Monday, July 26, 2010

And She Doth Bring Forth... BUTTTTTERRRR!

Hey y'all. Prepare yourselves for nothing short of a miracle. 

So, I'm playing the piano in our church for primary singing time (singing with kids) and the songleader pulls out this jar of white stuff. 

She's all, "Today, in honor of Pioneer Day [okay, for non-Utah peeps, this is a Utah holiday, honoring the day the pioneers settled Utah] we're going to make butter!"

My first thought is, dude butter comes from the store. There ain't no way that little jar of white liquid is gonna become butter. (Apparently, my thoughts speak in "hick")

But, I play the piano anyway, instead of bursting their pipe dreams. 

The kids sing the songs, and shake the jar, and at the end of singing time, they have... cream. Not butter.

But it's okay, because the songleader brought her own butter she'd made the night before.

I'm all, "We've been had! We never had a chance of making butter!"

For the next group of kids (the older group) they wanted to start their own jar, not work on the one the younger kids had turned to cream. 

I'm thinking to myself, suckahs. Don't get your hopes up.
But then, because I still believe in Santa Claus, I grab the younger kid's jar, and start shaking. In between songs, I shake with two hands. During songs, I shake with one hand and play with the other. 

And you will not believe what comes next. At the end of the hour, the white stuff in my jar congealed, and separated from a milk-like substance. I stood up and pumped my fist in the air, and said, "I have created... Butter!!"

The song-leader said, "Hey kids. Look. Sister Ashton made butter."

And I'm all, "From a Jar! ... A JAR! and WHITE STUFF!"

The song-leader started to drain the milky stuff, and I'm all, "What is THAT?"

Her: "Buttermilk."

me: "It's BUTTERMILK?!?! This just keeps getting better!"

I took my jar home, and did as instructed. (Placed the butter on a clean dishtowel to soak up any excess "buttermilk") and Sam had the nerve to say, "Stop ruining my dishtowels."

And I'm all, "When God created the Earth, do you think his spouse was all, 'Honey, stop wasting dish towels'?"

I used my home made butter to butter the corn. (Check that out, butter as a noun and a verb). And then I took the corn to Sunday dinner, where no one was impressed at my accomplishment. 

They were all, "Were you sick the day they made butter in Kindergarten?"

I was all, "Yes. Yes, I was."

I'm planning on selling the fruits of my labor. You'll know it's home made when you see this in the store:

I'm leaving on Thursday for the SCBWI conference in L.A. Anyone else going? I'll have a blog on Wednesday, and then I'll try to blog from the conference.


  1. I can so picture this. I love the little butter snowman.

  2. Well, I for one am very impressed with your butter making skills! You should start a line of designer butter molds!

  3. Catie- I figure no one would expect butter to be shaped as a snowman. I'll have the corner on the market.

    Lulabell- Excellent idea! Butter molds! They can be in the aisle next to sucker molds and cookie cutters. Nobody will ever want square shaped butter again!

  4. We did that once. Only we put marbles in the jar and that made the shaking process go a little quicker. Then we served it on scones (the Utah kind, not the tea and crumpets kind.) yum.

  5. Ummmm... I am SO with you! I missed that day in kindergarten & had no idea this was even possible! I MUST figure out how to do this it's BRILLIANT!

  6. Love the butterman! I'd buy one! I've never made butter in school, we once made ice cream with milk and nitrogen though!

  7. wow brodi- very impressive! i certainly missed a fun day in primary!!

    have fun in LA-we promise not to give your job to Dan while you are gone.

  8. Paula- Mmmmm. Utah scones. Heaven. The marble thing would've been nice to know yesterday!

    Olivia- I'm glad you can share in this news! Put cream in a jar, add salt, and marbles (thanks Paula) and shake your money-maker!

    Una- Wha?? You can make ice cream??? This world is a beautiful place!

  9. Dorien- Dan is gunning for my piano. Seriously, I'm happy to have someone to fill in for me, but just so you know... um... Dan hates children.

    Okay, okay, kidding.

    Just don't like him better.

  10. Butter Snowman! It's sure to catch on quick Brod. We must have missed the same kindergarten lesson because last year in a play group Eliza went to we did the same thing, and lo and behold!!!! BUTTER! It's quite amazing, isn't it? Have a great time at the conference. And let's get together some time. I have some writing news to share...

  11. Cath- writing news? What writing news?????:

  12. Haven't you ever whipped whip cream too long and bam, you suddenly have butter to put on your pies? No? We've done it a bunch!

    (Fun idea your singing leader had!)

  13. Suey- Whipped cream doesn't come from a can? That is nuts.

  14. That's awesome! I've actually never made butter myself. I should try this! Good job! I'm very impressed.

  15. PS - I've never made butter from whipping cream either. I've only made whipped cream from whipping cream once. That's cool that you can make butter from that too! Too bad I can't have dairy for the next month. Evil!

  16. I'm loving your butter man. I'd buy it for sure. Yup. :)

  17. Jenni- Why can't you have dairy? Is it part of the boot camp you've been talking about? What is it?

  18. Leisha- Thanks. That'll be $5.99. (It's so expensive because I have to throw away one dish towel for every snowman)

  19. Yeah, I can't eat dairy because of the boot camp thing I'm doing. I'm not allowed to eat bread, pasta, soda, or dairy during the first month of this regimen. Otherwise, I'm "punished" by doing 20 push-ups during my next session. The boot camp is an extreme exercise regimen done Monday through Friday for an hour. During that hour, we lift weights and then we take a two-minute rest period by doing heavy cardio. It's intense! But, I'm enjoying myself.

  20. Pretty awesome. I thought my children were pulling my leg when they said they made butter in Primary. Wow! Great job!

  21. Jenni- wow. That's intense. Good for you!

    Anne- I totally would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

  22. That sorta stuff is the things you remember for a lifetime. See it even affects the adults. :)

    I wonder if you could slather that on and use it as a sun tanning cream.