Wednesday, June 8, 2011

NYC Part #2: Where Emily looks crazy on a subway, and Bree runs off with a banana

Hey y'all.

Today, we're heading to Venice Beach. I've never been there, but I hear it's where Muscle Beach is. This is very exciting.

But on to the rundown of my New York trip!

We conquered Broadway, with viewings of Jersey Boys and Wicked.

Emily Wing Smith, Bree Despain and me.

We ate lots of awesome food.
Here we are at Katz's Delicatessen, home of that famous scene from When Harry Met Sally. You know... the one where Sally does the... thing... and that woman says, "I'll have what she's having." Which was a pastrami sandwich. 

Our hotel was near Times Square, so we were there a lot. Below, you can see we asked Stevie Wonder to take our picture. 

iPhone cameras are hard to work.

Bree and I went to the Harry Potter exhibit. We must've gone at a slow time, because we were the only ones in line. I think they were expecting more people to come, because we had to stand in line a long time waiting for them to let us in to the exhibit.
Here's Bree, standing in line. That's how she looks when she's waiting. She struck that pose the entire time.
But no one else came. So they finally let the two of us into this large room with a stage. On the stage was a guy with a fake British accent, standing next to a chair with a hat. The guy and his accent were all, "Who in the audience would like to be sorted by the sorting hat?"

Bree and I looked at each other. We were the only ones in the "audience".

Guy: "Any volunteers?"

us: "..."

Because, when you only have two people, do they really need to be sorted?

Eventually we both took our turns with the sorting hat. We ended up in Gryffindor. We must've been stout of heart.

Emily Wing Smith did a fantastic job at her reading. 

She had to practice on the Subway ride to make sure it timed out right. 
Here's Emily reading out loud. Just for fun, Bree and I took turns acting like she was crazy, and then slowly moving away. 
In between the readings, David Levithan would stand up and read from an educational sex magazine.
David Levithan, describing how boys and girls have different parts. 
That is not a joke. He really did read from the sex magazine.. Somehow, it fit the evening events, but now that I'm telling about it, I can't make it make sense.

I also got to meet with my awesome editor Kristin Daly Rens, as well as Emily from HarperCollins marketing and Allison from publicity. I presented them with a "Mormon Cookbook", and said, in a solemn voice and a bowed head, "This is a gift from my people."

I shouldn't have said it so formally, because they began to gingerly leaf through the pages of casseroles and jello, taking care not to bend the spine, and promising to do right by these hallowed recipes. 

I quickly clarified that I don't actually cook, and that despite what they've heard, these casserole recipes are not actually scripture, so they can feel free to abuse the book without offending anyone.

The rest of my pictures feature only Bree and Emily, because I'd often take out my camera and give a quick, "Smile, girls."

The result is what looks like a series of engagement pictures for them. 

Here's the happy couple, after the official announcement, celebrating at John's Pizzeria.

Each of us - a half - incomplete
together we are as one…
in this there shall be joy.

Look how daintily they ingest their BBQ from Will's Barbecue...

Each hour, each day, each year
We grow as two, yet as one,
We grow apart, yet together
Forming an eternal love

Here they are, under the famous Katz's Delicatessen sign. The world is their oyster!
Love turns
one person into two
and two into one
But, at times, even though they were smiling on the outside, I sensed a restlessness developing...
The most joyous of occasions
Is the union of man and woman
In celebration of life…
Eventually, it came to a boiling point, when I clandestinely snapped this picture of Bree with another man (Robbie, Boy With Books) and... a giant banana.

Three hearts
that beat
as one…

It's okay, though. Emily found someone else too:
Strangely, the "I Feel Lucky" button on Picasa wasn't so lucky this time.
And of course, in the end, the cow ran away with the spoon.

Okay, I just went to Google "Cow ran away with the spoon" to get a picture of the cow and the spoon together, but it turns out it was the dish who ran away with the spoon. 

What the what? Am I the only one who always remembered it as the Cow running away with the spoon? I'm a little disappointed. Here I thought the poem was being all progressive with a mammalian-flatware relationship. Now it turns out the spoon ended up with a plate. This is a little too normal for me. 

So I jotted down the version of the poem as I remember it, and here it is:

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat ate the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep,
And the cow ran away with the spoon.

I know now that there are many things wrong with my version, not the least of which is that Little Bo Peep doesn't belong there with her sheep, and any cow who jumped over the moon would be way too tired to run away with a spoon. 

And yes, the cat eats the fiddle in my version, but I ask you, how is that so much weirder than a cat who plays the fiddle?

Ohmyheck. Have I really spent this entire blog discussing Hey Diddle Diddle? What is my problem? 

So much for progress. This blog is so long! Take a few days, digest the entire thing, and then let me know what you think. 

Did anyone else have the cow and the spoon together?


  1. So much fun! Please tell me you now own the giant banana. At the least, it would be the perfect wedding gift for Emily and Bree!

  2. If the cow's going to run away with the spoon, then the dish needs to jump over the moon. Your version leaves the dish out. Do you know how much this poem means to the dish? You discard it like it's a paper plate instead of taking care of it as if it were fine china. Poor dish.

    "The most joyous of occasions
    Is the union of man and woman
    In celebration of life…"

    So, out of Bree and Emily, which one is the man?

  3. Robin- we do not own the banana now. The banana cannot be bought. It can only be earned by doing feats of strength and skill. Which , of course, we suck at.

    Jenni- it depends on what they're wearing. And good point about the dish. I would never want to appear like I'm leaving someone out. Poor dish. He will get a burrito in the mail ASAP!

  4. I love the engagement pictures! They are so filled with ... emotion. Which emotions, I'm not always sure, but yes, very nice photography work Bro! Also, your version of Hey Diddle Diddle - way more interesting! I'm still ROFL!

  5. WindyA- I think my childhood education was lacking in nursery rhymes. I'm seeing a therapist about it.

  6. I love the comment when presenting the cookbook. Too funny. :D

  7. "This is a gift from my people"... classic.

    Great pics. I'm trying to figure out if I would have been weirded out by the sex readings of David Levithan, or whether it went with the flow of the evening.

  8. "I presented them with a "Mormon Cookbook", and said, in a solemn voice and a bowed head, "This is a gift from my people.""

    ROFL! I'm ... speechless (now that I've stopped laughing). Ohmyheck, indeed.

    Looks like too much fun. I'm jealous.

    And thanks for the (short) poem suggestion. I can use that for Dan Wells' #PoetrySummer.

  9. Katie- thanks!

    Suzane- it really did flow with the evening! It was all in his dry delivery of the information. It was awesome.

    Donna- for sure use that poem! Dan will be mucho impressed.

  10. I thought of your post when I saw this today:

  11. I really believe stand-up comedy is in your future. Loved the photo captions!

  12. Amanda- that would be a very boring comedy routine. Crickets.
    Thanks for reading!

  13. I love NY. How fun!

    Did you girls purposely stand in the same order in all of your picture?

  14. Debbie- why, yes. Yes we do. We like to stand left to right, smartest to dumbest.