Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Top Five Signs you have a Book Coming out in Three Months

Hey y'all. I thought I'd start this Wednesday off with a list. Because that's what I like to do. 

Top Five Signs you have a book coming out in three months:

5. You wander around the house, making declarations (in passive voice) of all the things you are NOT going to do.


"Hair shall henceforth be air-dried, and no amount of forthwithing will entice me to useth the flat-iron."


"Dinner shall forthwith be microwave-worthy, or it shall not be."

(Then your hubby answers: "It shall not be... what?" and you answer back: "It shall not be... made. At all. Or stuff.")

4. When you venture out of the house and into the sun, you flatten the palms of your hand against your eyes and dramatically shout, "It burns! It burrrrrnnnnnns!"

3. Casual conversations become critiques of your book. 

Neighbor: "Are you going to the pig roast on Friday?"

you: "How come nobody understands the strength of Nikki and Jack's love?!"

Neighbor: "Huh?"
you (thinking it was a logical train of thought): "You mentioned pigs, right?"

Neighbor: "Yeah?"

you (realizing logic is probably something you never had): "Nevermind."

2.You bemoan the fact that the New Years Holiday is encroaching on your launch date. Thankfully, you have an agent who reminds you launch dates are like birthdays: Except for the participant, nobody really notices them.

And the number one sign you have a book coming out in three months:

You make stupid lists like you're David Frakking Letterman.


  1. I never thought about a book release being so stressful. At least you can laugh about it. Or make us laugh.

  2. Donna- And the sad thing is it's sure to only get worse!

  3. Relish in it. Your first book only comes out once! It's like the misery of being pregnant...then the sleepless nights of having a newborn. It's torture but it's worth it ;)
    (Waxing eloquent on a topic I know NOTHING about. LOL)

  4. David Letterman would have been very proud of your list...except it was only the top 5. He would probably be wondering what happened to the other 5 signs.

    I think we need to say 'shall', 'forthwith', etc. more often as well. People will think we be smart folk.

  5. Shelly- My day is not complete until someone waxes poetic!

    Sam- I thought you'd make some pithy comment along the lines of: "So you're cutting out dinner? How is that different?"

  6. Um, I'm not sure what this list, other than 2 and 3 have to do with having your book come out in 3 months. I do have a hard time following trains of thought, though. But, I must admit, I feel kind of stupid.

  7. LOL!!! Oh God! Make it stop! The hurts, side.

    Okay *wiping tears, holding side*, You may have to declare with a few more henceforths and add some "to wits" but try to avoid the "Etu Brute" as the launch date gets closer.

  8. Um, I don't have a book coming out in three months but I often walk outside and cover my eyes crying, it burns! I wonder what that says about me? ;)

  9. Jenilyn- Thanks for laughing!

    Jenni- I think mostly the list is about stress. It probably applies to everyone!

    Angela- Thank you for the "Etu Brute" advice! I'd hate to get stabbed in the back. :)

    Jenny- It says you're a vampire. Kidding. I am one too.

  10. 6. ARCs!
    7. Glowing reviews!
    8. Swag!
    9. Friends who bug you for the ARCs and swag and who provide the reviews.
    10. Fans who currently have to wait 15 months for E2!

  11. Aw Robin. You are vice president in charge of pep talks. :)

  12. Is it bad that I'm fixated on the fact that my launch is the Tuesday after THE HUNGER GAMES movie comes out? Will people have money leftover after going to it five times, like I am? ;)

  13. All true and utterly hilarious...still, I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way. ;-)

  14. Jill- There's always something to worry about! My release date is right after the holidays. I'm always worried everyone will have spent all their money.

    Jenn- I definitely wouldn't. you are right.