Tuesday, April 23, 2013

How When it Comes to Love, My Mom Duped me. And then I Duped Kid C

My mama always told me to keep the guys guessing, and never let 'em see you swoon. So the other day, Kid C was talking to me about a few girls that he likes. I tried to dispense a little bit of similar motherly advice. 

me: "So, you know, if you like a girl, you might want to play it cool-"

Kid C holds his hand up, as if to say I got this. 

Kid C: "I know, mom. I know. It's called 'playing hard to get'."

I guess I've been talking to him about it more than I thought.

me: "So what do you think that means?"

Kid C: "It means I avoid her. And I tell her that I like other girls. I don't go as far as to tell her I hate her, or trip her or anything, but I make sure she knows I don't like her much, and I'd rather be near someone else."

me (with a sigh, thinking I may have overshot the whole "playing hard to get" lesson for years...): "Okay, let's start over. Let's practice starting a conversation with her."


me: "You know, like 'Hey! How are you?'"


And I realize it's too late. I've already indoctrinated him with the hard to get mentality. Suddenly, my high school social life (or lack thereof) flashes before my eyes. 

I remember my agent, after reading my book, said to me, "It seems like the main character doesn't like the main love interest very much."

I was stunned. I was all, "She LOVES him! How did you not get that?"

He's all, "Well how does she show it?"

Me: "Didn't you see her run out of the room every time he walked in? And then that one scene where she yells at him? and tells him she hates him?? If that's not love..." My voice faded off. 

Him: "Um... Yeah..."

Me (lightning strikes): "Ahhhhh. That's not love." And  then, shaking my fist in the air: "CURSES MOM!! I was DUPED!"

I'm so sorry, Kid C. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

What I've Been Doing... NOT Licking Thor, that's for sure.

Okay, so I've had a few not-so-subtle nudges from blog readers, friends and family members (I'm totally looking at you, Jacksons) about putting up a new blog post. 

Here's what happened: I turned in the last round of edits on EVERTRUE (I still call it Everneath 3: It's Everneathiest) and then did you know there's an off switch in your brain? A literal off switch? That's the only explanation for what I've been doing during the last couple of weeks. Somebody flipped the off switch. 

I mean, I've done some of the usual stuff... 

Like now you see it...
because what's a barber shop without a pool table and a lei?

Now you don't.
... that's a handsom face in the mirror... wait, is that moi?

Now you see it...
Isn't she cute?

Now you don't. 
It's a boy! 

I kicked some balls...
...and pulled a hamstring. (This was also the "before the concussion" pic)
I consulted with my godfather...
... he told me to go to the mattresses. So I went to just the one mattress. And fell asleep.

I danced with Fred Astaire. But I have to admit, I felt like a third wheel...
... Um, Fred? Fred? I'm over here, Fred.
Okay, Fred, this is getting ridiculous. It's like you don't think we're dancing together. 

I used my feminine wiles... all two of them...
... That's right, Ben. I totally pulled my hammy right here...
And you see this leg? I've got another one just like it. And it goes all the way up... to my hip.

And finally, I let Thor know that I really lick him.. I mean like him...

Because if you were this close to Thor, you'd lick him too. Admit it. 

So yeah, I've been totally busy. 

What have all y'all been up to?