Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Post with all the Wisdom and Insight

I envy those blogs that impart cutting edge, important, frank wisdom. Sometimes I want to be the person who makes a statement, and then people pass it along, saying things like, "A must-read post for anyone who's ever felt afraid!" Or "Brodi Ashton weighs in with the final say on the latest brouhaha over the bangs-or-no-bangs controversy" Or something like that. 

So, writer peeps, let's have an important discussion. Below, I have three essential topics on which I have insight... on... for them (okay, that sentence totally got away from me. It happens when I'm trying to be insightful).

1. I keep having this recurring dream that one of my legs is shorter than the other. Like, a foot shorter. Then I try to walk like a typical person, and I look strange. And all the while I'm thinking, how did this happen?

And then I remember something one of my childhood friend's mother told us: "If you keep standing like that, with more weight on one of your legs, and your hip sticking out like your a hussy, it will stunt that leg's growth."

And then, in my dream-self-brain, I think, Ohmyheck, she was right!

So, dream interpreters, what does this mean?

2. Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was brainstorming ideas for my Everneath 2 revision when an epiphany hit. The only problem was, I was too tired to write it down. (Writing it down would've involved rolling over to my nightstand, grabbing the notebook there and making a few notes.)
So I thought of a key-word for the idea: "Patchwork". 

I ingrained the keyword in my head. "Patchwork, patchwork, patchwork... remember patchwork."

And then, for a test, I'd let my brain relax for a few moments, and then I'd be all, "What's the word, Brain?!"

And I'd answer myself, "Patchwork!"

This morning I woke up, and the first thing that popped into my head was, "Patchwork."

Only now, I can't remember the associating idea. The epiphany. It's gone. Lost in a NyQuill haze.

So, writer peeps, what did Patchwork mean?

3. While I was driving down the street, I saw an old man jogging. He was wearing a white v-neck shirt, and the low point of the "V" reached almost to his bellybutton. And yes, there was chest hair. And bellybutton hair. 

When he caught me looking, he nodded, as if to say, "I know. Can you believe how much I rock this look?"

And then he winked. As if to say, "You're welcome."

I mouthed the words "Thank you."

So, yon Bloggerville, how much do you love bellybutton hair?



  1. There was just a SNL skit on the V neck in which Andy Sandberg and Ben Stiller had a V-neck competition. Needless to say, it went places it shouldn't have, but the beginning was hi-larious. I definitely think there's a bit of a V-neck epidemic among men these days.

  2. Candice- I totally saw that skit! It was hilarious. And inappropriate. :)

  3. I hate chest and belly button hair! I HATE IT! All good looking men should be clean shaven. Okay, so I won't stop liking someone in they have chest hair. Case in point, my husband and Ewan McGregor. But, I'd prefer it if both shaved or waxed. Luckily, they're not as hairy as Alec Baldwin! *shudders*

    Good luck figuring out what Patchwork means. If you let me read what you have so far for Everneath 2, I might be able to help you! :D Yes, I'm shameless, I know.

  4. In regards to the patchwork thingy, maybe it means that the protagonist has to fix something (like patching up a torn sleeve).

    Regarding belly button hair, please pass the brain bleach. Thank you.

  5. Topic #1 - In my professional opinion, it means you need to go buy a new pair of heels!

    Topic #2 - Patchwork was really supposed to be Patrick. As in, you need to have Patrick Dempsey take out one of the main characters and sweep Nikki off her feet for a night of debauchery and romance.

    Topic #3 - *shudders* I've got nothin'

  6. I read a newspaper article about a guy suing the fire department for not hiring him. Their reasons for not hiring him: his chest/back/belly hair was a fire hazard. Which is apparently bad for a fireman. I'm not sure how insightful this is or if it even relates, so...yeah.

  7. So funny! I too have been a victim of the dangling "patchwork" memory.
    Let me say I envy your blog for its cutting edge wit and all important ability to make me laugh. :)

  8. *bursts out laughing* Oh, Brodi. Thank you so much for making my day once again with this important discussion. You so captured the image of that character in the movie "When in Rome".

  9. Can't stop laughing about the jogger. I can't. Too funny :D

  10. Jenni- Okay! I'll send Everneath 2 right... wait a second. You almost had me! :)

    Lauren- You obviously are unfamiliar with my total and utter lack of sewing abilities. A literary epiphany of mine would never involve a needle! Unless that needle was being used to torture someone.

    *passes brain bleach*

    Kayla- I will follow your advice, and buy myself a pair of high heels, and then take Patrick Dempsey for a night on the town.


    Jenilyn- that is so so funny.

    Coleen- You are too kind! *dangles patchwork, makes necklace out of it*

    Donna- What character? I'm going to have to go watch "When in Rome". Instead of doing revisions. Thank you!

  11. Jaime- You wouldn't be laughing if you saw him. :)

  12. 1: Have you done anything "shameless-hussy-ish" lately? Perhaps you are dealing with some unfortunate latent guilt. Blame your upbringing, remind yourself that the word "naughty" can't apply within a marriage, and let me babysit E2 for you while you take a weekend with the hubby. And Pat.

    2: Jenni stole my answer. I seem to remember this is not the first time you appealed to your blog to discipher book ideas. Remember the napkin note? That one turned out okay. This will, too.

    3: My English father has a hairless chest. My Idaho husband does not. Imagine my shock! It's not as repulsive as I once thought, but it really depends on thickness of the hair, quality of underlying muscles, and, really, lack of v-neck.

  13. was sam the man jogging?

    and as for patchwork...i've got nothing!

  14. Robin- There's nothing wrong with chest hair! Sam has bellybutton hair. Rarely a night goes by without me running my fingers through the tufts.

    Dorien- I'm gonna tell Sam you said that! :)

  15. I'm quite certain you have the wisdom and insight on the belly button hair issue cornered. And I totally wish I could write those wisdom-laden posts too!

  16. Melissa- I got my B.A. in belly button hair.

  17. This time I did it. I did not drink anything before reading this blog post because of the danger of laughing-spitting-pepsi-through-nose hazard involved. So after I finally stopped laughing, I could only come up with one thing.

    Citizen Kane's "Rosebud" - that is what popped into my head for Patchwork. Does that help, I'm absolutely certain it doesn't. But since this is the day for being insightful, I thought it best to tell you something anyway.

  18. Two thumbs down for belly-button hair, but I'm hip on the patchwork idea. Must explore it again in your next dream. ps - How can I get that ARC copy???

  19. Angela- Yes! Patchwork is the key word for a snow sled! Thank you. :)

    Cath- Okay, so that copy that was going to you had to take a detour. But I will work on it!

  20. This made my day. The only thing that could have made the jogger better was if he was rocking some good moobs along with the chest hair. That would give the creators of the opening of Baywatch a run for their money, right?

  21. Tasha- That would make the best Baywatch opening ever!

  22. Wha? A detour? I know where I rank on your list of important. Phooey!