Friday, October 23, 2009

Free Book Friday, Utah Book Awards, and a Mysterious Pool of Blood

It's Free Book Friday. Read to the bottom to find out how to enter. (It's easy, again.)

Utah Book Awards
Last night, BFF Emily Wing Smith won the Utah Book Award for The Way He Lived. She proved she did not expect to win, because at the awards ceremony, when her name was called, she hadn't written an acceptance speech.

She still did a great job.
Emily Wing Smith, Em's Dad, Sara Zarr

Unflappable Sara Zarr was also a nominee for her book Sweethearts, and it was so good to see them both up on stage. Fabulous night. If you get a chance, go tell Emily Wing Smith and Sara Zarr congratulations!

Writer peeps Bree Despain, Kimberly Reid, Sara Bolton and Valynne Nagamatsu were on hand to scream and cheer.

(me, Valynne, Sara B., Bree, Emily)

We were supposed to dress up a little, and so I wore heels for the first time in a year. I soon remembered why I don't wear heels. My feet were killing me.

So after the event, we decided to go to Gourmandies for dessert. About a 3 block walk. In my killer shoes. Not killer as in "hawt", but killer as in "tip-toeing across a bed of nails."

For the rest of the post, I thought it would be fun to see how well y'all know the blog. So I devised a multiple choice test. Let me know how you do.

When my feet can't take anymore abuse, I decide to
a) switch shoes with Bree
b) hop on Sara B.'s back
c) take my shoes off and walk barefoot for the 3 blocks to the restaurant

The answer is: c. Emily Wing Smith talked me into it. Strange enough, she was okay with me walking in the filth of 3rd East, but she told me to push the crosswalk button with my elbow. To avoid germs.

On the walk, I almost step in:
a) a pile of broken glass
b) a pool of blood
c) bird poop

If you answered all of the above, you are correct. But we were definitely most intrigued with the pool of blood.
Puddle of Blood

After several discussions about whether or not it was really blood, including such words as "viscosity consistent with the consistency of blood" (we felt very smart after that sentence) we decided to examine it. I took a paper from my purse and dipped it.

After Brodi dips the paper in the blood, Valynne proceeds to :
a) smell it
b) bring it under the light for a closer look
c) throw it away
Valynne sniffs out the truth

This one should be obvious. She smells it. But we soon realize none of us really know what blood smells like.

When Valynne smells it, Bree shouts:
a) AIDS!
b) Hepatitis!

Yep. All of the above. She basically yelled these three phrases over and over on the entire walk to and from the restaurant. She just varied the order.

Upon unfolding the paper with the blood on it, Brodi discovers the random paper she pulled from her purse was:
a) a receipt from recent AAA visit
b) a love letter from Sherman Alexie
c) Kid C's handwritten story about his mom

If you guessed C, you'd be right. My purse if full of 98% junk, 2% valuables. Of course I picked the valuable paper.

By the way, his story goes like this: "Once Upon a Time, my mom was awesome. I see pot." I've had it in my purse for months. Classic.

After the story is besmirched with blood, I:
a) throw it away
b) wipe it off on the grass
c) tear the bloody part off, chuck it in front of a lawyer's office, and take off.

The answer is: b, then c. We just happened to be in front of a lawyer's office on our walk home from Gourmandies.

After I throw it on the doorstep of the lawyer's office, Emily says, "Wait. ----"
a) Don't litter."
b) That can't be sanitary."
c) Fingerprints!"

Thankfully, Emily has my personal freedom in mind. It's C. To keep me from being implicated in a murder, she kicks the paper into the bushes.

On the way to our cars, Emily Wing Smith suggests her hubby Dan can carry me, because of his:
a) Strong muscles
b) Asian heritage
c) Gymnast heritage

The answer: c
Emily and her hubby Dan

At dinner, Brodi makes a confession:
a) She didn't know Emily's hubby was Asian
b) She had a high school boyfriend who licked her toes
c) Her pants fell down at the awards ceremony when she stepped over the row of chairs to get to her seat

Ummm... all three. Thankfully I was wearing a sweater that covered my behind.

Which word is uttered at dinner, followed by hysterical laughter:
a) Boobs
b) Seaman
c) Rectal

Okay, it's all of the above. What can I say? We're all twelve years old.

So, to enter into the Free Book Friday contest, answer the following questions:
1. Do you think it was blood?
2. Do you have any theories as to what happened?
3. Do you know any blood spatter experts?
4. Can you see any images in the blood? Virgin Mary? Mickey Mouse?

If you turn the picture on its side, I think it resembles a scorpion. I don't know what this means.


  1. I have found that tasting random blood on the streets helps me determine if it really is blood.

    And I think it is time to revaluate your friendship with these ladies if you are spending minutes debating blood splatter on the street.

    This could have been easily solved if we were bffs with Dexter. He knows his blood splatter.

    Congrats to sounds like my call to a well-placed Award Committee member paid off. Emily rocks!

  2. Funny that you bring up Dexter. I was quoting him all night, saying things like, "Well, according to Dexter, the blood spatter tells a story." and "Dexter would totally taste the blood."

  3. Congrats, Emily and Sara! That's awesome! :)

    Wow, that's quite the story, Brodi. I love that Emily didn't want you to get germs from the crosswalk button but was okay with you walking barefoot. Classic.

    I agree with Sam about tasting to see if it's blood. But, I would have some stranger do it because you don't know where it's been or how long it's been there! Diseases waiting to happen! Ew!

    1. More than likely, but I'd have to smell it. To me, blood smells coppery. Although, it could be the fake blood that people dressed up as vampires use to make it look like they drank blood.
    2. Some vampire wannabe dumped out his vile of fake blood to make it look like a crime happened there.
    3. Unless you count those on CSI or NCIS, then no.
    4. If you turn the picture to its side, it kind of looks like a mouse with a really long tail.

  4. A. Totally Blood
    B. Murder, probably involving homeless people, and obviously a relatively bloodless situation. Maybe a stabbing and the knife was not removed at the scene. Definitely not a head wound.
    C. No
    D. Captain Hook's "hand"/hook

  5. PS - I answered all your questions correctly. Do I know you or what?! Smokey totally better pick me this time around. ;)

  6. Jenni- you really answered them all correctly? So cool! As for #2, so not as fun as Murrrrderrrrr.

    Cherie- #B: I like it. I was thinking more like someone was stabbed, and tried to remove the knife, but blood started to spurt. So he put the knife back in to staunch the flow.

  7. I did answer them all correctly and even without the help of the pictures. Yeah, I'm the bomb.

    You're definitely correct. Vampire wannabes are definitely not as fun or intriguing as murder. But, I kind of have vampires on the brain right now because I might go see Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant tonight. I'm quite excited!

  8. bloody sidewalks... probably just a random perfect beautiful vampire had too much to drink...

  9. Let's cut to the chase...I really want to know what boyfriend licked your toes! You can email me privately so as not to expose anyone...
    It was so good to see you the other night! I didn't get to say good bye to you! We need to get together again soon!

  10. I'm not sure what that pool of stuff was...but I do know what your feet look like when you are not wearing any shoes. So the more appropriate questions would be: Did you lotion them up when going into public? Are your heels cracked and bleeding yet? (For all I know, it could have been your blood from your heels oozing). And most important, are your toenails painted for the holidays? I only ask these questions because we come from the same DNA line and I ask myself these questions every morning. Good luck with the investigation.

  11. Jenni- Let me know how you like Cirque Du Freak. I still don't know what to expect...

    Kent- So, Edward puked? I hope you're right. If so, I'd like to nurse him back to health.

    Monae- so good to see you too! As for the toe-licker, I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog, but still I'll email you just in case.

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  13. Erin- you know I have feet like a hobbit: sturdy and thick. So, when I got home last night, I just ped-egged away the grime. It was a long time before I was actually scraping away skin.

  14. 1. Do you think it was blood?

    Umm, I wasn't there to smell it--

    2. Do you have any theories as to what happened?

    Maybe someone spilled their very red and thick drink?

    3. Do you know any blood spatter experts?

    If I tell you, then I have to kill you (so I can look at the blood spatter mwhahahahaha!)

    4. Can you see any images in the blood? Virgin Mary? Mickey Mouse?

    It looked like spilt milk*


    There's an idea for a parody picture book--same idea but looking at blood spatter

  15. Susan- Great idea for a picture book! "It Looked like Blood Spatter..." and then the last line can be "... and it was." Thanks for the comment.

  16. 1. No way that was blood.
    2. A nun happened to drop a packet of cherry syrup on the ground. She didn't want to litter, so she picked the packet up and threw it away.
    3. I know lots of blood spatter experts, but none of them are named Brodi.
    4. If there were blood puddled on the ground, which there wasn't, but if there were, I'm sure I would have seen Sherman in it.
    5. Okay....maybe there was a slight possibility that that was blood.

  17. Thats so fun for Emily and Sara!
    You need to get some dressy non heeled shoes. I hardly ever wear heals myself. I dislike them greatly. Thick shoes are a different story. If they have a nice thick base I can do that. I just hate wobblying around on those pointy sticks.

    Remind me to not visit SLC after dark. Murrrrderrrr is rampant around there I guess. If it was that it just doesn't look like enough blood from a person, perhaps it was a sacrificial animal or something.

    I got all your questions right too (w/ out aid of pictures).

    1. Do you think it was blood? Yes
    2. Do you have any theories as to what happened? Sacrificial animal
    3. Do you know any blood spatter experts? Not personally but I play on Halloween
    4. Can you see any images in the blood? Virgin Mary? Mickey Mouse? Ew dont make me look at the blood again. It looks like hair is coming out of itt. It doesnt so much as look like an image to me as much as it looks like some poor guy was peeing blood.

  18. 1. Yes.
    2. I have no "theories" -- I know. And I'm not telling.
    3. No.
    4. Captain Hook's hook all the way! Me and Cherie FTW!

  19. Valynne- admit it! You know as well as I do it was totally blood. We were unsure at first, but when I wiped it off on the grass and held it under the light, there was no question! If it was cherry syrup, it would've smelled like cherry syrup. Where's Dexter when I need him to validate me?

    Debbie- I'm sorry, but "hair coming out of it" and "guy peeing blood"? That is much grosser than the original post. :)

    Alysa- tell tell! And interesting that you and Cherie both came up with Captain Hook's hook.

  20. Huge congrats to Emily! LOVED her book! Totally deserved.

    1- Probably blood. You were on 3rd East. ;)

    2- Genetically altered monster attacked someone. Oh wait, that was the Fringe we watched yesterday.

    3- Abby Scuito and I are tight. (Friends in high school always used to follow that with "like unto a dish" which still to the day makes me giggle.)

    4- Just looks like a puddle to me.

  21. Britt- how can you come up with "Genetically altered monster attacked someone" and then say the puddle just looked like a puddle?

    And I love "tight, like unto a dish". You should coin it.

  22. Anything is possible when a child wakes you up at 0'dark:thirty and you have a splitting headache. And you watched 3 episodes of Fringe just before bed.

    You're right though, the monster idea would have caused a lot more spatter.

  23. Oh, and technically I think Ether's got the coining rights on the whole "like unto a dish" thing...

  24. Britt- that Ether always gets the best lines.

  25. I say it was not blood...some sort of spilled beverage or sauce - it seems too thick. And I vote it looks like 2 out of the 3 words that were mentioned during dinner :)

  26. Hmmm, well judging from the picture, I would say that it does indeed look like blood. This could be the result of reckless children of the teenage variety being, well, reckless I guess. Perhaps some sort of skateboarding accident. I don't think I know any blood splatter experts, although I'm not sure who would admit to such an undesirable occupation. Also, I totally agree that it looks like a scorpion.

  27. Cam- Haven't you ever heard blood is thicker than water? And it coagulates. I still think it's blood. Did you know that when they make fake blood, they use red dye in peanut butter? It's thick.

    Lulabell- I first read your comment as the result of "reckless chickens", which made my imagine conjure up underground chicken fights. Reckless children probably makes more sense.

  28. 1. Yes
    2. I believe that someone had a bloody nose and was forced to bend over a let it drip while her cohort fished in her purse for a kleenex.
    3. My mom's an expert in scraped knees, does that help?
    4. I see a little man holding a pot that is bigger than himself above his head with a snake coming out. Oh, and there's a sun to the left.

  29. Debbie- It's a good thing I'm never gross...

    Becky- #4 You saw all that? Wow. Rorsharch would be so impressed!

  30. 1. Do you think it was blood?

    Most definitely. The viscosity looks perfectly matched with my own blood.

    2. Do you have any theories as to what happened?

    It was from a drunken brawl of some sort involving a woman's honor. I don't want to know what location that blood spurted from. Either that or there was some candid camera man recording you guys wiping and smelling the blood. You could be on TV!

    3. Do you know any blood spatter experts?

    Uh, not in real life. I haven't dealt much with spatter. I'd go to Abby Scuito from NCIS, though.

    4. Can you see any images in the blood?

    I'm seeing a mouse with a very long tail. Hm, does mouse blood have the same viscosity as human blood?

  31. 1. Do you think it was blood? Yup. It really looked like it.

    2. Do you have any theories as to what happened? A lot of people might say a bloody nose but that only gets you some drops (I watch CSI ;) So I'm going with a knife wound.

    3. Do you know any blood spatter experts? Nope - only my own knowledge from CSI and I know they would NEVER make stuff up!

    4. Can you see any images in the blood? Can't share that - you might read too much into me :)

    foltzsfantasticbooks at

  32. Melissa- that would make a great t.v. show. See how many people act really lame around a pool of blood. The narrators go, "Look at this woman. She's about to lick it!" (cue laugh track)

    And it does look like a mouse...

    Mrs. Foltz- Thank you for realizing the amount of blood there. It was definitely more than a nose bleed. And I agree- those criminal procedural shows never lie. Never never.

  33. 1. Looks like blood, but did you alter the picture? I didn't see any CSI tags when you too it.
    2. Either two drunk people brawled or someone accidentally fell and hurt themselves...or a person was eating a raspberry parfait and you see evidence of their sloppy eating.
    3. No.
    4. I thought I saw some sort of reptile or comet.

    Brodi - will you ask Kid C to write you a new letter?

    What do we win if we had answered all your questions correctly?

  34. Una- you win a warm fuzzy feeling. And, my undying devotion. And... World Peace. Really, though, with your loyal commenting, I'll send you a book anytime you want one.

  35. As much as anyone likes something for free, I'm happy and content if you just promise to keep up with the blog and responding to our comments. The blog is hilarious, but the banter in the commenting is just as entertaining, if not, more so!

    Yay, world peace and a warm fuzzy, you just made my Saturday! Hope you have a GREAT weekend!

    Did you check the news for some story that might answer the question of the blood you found? Or were you guys the object of some early Halloween prank?

  36. Una- I will blog to the ends of the earth, or until my pinkies fall off. Whichever comes first. I've almost been blogging for an entire year. Next month is my one year anniversary. Maybe we should have a big blog party.

    And I forgot to check the local news to see if the blood made an appearance. I'm thinking knife wound. Definitely.

  37. 1. Most defenitely.

    2. Murder. Some homeless guys, maybe a ballpoint pen was involved.
    You never know...

    3. Nope. But I think blood kind of has a distinctive smell.

    4. I think if you look at it upside down, it looks kind of like an umbrella. Or maybe I'm just crazy. It could be either.

  38. Hannah- you are not crazy. It could definitely be an umbrella. And that, by the way, is the most optimistic shape anyone's found in the blood so far. Good on you!

  39. I can’t believe you all stopped to figure out if it was blood! Considering the part of town you were in you all should have just assumed it was blood and got out of there. I’m surprised you didn’t stumble upon the body next. I don’t have any theories, but I’m sure it was bad. Next time drive to the restaurant. I know it’s not environmentally friendly, but we don’t want to hear about you on the news. I don’t know any blood spatter experts, but than I lead a boring life. As far as what image I see in the blood, I think it looks like a Star Bellied Sneetch.

    I love your blog! I’m glad you plan to keep it up until the ends of the earth. I look forward to it each Monday, Wednesday and Friday. You are your adventures are hilarious.

  40. Francis- Could you really walk past a puddle of blood without examining it? My theory is there was no body, because the murrrrderrrrrerrrrs hid it.

    Thanks for reading!

    P.s. what the heck is a star-bellied sneetch?

  41. Oh Brodi,
    You really need to read more Suess, then you'd know what a Star Bellied Sneetch was.

  42. Cherie and Francis- I've mentioned my fear of Dr. Seuss books, haven't I? Thing 1 and Thing 2 gave me nightmares for years. So I guess if the pile of blood looked like a Star-Bellied Sneetch, that would be scary, right?

  43. Yikes, it looks like real blood. Pretty scary. Isn't there a prophecy about blood running down the streets of Salt Lake City... Ok, that's just freaky.
    It looks like a fish hook to me. The kind you tie and use on a fly rod.

  44. Christy- is that a prophecy? Because that would be very interesting, although even with my gift for exaggeration, there's no way I could describe the puddle of blood as "flowing." Thanks for the comment!