Monday, December 22, 2008


Can you tell the difference between these two bottles? (One is for eye drops, the other is hair grease/gel).

I'll let you ponder that for a moment.

Do any of you have contacts? Not the networking kind, that would be good if you're trying to sell a novel, but more the kind you stick in your eye every day. So you can see the leaves on the trees.

I like to put a drop of solution in my contact before I put it in my eye. I like to have a buffer between the actual contact and my eyeball.

So, the other day, I put my left contact in. No problem. Then I put my right contact in, and was met with a searing, burning, acidic sting on my eyeball.

So I blink a few times, and think to myself, "That's weird. I must have slept on my eyeball wrong." Because that's how I think in the morning, when my brain has yet to turn on.

So I do my hair, and put my mascara on, and get going for the day. Shopping, errands, post office, etc.
When I get home, Sam looks at my face with a quizzical expression.

S: "What's wrong with your face?"

me: "What do you mean?"

S: "It looks like you have an oil slick running down your cheek. Like a shiner. Did someone pull out the fisticuffs at the store?"

So I run into the bathroom, and look in the mirror, and Sam's right. I have a black oil slick running from my right eye down to my chin. And my actual eyeball has turned into a blood-red, swollen, gooey mess.

I reach up to touch the oil slick, and it feels greasy. Like I'm crying tears of black vaseline.

And suddenly it hits me. I look at the counter, and these two bottles are sitting side by side, looking, for all intents and purposes, like identical twins.

I mean, I actually put two drops of hair grease in my contact, and then shoved it into my eye. And then I left it there! And since hair grease is not readily absorbed by one's eyeball, it spent the morning oozing, and mixing with my mascara, and running down my face.

If I was going to get the two confused, why couldn't I have put eye-drops in my hair, instead of putting hair gel in my eyeball?

True to its word, however, I do have to admit that the hair gel did "Kick-up the shine and flatten the frizz" on my eyeball.

And yes, it does have the warning: "Keep Away from Eyes." Anyone else ever do something like this? Please? Anyone?


  1. In defense of you, they do look kinda similar...I mean, they are both bottles, I guess. I am just proud of you that you did not end up losing your eyeball. Your eyes are as tough as you are!

    And no, I have never done anything 'silly' like that except for the time that I had cayenne pepper on my finger tip and then tried to put in my contacts. Other than that, no.

  2. they also both have the same kind of spouts. I can see how you got those mixed up. 2 months ago I brushed my teeth with Ben Gay. It was sitting right next to my aqua fresh.

  3. Sometimes I accidentally use Glen's toothbrush, which totally grosses me out. Doesn't bother him...he thinks if I'm willing to kiss him, sharing toothbrushes should be no big deal. Big deal to me.

  4. A word of advice: Never, EVER suck on a peppermint!

    You never know when your contact will fall out while you are at a stop sign and you might need to put it in your mouth to moisten it for a sec before you pop it back in.

    'Nuff said.

  5. Ouch! I am impressed you survived as long as you did with that in your eye! I know I have had many of those moments but I try to supress them in my subconcious.

  6. i never do anything silly! (LOL)
    i just like to read about everyone else's silly things (um, yup, right!) i am glad you get to keep your eye though! :O) dorien

  7. That is too dang funny! I had a friend (His name is Clint, true story) put super glue in his eyes thinking it was eye drops. Not fun times!