Friday, May 21, 2010

Top 10 Life's Lessons learned from watching Season Finales... and Free Book Friday

Happy Free Book Friday y'all.

Today I'm giving away a signed copy of Sydney Salter's Jungle Crossing. 

Read to the bottom to find out how to enter.

Last night I watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. I'd never seen the show, but I heard there was going to be a shooter loose in a hospital, and I had to get in on that action. I discovered there's a lot we can learn about life from watching season finales, even if we don't know what's going on.

So, I present to you...
The top 10 life lessons gleaned from season finales:

1. If you're pregnant, you better hurry up and tell the baby-daddy the big news, otherwise he's likely to get shot.

2. If you're in a love triangle, and you can't decide which direction to go, there's nothing like a shooting rampage in your place of business to help make up your mind.

3. If you're in love with someone, but it's a secret, and that someone gets shot, you can save his life. Just admit you're in love with him, and he'll live. But you have to do it when the time is right, like when he gasps, and grabs your hand really hard.

4. You can order someone not to die. "Don't you dare die on me! You stay awake! You hear me?" and if you say it with enough conviction, it will work.

5. As much as I admire the truth, if I'm dying and there's nothing you can do to save me, don't tell me. 

If I say, "I can't feel anything anymore. The pain is going away. Is that a good thing?"

You say, "Yes. It's a great thing. It means the healing has begun."

Do not say, "No. That's a very bad thing. I promised I'd tell the truth, even if it's hard to hear. Probably your spleen is bursting."

sidenote: If you could've saved me, but the stupid elevator was broken, and you couldn't haul me up the stairs to the OR, don't tell me that either.

6. Just because SWAT teams have roped off the hospital due to an armed mad man loose inside, and the hospital is in "lockdown", that doesn't mean you can't cross the yellow tape and walk in and out at any moment. The officials are distracted with helplessly watching people die. They won't notice if you want to go inside and get a closer look.

7. Just because every law enforcement agency is there, and they have the situation in hand, that doesn't mean you couldn't do better. If you used to work at the hospital, or if you know someone who works there, you may be the best hope. Go on in.

8. Hospitals become very small when there's a shooter inside. No matter where you are, he's around the corner. Trust me.

9. If you run into the shooter, and he offers you a drink, feel free to turn him down. It's okay to offend the man with the gun. It means you're brave. 

Sidenote: If you dare a shooter to shoot you, he won't. It's the best way to stay alive.

10. A man who bought his first gun at a mall the day before will always be a better shot than the trained snipers surrounding him. 


When the mad-man finds you (and trust me, he will) and he asks you if you're a surgeon, and he's been shooting surgeons all day... it's okay to lie. Lie like the wind. Tell him you're a nurse, or a janitor. Those people never get shot. You can feel bad about it later.

So, what have you learned from finales? Which finales are you planning on watching? Leave a comment and let me know, and you'll be entered to win the book.


  1. I love this blog. Last night we watched The Office and 30 Rock (those were both season finales, right? I lose track) and I learned that doing the "right" thing can get you fired and so can turning down a promotion by acting stupid and that they don't make Barbie dolls out of female execs who sell cheap printers and that if fate sets you up with the wrong guy it might be in an effort to get you to the right guy but first you need to tell him if you're pregnant so he chooses you when debating about his love triangle.

    And if you're a pilot who looks like Matt Damon, you can get out of awkward situations by saying, "I'm going to depart. On time. Because I'm a pilot."

    These are all very important lessons!

  2. Excellent lessons. Thank you Nikki.

  3. LOL

    Okay, not from finales specifically, but I tell you, if you are an extra on Star Trek and you're on the bridge in a red uniform.... YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.
    Especially if you agree to go on an away mission.
    In fact, my friend found a shirt that says "I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, I'm not going". :D

    We're waiting desperately for all seasons to end so that the dvds can come out so that we can finally see what everyone has been talking about all season.

  4. I don't watch much TV (I'm a recovering TV addict)--it cuts into writing time, reading time, and Plants vs. Zombies time. Geay's Anatomy is one of the shows on my "I'm going to like it too much so I better not even dabble" list.

    Season finales are a lot like the end of a series book. They have to make the cliffhanger terrifying or shocking enough that, when they finally come out with the next installment months from now, you still remember--in detail--what happened, and HAVE to see how it turned out.

    They really need to watch continuity, though. If, at the end of one season, Clark Kent proposes to Lois Lane and she says "Clark..." (fade to black), you can't come back next season and have her say something else instead. We want to know what she said after "Clark"--we don't want you to rewrite the line completely so that she says "Who's asking? Clark or Superman?" instead.

  5. If you haven't already watched it - the season finale for 'V' is on Hulu - it was pretty good. Can't wait for the season finale for 24 and the series finale for LOST.

  6. I loved the 'I can't believe I didn't admit to being a surgeon' talk. Seriously, I am a business man. If someone comes up to me with a gun and says 'Are you a business man', trust me, I will say "NO. NO I AM NOT. I HATE BUSINESSMEN. THEY SUCK!" I will not feel bad about it in the morning either. weeping, 'I can't believe that I didn't have the courage to admit that I like business.'

    If Greys Anatomy follows the ER script, there will be 7 more shooting in the hospital episodes over the next 4 years. I can't wait!

  7. Britt- I want that t-shirt! If I were an extra on Star Trek, I'd avoid being alone with Kirk and Spock at all times.

    Robin- But I often go back in time and change what I've said. What's wrong with that?

    Mary- I can't wait to watch the finale of Lost. I'm excited and dreading it at the same time.

    Sam- I can't believe you'd cower before a man with a gun! You need to stand up, say you love being a business man, and get shot. Like a real man.

  8. You are so dang funny. I really wish I would have watched that!

    I can honestly say that I don't have time to watch much TV, so what I have learned from season finales is: don't waste your time watching TV!

  9. we watched Office (eh) and 30 Rock (FUNNY!)....

    and Modern Family (one of my new fav's) and Glee we will be watching next week.

    i have no lessons--i just learned i watch too much TV apparently!

    (don't watch gray's, didn't see that finale)

  10. I'll be watching the Bones and Fringe season finale tomorrow since I TiVoed them last night. I'll be watching the LOST series finale on Sunday with my hubby, niece, and nephew-in-law, even though I don't watch the show but they do. I'll also watch the NCIS season finale next Tuesday.

    I have a love/hate relationship with finales because they're cliffhangers. They're usually the most intense episode of the season, but that's because they want you to come back next season. Curse the networks and their addicting shows!

  11. Castle taught me that as soon as you realize you love another man and dump the one you're with, the one you're in love with will find someone else. And tell you about it just as you're going to profess your love. Because it's impossible for the love interests to get together at the end of season two.

  12. folksinmt- But if I didn't watch television, what would I blog about? Real life?

    Dorien- I have all those on TiVo, ready to watch too.

    Jenni- I'm very excited for the Fringe finale. I'll also watch Bones, but I hope Bones doesn't quit her job just to be stupid.

    Jenilyn- My mother always told me Season two is way too early to find true love. But by Season 7, it's way too late.

  13. I hope Bones doesn't quit her job too. I mean, I don't think she will because then the whole name of the shows would have to change. But, it's still evil that she's thinking about it.

  14. Humm... I dug the season finale of Survivor. I'm like one of the last people on the planet still watching that show. In fact I'm pretty sure they're keeping it on just for me.

    And I am looking forward to the LOST finale. I'm pretty sure I will be left angry throwing things are the screen for the lack of information given but the only question I want answered is why the freakin' statue has 4 toes!

    And I don't watch Grey's but man every and their mom (& their sisters and their best friends. Oh, and their dogs too) posted about it on FB & Twitter. I feel like I missed something epic. Dang it.

  15. Oh man that was great!

    I learned that if you feel empty inside and you are mad at your sister (who is really your cousin) you can just drink a vial of vampire blood, take about 50 oxys, go to sleep and you will have to wait all summer to see if it works out.

    Also, vampires aparently can't tell another vampire from a human, even when kissing them. You know, having super hearing and not hearing the other person's hearbeat or anything wouldn't tip them off, not to mention being cold and not smelling human etc.

  16. @Aubrey-- Vampires are idiots. ;)

    Bones... sigh.... the writers need to be shot. I quit watching when they made what's-his-name the one conspiring with the gorgonzola creep. It made NO FREAKING SENSE and was beyond all lame.

  17. i missed the grey and private practice finales. cant wait to catch them on hulu! community and the office were both hilarious - cant wait until next season!

    meaghan_koci (at) yahoo (dot) com

  18. Jenni- Amen.

    Olivia- I guaran-darn-tee there's no way LOST will answer all my questions! And I'm pretty sure you can catch the bloodbath that was Grey's on hulu.

    Aubrey- Like when Damon kissed Katherine, and then he touched his lips afterward, I was all, "Please tell me she tasted like vampire." Talk about cliffhangers.

    Britt- I'm still mad about the Gorgonzola mess. And then they act like Zach is still their friend. I'm all, "He ate people! I know he's probably slightly OCD, but cannibalism isn't a cute character quirk!"

    Whew. I feel better now.

    californiameaghan- I have like 5 Office episodes and 10 Communities saved on TiVo. I'm thinking they will be my summer fun.

  19. What I've learned from season finales:
    1) Never become a Vampire Slayer, it will ruin your adolescent innocence.
    2) Death is surprisingly reversible if you're famous enough.
    3) Singing and dancing will make it all better... especially if Barbara Streisand is somehow involved.
    4) Daleks are forever. They're like bad cockroaches, there's no getting rid of them.
    5) Don't waste your time watching the whole season, because it always comes down to who danced the most exciting freestyle or who sang the most tear-jerking song in the semi finals.
    Last but not least...
    6) Don't get too attached. If I like the show it will probably be canceled within a few months with very little closure. (Firefly, Pushing Daisies, Dollhouse, Veronica Mars...)

  20. Frankly the idea that Zach was involved in the whole Gorgonzola mess is still completely insane.

    It should have been Sweets. Or whatever his name is.

    Would have made more sense AND we could have gotten rid of an obnoxious character.

  21. I learned that it's worth it to stay up until 1:00 am to watch the TVD season finale. And I don't think that Damon knew it was Catherine, because he wouldn't have left! And also,... I learned that it's probably better if I never meet Ian/Damon in real life. Because he's just too flippin' gorgeous. "Quit doing that... 'eye thingy'." Lol! I love it!

  22. Kayla- amen on #6. Especially Veronica Mars and Firefly.

    Britt- You don't like Sweets? Yes, I'd rather have Sweets gone than Zach, but I find Sweets sorta funny. How nobody takes him seriously.

    Sara- Oh man, Damon and that "eye-thingy". So cute.

  23. I love this blog, shared it with hubby and he greatly enjoyed it! I can't learn anything from season finales since I really don't follow any shows. Oh, unless you count Top Gear...then the only thing I learned is that the most unreliable car in the world (range rover) is the most reliable car in the world.

  24. Sweets is amusing in really small doses.