Today's post will just be a series of status updates, for your sake and mine.
Book status: cut all the "that"s. Turns out there were 10,000 of them. Just kidding.
Newt status: I have officially transferred over to Little Red (My Mac Book. I thought about calling him "mac", but that seems too obvious.)
In a last ditch attempt to grab my attention, Newt went out and got implants. I had to break it to him gently: implants just don't do it for me.
He asked to be cremated, and his ashes spread all over the new Mac Book. I agreed to cremate him, but instead of smothering Little Red, I told Newt he would leave his legacy by causing a small hole in the ozone. (What with the burning plastic and all.)
In fond farewell, he has left you all a message, and I quote: "WHHHHHIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR"
(That's the sound of his fan working overtime, to no avail. The darn thing still burned a hole in my blanket).
Sanity status: abandoned ship long ago. Thought of creating an Oedipal complex just for fun, but couldn't find any spare daggers. Anyone have a few windmills I can chase? Speaking of windmills (which I'm sure you all were), I always wanted to marry someone with the last name Quixote. I would have changed my last name for that one. Just say it. Brodi Quixote. Marrying Truman Capote came in a close second. Just random facts to illustrate the sanity status.
Archie the Great: still a tool. But, when he attacked me yesterday, I laid a trap for him. Yes, he killed most of my troops, but my troops took half of his cavalry with them. My soldiers were very brave, and died honorable deaths. The ones who survived have been charged with the task of revising my book. I can't wait to see what they come up with.
Cheap Thrills status: nothing more entertaining right now than the U.S. senate showdown. Here's hoping it turns into an Old West shootout. (A girl can dream, can't she?)
Any more suggestions as to words I can cut, send them along my way.
For those of you still reading, thank you for hanging in there!
This may be the crazy in me talking, but I love you all. Like really really a lot a lot. (I stole that last line from my book. Stellar isn't it?)