Wednesday, January 11, 2012

How I Tought Kid C the Similarities between a Cruise Ship and a Naked Woman

Hey ya'll! 

So, we're going on a cruise in the distant future. I've never been on one. I'm so excited because this combines my fear of enclosed spaces with my fear of the open water for an exciting cocktail of crazy. 

Sam is very excited to see what wonderful sides of my personality this experience will bring out.

I was trying to explain to Kid C what a cruise ship will be like. 

me: "We're going to stay on a boat with like hundreds of other people!"

him: "That sounds crowded."

me: "But the boat is huge!"

him: "Where will we sleep?"

me: "In our own room. Like a hotel room. But it floats!"

him: "That doesn't sound very safe."

I glanced at the television guide, which happened to be showing TITANIC. Now before you think this can't turn out well, I also noted that the movie had just started, so there was no way it could be to the scary sinking part yet. 

So I'm all, "Kid C! Get over her. You are going to see what a cruise ship loos like."

I flip the channel, and front and center on the screen is this:

 Only it didn't cut off. It panned from left to right, showing the whole enchilada, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? (boobs.)

So to poor kid C, I was all, "Watch the big screen, son. This is what a cruise is!!!" Cue naked woman! "There. Does that clear the whole 'hotel... but on the water' confusion?"

I immediately shut the tv off, which was probably worse, because it resembled one of those flashes that become ingrained in your brain. 

Kid C: "Was that a naked woman?"

me: "No! It was a... boat. You saw a naked woman? That's weird."

Yes, I like to take the coward's way out.


  1. Oh, thanks for the laugh! HILARIOUS! I always thought it was awful when my parents came into a room and a movie that had seriously been completely clean up until that point instantly cut to the only PG-13 scene in the movie. I never thought it could go the other way.

    (Note to self, don't ever watch anything but Curious George and old Disney movies with the 2yo)

  2. Great recovery. You are toatally awesome! Where are you headed? When? Good luck with your fears. Do you get sea sick? You'll have a blast!

  3. I can't stop laughing :) As soon as you said cruise, my brain thought 'Titanic' and 'not enough lifeboats'. So it shouldn't have surprised me to see Kate show up wearing nothin' but the heart of the ocean and a smile (okay, not a smile). Too funny! Also like the game plan: deny, deny, deny.

  4. Ha ha! Poor Kid C. You should've turned it on like 5 minutes later, then it would've shown the boat. Or, maybe you should just google some pictures ... of a cruise ship not Titanic ... the movie.

    Sounds like a fun time! I've always wanted to go on one, but alas, my husband is severely, and by severely I mean deathly, allergic to shellfish. So, I'll never go unless I go with some girlfriends. Do you want to ditch Sam and the boys and go with me instead?

  5. LOL! Poor poor timing but nice cover up.

  6. Funny story! You know, no matter what we were watching (it could have been The Little Mermaid)my father ALWAYS walked in just at a kissing part and made us turn it off.

  7. I have been on four cruises Brodi and they are fabulous!!! You definitely need to buy the soda card because there is nothing better than a hot foreign boy bringing you endless amounts of Diet Coke!!! They'll bring it to you as you lay out, at the bar, while you are at the shows (well depends what boat you are on) and over and over at dinner! Cruising is my fave!!!

    So excited for your launch party! I pre-ordered my copy so you'll have to sign it later lady! :)

  8. Just imagine his reaction when he arrives pool side on the cruise ship and takes in the sunbathing beauties....

  9. That's hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!! :)

  10. This is such a great story. Ah, looking forward to parenting :)

  11. I'm doubling over with laughter right now, Brodi. *wipes tear* Ahahahahahaha, oh, Kid C....

  12. This is one of the funniest things I've heard in awhile. xD

  13. I had to lay my head on my desk to keep from falling over laughing. Awesome story! Poor Kid C was unintentionally fed a subliminal message...