Monday, April 9, 2012

My Post-Easter Workout Program in 18 Simple Steps

So, I woke up this morning with the urge to exercise. Well, I wouldn't really call it an "urge", because that suggests it's something I wanted to do, which was not the case. Maybe I should've called it what it really was: guilt. At eating ALL THE CHOCOLATE.

I decided the bike was the way to go. Here was my biking routine, for those of you who also need to counteract those extra Easter calories.

Step 1: Wake up. 

Step 2: Check emails, on the off chance there's something that somebody in New York or L.A. needs me to do immediately. 

Step 3: Refresh the emails. Just in case. 

Step 4: Locate clean socks, two sets of sports bras (for that one stretch of that one street that is in desperate need of repaving), clean shirt, etc. 

Unfortunately, Sam just did the laundry, so there was no problem locating all of these items. 

Step 5: Check the weather. Guess what? It's warm! Which is great, only  I usually wear a jacket when I bike, and my phone fits nicely in the pocket. Without a jacket, how am I supposed to bring my music? 

Step 6: iPod Nano! That's how. Now where did I put the darn thing?

Step 7: Oh yeah, it's still in the box. I never took it out after I swore to Sam I needed an iPod nano, and I would use it faithfully. 

Step 8: Take iPod nano out of the box. Hook it up to computer. Download favorite playlists. 

Step 9: Add a little more Radiohead onto playlist. 

Step 10: Fill water bottle. 

Step 11: Weigh the pros and cons of ice v. no ice. 

Step 12: Stand by the front door. Jump around a bit. Shadow box. Chant, "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose!" 

Step 13: Open the door. But wait. Is that buzzing sound your phone ringing?

Step 14: Why yes, yes it is. And it's Bree Despain. She's in your neighborhood, and she wants to go to lunch. Because, yes, with all these steps, it's already time for lunch. 

Step 15: Hang phone up. Catch an accusatory stare from your husband. He's all, "Who was that?"

Step 16: I'm all, "It was Bree."

Step 17: He's all, "You're not going biking anymore are you?"

Step 18: I'm like, "Hey! A girl's gotta eat."

Then tomorrow, simply repeat steps 1-18. 

I don't know why I've never tried it this way before. 


  1. Hah! More workouts should go like this.

  2. Hey! I do this almost everyday! Good to know I'm doing it right. ;)

  3. hahahah that's awesome! That's usually what happens with me and many other things in life. Distraction loves me, unfortunately.

  4. Ah! All of my motivation problems have been solved!

  5. I don't know, I think Coach Taylor would approve. I mean, you got the "Clear Eyes" in there, that's all that really matters, right?

  6. Hahaha. Too funny. That's about my exercise routine except I have a couple toddlers thrown in.

  7. Hahaha sounds like me and working out!

  8. LOL. Sounds like my kind of workout. I need more people to call me and invite me to lunch, though.

  9. At least you put on the workout clothes. I usually get that far and then stay in them for the rest of the day.

  10. I can totally do that workout. All I need is an Ipod Nano and Bree to move to my town.

    Shoot. Can't afford a Nano. Do you think I can skip that part?

  11. rofl That's why I get up early in the morning and do it inside the house before anyone's awake. If I let anything get in the way, well, it gets in the way.

  12. I can do that! But, my Nano is already filled up. Do I delete and start over?

  13. Haha, when you do bike, how far do you usually go?

  14. Genius. You should make one of those motivational infomercials to go along with this post.

  15. Hmmm...I know I saw the word workout in there somewhere. Yeah. That makes it enough of a workout program for me.

    Two thumbs up :-)

  16. Love the title! Much easier to remember! Thank you for writing a sweet book that I can recommend to my 7th grade students!