Friday, September 28, 2012

If Utah were a Cake, it would look like This:

Okay, so blog posts are going to be sporadic. I have reasons. Tons of reasons. Reasons pouring out of my eyeballs like the tears of a Packers fan at the Seattle game. And reasons do not slide out of the tear ducts like actual tears do. They are prickly and they scratch as they go.

Do you like that piece of stellar writing above? Good, because one of the reasons for the sporadic blogging is the fact that my deadline for Everneath Book 3: The Everneath-iest is October 15th, and that third book is filled with useless metaphors and nonsensical analogies like the above.

And when I'm not writing, I'm trying to keep up with this guy:

Kid B loves Skylanders, and he loves McDonald's, so he made a Skylanders/McDonalds store. You can order fries, or Skylanders, or fries and Skylanders. The possibilities are endless.

Have I ever told you that Kid B also loves babies? My phone is filled with pictures of random babies and familiar babies, like this one:

Not sure if he just feels like babies speak his language or what. One of his favorite babies is our neighbor, Baby Rex.

Kid B holding Baby Rex's hand.
The other day, Kid B and I went to pick tomatoes at Baby Rex's house. Baby Rex was stuck inside with a stomach bug. The two little friends were separated by a single pane of glass. Kid B held his hand up to the glass, like he was visiting a loved one in prison. Baby Rex did the same. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen. Here's the picture he took:
It's only a pane of glass, but it might as well be an ocean. 
Then there's Kid C. For his Utah Geography test, he had to bake a cake in the shape of Utah and then decorate the different regions. I don't think his teachers took into account that fact that some parents don't know how to cook.

I was all, "How are we possibly going to bake a cake in the shape of Utah?" Because believe it or not, they don't sell utah-shaped cake pans. I feel sorry for the kids who live in West Virginia.

It only took me a few days to figure out that the way to do it was to bake a regular rectangle, and then cut out the top right hand corner.

Be quiet! I don't care how fast you figured that out! Okay? Okay.

Here's Kid C putting the ingredients together. (And by 'putting the ingredients together', I mean 'opening the cake mix')

And here's the final product:

I have to say, Utah tastes delicious. Especially the mountainous regions.

Utah is also very fattening. 

So, what's everyone up to this weekend? Anything fun? 

Sunday, September 16, 2012

How a Blind Dog and a Good Samaritan Made me Think Anything is Possible

So, I was turning left on one of the busier streets in the neighborhood, when I saw a dog wandering back and forth across the median.

I thought, he probably knows where he's going. Then I got a better look at his eyes.

Can you see them? They are completely milky white, and they were watering profusely. I pulled my car over, just as another man did in front of me. We got out of our cars and helped the dog to the side, and checked him for any tags or any type of identification.

There were none.

The man who stopped with me was named John, and judging by his accent he was from somewhere in Great Britain. And all I have to say is, this dog is so lucky he wandered into the same street down which John was driving.

For those of you wondering - at this point in the story - what I named the dog, I'll tell you... I named him "Blindy." I did this for two reasons:

1. I'm incredibly uncreative.
2. I wanted to give him the opportunity to "own" his disadvantage. Turn it into an advantage. This way, when someone asks him his name, he can announce proudly, "Blindy. I was named after Edward Blindy the III, who conquered ancient Rome." And then the person who asked his name can look all uncomfortable, all the while, Blindy knows the person is really thinking, "Um, I would've thought the name came from his milky white eyes." And then Blindy can feel happy that he's messing with someone.
3.  Do you think I over thought it a bit? 

John decided to take Blindy to the nearest animal shelter, but neither of us was convinced that someone would actually come to claim him. An old, beaten-down, blind dog? I tried not to admit to myself that most likely he was abandoned. 

I gave John my number and asked him to keep me posted. He called about an hour later, and said, "The shelter says there's no electronic identification, and because he's blind and old, they will probably put him down soon."

Inside, my heart cracked a little. I asked John, "So... where is Blindy now?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Um... he's in the back seat of my car again. I couldn't leave him there. I'm taking him to my vet to make sure he has no diseases he could possibly give my other dog, and then I'll take him home."

Another pause, because I have tears in my eyes. 

Then John continued. "He's old. He can't have that much life left. I can take care of him until then."

Can you guys believe John? He lives in an apartment. He can't have that much extra space. And yet the second Blindy wandered into John's pathway, he had a home. 

The vet pronounced Blindy disease-free, and so John took him home. A few hours later, I got a text from John saying he'd given Blindy a bath, and now he wasn't as scruffy. 

John asked me to post ads about Blindy. Even though I worried that there might be those with nefarious purposes who troll the lost and found boards, looking for animals for all the wrong reasons I put an ad up on KSL's lost and found with Blindy's picture. I still had hope that someone out there loved this dog, and was looking for him. 

So I told John that if anyone does answer the ad, put them through a rigorous background check. Make them prove that they know and love Blindy. 

But really neither of us thought that would be necessary. 

The next morning, I got another text from John. Blindy's owners had contacted him. They brought pictures to prove their paternity. They loved and missed him, and were so relieved to see our ad on KSL. 

I left for my conference in Cedar City that day thinking anything was possible. Doesn't that make you think anything is possible? And don't you want a friend like John in your life? I do. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Seven Steps to Stretching, Presented by Kid B

Hey y'all! 

A quick note for anyone in the Cedar City area: I will be teaching a writing workshop with Emily Wing Smith and Lindsey Leavitt on September 15th. And I'll be signing that night. Details here.

Side note: This post has lots of pictures of kids. So if you don't like kids, you can skip it.

Side note to the side note: WHY DON'T YOU LIKE CHILDREN??

So, today, one of my friends was all, "Hey! You're not blogging as much as you used to!"

And I was all, "No! I'm not! I'm blogging once a week."

I don't know why I put the above information in conversation form. You probably think I have the world's most boring conversations, and why in the world would I want to recount the above one in a blog? 

But, in case you didn't get the subtle undertones of the aforementioned (really Brodi? "aforementioned"? In a blog post?) conversation, I am blogging once a week. Because I had a choice: I could either cut back on blogging, or cut back on writing books and stuff. And as much as editor Kristin likes my blog, I think she likes my books better. 

Anywho, onto the blog. Last weekend, Kid C decided to run two 5K's in two days, in two separate cities. 

The first one was in Eagle Mountain, and the proceeds of the race went to raise money for autism awareness. He dedicated his race to Kid B. Here are the two of them before the race, fueling up on blue snow cones. 

Kid C ran hard, and took first in his age group, twelfth over all.

Kid B decided running looked really easy. So he took off. In no particular direction. 

That night, we tried to get as much sleep as possible, because the next morning we left at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Huntsville for his second 5k. 

While Kid C was warming up, Kid B decided he needed to stretch too. Here is the series of stretches he did. You are welcome to try this at home. 

Step #1: Open yourself up to the inspiration for stretches

Step #2: stretch those glutes.

Step #3: ?????

Step #4: Clap your hands above your head

Step #5: Who wants to win? I do!

Step #6: Collapse on the ground

Step #7: Win the race!

He's making a video detailing the stretches. It will be available for purchase soon. Kid C must've studied his moves, because he took third place in his age group. 

Do you ever have one of those weekends where you think your kids are actually cute? This was that kind of weekend. 

Um... look how happy they are to be standing next to each other. Taking another picture. So so happy.