiastic group, I know my book is in good hands. 


In other news, my Borders is on the list of stores that will close. I call it my Borders, because it's where my critique group meets most Thursdays to write, chat, vent, gossip, and write some more. And eat. 

The cafe had outlets, the wi-fi came fast and easy (just like the dames), and everyone there really did know our names. Sure, it was annoying during the holiday season, when the Christmas songs drenched the place in syrup, but mostly it was a little corner of heaven. 


Okay, maybe I'm a tad emotional these days. But why do things have to change? Why can't everything just stay put? Where's Mammi when I need someone to rub buttermilk on my shoulders and say it jes ain't fittin'? Please tell me someone knows somethin' about birthin' babies!


Well, I think I've blogged myself into a corner. I don't know where to go from here. Is anyone else shedding tears over a Borders? 


This weekend, I'm going to the LTUE writer's conference, which stands for Life, the Universe, and Everything conference, where a bunch of writers who are geeks get together and discuss the latest geeky things. (I think they describe it as a conference about Fantasy and Speculative Fiction, but we all know what it really is). 


I don't want to stick out, so I'm going dressed as Frodo dressed as a storm trooper.

An Evening with Margie Stohl and Kami Garcia, and tons of Beautiful Creatures

So, I had the opportunity to catch the end of Margie Stohl and Kami Garcia's world tour to promote their newest release in the Beautiful Creatures series, BEAUTIFUL DARKNESS.

Margie and Kami were personable, funny, and kept the crowd (the real people as well as the blog tv audience) thoroughly entertained.

Writer Peep Emily Wing Smith acted as interviewer, and then I was called up to moderate the lightning round of questions. 

Apparently, the physical requirements for the job were to stand there, looking awkward, and let me just say I did my job well. 

(Picture taken by Heather Zahn Gardner)

Margie and Kami chose well, because I majored in Awkward and minored in Bumbling. (Incidentally, these were the suggestions from my career counselor in High School. I'll never be able to thank her enough.)

Congratulations to Margie and Kami. They are two of the nicest, most down-to-earth people I know, despite Kami's strange fixation with murdering her characters and Margie's habit of breaking out into song at any given moment.

(Top: Bree Despain, Valynne Nagamatsu, Kami Garcia, me

Bottom: Emily Wing Smith, Margie Stohl)

If you ever get a chance to meet them in person, go. Now. Or when the actual event takes place.

What are y'all doing this weekend?

Clowns and Zombies, to Brighten any Monday

Happy Monday Y'all.

My kids have the day off of school. Again. Using my trusty tweezers, turkey baster and paperclip, I plan on going all MacGyver on their bums by escaping my house on a zipline that will take me directly to the Magic Kingdom.

Or maybe we'll just go to McDonald's.

1. I received plenty of books for my birthday, and gift cards to B&N. But these two books made me laugh because of how the givers made their decisions.

Emily Wing Smith gave me "Little Brother". She knew it was for me, because one of the blurbs says it's "a rousing tale of techno-geek rebellion."

Sis-in-law E gave me "Z.E.O. A Zombie's Guide to Getting A(Head) in Business". She said it was between that and "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

I guess I'm easily characterized. Brodi Ashton. Zombie Geek.

2. I never scream during movies.

But last Friday, Sam and I went to see a zombie movie. Yes, there were plenty of zombie surprises of the sort where the main character closes the mirror and the zombie's face pops up. None of those moments scared me enough to elicit a scream.

I didn't scream until something even scarier popped up in the bathroom: a clown. Underneath the stall door. I screamed bloody murder, and everyone in the theater had a good laugh at my expense. (It was a zombie flick, so I'm guessing 95% of the room were adolescent to middle aged males. The other 5% were me.)

I know it's almost become cliche to joke about how clowns are scary, especially to those of us traumatized as children by Stephen King's "IT" clown. But I really do think clowns are about the creepiest things around.

And when they're not creepy, they're sad.

A couple weeks ago, we went to a friend's work party. It was supposed to be kid-friendly, but whoever was in charge obviously had never met any kids, because they hired a clown. A poor, sad, neon-haired Hobo (Hobo homeless, not hobo spider) clown. He could frown even through his painted on smile.

His face art included tears, I think mostly to blend in with the real ones.

I had to bribe Kid C to go up and pet the duck.

Recently, blog friends Cath and Grace, on separate occasions, mentioned the quote from Ralph Waldo Emmerson: "Always do what you are afraid to do."

A good piece of advice. But I can't help answering in my head, "Guess it's time for me to go date a clown."

3. Wanna party?
James Dashner is inviting everyone to the launch party for his book The Maze Runner. If you are near Salt Lake City, go to The King's English tomorrow (Tuesday) at 5:00 p.m. James thinks that because of the time, no one's going to go. So let's show him that at 5 on a Tuesday in Salt Lake City, there's really nothing better going on.

If you go, be sure to find me and say hi.

Free Book Friday, and Infamous Moments from Sara Zarr's Book Launch

Free Book Friday

Just leave a comment today to enter. I have a bunch of Sara Zarr's books to add to the giveaway pool.

Sara Zarr's Book Launch at The King's English

I went to a reading/signing for the launch of Sara Zarr's newest book Once Was Lost. The book was partially inspired by the Elizabeth Smart incident.

Sara was so personable and did a great job discussing her book and the writing process. I can't wait to read it.

My favorite part: When she talked about switching the book from third person to first person.

Sara: "It becomes a whole different book. It's not like you can go through and just change all the she's to I's."

Afterward a bunch of us went for dessert at the Dodo.

Here are the headlines:

*Matt Kirby is accused of being a homewrecker when he sits between Sara Zarr and her husband.

*Below is Matt Kirby saying it wasn't his fault. (He has since promised to explain himself in the comments section).

*James Dashner joins our conversation just as I'm saying, "Speaking of Jesus..." He thinks I'm weird.

*Bree Despain admits she is unable to read lips or hand gestures after I spend 5 minutes mouthing the word writer to her, and then miming the act of typing on a keyboard. She was sitting directly across from me.

side note: This one time, when we were on an airplane, Emily Wing Smith and I had seats together. We found a third seat, and got Bree's attention. (She was sitting a few rows back). With exaggerated movements, we point to Bree, and then to the empty seat next to us, and then we wave her forward. We repeat five times. Bree gives a puzzled look, and shakes her head. She can't figure out what we're trying to say. Finally the whole plane goes, "They want you to sit next to them!"

*James Dashner joins our conversation just as I'm saying, "Speaking of nipples..." This does nothing to change his mind that I'm weird.

*It's okay, because this one time, in front of a crowd of people, he announced to the masses, "I am a psycho." Very weird.

*I get in trouble with the waiter "Cody" because I'm talking while he's telling us about the specials.

*I decide to blog about Cody, and so I point my camera toward him and say, "Can you smile?" He frowns. "Yes, I can." He walks away. It becomes official: I have offended Cody for the last time. He's fed up and he's not gonna take it anymore.

(Cody, posing for a picture)

*Sara B., Valynne and I start calling him "Colby". Strangely, this does nothing to melt his freeze.

*James offers to pay.

*James rescinds offer for fear of repercussions from his wife.

(James using his thumb to indicate who we make the checks out to...)

*Matt Kirby tells me his wife reads my blog. She also kept her last name, like me. I ask her name, and he won't tell me. He's afraid I'll call her out. I would never. So, Hi to Matt's wife!

*I give up my seat to Natasha Maw from Mawbooks because her work is more important. She blogs about books.

*To cover up an awkward moment, I announce to the table that I hate fruit.

*My end of the table decides the worst name ever is Peter Willy Johnson Dick. Now I have a new name for my laptop. And I'm apparently 12 years old.

*I take a billion pics of the table. Manage to cut off Sara B. and Valynne in every single one. I'm voted worst picture taker, as evidenced below.

*When I point out that Matt Kirby didn't order anything, Matt responds (in his most school psychologist sounding voice -- he can't help it, he is a school psychologist), "And does that make you feel uncomfortable?"

*We collectively decide we're gonna use that line whenever someone questions why we do something.

*Someone makes an inappropriate joke about aliens and bananas.

*Okay, it was me.

What's everyone doing this weekend? My kids have a 5-day weekend, so I'll probably spend my weekend cowering in a corner of my house, mumbling incoherently and chewing on the corner of my sofa.

Next Tuesday, James is launching his book The Maze Runner at The King's English. Everyone's invited. It's at 5:00. Check out his blog for more details.

For any of you named Peter Willy Johnson Dick, I apologize, and I will send you a free book of your choosing.