Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My Puppy Ate a Bee. That is not a Euphemism.

Let me start out this post by saying my puppy is totally fine. 

But this morning, Jewels was sitting on the porch, and this bee starts flying around her head. She watches it for a few seconds, and then she leaps toward it and gulps it down. 

Yep. My puppy ate a bee. 

She shook her head several times, which makes sense because bees can be hard to swallow.

I want to ask her about her thought process. 

Was it like this: 
Hey! It's flying... It's yellow... It has a stinger... It must be FOOD!!!

Or maybe:
I wonder if it will still make that buzzing sound on the inside? I MUST KNOW!!

Or maybe:
If I ingest it, I might acquire its powers. I've always wanted to fly! (Spoiler alert: she can't fly).

It's not like she was hungry. She'd just had breakfast and a puppy treat. No, she made a conscious decision to eat the bee, and then she snatched it out of the air like a frog would snatch a fly. 

Kid C is very worried about her. After all, there's a chance the bee might sting Jewels on its way out. I tried to assure him that Jewels' digestive juices will probably disintegrate the stinger. Because these are things moms just know. Mother's intuition, call it. Like don't swim after eating... I know you're hiding something behind your back... Puppy digestive juices will take care of a stinger pre-defecation...

She's sleeping peacefully right now. That is hopefully a sign the bee is dead.

We learned a powerful lesson today, which is: How do you eat a bee? One bite at a time.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

My Latest Book News! And introducing the Lady Janies.

Hey y'all! 

So some of you mentioned the fact that my writing advice introductory video doesn't have any actual writing advice.

This is for two reasons:

1. It's an introductory video.

2. Mama always said, if you want the milk, you have to milk the cow. 

Wait a second. She said if you want to pay for milk, you have to buy a cow. No, wait. If you want to attract a cow, don't buy milk from another cow. Actually I'm not sure how the saying goes. But I'm pretty sure she meant, "If you want writing advice, you'll have to wait until the person giving the advice makes a video about it."

Secondly, I have some great news! I'm writing a book with my besties Cynthia Hand (the Unearthly series) and Jodi Meadows (the Incarnate series) and HarperCollins just bought it!

Here's the announcement:

Told in the vein of The Princess Bride
Comic retelling of a girl who was queen for nine days and then got her head chopped off! Hilarious!

We are so excited! Here is our own YouTube discussion of the project, and our introduction to the Lady Janies YouTube channel! (You can subscribe if you feel so inclined. We will have lots of fun stuff going on there, like giveaways and shenanigans and chaos). 

So, that's the latest! 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My New Series on Writing Advice... and... a Puppy!

Hey y'all.

So my break from blogging turned out to be a really really big break from blogging. But I had a good excuse. I was getting my nails done. 

Not to go all poetic on your bums, but I can't help it: My intended break was but a drop, my actual break was an ocean. My intended break was a grain of sand, my actual break was the beach. My intended break was the color red, my actual break was the number 42. (Okay, by now, I'm not even following along).

The previous paragraph might make you think, "Why would I ever take writing advice from the author of that odious passage?"

To which I answer, "Aren't you impressed I used the phrase 'odious passage?'" Without even googling "phrases only erudite people say"?

I feel that I might be losing you. So, I will randomly insert a picture of my new cute puppy. She fell asleep while eating my shoe. 

There. Do I have your attention again? Excellent. So, onto the writing advice series. Every writing advice series needs an introductory video. So, here is the introductory video. It is only 30 seconds long, but it will tell you everything you need to know about my writing advice series. And... it might just save your life.   

I am also going to update my books page and appearances page. Because I'm pretty sure I've had a third book come out. And I'm pretty sure I have a couple of more announcements to make regarding forthcoming books. 

So... what have y'all been up to this past year? Any news to celebrate? Any annoying people in your life to curse? My favorite way to get back at people is to make a voodoo doll of the offender, and then, while the doll is asleep, stick the doll's hand in a bowl of warm water. I will be happy to help any of you to do that. 

Monday, January 13, 2014

EVERTRUE LAUNCH, and Heads Up, Austin and Nashville

Hello Lovelies! 

Just a heads up:

The final book in the Everneath trilogy, EVERTRUE, is coming out a week from tomorrow. A WEEK FROM TOMORROW! 

Y'all are invited to a launch party that night! 

January 21st, 2013
at The King's English 
7:00 p.m. 

Here are some other Appearances I'll be making!  

Austin, Texas
January 28, 2014 
6:30pm – The Book Spot (Round Rock) – with Jodi Meadows

Nashville, Tennessee
January 31, 2014 
6:30pm -- Parnassus – with Jodi Meadows, C.J. Redwine, and Myra McEntire