Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Why I feel the Least like a Mother on Mother's Day

Howdy. So I promised a Mother's Day recap. 

Mother's Day always makes me laugh, and cry, because I hear about how real mothers are supposed to act, and I know I'm not quite there yet.

1. The women they celebrate have nothing in common with me. In my church on Sunday, children spoke about what makes mothers so darn great.

"Mothers help our garden grow."
me: I haven't touched dirt in years.

"Mothers keep our house clean."

me: Again, I haven't touched dirt in years.

"Mothers keep us fed."

me: Wait, that's my job?

"Mothers tuck us in at night."

me: Seriously, the kids won't go to bed unless it's Sam tucking them in.

"Mothers read to us."

me: This is just getting silly now. 

"Mothers fix our boo-boo's."

me: Yes! I am the band-aid queen of the world! Not only that, I drain pus. Where are the kids that say, "Mothers drain pus?" Because I have that one nailed. Boo-yah!

2. Because all mothers are gardeners, naturally, I can always count on getting at least 4 plastic cups full of dirt and some plant of unknown origin.

To make room for the new plants, I immediately clear out the window sill from the plants I got last year. (The ones from last year grew into a lemon tree and a rose bush. Just kidding, they're really piles of moldy dirt.)

I'm sure there are many mothers out there who know what to do with the plants, but my own mother taught me you put them in the window sill, close the shutter, and hope they don't grow vines that take over your house. (I already have one of those.)

3. But I have to admit, I do love the portraits of me. 

Sure, there's something strange going on with my teeth, (it's a little Moonraker)...

... but check out how skinny I am!

What are your Mother's Day traditions?


  1. well i can only help you on one count...
    red cups from primary party= zinneas. tell sam to plant them outside-they have pretty flowers on them all summer long.

    if it makes you feel any better, kyle tucks our kids in at night too.

    and did you guys watch the dvd ??
    carter won top prize-hands down!

  2. Dorien- I forgot about the DVD! Kid
    C said he loved me because I have superpowers. That's my boy!

  3. I usually pretend it's not Inadequacy Awareness mean Mother's Day and sneak out the door before I'm given a plant to kill. This year at church, though, they gave us lotion from Bath and Body Works instead, which I thought was a great idea.

    I love the picture of you!

  4. Thank you, Brodi, for the happy wishes, I'm sure I'll always remember this first Mother's Day (or as it may become, Maternal Inadequacy Awareness Day - nice term Jenilyn). Our tradition before the boy was to go out to eat for Mother's day so no mothers had to cook. This year was, I'm sure, an aberration because of several family things (issues is a better word). So, lucky me, the Mother's day tradition is open for creation! However, I did not get a plant from the boy, the day care "assisted" and he gave me a tile with his footprint on it with "Happy 1st Mother's Day" on it along with his name. It was very cute, came with a card with a picture of us on it and a sweet poem inside. He may not be able to hold a bottle, sit up, roll over, and it may take him several tries before he grabs a toy, but he has perfect penmanship!!

  5. Jenilyn- Inadequacy Awareness day! Ha ha! This year, we actually did get a CD of hymns in church instead of a plant. It was a nice change.

    Una- That is such a cute first mother's day gift. Tiny feet are so so cute!

  6. We live next to the Ghirardelli Outlet & Ice Cream Store, so... chocolate, again!

    This year I heard shouts of "You're ruining my Mother's Day!" from one child to another. Like it's supposed to be a special day for them?!?!?!

    Normally I just hide in my room and curl up in the fetal position until everyone goes to school the next day. This year I thought I had died in my sleep because there was about 95% less fighting than usual, we made it to church on time (no easy task since we start at 1:00!), and they made me what I wanted for breakfast in bed (french toast made with texas toast bread and honey vanilla coffee creamer instead of milk)!

  7. You are a fabulous Mother!! The 3 of us boys would be lost with you. You rock!

  8. My ward has the best Mother's Day gifts: chocolate! I did get a flower from one son, which he got from school...

  9. I think you look awesome as Jaws! I think you should really add some bling to your teeth. You'd be the talk of the town!

  10. You drain pus? Man, someone hasn't been telling me enough about motherhood...

  11. Sal- So funny that your kids think it's their holiday!

    Sam- Thanks babe. Right back atcha. You're a great mom too.

    Robin- Why don't I go to your ward? I'd move to Idaho if they started giving away chocolate!

    Jenni- I'm having my teeth bedazzled next week.

    Melissa- It's the unspoken duty of motherhood: drainage of pus. Just kidding, it's really a quirk of mine. Each time one of my kids gets injured, there's the hope that in the next few days, pus will follow.

    Okay, I'm weird. I know.

  12. I love the portraits too! I put mine as my facebook profile pic and I'm really hoping I can use as an author photo at some point. Never giving up hope and all that.

  13. So freakin funny. My mom hated Mom's day. I think I inherited that trait. I try to pretend I'm not a mom and that everyone is talking about someone else. Not what I'm supposed to be. It usually works pretty well. Of course, I have an excellent imagination and an over-devoloped sense of denial.

  14. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who feels guilt on Mother's Day! Although you don't sound like you are beating yourself up about it--you have embraced what writing does to your lifestyle. Love that!

    I'm sorry, but the instant you said you drain pus, I thought of that awful You-tube video with the guy and the ginormous zit. Hopefully that wasn't you working on him! :)

  15. Jody- That's a great idea! I'm totally stealing it.

    Leisha- An excellent imagination and an over-developed sense of denial happen to be the first two requirements to becoming a writer. Well done.

    Folksinmt- Such a video exists? Where would one find that little gem?

  16. Ah good old cups of dirt. How come I can never keep a cup of dirt alive?

  17. I am laughing out loud. The teeth. The stick figure. And he got the hair color right! Awesome.

    So. Question: Where did the phrase boo-yah come from? I love it. New to me when I first started reading your blog. But after a bit, I figured out how to use it appropriately. Is it a Brodi original? If so you've done a fabulous job of working it right into the lexicon.

    As for relating to other mothers. Forget it. Just own your motherhood - you're EXACTLY what those boys need. Dirt or not!

  18. I thought you were a vampire, until I saw the nifty comparison pic. you posted, cute pic. always nice to be thin.
    My mother's day tradition used to be skipping church. Having decided that was not a good example I've been attending. So, now our tradition is being late due to an exceptionally uncooperative child (special for mother's day). Then listening to him refusing to go up and sing, etc.

  19. Ooh! Thanks for the reminder. I forgot that church handed out chocolates and I'd been hiding them in my purse waiting for the right moment to have them to myself.

    For Mother's Day I made my kid cry. Multiple times. Because I refused to fix him a different dinner than the rest of us were having. Cooking meals is not all it's cracked up to be.

    But thanks to my own mother always hating Mother's Day, I've adopted an indifferent attitude about that particular Sunday in May. No guilt, crying kid or not.

  20. Last year the primary gave us Tomato Plants (I killed mine:

    This year they gave us a huge bar of chocolate. I thought it was a much better gift.

    Happy Mother's Day!

  21. debbie- If you count the mold, the dirt is alive. :)

    Cath- I really wish I could claim ownership of the phrase boo-yah, but I think it's like a sports term. I take it you guys don't have ESPN on in the background all day?

    Cherie- Ah, screaming on Mother's Day. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?

    Nikki- Let's rename it No Guilt day. Can I have some of your chocolate?

    Olivia- Can I have some of your chocolate too?

  22. Usually my Mother's Day is a guilt trip fest but this year's was awesome. We spent the weekend at Disneyland so I totally got hailed as the world's best mom and missed out on the yearly church carnation hand out.

  23. Kayla- Disneyland is a gift for Moms and Kids. How fun!

  24. so funny! I can't tell you how hard I am laughing. (and a real laugh, not just the raina, "i am laughing.")

  25. Alissa- A real laugh? Or an evil laugh?

    See you on the court, sistah!