Monday, March 15, 2010

How do you deal with your Peppery Potatoes? The Blame Game, or the Chicago Way?

It's Monday! Five more days til the weekend!

Do you ever have a foreboding feeling? You know, that feeling where you're sure if you spent the time to wash a potato, wrap it in tin foil, and bake it for an hour, you'd just end up pouring an entire bottle of pepper on it?

(Okay, I'm not saying it was any act of culinary mastery making the potato or anything, but still... that's the most cooking I'll ever do in a year. So what may seem like a simple baked potato is really like everyone else's Thanksgiving dinner.)

I was so mad. My first instinct was to blame someone. I accused Sam of leaving the pepper container facing the wrong way, so I had no choice but to open the "pour" side instead of the "sprinkle" side. 

He said that's like blaming him for the history of violence in the Middle East, to which I responded by saying that his comparison was as ridiculous as blaming me for Eve's Original Sin. This is basically the pattern for all of our fights.

But if we've learned anything from Washington politics, it's that nobody likes a cry baby. We all have our "peppery potatoes" to deal with. Mine just happens to be an actual peppery potato.

The question is, what are you prepared to do about it? I plan to deal with mine the "Chicago Way".

My potato made me sneeze. Not only that, I had to find something else to eat. I practically ended up in the hospital.

So, I sent one of his to the morgue. My target was the tater-tot, part of the potato family. (Truth be told, the tater tots had been sitting in my freezer for over two years, so I didn't feel any Catholic guilt over throwing the bag away). 

How was your weekend? Did you have any peppery potatoes to put out? Did you bring a knife to a gunfight?


  1. Nah, I brought the cannoli to the gun fight... You gotta eat, right?!?

    Happy Monday all!

  2. "Take 'em to the mattresses!" (Is that the right saying...from The Godfather?) That's so funny about the peppery potatoes. We had the same thing this weekend except for with eggs...peppery eggs. My kids love pepper on everything so they tend to dump the pepper on. What is it about pepper?

    Also, Ashy has an ear infection and I was up all night? Do I pull the Chicago Way and send him to the morgue or the hospital? I forget which end I'm on.

  3. Um, I just microwave the potatoes. Wash, stab with a fork a few times (very satisfying), push the "potato" button on the microwave, get out the toppings. Yum.

    Also, a pepper shaker that doesn't have an option for "pour" would be good, yes?

    Weekend was okay--got to see my first ash distribution during my first Native American funeral ceremony. Grandma didn't want to to toward the river and, instead, decided to live on in the lungs of her family and friends.

    I'm blaming her for my sore throat this morning, even though it's been coming on for weeks.

  4. Erin- I would suggest avoiding the hospital and the morgue, and simply take Ashy to the mattresses, and tell him he can't get up for 48 hours.

    And way to go on getting the saying right. I would've expected you to say something like "Take 'em to the pillowcases" or something like that.

    Robin- I know funerals are difficult, but you are making it impossible for me not to laugh at the image of the ashes going the wrong way, and everyone choking.

    Especially the line about "living on in your lungs".

  5. Don't fight it--laugh. We all did. :) One of her daughters laughed and said "she poofed us!"

    We were also encouraged to have a good time at her "moving on party" later that afternoon. Tears very optional.

  6. Bro--yuck on the potatoes. Now, if that was cayenne pepper all over the potatoes, then sign me up. That would be fabulous.

    You threw away those tater tots. They were only 9 years old. So, what do I have for dinner now?

  7. Does a red crayon in a dryer full of whites classify as "peppery potatoes" ?? I had to throw out an entire load of clothes (AND underwear!) because they were marked up with red wax!

    Like you, I thought - WHO PUT THAT CRAYON IN THE DRYER???

    No one raised their hand.

    So I have to ask, did you eat your potato?

  8. I love the Untouchables. Such a good movie. I wrote a paper on Al Capone in high school because of that movie.

    I have access to quite a few guns, once I find my dad's key to his gun closet. I just trying to decide which one to bring to the fight. Plus, it's been over 20 years since I've shot one. Hmm... Maybe, I'll just bring my trusty Nintendo gun; it seems to work for those ducks.

  9. Cath, I can totally sympathize there! My hubby once left a ballpoint pen in his pants pocket. Ink everywhere. The entire load of laundry ruined. And of course I blamed hubby for leaving the pen rather than myself for not checking pockets. Who has time to check pockets? I barely have time to check for stains.

  10. Robin- Oh good. I feel better.

    Sam- I have some beef in the freezer that's from '07. It's yours, hair and all.

    Cath- that sucks about the crayon. Sam has the same problem with me leaving my cherry chapstick in my pockets. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to us more often.

    No, I didn't eat the potato. I was too busy sneezing all over it.

    Nikki- They really need to invent a machine that checks your pockets for pens and crayons and lipstick first.

  11. My hubby told me when they went to scatter his grandmother's ashes (his father's mother) she got the last laugh. I guess she was a "difficult" woman and wasn't fond of his mom (my MIL). So when she was "released" she "poofed" my MIL. They still laugh about it! She got the last word in!

  12. Una- that's pretty funny. Why is it funerals are such fodder for comedy?

  13. I hate ruining my food. It reminds me of the time I accidentally put an entire pot of spaghetti noodles down our drain. And it clogged the drain. And the maintenance people for our apartment put sulfuric acid down the drain to fix it. And didn't tell us. And the carbon monoxide detector in our apartment went off all day while I was at work. And I had to call the fire department. And they came in their fire suits. And detected nothing except the dreadful stench of rotten eggs that came from the acid they poured down the drain.

    I love Mondays.

  14. mmmm....pepper. I love pepper. Pepper-pepper-pop!

  15. Dang, I hate it when that happens!

    Get two more potatoes and add to it, my idea of a perfect meal....

  16. Sorry about the gun comment. I forgot you hate guns.

  17. Ack! Jenni- I totally didn't see your first comment. Lemme read it...
    I would have loved to write a paper on Al Capone, as the Untouchables is one of my favorite movies as well. As for the guns, I'm the one who shot a dozen clay pigeons at Thanksgiving! Sorry- it probably looked like I was all, "Ewww. Gun jokes. I'm not even gonna respond."

    Sometimes when I'm scrolling up and down, I miss a comment. Sam usually calls me to tell me I missed one.

    Melissa- that is so funny! Starting with the image of you making spaghetti noodles, watching the timer, and then promptly pouring them down the drain. Just got funnier with the rotten egg fiasco. That needs to be in a book!

    Cam- ditto.

    Suey- I'm cooking two potatoes even as we speak.

  18. those look so yummy ;)

    it was sam's fault. there i said it.

    my weekend was great because I don't get to hear chad's annoying alarm clock go off at 5:45 am when he doesn't even get out of bed until 7am. seriously the worst hour and 15 minutes of my day.

  19. Shellie- It was totally Sam's fault. And if Sam's alarm clock went off at 5:45 every morning, I'd be sleeping on the couch every night. Okay, I already sleep on the couch most nights.

  20. Brodi-
    Two words, pepper mill. They sell them at Costco all filled and everything, I think they're meant to be used and chucked when they're empty. Anyway, it's hard to get too much pepper when you are grinding it right then, lol. But not impossible, say if you are talking to someone and just keep grinding and don't notice the giant pile you are making.

  21. I once made chipotle mashed potatoes--for company--and used an entire jar of the spicy little suckers, not just one or two. Let's just say it's been years and I still get teased about my Fire Potatoes. At least your peppery potatoes happen accidentally...

  22. Cherie- That sounds foolproof. I'll have to give it a try.

    Sydney- That is so funny! Reminds me of that scene in Bridget Jones where she makes blue soup. It's endearing, right?

  23. As a teenager, I once spent an hour making a cake from scratch to give to a friend for her birthday. I set it on the stove to wait for it to cool. It wasn't getting colder for some strange reason and pretty soon an acrid smell started to waft through the kitchen. Oh yes, I set the cake on top of a lit burner! It was completely scorched and inedible.
    My friend got a card for her birthday.

    My favorite funeral moment was when my Great Uncle Paul tried to sing a heartfelt and operatic song. Sadly, I think he forgot to turn on his hearing aid, because it sounded more like a yowling tomcat. I'm pretty sure the whole room was crying from holding in pressurized laughs until our sides were sore.

  24. Kayla- Ha ha! That experience would put me off cooking for life- all that work, burning on the stove. So, did you laugh at the funeral? Or was it one of those moments where you know you can't look at anyone by you, because if you do you'll burst burst out giggling... I have those moments at inappropriate venues all the time. Church, temple, funerals. Recitals. Libraries.

  25. So, I just had to tell you because I was excited. I did a search for "schler" and "schlee" because I wanted to find a quote from Futurama and your blog came up as one of the references! :)

  26. Jenni- I've made it to the big time!

  27. I love me a good baked potato and I'd be heart broken to find it dead all over my plate. I think I'm going to have a baked potato for lunch in memory of your peppery one.

  28. Debbie- Enjoy it for me! Just be careful when seasoning...