Monday, December 28, 2009

Better Late than Never, Rogue Toilet Paper, and Why I Hate New Years

Sorry folks. For the late blog. I wasn't even going to blog today- due to post-Christmas hangover and end-of-year blues, but then I got a message on my Facebook wall from a reader:

"I would be a lot more productive if you would just write your Monday blog post..."

So, if your productivity depends on my blog, I am up to the challenge. Wherever liberty is threatened, or productivity is suffering, I'll be there. But remember, when you judge this post, I'm doin' it on the fly.

1. Kid C and I went to church yesterday. While walking down the hall, we noticed a section of the wall that was missing it's outer sheet rock, exposing the wall innards. Apparently, it was due to a leaky pipe.

Kid C and I stopped and surveyed the damage. Kid C shook his head, and said, "What is Jesus doing to that wall?"

2. I won iPhone Solitaire 634 times. 634. Six Hundred Thirty-four. I won't tell you how many actual games I've played, because that would be just plain sad. But I will say this: My win percentage is 15.7%. So, if you're good with numbers...

3. Did I mention I hate New Years? Hate it. It's to do with the personality traits of the obsessively pessimistic. At this time of year, I can only dwell on everything I have failed to accomplish. The funk starts in early December, and continues on through days like today, where I'm sitting in a Borders, writing a book that sucks, and wondering if I can use the armrest of this comfy chair I'm sitting on to slit my wrists. It will take a lot of rubbing, and before the actual slitting occurs, I'm sure I will have third degree burns from the friction, which can only be painful...

Ummmm, dude, where was I? Maybe I shouldn't have blogged today. Bree Despain is sitting next to me, agreeing I shouldn't have blogged today.

4. On a lighter note: I saw Bree Despain's book out in the wild.

It truly is a rare occurance, since the local Barnes and Nobles keep selling out of the sucker. Way to go Bree. It appears she's good with the words, but not so good at keeping her toilet paper inside her restroom stall.

As I was taking this picture, a teenage girl walked into the room and gave me (camera in hand) a curious stare. I pointed to the roll of rogue toilet paper and said, "Take it! Do you know who it belongs to? Bree Frakkin Despain. Take it and sell it on eBay!"

She didn't take it. Guess she hasn't read the book yet...

How was everyone's Christmas?


  1. Thank you. I can now move on with my day. :)

    You sound like you need a pick-me-up. Awake baby or yummy brownies? Or both? How depressed about 2009 are you?

  2. Brodi, I send you a virtual hug!! Cheer up, it's not all that bad. On the plus side, you already have an agent. That's a huge accomplishment! (I think Upstart Crow is awesome and the fact that they liked your stuff, nay, loved your manuscript enough to take you on says something about you!) Your time is coming, I can feel it. Besides, I was hoping I could get an agent and then our manuscripts would go out at the same time and they would be bought at the same time and then we could start our own little group like the 'tenner's' or '10's' or whatever their little nickname is and be 'guests' on each other's blogs... Admittedly, your blog is tons better than mine, which is another plus point for you. You are hilarious!

    Hope this helps. Never fear...good things come to those who wait.

  3. i loathe new years as well (i am certain we have talked about this).

    i am just up today anyway (blame it on an incapacitating crippling migraine today!) so i caught your blog at a perfect time~ :O)

    i agree w/nkrell...your time will come! 2010...that sounds like a great year to publish a book in to me!

  4. This post had me rolling (no pun intended) I know what you mean about the end of year blues. Cheer up - I'm trying to. Thanks for posting today - don't slit your wrists please.

  5. The chair friction/slitting was hilarious! I'm sorry, but it totally was. =]

    I'm sorry you're having the end-of-year blues. I didn't get things done for 2009 that I wanted to either. You're in good company.

    Hope you feel better soon. I know your post made me feel better.

  6. Heather- not as depressed as the post sounded! I'm right about at an "awake baby" dose.

    Nicole- That sounds great. We'll be the eleveners. Or Twelvers.

    Dorien- Sorry about your migraine! I know about those...

    Mary- how about we both resolve to shake it off and get writing!

    Everyone- sorry about the downer post. I didn't have time to go back through it and up it.

    I was reading my comments to Bree, and she's all, what about your post was so depressing? And I'm all, "I have no idea."

    Then I read her item #3, and she's all, "Um, I can guess why..."

  7. L.T.- I think suicide by friction would be way up there on my list of "Ways Not To Do Myself In."

    Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

  8. Brodi, it better not take until 2012 to get something out there. Otherwise, move over and let me take that armchair from you.

  9. I was going to make a list of ways you're cooler than I am (finished writing a book, have an agent, funnier, more writer friends), but I hate it when people rain on my pity parties. :)

    Yeah, #3 was a bit down. :)

  10. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has December blues. I hate New Years and never make resolutions (which is why I am making one this year). Christmas was depressing. Why was it so much more fun and exciting when I was 8 or 12 or 16??

    Oh well, get back to work on that book!

  11. Nicole- There are plenty of soft armchairs at Borders... plenty to go around.

    Robin- don't let me stop you from making such a list! I jest. I promise.

    Okay, everyone, since #3 was such a downer, I have a little gift.
    A picture, that will surely put a smile on your face. (Kid B and Sam)

  12. Cam- I think Christmas was more fun back then because we didn't have any kids, and we were the kids! Not that I would ever give up the little gems today.

    I think I would actually be okay giving up the entire months of December and January.

  13. I liked your post. Don't apologize.

    Don't hate me, but I love the New Year's thing. Maybe even more than I love Mondays and that's saying something.

  14. I've read Bree's book and it's AWESOME! :)

    It's okay that you blogged something depressing today. You can't always be happy. Otherwise, I wouldn't think you were human....

    If you've only one 15% of your games and you won 634 games, then you've played over 4,000 games! You're my hero!

    PS - I'm sure your book doesn't suck. I don't think anything you write could ever suck.

  15. OME! I can't believe I typed one for won. *blushes*

  16. I just came home with Bree's book, in fact I may have bought the very one in that picture....

    .... soon I'll be coming home with yours. Hang in there.

  17. I'm not much for the Holidays either. Everything goes all wonky - it's not cheering when I forget something Christmas morning only to find freaking WALMART is closed, they of the 24 hr shopping.

    I think this year was worse for me because emergency house repairs dipped into our Christmas Present funds. Hubby was gonna get a MacBook or iPhone like I have, and he was supposed to get me a Kindle and eBook money. That sure didn't happen.

    The only good thing is I dodged the "prove yourself as a wife by cooking Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner for the whole family" bullet for the third year running. I'm trying to keep it up for some time.

    Hopefully the fresh year will bring the surge of energy I need to accomplish the goals I didn't this year. And hey! You're agented! Better than I can say, though I managed to finish a rough draft of my First Novel Ever.

    PS LOVE the funny pic! LOL

  18. Melinda- Thank you. I will stop apologizing. I won't hate you for loving New Years if you don't hate me for my obsession with Arbor Day.

    Jenni- I can't tell you how many times I type "you're" when I mean to type "your" and vice versa. And don't get me started on Lay, lie, lay, lied, laid, ladled...

    Suey- enjoy reading! You're gonna love it. And thanks for the encouragement.

  19. Also: Why do my blog comments get so long? Really, that could almost be a blog post in and of itself. Yeesh.

    *tackles Brodi, hugs, runs away cackling*

  20. Brittany- Congrats on finishing your first novel ever! That is a serious accomplishment.

    I have to admit, I've dodged the "prove yourself a housewife by cooking" bullet for eleven years in a row now.

    This year, my resolution is to make it twelve.

  21. "*tackles Brodi, hugs, runs away cackling*"

    Ha ha! you crack me up!

  22. I'm not a huge fan of New Years either, due to the fact the latest I can stay awake is about 10:09 pm. So I always tell my kids that it's midnight right around 9:30 and then we hang out for another 30 minutes and they think they've stayed up all night. I'm pretty sure I have at that point. What a dumb holiday.

  23. First off Erin, I don't think you have made it past 9:45pm, so quit your fibbing!

    Solitaire on your phone has given me many memories. I think 95% of the important decisions we have made together in the past 2 years have been with your eyes locked on the phone in deep concentration while giving me the occasional 'sure' grunt.

    If it would make you feel better, I can perform the forbidden dance for your enjoyment tonight. That should cheer you up.

  24. Erin- don't lie. You tell them it's midnight at 8:00. I remember so many times, calling over to your house at 8:30, you answering the phone in your sleep, muttering under your breath the audacity some people have to call to late at night...

    Sam- does the forbidden dance come with ice cream? Because if it does, Dance baby. Dance!

  25. Brodi, 2010 is our year! I can feel it. In the mean time, I will play pity party themed scrabble any time with you! Caw, humbug?

  26. Jody- it is our year!

    Caw Humbug. Tee Hee.

    Can we start a scrabble game pronto? Pity-Party themed sounds great right now!

  27. So Brodi wanted me to get on here and tell everyone that I saw her today and that she's not as depressed as her post made her sound . . . but that would just plain be lying, and I don't lie. Not when it come to the well-fare of my friends. I'm calling for an intervention right now! We need to tackle her and wrestle her to the ground to keep her away from friction inducing chairs.

    Flash mob on Brodi's doorstep!!! 3,2,1, GO!!!!

    Ha ha ha, just got you back, Bro, for taking that toilet paper pic INSTEAD of trying to remedy my little predicament today. You know you could have kicked the roll back under the door rather than take a picture of it.

  28. Bree- But if I helped you instead of taking the pic, what would I blog about?

    No, ask anyone. It's much more fun to take the picture. Thanks for the intervention. Can we make it a chocolate-themed intervention?

  29. Brodi. You have to read Agassi's Open. I need someone to discuss it with. You? Sam? Erin? Carter? I'll take whoever...JUST READ IT...then call me. lis

  30. Douglas- Totally.

    Lis- I haven't read it yet. But if I get my hands on a copy, I will. And then we can start our own tennis-biography book club.

  31. Brilliant haha TDD was nearly sold out in New Hampshire while I was home for Christmas. Oh, and this blog made me chuckle. A lot. A lot a lot. :)

  32. Melissa- Glad you found it funny! Thanks for reading, and finding me on Facebook.

  33. Brodi, I think you need to shop. It's amazing how a new [fill in the blank, such as pair of jeans] can make you feel so much better about yourself AND your writing! Um, I'm only partially kidding. I think clothes are one of those feminine weaknesses you can't fight off with any amount of intellectualism.

    Never mind about goals. So long as you look good, which you have every time I've seen you, all is well! ;)

    But luckily I can also say I like your writing, too.

  34. You are very creative. I'm pretty sure that no one has thought of 'comfy chair suicide' before. The creative writer-juices must be flowing.

  35. Nikki- Shopping sounds great. When are we going? The only problem is, every time I go to shop, I end up at the book store. And books just aren't flattering on my bum.

    Becky- I got thinking of death by friction on this post- and for some reason the mental image cracks me up every time.

    I know. I need help. What kind of sick person cracks up thinking about friction suicide?

  36. Um, the people over at find suicide something to cackle at. You're not alone. Just don't try to actually win a Darwin Award and you'll be fine!

    Loved the picture!

  37. Jenilyn- There's nothing funnier than suicide. Except maybe cancer.

  38. I actually love New Year's, so I'm going to give you some tips on how to enjoy it too.
    1-Only write really easy goals, I believe one year I picked eat more chocolate cake.
    2-After you write down your goals promptly forget about them, unless they sound fun and you really want more cake.
    3-At the end of the year when it comes time to think of next years goals consider the slate wiped clean and delete the hard drive for any of last years goals not accomplished.