Monday, July 13, 2009

Does Anyone Know How To Make Blood-Themed Hors d'oeuvres?

Things I did last week that I forgot to blog about:

1. I met famous bloggers (okay, just one) from across the country.

Shellie Kendrick came into town (she has a majorly popular blog and she lives in the South. Not Southern Utah. The SOUTH, y'all).

The first blog post I read of hers was called 4B's. Once I reached her hand-drawn diagram, I was hooked.

Anyway, we started reading each others' blogs, and then we started exchanging writing projects, and we realized we were M.F.E.O.

She came over to my house after my tennis workout one night, and I admit I was a little star struck. Maybe that's an excuse for why the first words out of my mouth were, "Nice to meet you. I have to take a quick shower. Not only do I stink, I sorta peed my pants a little when I tried to hit an overhead."

At her surprised expression, I further explained, "It's okay. I don't hug with my legs or anything."

Huh? Like not wrapping my legs around a person makes peeing my pants okay? Very weird, and not just a little bit awkward.
She still stayed, and told me a "peeing pants" story of her own. See? Brothers from another Mother.

Below is a picture of us, combining our peeing pants stories in a plot to take over the world.
You'll also notice an open can of TAB cola on the bar. Tab is hubby Sam's favorite drink, and when Shellie tried it and didn't puke, he was mucho impressed. So much so that we took a vote and offered Shellie the position of second wife in our house. Now, to get rid of her hubby Chad... Bueno!

2. My tennis partner and I won a tennis match.

It was an exciting match. You can tell by the faces of the crowd.
Kid C is in the middle, threatening to gouge his eyeball out if we didn't finish the stupid match soon. Kid B is nearest the camera, losing brain cells.

Here's a picture of me about to hit a ball.
I think it's funny, because in my head, I'm thinking about how I look all suave, and how it's all about the technique, and how any minute Rafa is going to call me up for some mixed doubles. But then, I see myself on film, and think, "That can't possibly be how I look. That's some old chubby woman suffering from constipation or something."

Seriously, take away the racket, and I might as well be in the ladies' room. If ya know what I mean. (She said as she twirled her porn star mustache and puffed her cigar. "If you know what I mean"? Who says that, besides old beer belly men with chest hair poking out their shirts, elbowing their friends and raising their eyebrows? C'mon, bro. Get it together.)

3. Book Club with Sydney Salter

There's nothing cooler than going to a book club where the author is among the guests.

Cousin D (okay, it's Debbie, from Cranberry Fries. I don't really think there's a need to protect her identity on this one... She's not exactly Cousin W or anything... I kid, Cousin W). Anyway, Debbie put together a bunch of cool chicas, including Sydney Salter, and we gabbed the night away about Sydney's book MY BIG NOSE AND OTHER NATURAL DISASTERS.

We talked embarrassing jobs, first crushes, natural bodily functions, and toe fungus. And then we ate. Because the mere mention of toe fungus makes me hungry.

Since a wedding cake plays a role in Sydney's book, Cousin Debbie, or Heather, or maybe Heidi, baked a two-tiered wedding cake.
Sydney said it's good to have a food tie-in to the book. "What would your tie-in be?" she asked me.

"Ummm... blood," I answered.

Seriously? Blood, Brodi? I tried to think of a theme to my book, and blood was the first thing that came to my mind. The girls were really nice, saying they could come up with plenty of blood-themed food.

But even now, I can't really think of anything else. I'm trying to consider objects that come up in my book. Whisks? Rocks? Shaving Cream? Drink Coasters? Forks? The problem is every one of those objects (except one) lead to someone's gory death. So we're back to blood.

Maybe this would be a good time to serve the red Wine Frye?

So, how was y'all's weekend? (The preceding sentence incorporates my favorite incarnation of the word "y'all".)


  1. First off, Tab Rocks. Bro--you can really solidify your place in my heart by just accepting the beauty of Tab.

    Your tennis match was fabulously terrific. You looked great out there. In regards to the 'bored' boys pic--I just caught the boys at a bad time with the camera. They were going crazy, jumping up and down, hooting and hollering as you made great shot after great shot. You and Alyssa were a great team out there.

    My weekend was great...taught handsome kid C to ride a bike and he did it like a pro.

  2. Sam- I'm waiting to pull out the Tab card for when I really need to impress you.

    Good job on teaching Kid C to ride a bike. You rock!

  3. When your book get's published and I get invited to a really cool book club where you are the special guest, I'll bring the "Eyes of Newt" Hors d'oeuvres. (sliced tortilla wraps topped with a sliver of black olive stuffed with a red pimento, for the blood shot eye look)
    It was great meeting you at Cousin D's book club.

  4. That sounds delicious. Slightly gross, but definitely delicious, just like my book.

    Do you have a pic of said hors d'oeuvres?

  5. I think we sorta run in the same circles now. I just started following her blog a few weeks ago (and she's actually stopped by my blog--I feel so cool now~!). She's pretty funny.

    Isn't it great to meet blog friends---you just feel like you already know them, it's awesome!

    Congrats on winning the tennis game!

    Thanks for coming over to the book club, it was such a blast and Sydney was so great. I've been trying to think of stuff for your blood book. I think I saw blood pudding once on tv, but I'm pretty sure I'll never eat it. My friend Shauna can make cakes into crazy shapes perhaps we can ask her to make a bloody body cake, mmm yum.

  6. I've been trying to think of a food them for your book, and all I can think of is blood also. Weird.

    Wait, what about Mongolian BBQ? Or maybe just raw, partially frozen chicken? That'd go over well at a book club.

    I'm so sad I missed the shindig at Debbie's house. We went to Park City for the weekend. Which was awesome! But a book would have been fun, too.

  7. I was actually at the "Big Nose" book group on Saturday & when you came in I was like, "Oh, Debbie! I know her from her blog!" I felt like I was meeting someone famous- ha! I was even to shy to tell you how much I love reading your blog- I'm such a dork! But, better late than never!

  8. Debbie- Oooooh, a bloody body cake with like, a red gooey center? That would be very cool.

    Bree- we missed you Saturday too. But PC sounds way fun. Weird that you come up with "blood" themed food too. I'm all for something with BBZ sauce. And what's wrong with serving chicken "medium rare"?

    Olivia- Sheesh- you make me feel famous! So happy to meet you in person, and glad you like the blog. Now that we're BFF's, you can comment more!

  9. Brodi- what the heck is BBZ sauce?

  10. Once I made eyeballs out of lime jello and vanilla pudding. If you drizzled strawberry syrup over them, they'd look pretty fantastic (as long as blood was the theme).

  11. That sounds delicious, Ruth. And appropriately bloody.

    You are all officially in charge of catering my pretend book release party.

  12. The 4Bs gave me quite a laugh. Always a good way to end the day. It was fun to see you at the party the other night.

  13. Blood and urine. My day is complete...

    Sadly, I do know blood themed food...ever eaten "Black Pudding". I it! I would take Hagis a thousand times over just the smell of black pudding. I have a phsyco at work who knows how to make it if you are interested...I'm just sayin'.

  14. Heids- I know. Shell is a crack up.

    Cam- I should've just titled the post:
    "It's Blood and Urine Today, Folks". And I think I might have to draw the line at actual blood in the food. I can barely handle "Bangers and Mash".

    The UK needs serious help in their food choices.

  15. I think about blood as the theme food and I remember the armadillo cake from "Steel Magnolias." Any animals or characters in your book that would work for that? You could also adapt Halloween party food for your event, I would give you a list but none of the ones I know include blood.

    *shudders* Please NO blood pudding or sausage. It's bad enough watching Anthony Bourdaine eat it (and love it) on his show.

  16. Una- I totally remember that scene from steel magnolias. We need to hire that baker!

    Shows that eat gross things, just to be gross, I hate those shows. Hate them hate them. I'm sort of gagging right now.

  17. LMAO!! I forgot about bangers and mash :) Bubbles and squeak is another good one. Didn't you live there? How ever did you survive? I had to gorge myself on dessert each night just to last through the next day when I could eat more dessert. They even manage to ruin fruit somehow!!!

  18. Cam-
    I should've warned you- the English are known for their delicious Indian and Thai cuisine. Even a few good Italian eateries. But avoid the native food like the plague. (Literally, the plague started when the banger met up with the mash).

  19. I'm not so sure, I really enjoyed haggis when I tried it in Scotland. But maybe since I'm Scottish, I'm immune....

  20. Una- I'm impressed you like haggis. Maybe it's an acquired taste?

  21. I have never ever been so happy in my life. I haven't had the internet for a week. i know I got a little shakey and sweaty at the end. but what a SUHHHH WEEET suprise to find that I got like a freaking entry written about me. I seriously have never ever had so much fun in my life. I am not even remotely kidding when I say that I would move back to utah just to hang out with you every day. but then I would feel that I was a stalker but its a risk I'm willing to take.

  22. Shell- That's great, because I cosigned a loan for you on a house near us. That's not too much pressure, is it?

  23. if chad doesn't exist there's no need of getting rid of him. ;)