Monday, April 6, 2009

Edward Cullen is in my mailbox... and he tastes yummy.

Using my formula of algorithms, biogenetics and a hairless cat, WE HAVE A WEEEEENER

Algorithms: I put all your comments from last week into a hat.

Biogenetics: Researchers engineered a hairless sphinx cat whose sole purpose in life is to draw names from a hat. (I know. He's not happy about it either.)

Smoky the Hairless cat: picked a name.

The winner: Emily Ott
Your signed copy of Laurie Halse Anderson's book Speak is on its way.

Wanna win another signed book? Today is the last day to enter a question for Sydney Salter (author of My Big Nose and Other Natural Disasters). Everyone who contributes a question (in the comments section) gets entered in a drawing to win a signed copy.

Okay, on with the post.

The search for Edward is over. He was hiding in my mailbox.

It’s true. I spent the day writing at Barnes and Noble, and when I got home, I found Edward had left me secret love messages in my mailbox.

No, these are not Valentines hearts. I scoff at the thought.

These are Forbidden Fruits. Did you hear that? Forbidden Fruits.

He then drew a self-portrait because, of course, he doesn’t show up on film. Edward is such an artist!

The messages are cryptic, yet easy to decode.

LIVE 4 EVER = Live forever

I HEART EC = I love Eating Candy (Edward knows me so well)

BITE ME = No, really, please bite me. Again.

There’s even a secret scent, which you have to rub to reveal. I didn’t get a chance, because I couldn’t find Edward anywhere, and I so desperately wanted to rub him!

I rubbed Sam when he got home, but all that revealed was the faint smell of donut.

Printed on the box were “Secrets of the night”, including Edward’s full name (Edward Anthony Mason Cullen), his birthday, and perhaps the most passionate secret of all: Both Bella and Edward are juniors at Forks High School.

I have just one question: Who is this Bella chick? And does anyone know where she lives? I promise I'm not gonna hurt her...

I stepped into the Twilight and opened the forbidden fruit.

It tasted like a mix of partially dehydrogenated pepto bismal, and my son’s sidewalk chalk.

I can see why it’s forbidden. Apparently they didn’t account for the possibility that people would actually eat the stuff.

Thanks to Dorien and Grace for the mailbox surprise!


  1. Firstly, Smokey looked thrilled to be part of the algorithm of picking the winner. The picture made me laugh which is a fabulous way to start a Monday at work - thank you!

    Secondly - Brodi, sadly you are not the first to comment that the Forbidden Fruits are, dare I say, inedible. You are SO lucky to have had Edward send you a personal sketch and cryptic messages. That Bella girl may not have a chance!

  2. Una- You mean to tell me Edward's sent his forbidden fruits to another woman? For a vampire, he's sure lacking in morals!

  3. I do have to say that the selection process was flawed! I was not included in the drawing due to the fact that my lover was the person holding the drawing. I still feel deprived.

    Smoky is a beautiful cat. He is missed.

    Anyone know Edward's home address...I have some vampire booty to kick--he really needs to stop sending my wife secret messages.

  4. LMBO! LMBO!!! we agree 100% on the taste!! and i am certain at least sam was happy to get a rubbing out of the whole thing....

  5. Sam's right. Anyone know Edward's address? Anyone? Anyone at all?

    Dorien- yes. Sam's very happy with all of my Edward posts.

  6. Ah man, I need some of that candy action!!

    So the books I got those quotes from were Meg Cabot books - the Queen of Babble series and the Size 12 is not fat, Size 14 is not fat either and Big Boned series.

    I can't remember what else you asked me. Oh well.

    PS I thought you got rid of the spawn of satan cat??

  7. Cam- If by "spawn of Satan" cat, you mean "hair-challenged sweet'ums", than yes, we got rid of him.

    By "got rid of" I mean he's sleeping over at my sis-in-law's house. Indefinitely.

  8. My kids are confused about your cat. Haha.
    I might be able to hook you up with Edwards address...I went to Forks last summer, but shh. I dont often tell people that.

  9. Deb- You went to Forks? How was it?

  10. I, too, think the contest was rigged! I think that the only names in the hat were Emily Ott...tell me where she lives...:).
    As far as Edward goes, I think I need to try some of that forbidden fruit. I hope to have the same experience as the laughing gas...

  11. smokey is awesome! he rocks!

  12. -Cam
    dont you even dare calling him that again! he is awesome as is said in before comment

  13. I can't stop laughing! Mike looked in to see what had me in such ferocious giggles and said "Yea, I didn't even get through the first paragraph." Some men just can't handle jealousy.

  14. Erin- actually when you crush the "forbidden fruit" into a fine powder, and snort it, it most definitely have the same effect as the laughing gas.

    Lily- Word, sister! Take that, Cam!

    Keersten- I cannot believe Mike couldn't get through the first paragraph. I guess my next post will have to contain pics of computers in bikinis.

  15. What is up with your tree? I made Ezra go over and check it out this morning. Some very crazy things are happening over there.

  16. Amy- Edward asked me to be his Spider Monkey. (Considering the yard decoration, I'm thinking it's kind of like being asked to a dance?)

  17. I cannot believe how everyone judges Smoky on his looks.

    He's distinguished. He doesn't need all that fur to cover his flaws. He's perfect.

  18. Eden- you go girl. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  19. I never win any I was so surprised, excited and of course honored to be the first person to win Brodi Ashton's Blogging contest! I love SPEAK! And yes, it is an autographed copy! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!

    I think Smokey is quite cute in a scarey sort of way! And Smokey has an excellent talent of picking a very deserving name!

  20. Guess What...I have the same birthday as Edward! Does that make me special or something? Just kidding. Love the post! It is so funny! You are the best!

  21. I'm a lurker. What is that beast on your blog? and why do you allow it to exist? (that was from your cousin Jeff). Also, I (Ruth) like your blog. You always seem to make my day better!

  22. Emily- I knew you were excited when Mallo couldn't help peeing all over the street. What a compliment!

    Eliza- how much does one have to pay to get the same birthday as Edward? Because that is cool.

    Ruth- Welcome to my blog! And tell Jeff not to be surprised when Smoky appears on his doorstep one morning...

  23. I knew you might appreciate this. Tonight as part of my bday presents my sister gave me a box of those sweettarts. Ha!

    Washington was beautiful. The town was little and quaint just like it's described. It was SOOO green and rainy, just the way I love it. But I gotta say the trip was awesome because I went it 25 gals from my book club where we met up with another 15 from our online book club. 40 women there to play=awesome!

  24. Debbie- so you know what I'm talking about! Yummy on the outside, kinda yucky on the inside.