Monday, February 28, 2011

Tired of Looking for the Best Story Idea Ever? For the low low price of millions, this could be yours...

Howdy, y'all. 

I learned today that I took the ignorant road to getting published. I wrote a book (by myself) and then found an agent who found me an editor who paid me for my book. (Okay, that sentence is hilarious in how short it makes the process sound. Please know that spliced in there are years and years of rejection and pain and fingernails being ripped out. I took the extremely torturous road.)

Well, prepare to have your mind blown. 

Yesterday Sam and I ran across this ad in eBay. For sale: "a STORY to topple Star Wars, Harry potter investment."

Here is the description of the "Story Idea" and what you would be purchasing. I have to admit, it got me thinking. And to include y'all, I've added my thoughts in red.

am selling my story that I have been creating for 10+ years. (not constantly writing, but of piecing everything together in a cohesive manner) It can be compared to stories like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, Indiana Jones and other titles in those categories. [Why didn't I think to pitch my book as: "It's Star Wars meets Harry Potter, sprinkled with Lord of the Rings and a dash of Matrix. And when they all spent a night in a hotel together, nine months later Indiana Jones was born."] This is a really great story I have. [Pinky swear]. This story needs to be completed by a professional writer or Ghost Writer. I am by no means a writer. [I beg to differ. This stuff's great.]

I would rather not sell it at all and just find investors to help hire a celebrity Ghost Writer, which would cost 250,000. [Hence the 3 million dollar starting bid.] The company that hires these writers out, guarantee the book to be a New York best seller. [I didn't get such a guarantee. I want my money back. Oh wait... I didn't give them money.] From my understanding, a celebrity ghost writer [=a celebrity who prefers to write books anonymously. This species is very rare.] is someone who has written many books for others that have become "best sellers" and are at a point in their writing career to produce these best sellers often.

But for me, finding an investor seems impossible, it takes money to make money. [Someone should write that down].

If George Lucas offered to sell his idea of Star Wars, would you have bought it? [Yes. For 3 million dollars exactly.]

This is a serious auction, I'm not looking to rip anyone off. [Of course not. Why would we think that?] If you win this auction and decide you don't like the story, then you don't have to pay, and you will be refunded fully. [As long as you have the receipt within thirty days. Otherwise, how will he know you bought the story at his store, and not his competitor's?]

I would like to meet in person so that I can pass my works on. [This sounds very appropriate.]

I will share my story with someone in person only and not over the internet. [Like any good STD]. My story is too valuable to be spread publicly and will give a lot of new ideas for movies and book series that should belong to the buyer.

ebay requires a physical object to be purchased. This is a CD with my story, as well as printed material, as well as verbal information from me. This will be exchanged person to person. [3 mil will get you a used CD, used paper, and words. This is a very good price. I saw this previously on RealDeals for 4 mil.]

This story will bring in endless fame and money to anyone who takes it.[Along with a monkey's paw, and this new designer outfit that only looks invisible, but really is made with the finest thread, fit for an emperor.] I do not have money to hire a Ghost Writer and I do not want to die with this story untold.

And for the people reading this post who think I'm crazy for asking this amount of money for it; this kind of money is a drop in the bucket for large corporations. If it sounds like too much money then you are not the kind of buyer I'm looking for.[Thus excluding everyone except Donald Trump.]

I am not making fun, because in this crazy world, this man could very well get his millions, and the rest of us will be left kicking ourselves at the missed opportunity. 

So, what do y'all think? Do you have any ideas on what his story is about? Would you have bought Star Wars? Do you think this seller has a google alert and will track down my blog and commit acts of violence "in person"? 

Can you top this tagline: "It's Harry Potter meets Star Wars"?

I was thinking: "It's the Greatest Story Ever Told meets Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus."

What are yours?


  1. i have to wonder what it is you and sam were actually looking for on ebay to have stumbled across such a rare and valuable find! clearly i am following the wrong path toward publication.

  2. Cool...I have the first $3 million bid in already. I can't wait for you to write this story. I figure for $3 million, we should easily be able to have you write this genius idea and make tons of money. I just hope that I can't be outbid. I shouldn't be though...I can go up to $6.375 million.

  3. Windy- We typed "How to guarantee my book's a bestseller + I'm out of my own ideas" in the search field. Is there something wrong with that?

    Sam- That's why I married you. And a 3 million advance isn't at all unreasonable to expect for a debut author. I demanded that guarantee when I queried agents.

  4. If it took ten years just to make an outline, no wonder he's comparing it to Lord of the Rings. In the time it takes to watch all three movies back-to-back, you'll only have read the first chapter. Yikes.

  5. Gina- I'm not even sure he's written an outline. Right now, I think it's organized only in his head. Yikes indeed.

  6. Whoaaaa! I know this biz makes some people nutz, but this is a special pot of crazy! Hilarious commentary, by the way.

  7. I've heard of this kind of thing so often, it is now one of my career goals to be approached by someone with a "killer" idea, who is willing to let me write it for a 10% share of the profits (because, as we all know, once you have a solid idea, the actual writing is EASY).

    I think he's making a mistake here, though. Nowhere does he reserve the right to be listed as the author--he's offering to sell the story idea outright. How will he get credit for it? Worse, what if some has-been NYT bestseller wins the auction and then ruins the story? He has no escape clause. No way to pull the story before it is lost to infamy.

    Anyone thinking of following in this man's footsteps should seriously considering hiring an entertainment or intellectual property lawyer first. (Then at least SOMEONE will make money.)

  8. Okay... so here's my idea, but I plan to make millions on it like this guy so if you tell anyone I'll have to kill you...

    Are you ready?

    Twilight-- meets Dead Poets Society-- meets Rambo.


  9. Also--how many bestsellers do I need before I can be a "celebrity ghost writer?" It is my DREAM to someday get to write books for a flat fee, no credit, and to work for a company that will guarantee that my book will be a bestseller.

  10. Heather- Sad when this guy will be labeled "crazy" by a group of WRITERS. I mean, there's no crazier group, is there?

    Robin- Let me take a wild guess... You're a lawyer? :) Only you would evaluate the validity from a legal standpoint! My favorite part: "because, as we all know, once you have a solid idea, the actual writing is EASY"


    Jenn- That story idea is brilliant. Your check's in the mail! (Minus $50 postage)

  11. Doesn't he know that all stories like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, and Indiana Jones have the same basic outline anyway? It's just the details and the way in which the story is told that make it a success. Well, come to think of it, I guess that's why he's look for a celebrity ghost writer so insure its success. I think I may have to do the same thing! I could make millions without doing any work!

  12. This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Especially the STD comment. I seriously laughed out loud. You rock, Brodi!

  13. Thanks Brodi, I needed a good Monday morning (oh, um afternoon) laugh!

  14. Jenni- No! There's this new story, about a king who is murdered, and his son who seeks revenge on the murderer by feigning madness and putting on a play... oh wait! That's Hamlet. I guess there are no new ideas.

    Elana- Thanks. The source material was priceless. (Or worth 3 million dollars.)

    Debbie- I had a sneaking suspicion it would be from someone I knew!

    Keersten- Nothing like delusional idiocy to bring out the giggles.

  15. I've got some excellent book ideas too! If this sells, I'm totally going to ebay them - unless you want to buy them for the low, low price of 1 million...

  16. I hear that ghostwriters are often hired to write autobiographies.* That exciting story that is compared to Indiana Jones and Star Wars must be his life story!


  17. this guy for real? I mean......really?

    Hilarious post!

  18. Melissa- I'll take it! I'll take it!

    Becky- Now, if that were the case, and his true life story toppled Star Wars and Indiana Jones... Okay, not even then would it be worth 3 million.

    Kristin- I hope he's for real. It's just to delicious to be a hoax.

  19. That was freakin funny. I went to check it out on ebay (one has to move on these things before all the good story ideas get snapped up), and I found another one on ebay. It's titled "a STORY to topple the STORY that topples Star Wars."

    I laughed even more after reading that one. You should check it out. (And it's way cheaper. Hint, hint)

  20. This sounds like it should be on an email from someone in Nigeria.


  21. I think this is a great idea! All the benefits of selling a book with none of the pressure or stress of actually writing it! Can I do this with homework?

  22. Leisha- Too funny. I'll check it out!

    Donna- Well, he did say he had a small fortune I could have, for the low low price of 3 million.

    Lulabell- Yes! This post proves that you can sell anything on eBay, even good intentions.

  23. I'm laughing too hard to do much else at this moment.

    I wonder if you could talk him down at all, though. :-)

  24. Oh my, I think my laugh lines just deepened and then split open. This was so funny. And disturbing. And just...aren't humans such an interesting species? (I AM one, BTW, but am still regularly surprised and pleased by others.)

  25. Chersti- And risk losing out on fame and fortune? Never!

    Amanda- Humans are indeed fascinating. I can see why the Time Lords were obsessed with us. (Nerdy Dr. Who reference. If you know it, great. If not, pretend I'm normal.)

  26. I was trying to read this out loud to my husband but your witty commentary kept making me LOL! I eventually finished and he and I both had a great laugh. Thanks, Brodi!

  27. I haven't had such a delightful, health-restoring laugh in a long time. Sad thing is, for the non-writers out there, they just might think this guy is onto something great.

  28. LT- Thanks!

    Franklycreative- Thanks for finding the blog!