Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Placenta that Never Died

Hey Y'all. How's the week going?

1. I don't kill puppies on my blog

Let's just get this out of the way right now... Puppies will never die on my blog. Spiders may die, plants that grow through walls may die, but newborn puppies will never die. Not on my blog. Not on my watch.

Wherever there's injustice to puppies, you'll find me.
Wherever puppies are suffering, I'll be there.
Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find... The Three Amigos. (Why would I go somewhere where liberty is threatened?)

2. Do you want a little parental leverage for Christmas?

My friend developed this iPhone app called SantaMessage2U. You can record messages to your kids, and the app will distort your voice to sound like Santa.

I like to record messages like: "Ho Ho Ho. Hey kid C, Santa is watching you. No, seriously, I'm outside your window every night, watching you. Ho... ho... ho..."

3. The Placenta that Never Died

After sis-in-law M gave birth to twins, the hospital took her placenta to test whether or not the twins were identical.

They never got back to her, so she had the twins' DNA tested to confirm what anyone with two working eyes could figure out: niece E and niece E are indeed identical.

About a year later, a friend who worked in the hospital told sis-in-law M that some hospital employees were going through the fridge at work, and they were all, "Who in the world is Marnie Jorgensen, and what is her placenta doing here?" (I changed M's name to protect the placenta.)

Yep. Her placenta was just hangin' out in the fridge for a year. And I'll tell you now, placenta doesn't keep that long.

This post brought to you by the commenter who pointed out I haven't blogged about bodily functions in a while.

4. Starting Friday, I'm going to be posting about book choices for Christmas Presents, so start thinking about your favorite books you've read this year.

5. You wanna know who gets forgotten at Christmas? Teens in the Foster program. This year, instead of buying presents for my family, I'm donating to Very Merry Teen Foster Christmas.

Don't tell my family, though. I still want them to think they have to buy me presents.

Check it out, if you get a chance. It really is so much easier than shopping. And it's one of those things your family can't say 'no' to.

For instance: "Hey Bob, I was thinking we should forgo presents to each other this year, and instead provide Christmas for Foster Teens. What do you think?"

What can Bob say? Bob: "No way."

"Bob, why do you hate teens? Why?"

6. So, what do your families do for Christmas? Anything like this?


  1. Look at all of the information we can get from your blog:
    1. Killing puppies is bad
    2. Donating for Christmas is good.
    3. Placentas expire
    4. new cool iphone apps.

    If I were to add anything to the plethora of information on your blog, I think you should talk more of how hott! your husband is...I think it is something that your readers demand.

  2. Sam- I like to think my blog is very educational. Do you think I should petition to have it taught in skools?

    As a side note, my blog isn't big enough to cover how hott! my hubby is.

  3. I for one want to know more about how hot Sam is...speaking of Sam, how much do you love that name? I love that name.

    Speaking of Love, I love that you posted and gave a shout out to the Foster care Christmas for SLC KIDS...thank you thank you...

    Speaking of kids, I think saving placenta's is cool...

    Speaking of cool, it's not cool to kill puppies so I'm glad you don't :)

  4. We've decided to cancel Christmas this year, or at least our kids are feeling that way. They've been asking to put up the tree since the day after Halloween, but we told them we'd do it after Thanksgiving. The Saturday before Thanksgiving, I really wanted to put it up. But, no, we were going to be tough and hold out until after the holiday. And then after we got home from Thanksgiving dinner, my husband started coughing. And it got worse. Yeah, he has pneumonia. Since I'm nowhere near his 6'3", I can't get the tree down in the garage, at least not with both the tree and me surviving. So, no Christmas this year. And I've learned that I should just put the tree up whenever I feel like it.

    Thanks for not killing the puppies!

  5. I'm glad we cleared up the confusion with the puppy. And, I'm glad to hear he is alive and kicking. Well, at least I think he's kicking. You never really said....

    That's kind of funny and gross about the placenta. Do non-identical twins use the same placenta? I would think they used a separate one, but maybe I'm just wrong because it's probably hard to keep track of two kids and two placentas in something the size of a softball.

    The only thing Corey and I do for Christmas each year is see the lights on Temple Square. Everything else is kind of a whirlwind.

  6. How cool is that to record a creepy threatening message from Santa? Is it too much to play it in their room all night, all year while they sleep? Probably.

    Finished Hush, Hush - thought it was great :)

    And Placentas in the fridge...she must go to my old Gyno office where it was common place to leave speculums in the break room sink and Urine all over the counters at the reception desk. IHC rules!!

  7. can we borrow your phone?
    so i can trick my kids into believing again? (well ONE kid still belives)

    and the placenta in the fridge? to my toilet to discard my lunch!

  8. Kristin- Wonderful segues. I should learn that trick for my actual blog posts, because right now it lacks segues.

    Jenilyn- your poor hubby. We would have absolutely no decorations if it weren't for my hubby putting them up every year, so I can understand canceling Christmas. And New Years. And definitely Columbus Day.

    Jenni- Alas, I cannot answer the placenta conundrum. I need to brush up on my placental trivia.

    Cam- I love the word speculum. People don't use that word enough. Something for my next scrabble game.

    Dorien- If you are off to the toilet to discard your lunch, then my job here is done.

  9. So now is when you were going to tell us that we're donating to the Foster Teens Program for our family Christmas gift exchange...I love it!!! Just don't tell Mom. Or just tell her we donated stuff in her name, but let's just tell her on Christmas morning. :)

    Don't forget to have Kid C open his advent kids are loving it thus far.

  10. Erin- I was thinking we could tell mom right after we open presents. Kid C loves the Lego advent calendar! Door number one officially opened last night. Tiny present number one officially lost 15 minutes later.

  11. I'm glad my post worked today. It hasn't been working that past few blogs and I really had some funny things to say.

    As far as Christmas goes, I guess I'll have to take back my life-size poster of Max Hall and BYU mug I got for Sam, so hopefully he'll understand. However, I did get a great deal on them...they couldn't get rid of him fast enough.

  12. that placenta story is simply hilarious.

  13. Erin- You can still get the poster. I'll display it right next to my bronzed placenta.

    Scathing Reviewer- Judging by your blog name, I'm very relieved you liked my placenta story. Thanks for reading!

  14. I'm glad you cleared up that whole puppy-killing thing. JK, I already knew they didn't die. Also, I love the placenta story. I forget a lot of crazy things that I put in the fridge, but you think a hospital would be a bit more organized!

  15. Some commentator pointed out that you haven't blogged about nasty or gross bodily functions? I can't imagine who would do that?! (tee hee hee)

    A threatening Santa is what all kids need, year round, for good behavior. Call Toys-R-Us, this sounds like great marketing/research!!

    Bless my hubby the tree is up, but fighting this cold, our tree looks sad. Hubby's job is to get the tree out of the garage (Jenilyn - you're right, it's a hubby's job) and my job to decorate. There are four ornaments on it...that's all the energy I had this weekend. Luckily, it's pre-lit so at least it shines! And the ornament box below it looks like a could work!

    Brodi, you DO save puppies, you ARE a superhero! We need to come up with a name for you though, Ranchgirl? Puppysaver??

  16. Oh that is really gross. Makes me not want to check the fridge at our school. What will I find, teeth that were pulled and forgotten?

  17. Lullabell- I guess it beats the pinkie toe I found in mine the other day.

    Una- See? You ask for bodily functions, I oblige. As for Christmas trees, I go for the pre-lit, pre-decorated variety. Someday, when I'm rich, I want a tree that just comes down out of the ceiling with the push of one button, and then goes back in after new years.

    Melissa- Comparing the two, I would rather find pulled teeth than discarded placenta. But you're right- school fridges should really have neither.

  18. So, if I comment that you haven't blogged about bloodspots in a while, will that result in a new bloodspot post?
    Speaking of fridge brother shares his house with roommates (well, only one now and maybe this story is why) and actually had to make a rule about no bodily fluids in the fridge because this guy was bringing home weird stuff from the lab he worked in.

  19. Cherie- I think that should be a general rule for any shared apartments: No bodily fluids in Fridge.

    And the next time I see a mysterious blood spot, I'm dedicating the post to you.

  20. A whole year and no one noticed a moldy ol' placenta? Yeesh.

    What a cool iphone app. I remember when my daughter was younger we had a phone application (through our lan line provider) that could let you record a message and send it to any phone you wanted (SO handy when you wanted to remind the cubscouts to come to pack meeting). Any who we'd play with it ALL the time and send my daughter messages just for her. She thought it was the coolest thing. Sorry random comment.

    Anywho what a fantastic idea about giving to foster teens this season! Love it. :)

  21. That thing with the placenta is seriously gross...and yet somehow fascinating that something like that could happen. Love the new hair by the way! You look great!

  22. Being an expert mother of twins--they do share a placenta! They can share, but it depends on when they separated to become twins. They will always have different amniotic sacks though.

    Was that too much information?

    I found out my twins were identical because they actually checked the placenta and didn't save it for posterity like sister M's.

  23. Brodi, I'm taking (along with hubby) our childbirth class. There were a couple *ahem* interesting questions posed, which the comment about bodily fluids and a placenta kept in the fridge reminded me of. If anyone would like some rather nasty questions, I'd be more than happy to share! =)

    I think the nastiest thing I've ever heard about kept in a fridge was stories my mom told me when she was doing her zoology class in college (before I was born). She and my dad were newlyweds and for the class she had to find animals (usually roadkill) and "preserve" and classify them as part of her assignments. Yeah...there was some FUN stuff she kept in the freezer so she could keep them until she was at that assignment. My dad said some of the "projects" were very unappetizing!

  24. Debbie- Not random comment. Totally on-topic!

    Valynne- Thanks! Although, truthfully, I photoshopped it a little bit to make it look even darker. Don't tell anyone.

    Eden- Thanks for clearing up the confusion. Now if only there was a gameshow about Placenta Random Facts...

    Una- Road kill in the fridge? Ewwww... And I'm very curious about the questions from your birth class, but I don't know if I'm ready to know. You know?

  25. Completely, when you are feeling adventurous, I'll share! Just let me know.

    Oh and I have to say, I crack up laughing every time I come to check your blog. Just the fact that as item #1 you have "I Don't Kill Puppies on my blog" in bold after a title of "The Placenta that Never Died" and "Hey Y'all. How's the week going?" just cracks me up laughing! I wish I knew why that strikes me as so funny!

  26. Those three sentences sum up my life so well, don't ya think?