Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bladder Enhancements

Book Status: Rockin'.

What have you read lately status?: I've read the Gallagher Girl series (I'd Tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you, and the sequel). Fun reads. What have y'all been reading?

I don't know how these conversations come up.

Awhile back, when I listed the 25 things about me (Okay, more like 11 and a half), I mentioned my tendency to use the bathroom 15 times before I go to bed each night.

So, I'm out with my cousins, and in the course of normal everyday conversation, the topic of pee arises. Naturally. I mean, why wouldn't it?

So I mention my problem.

Cousin W starts nodding in empathy. "Yeah. It's a saggy bladder."

me: "I'm sorry- saggy bladder?"

W: "Yep. Grandma A had one too, and she passed it down to us."

me: "Do you have one?"

W: "I used to."

me: "How did you fix it?"

W: "I had a bladder lift."

I know what you're thinking, but she's completely serious!

I have to admit, when I think about elective surgery, a bladder tuck is not the first one that comes to mind. But Cousin W has a killer bod, so maybe that's her secret? I don't know. And whom does one talk to about this procedure?

There are so many other body parts I would like to fix before my bladder.

In fact, my ears are the only things on my body that I'm satisfied with.

Now when my cousins and I are talking, we always refer to the "bladder tuck" and our husbands are convinced we must be speaking in code. My question is: what the heck would that be code for? If I wanted to speak in code, "bladder" would not be my word of choice, to repeat over and over. It's kind of grating on the ears. Like the word "moist".

I'd pick a word like "funicular railway" or something fun to say.


  1. You do have cute ears. They are so tiny.

    I have really nothing to add to the rest of your bladder post.

  2. What, are you saying "bladder talk" is a conversation stopper? I was thinking the opposite...

  3. Brodi, seriously, you are one of the cutest people I've ever known. How can you only be happy with your ears? You're beautiful!

    Ok, creepy compliment aside, the "funniular railway" procedure is very common for older women. And by older I mean on death's doorstep so why bother? But since both my grandmas have had one, and my auntie, I can see one in my sister's future.

    Not mine. No. You're hearing this from the woman who has such a loathing of public bathrooms, ok any bathroom that isn't mine, I once held it for 17+ hours. Not exaggerating. Good luck. :D

  4. I've never heard of a bladder tuck, but I do know cousin W's bod and she does look great. So if she got one, sign me up! But only after you get yours done first :)

  5. Sal- Ah, go on! And 17 hours? Wow! You should come show off that talent at our ward talent night on thursday!

    Erin- Maybe we can get twinner surgeries for our birthdays! You know, like we did for the double tattoos?

  6. So how can we top bladder enhancements? I only hope that our restaurant of choice tonight is as empty as the last one so no one has to listen to our ridiculous (but hilarious) conversations.

    Oh, and I just totally had to look up how to spell "ridiculous"

    And you don't have to know my husband too long to realize any word used in a sentence with "enhancements" and "lift" would of course be taken as code-speak.

  7. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh yes? no? maybe? i dont know what i am supposed to say here.

  8. I don't know about internal enhancements/bladder cosmetic surgery, but I'm laughing like always. I wish my cousins would go out for dinner and laugh like you guys. I think your post about your mom was great. I agree with her. It totally blows those other books out of the water.

  9. i have actually heard of a bladder tuck....it seems to be all the reage these days! right up there w/breast augmentaions...didn't ya know? (not that there's anything wrong with it)

  10. and it should say "all the RAGE..."

  11. Karin- Oh, I think we topped it tonight, what with your seduction of the 70-year old man...

    Lily- Well said.

    Anne- you can be an honorary cousin anytime!

    Dorien- All the rage? My question is: How do you hear about these rages? :)

  12. I was reading along and I run across soggy bladder....soggy like my cereal? Well no, my eyes are playing tricks on me.
    At least I have another little thing I can be grateful for. #348 only having to go pee a few times a day.

  13. Debbie- No, "Soggy" bladder is a whole other ball of wax.

  14. I love all this talk about a bladder enhancement, especially since I HAVE HAD ONE! It was not horrible, neither pleasant, but now I can run 3 miles without having to stop at the big pine tree by the Mafia House and pee or the alternative which was peeing my pants. If you want the gory details, bring me a diet coke and we'll chat.

  15. Steph- I thought those WERE the gory details. :)

  16. Okay, so it was a bladder lift not a tuck, and for the record it didn't help me out much at all. So lucky me I get to go in and get the sling tightened through surgery and if that doesn't work they will implant a device into my back which will send a message to my brain telling it that I don't need to go to the bathroom every freaking 10 minutes! I'm thinking a boob job would have been a much better choice :) It probably doesn't help that I drink so much Coke Zero and D. Mountain Dew on a daily basis.

    Thanks Brodi and Erin for the compliments, you guys are too sweet!