Friday, August 14, 2009

One of Many Embarrasing Moments at SCBWI, and a pic of me with Sherman Alexie

Wearing our Bad Reviews on our Shirts...

Here's the pic I wanted to show yesterday of the gals with Sherman Alexie:
(Bree, Sherman Alexie, Emily, me)

We had matching shirts made for the conference (I know, we're geeks) and on the shirts we had printed some of the bad reviews our books had gotten.

Emily's: "Inappropriate"
Bree's: "Blasphemous"
Mine: "Violent"

Sherman Alexie loved our shirts. So next year, I'm making a tee-shirt that says, "Sherman Alexie loved my shirt last year."

On to the Belly Boobs
This is the last time I tease a post like that. You just can't promise readers the glory of "belly boobs" and then think that it's possible to live up to such expectations.

So let me just say, here and now, the two words "belly" and "boobs" are by themselves more interesting than the actual story.

On with the countdown of things I learned at the SCBWI Conference: (Or "countup" is more accurate)

5. There's never really an appropriate time to shout "belly boobs" in public.

Saturday night of the conference was the Blue Moon Ball in the courtyard of the hotel.
(Sydney Salter, Matt Kirby, me, Bree, Emily at the Ball)

There was a shortage of elevators in the hotel, and so the wait to get one was always long, and once it arrived, it may or may not be too full.

Bree and I were waiting for an elevator to take us down to the Ball, and I was explaining to her why I couldn't possibly get away with not wearing a bra.

Below is my recap, in extra slow motion so you can benefit from the timing of it all.

*Brodi and Bree, waiting to see which of the four elevators will ding*

me: "I really can't go anywhere without a bra." (Okay, this was not actually the first thing out of my mouth. I promise it was a continuation of the conversation.)

Bree: "Why not?"
*Elevator Dings*

me: "Because I end up looking like Kathy Lee Gifford."
*Arrow Lights Up*
*It happens to be the elevator in front of Brodi, and toward which she is now facing, two feet away*

Bree: "What's wrong with looking like Kathy Lee Gifford?"

me: "Seriously? I have two words for you." *Doors Open to a packed elevator car, all of whom are staring at Brodi, who is also staring back*

me: "Belly Boobs!"

Awkward silence as we all just stand there, looking at each other. Bree and I can't fit on, and she's across the room anyway, so it's just me still staring.
Doors close.

Bree starts laughing hysterically.

me (turning reluctantly to Bree): "Did I really just shout 'belly boobs' to an elevator full of people?"

Bree: nods, still laughing.

So, their doors opened, and there was this girl, just waiting to say 'belly boobs'. Almost like it was some sort of password to get on the elevator or something.

And why is it that people in an elevator have absolutely no sense of humor? The inside of a packed elevator is more somber than a freakin' funeral home. Nobody even cracked a smile. It was like I had said 'belly boobs' and everyone inside the car was thinking, ah, belly boobs. Yes. Interesting point.

Okay, that was my story. I challenge you to try this in your own hotels, and see if anyone on the elevator has the stones to say something back.

I'll have more from the conference next week. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Back to normal. Because I've discovered something about myself- I simply cannot blog back to back days. I'm all tapped out. The brain fluids need a chance to regroup, and pool.

I'm also off to Colorado tomorrow, and hopefully the place has Wine Frye.

Anyone else doing anything fun this weekend?


  1. You do seem to have a problem with unfortunate timing when it comes to boob issues, don't you?! :) Makes you a fun person to hang out with, though. Always good for a laugh!

  2. I'm pretty sure that's the funniest story I've heard all week.

  3. Okay, okay. Yes, I flashed the waiter last night at another inopportune moment. Thanks for the reminder.

  4. Oh, Brodi, the Belly Boobs story lived up the hype and more! Thank you for my belly laugh this morning!

    Goodness, elevators are like tombs...or libraries. Eerily quiet and any type of smile, laugh or bright-eyed expressions is met with lethal and immediate punishment. What do you mean your local library isn't like this?

    Ooh, is there a flashing the waiter story too?!? I've been to architecture conferences and they are as boring as they sound (sadly). I should have been a writer! Or maybe I am hanging with the wrong crowd!

  5. Una- Yes, the waiter last night happened upon our table just as I stuck my chest out and ripped open the front, a la Superman on his way to the phone booth.

    (I was demonstrating my dream response when Sherman Alexie asked me if I had any superpowers because of my Superhero name.)

    I mean, of course the waiter came by right then. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't doing something so totally humiliating.

  6. if i were in the elevator, i would've laughed.

    however, i usually laugh in inappropriate places and awkward pauses....

    and kathy lee...she DOES have belly boobs, great words put to something i have thought for a long time! wtg brodi!

  7. How about being in an elevator and saying outloud to everyone: Hey, is it awfully sexy in here or is it just me?

    Enjoy Colorado, hope to see you there.

  8. Dorien- Perhaps I shall coin the phrase "belly boobs".

    Sam- Just because you say that every time we're in an elevator, it doesn't make it funny.

    If you're going to be in Colorado, let's try to meet up.

  9. Haha, Brodi, you always have the funniest stories! This story made me think of the "self five" story you blogged a few months back. Do you often have embarrassing elevator moments?

  10. Don't worry about belly boobs not living up to the hype. It totally did! It made my day!

    I loved your shirts! So great!

    I'm going to go see The Time Traveler's Wife with some friends tomorrow. I'm very excited to see it!

    Have fun in Colorado!

  11. Lizzie- my life is one long string of embarrassing moments...

    Jenni- Let me know how you like the movie. Have you read the book?

  12. I have read the book. I liked the overall story, but there were a few things that rubbed me the wrong way. The ending in particular. We'll see how well I like the movie. ;) I'll definitely let you know.

  13. Don't tell me the end. I have yet to read it.

  14. How come these things always happen to YOU? No doubt you gave a jolt to the stoicism aboard the elevator (at least in their conversations after exiting!) Hilarious. And by the way, thanks for introducing me to the term "belly boobs."

    Sounds like the conference was great. I'm so glad you went!

  15. Oh, Brodi, I laughed just has hard reading this as I did when it actually happened. You forgot to mention that there was a HUGE dog in elevator too. For some reason that just made the whole thing even more surreal to me.

  16. I would never tell you the end, maybe, mwahahahahahahaha! ;)

  17. Cath- I'm happy to educate you on new lingo. And I don't know why these things always happen to me. You were friends with me as a youngin, do you have an explanation?

    Bree- I still don't think I did it justice.

    Jenni- okay I can't stand the suspense. Tell me the end. Pretty please?

  18. That was a great story! Thanks so much for sharing...And I think that your shirts are way cool!

  19. Thanks Nicole- You can order one for yourself too, with any bad reviews, at Zazzle.

    I would like to order more, with the names people have called me. I think the next one will say, "Grodie Brodi"

  20. Well told. The slo mo made it all the better. That's the best blog laugh I've had in a while too. Ah - *wiping the eyes*.