I went to dinner the other night with writer peeps Bree Despain and Emily Wing Smith. It was Chinese food. After dinner, we opened our fortune cookies.
You know how fortune cookies are usually all, "Something amazing is coming your way!" or "People are talking about you right now... and it's good news!" or "Remember that thing you were worried about? Well, it's all better!"
This restaurant was different. The first fortune was pretty innocuous:
"Stick with it! Patience is crucial to your success."
Fine. It's sort of a mantra I'm already familiar with, but fine. Thanks for the reminder. It's not necessarily a guarantee of success, though, is it? Patience may or may not bring it, but you should be patient regardless.
Fortune Cookie #2:
"You have remarkable power which you are not using."
This one sounds like it could be great: "You have remarkable power!"
But then it takes a dip: "...And you're squandering it."
So, really it sounds like my mother: Why can't you live up to your potential?
There's no hope in this one. There's no silver lining. No promises of, "But if you work on it, you could totally use all of your power!" No amount of patience will bring you success.
It's basically an indictment of you as a person. The fortune cookie has sentenced you, with no hope for bail.
Then there's Fortune Cookie #3:
"Never mess up an apology with an excuse."
So, not only do you have something to apologize for, you're messing it up by trying to excuse your crummy behavior.
How about you, fortune cookie? You're not taking your own advice! You're using the excuse that you're a fortune cookie to spread your own misfortune that the only thing you're good for is to be eaten!
Now I'm sure my next fortune will read:
"Expect to be shouting at inanimate pastries in your very near future."
Then I can be all, "What do you know? Fortune cookies really do work!"
Thankfully I opened a more exciting package than the fortune cookie this weekend. The mailman dropped off a large padded envelope from my publisher. When I opened it, I found this:
Yep. It was Rafa's new book, with a note from my editor!
Suddenly, my fortune is looking bright. And tan. And a little bit muscular.
By the way, Rafa is playing in the finals of the U.S. Open today against Novak Djokovic. Anyone watching?
Anyone else have bad luck with fortunes? Give me some of your best bad fortunes! (Real or make-believe)