Monday, November 9, 2009

Weekend Top Five, The Conundrum that is the Smile, and Anatomy of a Star Trek Smackdown

Rundown from Chimi-Challenge week:

1. Deadline to finish my WIP (Broken) is Wednesday night at midnight. I spoke to Team Tamale officials, and they are confident the book will be finished at 11:59.

a. For the next act, Team Gluten-Intolerant will finish her sequel by Nov. 30.

b. How is everyone doing on NaNoWriMo? Shellie? Eden? Olivia? Alysa? Hannah? Who am I missing?

2. We got our family pictures Saturday morning. We've been planning it for two years. The Photographer said for everyone to wear the same solid color like red, blue, black, tan or similar. We all showed up in different colors: Red, Blue, Black, Tan and White. Two years planning, and we still don't get it right. Even I know Blue and Black don't match.
(Ashton family throwing leaves in frustration over our inability to coordinate colors)

3. Our original photographer had to cancel at the last minute because of a death in the family. We began to think the Universe didn't want us to get our pictures taken. Then my good friend from high school Heather Zahn Gardner stepped in and rescued us.

Apparently, the Universe doesn't care if we get our pictures taken or not, only that we continue to struggle with the simple concept of the elusive "Smile".

Take 1Take 2

Take 3

Take 4

Take 542
You can see Heather had her work cut out for her, but she remained cool and calm.
Behold, here are Kid B and Kid C,
looking cuter than our collective gene pool should allow.

4. Attempted to potty-train Kid B.
You know how babies get their nights and days mixed up? Well, Kid B is exhibiting the same behavior, only with potty-training. He sits on the toilet for hours at a time, and then gets up and goes into the living room to pee.

Apparently all the world's his toilet, except for the actual toilet, which is his oyster, and he'd never pee in his oyster.

(Please, Sir? Just one more diaper?)

5. The other night at Sunday Dinner, there was a fissure in the Galaxy. Did you hear it?

It all began when one side of the table uttered the classic fightin' words:
"In the Star Trek Universe, the Gold uniforms signified command, and the red, engineering."

Well, you can imagine the Smackdown that ensued. (For those of you who don't know, a Star Trek Smackdown consists of two people climbing into a fighting arena with nobody watching, because nobody cares.)

The other side of the table answered with a, "Uh Nuh Yuh Did-enh!" (Translated: "Oh no you didn't" in Klingon). "Gold signifies engineering. Red: Command!"
Then they turned to me, the one with the iPhone at hand. I looked it up and found the source of the discrepency: Yes, we are all losers, no matter what color we wear.

How was all y'all's weekend? What did you do? Do you know the meaning of the Trek uniforms? Do you care?

Off to write at Border's. Team Tamale Forever!


  1. Hilarious as ever. Thanks for the morning laugh! We are potty training too. No pee on the floors; he picked up on that one fast. But, um, yeah, we did end up with something else on the floor this weekend. That part has yet to make it in the potty. Good luck to both of us!

  2. We're also doing the potty training thing. On Sat. night after her bath Kelsey went into her room to pick out her pajamas. She brought them to me with a huge smile on her face and announced "I peed on my floor because I like to do that!" great.

    Are you sure you're up for going out to dinner on Wed if that's when your book is due? And I love the pictures!

  3. Okay you are funny! Your kids are so cute that i just can't even dtand it! Thanks for the plug, can't wait for two years form now when you all get together again!

  4. Looks like quit an eventful weekend! The picture are adorable, don't sweat it :)

    (If it makes you feel better, my 7 year old peed her pants this weekend on purpose because she thought it would be funny to say she laughed so hard she peed herself. Yeah, not so funny. I apparently don't satisfy her inner most Maslow needs.)

  5. I'm hating potty training. We're at the stage of Mister telling me he went in his diaper and not being all that interested in going in to go on the potty. Sigh. Technically he's on the young side, but they don't make diapers bigger than size 6.

    On the matter of Star Trek uniforms, technically both sides are correct. In the original gold was command and red engineering (see pics of Kirk and Scottie) but in later incarnations (TNG, DS9, Voyager) the opposite is true (ie, Picard in red and LaForge in gold). So everyone wins. :D

    Good luck finishing up your book this week!

  6. Nikki- I think I'd rather have pee on my floors... :)

    Karin- Kelsey is a crack up! At least she was honest about it, right? And yes, we're still going out Wednesday. If I'm not finished by then, I won't stand a chance, so dinner won't matter anyway.

    Heather- Thanks again for the cute shots!

    Cam- Way to reference the Maslow Hierarchy. I did read somewhere that he laughed so hard he peed his pants, and contrary to your theory, he thought it very funny.

    Britt- I knew someone would solve the riddle of the uniform discrepancy. Congratulations! You are the newly crowned Geek of the Blog.

    As for the potty-training, here's hoping that if your little Mister isn't interested in the toilet, he may just learn to change his own diaper, as Kid B did.

  7. I was actually kind of surprised no one had solved it yet. :)

    Changing his own diapers would be good... if they'd stop leaking since they don't fit well...

    I'm Geek of the Blog!
    (Sorry, couldn't resist a "king of the world" moment... even if it's from a really lame movie.)

  8. Congrats Brit on being Geek of the Blog! I wonder what the prize is...your own Klingon weapon (the septure looking thing that Worf had...) or your own communications pin?!? Eh, you'll probably just get a bunch of people pointing and is what us fellow geeks are used to.

    Love the family picture Brodi, reminds me of my wedding pictures with our little flower girl...I think our photographer went through a whole role of film just trying to get her to stop making faces or moving. *sigh* no wonder we didn't get the one huge family picture!

    I think I now know where to come in a few years when my little one will be going through potty training. You guys should have the answers...right?!?

  9. I'm SO sick & am SO behind my word count. I'm working on it though. Good luck on your writing!

    Love the family pictures. My children some how confuse smile with growl & end up looking kind of scary in many pictures.

  10. I love your pics! The throwing leaves one is great. I think your colors coordinated very well. They were kind of fall-y.

    Star Trek (Original)
    Red: Engineering
    Gold: Command

    Red: Command
    Gold: Engineering, Security, & Operations
    Turquoise: Science & Medical

    I know I'm a Star Trek geek. But, if I had to choose between Star Trek and Star Wars, it's Star Wars all the way, baby!

    I finally watched the pilot for V on Hulu. It looks like it's going to be so good! I remember the old miniseries and series and I always thought it was cool to watch the V pull their skin off. Hopefully, they'll show something like that this time around too instead of just the gashes. *spoiler* And, I was really mad that Alan Tudyk was a goner on the first episode!

  11. Britt- Have you tried Pamper's Cruisers? I love them. Enjoy your reign as Geek of the Blog, and all the perks the title entails.

    Una- Yes. The answer to Potty-training: Believe it when your pediatrician tells you, "Nobody's ever graduated from high school and not been potty-trained."

    Olivia- Kid C's take two is definitely closer to a growl than a smile. I can't write when I'm sick too. The Swine Flu better skip our house.

  12. Jenni- I don't think it's that much of a spoiler to say the V's have reptile skin under their human skin. The spoiler comes in episode five, where Erica, the leader of the human resistance, actually discovers she is a V.

  13. Sadly Pamper's Cruisers are a huge leak-fest. Something about the way my kids are built...
    Luvs are the worst that way though.

    We stick with the Parent's Choice Walmart diapers-- they're cheapest and they seem to work the best. Double win! (Except now we're using Huggies overnights to avoid having to wash sheets every morning.)

  14. The spoiler was meant for when I said that Alan Tudyk's character died in the first episode. But, I was mistaken. According to IMDB, he's going to be in a few more episodes. Woo hoo!

  15. Jenni- yes, your spoiler makes much more sense than mine. :)

    Britt- Kid B has no bum. I've found that can be a reason for the leaks too. But there's nothing to be done about it.

    Good luck!

  16. I have resorted to simply saying 'C, don't smile, don't smile' and that usually helps us get a great pic.

    Heather did a great job dealing with all of us, and I especially liked her comment on my getting my picture taken ability: 'Sam, are you in pain, you look like you are in pain.' Or something like that. I politely informed her that I was just simply constipated.

  17. Oh the cute family. Love the leaf throwing idea.

    For the record, I do know the answer to the Star Trek uniform smackdown. Apparently I'm not the only one; it's nice to know. So the real question is - what uniform color would you as a writer/typist wear (using TNG colors)? I'm going to go with gold, security (aka weapons), based on Echo's heroine.

  18. What happens when the novel draft is done? does it get sent to my inbox, by chance?

  19. Sam- I don't know what to say to that. Only, I'm a lucky lucky woman.

    Heids- What does fuscia signify? Because I love me some fuschia. Fucia. fyusha.

    Kim- Of course it gets sent to your inbox. But you have to take the same vow as Bree- that you won't open it. Deal?

  20. Color-coordinating. A definite strong point in your family. That is TOO funny. Our last family picture instructions were "wear solid colors but not bold, brown, black or white" Okay...ummm...that leaves...pastels??? I don't know! We all ended up in a variation of blue spruce green - and blended nicely into the background. Except for our teeth which were photo-shopped to look sparkly white. Uh - WEIRD!! But your pics of B & C are darling!!

    And being on toilet duty... STINKS! (no pun intended). So sorry. It's enough to make you mad! If you want to borrow our potty watch that sings a drowning version of London Bridge every 30 minutes, it might add for extra entertainment! Hang in there! He'll find the right fire hydrant sooner than later, right?

  21. I've missed my weekly humor column. Man someone get that kid an oyster he can pee in. :) Love the family photos.

  22. Cath- That potty watch sounds so cool! Although I have a theory that eventually it would train our whole family to go pee when we see London Bridge.

    Debbie- We've missed you too.