Monday, June 1, 2009

Sometimes Getting a Speeding Ticket is Worth It...

First off, a moment of silence for the man in pink. After 4 consecutive French Open titles, Rafa was ousted by some Swedish dude. Sis-in-law E surmises he was blinded by his own hot pink shirt, and I tend to agree.

The French crowd didn't help either. They never liked Rafa. Suddenly I'm thinking war with France doesn't sound so bad.
Goodbye Mocha Honey. See you at Wimbledon.



: a fold of strata so tightly compressed that both limbs dip in the same direction.

How does Cormac use such a word?
"At the tide line a woven mat of weeds and the ribs of fishes in their millions stretching along the shore as far as eye could see like an isocline of death." pic: I know what the "fractal of doom" is, but in my high school calculus class, Mrs. Keir never covered the "isocline of death". I was robbed. If she had, I probably wouldn't have dropped out.

I jest.

How Brodi would have said the same thing:
"A bunch of dead fish lay scattered on the shore." (And I only would have said that after hours of figuring out if it's lay, lied, laid, or lay).


Someday I'll delve into the specifics about my history with cops, but for now, the latest chapter.

I don't speed. I stay within 5 miles over the speed limit, much to the annoyance of my sister, Erin Gonzalez.

Years ago, I used to speed. But then when I was reporting on a wildfire in Idaho, I passed a competing news van, in a no pass zone, going ten over the speed limit. There may have been a middle finger involved. There definitely was a cop behind me. So, yeah, it was humiliating enough to make me stop speeding.

So the other day, I'm driving up Lincoln Lane, and there's a cop standing in a church parking lot, gunning people. (To be clear, radar gunning. Otherwise, this is a very different story.)

As I approach, he points his finger and motions me to the side of the road.

cop: "Excuse me, ma'am, but you need to slow down. This is a 25 mile per hour zone."

me: "How fast was I going?"

cop: "About 30."

I must interject here. Although, is it really interjecting if I'm only interrupting myself?

Anyway, for someone (like me) who really likes the mantra: "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between the lightning and a lightning bug," I couldn't really get past the whole "
about thirty" thing. (Mark Twain quote, btw)

continuing on...

me: "
About 30? So, not actually 30, right? Maybe more like 28?"

cop (not humored): "It's a 25 mile per hour zone."

me: "Yeah, but isn't that like saying it's "
about a 30 mile per hour zone". " (Inside the car, I'm driving my pen into my thigh in an attempt to force my mouth shut.)

cop: "Just slow down, please."

me: "yessir... [trying not to say anything else, biting my cheek, drawing blood, really trying not to say anything else, and failing]... but you get the distinction, right?"

cop: "Do you want a ticket?"

me: "No thanks. I'll go slower."

He let me off the hook, and I learned a valuable lesson. No more going about 30 (so, really, 28). Instead I'll go about 25. (really, 27). That'll show him... mwah hah hah.

Sadly, this would not have been the first time I talked a cop into giving me a ticket. I'll give you the details some other time, but for now I'll just say $145 for jaywalking in an alley is a little steep, even for the "blond lady with the sharp tongue and threatening behavior."


  1. One thing I don't think cops like to remember is that they work for ME. I pay their paycheck. Is the word public SERVANT a joke these days?

    I understand they deal with a lot of losers, and I understand to some degree it's self-preservation to treat everyone they see like a criminal. I have very nice family members who are police, and I would like for them to keep themselves alive.

    But if cops feel they deserve to be respected, they have to give some first. So many seem to not believe that most of us are decent citizens trying to make their job easier.

  2. I think Rafa was nervous to have to play Federer, if Roger can get that far.

    Bro--leave the cops alone, they are bigger than you, carry guns and often are a bit ornery. Happily accept a ticket because maybe that money we pay will be used to fix the potholes that eat up our cars every day.

  3. Kim- Maybe the next time I get pulled over, I should start with, "Don't you know I pay your salary?" As for your family members who are cops, I totally understand the need for safety. I just always get pulled over by the dorks. Can I interview one of your family members for the blog?

    Sam- Rafa is scared of no one. And potholes will never be fixed.

  4. You crack me up! But, I agree. About 30 is asinine. I hate some cops too. They have such God complexes and think they're God's gift to the world. (Not all, mind you, but most.) Detectives on the other hand are usually okay. Evil.

  5. Jenni- wouldn't it be cool if detectives manned the radar guns? "Ma'am, where were you at the time you were speeding?"
    "You mean, right now?"
    "You may go, but don't leave the state, okay?"

  6. tell them to wait for the 16 yr old kids going 50 mph next time!
    good grief!

  7. I heard about your Mocha Honey on my way to have copies of the keys I lost made. I mourned for you, as I knew it was only right and proper.

    Then I moved on to choking on my super-healthy breakfast of chocolate Costco birthday cake and coke when I read about your experience with the Po-Po's.

    I have many stories about the Po-Po's, all of them unflattering to someone who is not me, and there are only two people in the story, one of whom isme.

    We should have a Po-Po tattle-tale fest next time I'm in town. We can all wear hot pink shirts!

  8. I'm impressed...I don't even try to get out of the tickets anymore. Although, I live by the mantra that the speed limit means this number plus 15 (at a minimum). J-walking huh? At least it wasn't a street walking ticket :)

  9. Sal- I'm glad you feel the pain.

    Cam- Actually I think a street walking ticket would have been less expensive. I'll try that next time.

  10. I remember getting pulled over on Wander when I "rolled through" the stop sign. It was a newly placed stop sign and I swear the cop was there at the beginning of the placement of the stop sign just waiting to give tickets to people who roll through that particular place. He showed no mercy, but rather couldn't wait to show his power over me. I called Holladay City to file a complaint but just got an answering machine. I know our world is a better place because of police men but I sometimes wonder if they really need to be so rude.

  11. Erin- Frustrating indeed. I also seem to recall you getting a parking ticket at the U, and you sent in the check along with a note.

    The note said something like, "Blow it out your..." followed by a couple words I daren't say. Maybe I should try that approach next time.

  12. Bro, I forgot about the J-walking in the alley story. You really do have the weirdest encounters with cops. Perhaps they remember you form your reporting days. Did you step on a few cop toes in your pursuit of the story? I now totally get Lane a Chief Moon's relationship.

  13. Bree- I know, sometimes I wonder if there's some "enemy to cops" newsletter and my reputation precedes me or something. You know how Alfred Hitchcock had a fear of cops, and so every movie had scary cops in it? I might have to do that with my books. Not that I have his talent, but I sure do have his fear of the fuzz.

  14. Got an ugly ticket that I want to get out of. My friend turned me on to a free site, (no email needed, they make money on advertisements) on how to get out of a speeding ticket. It has a pretty funny video and I downloaded the pdf, and it looks pretty cool. I am going to try it out. It is Let me know what you think... Bert