Monday, January 24, 2011

The Day my Phone Bit Back: AKA In the parable of the scorpion and the frog, it sucks to be the frog.

Hey y'all.

So, most of you know the destruction that befell (totally a word) my phone last September when I dropped it in a parking lot.

But I kept the phone, because I'm loyal like that and because it made a fantastic crunchy sort of noise every time I dialed a number.

Okay, and because I couldn't afford a new one. 

Well, my loyalty came back to bite me in the bum. Actually, it was the finger. As I was playing an intense game of Solitaire, I felt a sharp sting on my thumb. A shard of glass had embedded itself in my skin. And holy cow, that is ow

I gingerly removed the offending bugger, and then the blood started gushing. And by "gushing" I mean a tiny bead of red appeared. 

But really, the sharpest pain of all was in my heart. How had I been so deceived, that we could just go on like that without one or both of us getting hurt? 

The phone gave me puppy dog eyes, and said, "Have I ever told you the story of the scorpion and the frog?"

me: "No."

Phone: "The scorpion needed to cross a river, and so he asked the frog for a ride. 'But, you'll sting me!' the frog said. The scorpion replied, 'I promise not to sting you. I need to get across the river, and if I sting you, we're both in trouble.' The frog agreed and so the scorpion climbed on his back."

me: "Awww. How sweet."

Phone: "Then about halfway across the river, suddenly the scorpion pulls out a shard of glass, and stabs the frog in the thumb. 'What are you doing?' the frog said. 'You've killed us both!' And the scorpion replied, 'I can't help it. It's in my nature.'"

me: "Bite me."

Phone: "How about we save that for next week's lesson?"

But, dear blog readers, there will be no 'next week' for us. My heart has turned to stone. Little does my phone know that later today, I'm taking him to the glue factory, where he will be sacrificed to provide shoes for needy children. 

The shoes will be made out of shards of glass, but hey. They're shoes.


1. My revisions are due tomorrow. I'm about halfway done. This will be very exciting. (Note: If your name is Kristin, and you live in New York, I'm totally kidding. I am all the way done. Nothing to see here.)

2. I'm flying out to New York on Wednesday. I can't wait! I get to meet my agent and my editor, and see my friend Sara Zarr speak at the National SCBWI conference. Anyone in the area? Anyone want to hang out?

So blogging may or may not happen on Wednesday. But I will for sure blog several times from New York! Wish me luck on the revisions. I'm still waiting for a visit from the revision fairy. I believe. I BELIEVE!


  1. One correction - your phone won't be given to needy kids for shoes...the phone will be going to Kid C for entertainment purposes. He will have to wear gloves when he plays games on it. One glove, with sparkles, Michael Jackson style. The shoe-less needy kids can wait, our boy needs to play his games.

  2. Sam- True. Kid C is much needier than the needy kids who need shoes.

  3. I'm sure a strip of packing tape over the face (or one of those new-fangled screen protectors) would help stave off scorpions. You know, to protect Kid C, in case he loses his sparkly glove.

    You, of course, need a new phone to impress all the jaded, hoity-toity New Yorkers.

    ...though, a scorpion phone might be useful for muggers....

  4. Have a great time in New York! And, hey, when the revision fairy shows up can you point her in my direction (after you're finished of course)? I'm happy to give her cupcakes, or teeth, or whatever makes her sparkle. Good luck!

  5. Robin- If all it takes to impress New Yorkers is a phone, I'm so set!

    Carrie- I will send her in your direction. To summon her yourself, you need to put a bunch of -ly adverbs under your pillow at night.

  6. I think I would have thrown my phone across the room in sadness and hurt. Have a blast in NY. I'm saving my pennies to go later. And by later I mean sometime before I die.

  7. Heather- Thanks!

    Debbie- I held my phone's head under water, so I think I got him back.

    Hopefully we can be in New York at the same time someday!

  8. Wow! I must have been out of it on Monday because I didn't read this until now. What kind of fair-weathered blog reader am I? You should totally chuck me out like you're going to do (did) to your phone!

    Have fun in New York!

  9. have fun in the big apple :)

    and get a new phone!!! maybe insurance will cover it now? ;)