Sorry I'm so late to the blog today. I've been arse-deep in revisions, and I realized I have a serious affliction. One that has no known cure.
No, there is not a tree growing in my lung like this guy:
Yes, that's a real x-ray. Yes, it's an understatement to say the knowledge that such a medical mishap can happen has affected me. Deeply.
Luckily my condition is a more common one, known as Revision Brain. I'd like to enlighten you as to the condition.
Five Signs you have Revision Brain:
5. You can't think of anything for #5.
4. The smiley faces your editor places in the margins of your manuscript to let you know she likes something, go from looking like this:
to looking like this:
3. You snap at your hubby over the appearance of a tomato in the fridge.
me: "Where did this tomato come from?"
him: "I don't know."
me: "It wasn't in here this morning."
him: "Maybe I brought it home from work, when I brought home the sandwiches."
me: "Well, did you or didn't you?"
him: "I don't remember. Look, it's a perfectly good tomato. Just eat it if you want to."
me: "I would never eat a tomato of dubious origin."
him: "Fine. Throw it away. I don't care."
me: "What do you mean my edits suck?"
3. You wake up at random intervals during the middle of the night, and frantically write down a brilliant idea in the notebook you keep by your bedside, but in the morning, you read the notes and they say:
Remember for Chapter 17!! : MC eats cheese in her underwear.
In trying to decipher the note, and uncover the brilliance you are sure is there, you ask yourself stupid questions, like, "Did I mean the MC wears underwear while eating cheese, or did I mean the MC eats cheese found in her underwear?"
*Rest easy, there are no scenes involving cheese and underwear in my book. I promise.
2. You're sure you could sooner climb Mount Everest than write a blog post.
And the number one sign you have revision brain: You re-read said blog post and realize you counted down from five wrong.
What about y'all?