Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Sam's Big Lie, and the Worst Example of a Good Samaritan Ever

Housekeeping: I know that some of you (patients and friends and family) are specifically looking for updates on my dad. My mom is posting again on her blog here: Any and all are welcome to check in there. Her posts are usually very entertaining. Because cancer is fun. 

On to the post! 

So, the other day, Sam loses his phone. At Costco. 

He takes the kids back to the store and scours the aisles. No luck.
Like finding a needle in a Costco.

He checks with the front. No phone turned in. 

He calls AT&T, and the guy says he can shut down Sam's phone, but he can't locate it. But he does tell Sam that somebody made a call from that phone mere minutes ago. 


It was not lost. It was stolen! 

So, Sam uses his mad tech skillz to track down the number that his lost phone called. (Okay, he really just looked at his account). 

And here's where Sam is completely different than me.

He calls that number (the one his stolen phone called). 

Sam: "Hi, I'm calling because I lost my phone, and the person who now has my phone called you."

Guy (groggily): "Huh?"

Sam: "Someone called you at 12:47. That person has my phone."

Stoner guy: "I don't know what you're talking about, dude."

*Repeat above conversation 12 times*

Finally, Sam pulls out the biggest lie he can think of.

Sam: "I hate to tell you this, but I'm kind of important."

Stoner guy: "Yeah?"

Sam: "Yeah. I'm kind of a big shot. And I need my phone. The phone company is tracking it right now, not to mention the police. So I just wanted to let you know that if I have your number, so do they, and they will be contacting you in the next little while, asking you the same questions."

Stoner guy: "Why? I don't know anything!"

Sam: "I'm sure you had nothing to do with it. But they will be checking here, since you're their only lead. So you have to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky? Punk?"

Okay, I embellished the last sentence. But, miraculously, an hour later, the AT&T store in American Fork called to say Sam's phone had been turned in. The guy who brought it in said he found it in a chair at Costco.

When I picked it up, the guy at the AT&T store is all, "Wow. We love customers who are honest and turn in lost phones. Like the Good Samaritan. We should send this guy an email, thanking him." Then he gave me a look that said, Maybe you should give him a reward.

me: "Sure you do that. Thank the guy for finding it in a chair at a Costco in Salt Lake City, and instead of turning it in at the Costco, he drives 45 minutes south, to American Fork, to turn it in at an AT&T store, five hours later."
The right, and convenient thing to do.
me: "So, yeah, if the "good samaritan" is the story of a samaritan who beat a guy up, left him in the street to die, and only when he realized there were witnesses did he turn around and help the guy to the hospital, then yeah, he's totally a good samaritan." 

AT&T guy: "Oh. So, you're saying he only turned it in because he got caught?"

me: Ding Ding Ding Ding!

Because the last thing the guy who stole Sam's phone needs is a thank you note! and Money!

What I find the funniest is that Sam's phone is sort of crappy. I mean, it's an iPhone, but it's four years old, beat up, and cracked. And apparently, that's the phone of someone who is "kind of important." 
This is Bill Gates' phone. He's sort of a big shot.
What do you guys think? Do you believe the guy found it at a Costco and drove it all the way to American Fork five hours later to turn it in? Or do you think he got scared that he'd get caught?


  1. Why American Fork? That can't be the closest At&T store, right? I used to live near American Fork and that's pretty dang far from SLC. I don't get it.

    I love that your husband told him he was important and scared the guy so much he called the "good Samaritan" and got it returned.

    Just awesome.

  2. Shari- I know! I have no idea where Sam gets his gumption, but I could never pull off something like that.

  3. oh man, he totally got scared! wow, remind me never to get on Sam's bad side. you know, since's he is kind of important and all.

  4. Can't believe somebody stole that. Maybe they thought the person who owned it threw it away. Maybe he does need a reward - at least he didn't throw it in the garbage :) Just kidding Brodi - great story.

  5. Windy- Seriously, he's kinda a big deal. He's got connections. You could lose a finger if you cross him.

    Mary- You are a better person than I. Maybe the phone hitched a ride with him, and he didn't realize it until he got to American Fork... :)

  6. Sam probably just said he was Brodi Ashton's husband. That's not a lie. I bet the guy was all "Man! Maybe if I return this phone, Brodi will send me a free copy of her book."

    Did he leave his name at the store he returned it to? *Slaps hand to forehead* #stupidclients

  7. Robin- Yes, he did. Let's go get him!

  8. Seriously thats awesome (Sam's story, not that it got stolen). I was just having a conversation with Tarl about how gutsy some people are to total strangers.

    And I love that the phone guy started off at 'guy' and quickly ended up as 'stoner guy'.

  9. I totally would do what Sam did. But I'd take it one step further. Test it for prints!! (I'm not a cop, but I watch a lot of them on t.v.)

    Robbers are dumb. Someone stole Brian's car overnight once. It was a Saturn. That was missing its airbag. As well as the airbag cover. On the driver's side. A) they are dumb for stealing such a piece. They left it outside a strip joint 40 miles from here. His 4th grade teacher books were all missing from the trunk, but the idiots left their sweater and some CDs. B)THEY LEFT THEIR STUFF BEHIND!!!

    Maybe they aren't as dumb as they look. WE are the ones that had to pay the $278 to get it out of impound!!

  10. Debbie- I may have made a few assumptions about the guy's character.

    Sally- They are truly dumb! Sam's truck was stolen a couple years ago, and the police found it in a parking lot in West Valley. It had been cleaned and detailed. So we got it back a week later, cleaner than it had ever been before.

  11. Maybe, stoner guy is a big drug dealer and the guy who "had" Sam's phone was one of his minions. So, when he was scared that the police would get involved, he promised to cap the guy that had Sam's phone if he didn't turn it in. That would make a great premise for a book! I think you should totally write it!

  12. Wow, I would have never called that guy. I'm a coward...
    I love how dayly life often provides the best inspiration for books! :D

  13. Jenni- Maybe the guy who stole it was a poor homeless man, and he wanted to use the phone to keep in touch with his long lost daughter, and we ruined his one chance for happiness. At least, that's what I like to think.

    Susanne- There's totally a scene I could use in my book! I'll just transcribe the entire post, but change the setting to the Underworld.

  14. Yes, I got my phone back. But just to clear up any confusion - I really am pretty important. Many people would go as far to say that I am a pretty big deal. That robber did not stand a chance.

  15. I think he got scared! How lousy!

  16. Wow,that is hilarious. I could never pull off such a GIGANTIC lie like Sam can :P.

  17. Sam- I never intended to imply that you are NOT important.

    Shanella- Seriously lousy!

    Lulabell- No one lies like Sam does. I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

  18. Can I borrow your husband next time I need to con someone? Pretty please?

    Cause if he can convince a criminal the cops are coming for them if they don't return his phone, I bet he could sell some of my books.

  19. I think he totally feared he got caught. I mean, after that conversation with your hubby, he probably thought he had the phone belonged to the Terminator.

    Come to think of it, time travel would also explain the damage to the phone... Is your husband the Terminator? That might make him kind of important. ;)

  20. Amber- you can totally borrow my husband. When do you want him? Now? Just return him within a year.

    Jenn- He did say, "I'll be back' as he walked out the door this morning. Hmmm.....

  21. All I have to say is that Sam's got some big cajones! He had that "good Samaritan" wrapped around his finger. However, why did he have you go down to American Fork to pick up the phone?

  22. Sam, meet Find my iPhone. Find my iPhone, meet Sam. I think the two of you will get along just fine

  23. Erin- I was on my way back from Provo. So, it actually turned out to be very convenient. Lucky us.

    Michael- I can always count on you for all the high-tech mumbo jumbo. Thank you!

  24. That was total brilliance on Sam's part.

    Hi there, by the way - some of my friends at LTUE were talking about how brilliant you are, so I wanted to come meet you. (waving) and I have to say that cinnamon bears and Coke rock.

  25. Tristi- Nice to meet you too! Thanks for stopping by the blog, and please come again. (Waves back!)