Monday, December 14, 2009

Fine. I'm a Liar Pants on Fire.

1. My friend gave me a Christmas card that I thought was hilarious. It showed her three young sons, hands clasped together, eyes closed.

Below the picture, large bold words read, "We Are Praying for Your Salvation." I couldn't stop laughing. Apparently some people thought she was serious.

Speaking of which, I am finally done writing our Christmas Cards. If you want one, send me an email with your address. (Email address in sidebar).

2. I'm a Big Fat Liar.

Emily Wing Smith has long been wary of my truth-telling ability, but I learned at our Writer's Retreat that she officially thinks I'm a big fat liar. Her reasoning is two-fold.

a) I tried to pass off my first attempt to darken my hair as "brunette".

b) During an intense Scattergories battle, I tried to convince her a "grouper" (the fish) was an amphibian.
(Grouper- Not an Amphibian)

In my defense, my hair looked brunette to me, and then when Scattergories asked for an amphibian starting with a "g", "grouper" was the first thing that came to mind. I should've said "guppy".

But now, Emily thinks everything that comes out of my mouth should be questioned.

me: "I'm fine with the air mattress."

Em: "I don't believe you. Take the couch."

me: "Okay, I'm fine with the couch."

At this point her head exploded as she tried to figure out which one was the lie.

To be fair to Emily, I did lie to her on purpose once. When we were in L.A., she confessed she was deathly afraid of an earthquake hitting us while we were in the hotel.

So I told her that's ridonkulus and I explained why. Our hotel was curved like a half-moon, and this meant our hotel was convex, and everyone knows that in an earthquake, the convex buildings are the most structurally sound, so she didn't have to worry about the building crumbling down.
(Our hotel. From the Concave side)

I would've gotten away with it, but she kept asking me in earnest if it was true. I had to admit it was just a working theory of mine. But I wanted to make her feel better. Does that really count as lying?

3. BFF Bree Despain's book The Dark Divine comes out in 10 days. Have you entered her Huge Frakkin' Giveaway? She's got some seriously cool prizes and the contest ends today, so go check it out. (Of course, stay here til the end of the post, leave a comment, and then go check it out).

4. I would like to reach 100 public followers for Christmas. Can anyone help me pull that off? I only need six more...


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  2. I do not think you are a liar. You always tell the truth. You really do think that I am the most handsome man in town. Thats true, isn't it? You aint lying to me, are you? Tell me it is the truth!!!!!!!!!!

    If I could follow you 6 more times, I would.

  3. Sam- Of course you are the most handsome man in town. And I love sleeping on air mattresses. And Convex buildings are not affected by earthquakes.

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  5. Sorry to add salt to the wound, but a "guppy" is also a fish. You're 0 for 2. For further reading click here:

  6. Oh, man. Fine. I should've put "gar". But I swear I remember watching a cartoon about that one guppy who could swim to shore, and then go for a jog.

  7. btw everyone- I'm now 5 followers away from 100. :)

  8. Lol. Seriously you need to look these up before you post. A "gar" is also a fish - No wonder Emily thinks you're a liar. Of course when cartoons begin to be your source of truth in the world, you may have more serious problems. :)

  9. I like the building theory. Anything to keep a friend feeling secure and safe right? I mean it was for Emily's own good. There was actually a category about amphibians? Crap I think I'd only know like 3. Aren't those supposed to be somewhat common categories?

  10. ok seriously? Since when are amphibians and fish different. I swear they were the same thing when I was in school.

    I think schools are just trying to confuse parents.

  11. Ben- Would you stop looking up my answers?! Do you have a contract with Wikipedia or something? You're such a gourami. (Which is a gullible type of amphibian.)

    And cartoons are the only way I learn anything at all. Seriously, that one Spongebob episode about the role of mitochondria in DNA got me through AP biology.

    Debbie- I know. I can't even name one amphibian that starts with anything. And yes, I would've told the same "convex" story to my kid if he were scared.

  12. Sara- Thank you! What some consider "lying" I call merely ignorance on my part. Maybe it's because I'm a brunette now, and brunettes are stupider.

  13. I'll ask Juliana if she's an official follower, and if not I'll make sure she helps you achieve your Christmas Wish.

    I love you even if you do make up things and then call them "working theories." I'm going to start doing that.

    Also I love you even if you don't know the difference between fish and amphibians.

    Also, and this is the big one, I love you even though you lied about once being a cheerleader. I believe I asked you this point-blank and you denied it. But I now have proof it is so!!!

    It will take a lot for me to regain my trust in you. To the tune of 100 retreats to your condo.

  14. ben- thanks for the link. I told you it was a gullible amphibian.

    Em- Thanks for the love. But seriously, I would never lie about being a cheerleader, especially if you asked me point blank. Maybe it came up about high school specifically, because I was never a cheerleader in high school. But I fully admit to being one in junior high. It was the year I discovered I have no sense of coordination.

    btw- how do you have proof I was a cheerleader? It just seems kind of random. :)

  15. I'll spread the word about your blog. I usually do, but I'm not sure if anyone has accepted my offer. I'll see what I can do.

    Your convex/concave building theory sounds reasonable. It could be true.

  16. Dear Brodi-

    Thank you for finally admitting what we all knew all along. But we love you anyway (and that's no lie). Oh, and my book comes out in less than 8 days, not 10 . . . but I know you can't help the compulsive lying.

    P.S. I also have proof that you were once a cheerleader. Liar.

    P.S.S. (or is it P.P.S.--either way sounds kind of dirty, don't you think?) Why are we not writing together today?

  17. Jenni- thanks for advertising the blog. And my theory about the convex thingee was based partially in physics.

    Bree- I never said I wasn't a cheerleader! Unless we were talking high school. But in Junior High, yes, I was a cheerleader! I do not recall ever lying about this!

    And the 10 day thing was an honest mistake. It's to do with the math. I also told Kid C it was his birthday today. It's really not til Wednesday. Again, the math.

  18. OK, I just signed up to follow publicly (I usually just subscribe to blogs in my reader). You're one closer to triple digits.

  19. I am here to defend Brodi's honor!

    Oh, and she is very beautiful and hott!

  20. Bibliophile- Thank you! Four more to go.

    Sam- "beautiful and hott!"? Um, thanks, but how does that defend my honor?

  21. By the way, I started my Free Book Friday win last night (the Chosen One). I decided I would challenge myself to moderate my reading a bit better - 25 pages or so at a time, so I don't read so much that I end up moaning my praise of the book through a migraine for the next few days, as happened recently with the Book Thief. Anyway, I failed miserably... read the entire thing in one night (but no migraine). Fantastic. Thanks!

  22. Bibliophile= I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've gotten many a migraine from being unable to put a book down. I think it's the highest compliment we readers can give a book!

  23. Uh Bro, please don't question how I choose to defend your honor. Let me just say, based on recent appears that it is working. Consider your honor defended!

  24. Sam- You're right. I was wrong to complain.

  25. You totally defended the crap out of my honor.

  26. I just gotta say your comments are as comical as your posts.

  27. Debbie- That's because I have very funny commenters. Thanks for the shoutout on FB.

  28. I want to be friends with your friend! Her sense of humor sounds like mine. And people always think I am serious. Sarcasm is so under appreciated.
    Came over from Cranberry Fries!

  29. Debbie- Sarcasm is indeed a many splendored thing.

    I hit 100! Thanks to Berk. Very honored.

  30. Yay, congrats on hitting 100 followers!

    It's not lying if you are trying to calm frightened friends/family and keep them from freaking out. It's more a survival technique because we all know, that last thing to do is panic.

    The concave thing sounds good, but I'm an architect and if you need something that sounds good, just let me know. I'll give you tons of almost true facts that will make anyone feel safe in any building. My architectural jargon vocabulary is A+!

  31. I'm not sure what kind of game you are playing that involves amphibians, but it sounds really smart! The smartest that I go is Pictionary.

  32. so, since you are already over 100, maybe you don't need me. But I could possibly be a follower, if I knew what it meant and what was required of me. I know, this is showing my total ignorance, and I should ask a 3 year old, but what the heck.

  33. Yay! I'm #101!! Merry Christmas, Brodi!

  34. Una- Do you have the architectural lingo to convince Emily that any building she's in is safe from earthquakes? Because I could use that!

    Becky- I think it was called "Scattergories for Harvard Grads and Genii, and other People with Easy Access to Wikipedia."

    Jenny- ha ha. You can follow by going to my sidebar on my blog and finding the "follow" button. If that doesn't work, we're gonna have to find ourselves some third graders.

    L.T.- Thank you for the wonderful Christmas present!

  35. I will vouch for you and say that you are not a liar. I will say, however, that you are sometimes delusional. This can't be helped though. It's just a common trait of The SIX.

  36. What I really was wondering is what happens AFTER I click the "follow" button. Does my picture get in the newspaper? Will I be recognized wherever I go?

    Seriously, what does it mean to be a follower? Do I get emails of your posts or something?

  37. Sure Brodi, lemme see what I can whip up (thank goodness tonight is the final for my last class I am teaching and then my maternity leave from my main job (architect) starts next Friday) and email to you.

    My favorite jargon terms are fenestration and bollard.

    (let's see if wiki-guy aka Ben looks them up for you! =) I was enjoying his posts, my hubby LOVES the wiki too, course, so do I!)

  38. Valynne- Thank you. Better to be delusional than a liar.

    Jenny- Oh, man. Now I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. I guess the only thing you get out of it is a reminder each time I post. But since I post on the same days every week, what good is that? I wish I could say that following my blog would get you notoriety and respect... how about just settling for a warm fuzzy feeling? Or brownies. I can make you brownies.

    Una- I think I had a case of the bollards the other night. So, when exactly are you having the baby?

  39. Brodi - you have two, you know they come when they want to. Technically my due date is Jan. 20th, but who knows when he'll actually come.

    A case of the bollards? Wow, that's serious Brodi!