1. I don't kill puppies on my blog
Let's just get this out of the way right now... Puppies will never die on my blog. Spiders may die, plants that grow through walls may die, but newborn puppies will never die. Not on my blog. Not on my watch.
Wherever there's injustice to puppies, you'll find me.
Wherever puppies are suffering, I'll be there.
Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find... The Three Amigos. (Why would I go somewhere where liberty is threatened?)
2. Do you want a little parental leverage for Christmas?
My friend developed this iPhone app called SantaMessage2U. You can record messages to your kids, and the app will distort your voice to sound like Santa.
I like to record messages like: "Ho Ho Ho. Hey kid C, Santa is watching you. No, seriously, I'm outside your window every night, watching you. Ho... ho... ho..."
3. The Placenta that Never Died
After sis-in-law M gave birth to twins, the hospital took her placenta to test whether or not the twins were identical.
They never got back to her, so she had the twins' DNA tested to confirm what anyone with two working eyes could figure out: niece E and niece E are indeed identical.
About a year later, a friend who worked in the hospital told sis-in-law M that some hospital employees were going through the fridge at work, and they were all, "Who in the world is Marnie Jorgensen, and what is her placenta doing here?" (I changed M's name to protect the placenta.)
Yep. Her placenta was just hangin' out in the fridge for a year. And I'll tell you now, placenta doesn't keep that long.
This post brought to you by the commenter who pointed out I haven't blogged about bodily functions in a while.
4. Starting Friday, I'm going to be posting about book choices for Christmas Presents, so start thinking about your favorite books you've read this year.
5. You wanna know who gets forgotten at Christmas? Teens in the Foster program. This year, instead of buying presents for my family, I'm donating to Very Merry Teen Foster Christmas.
Don't tell my family, though. I still want them to think they have to buy me presents.
Check it out, if you get a chance. It really is so much easier than shopping. And it's one of those things your family can't say 'no' to.
For instance: "Hey Bob, I was thinking we should forgo presents to each other this year, and instead provide Christmas for Foster Teens. What do you think?"
What can Bob say? Bob: "No way."
"Bob, why do you hate teens? Why?"
6. So, what do your families do for Christmas? Anything like this?