New Book: DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY... and guess who the main love interest is based on?

Hey y'all!

So, I'm venturing back into the bloggerverse, with a possible side trip into vloggerville. First of all, some book news. Since I finally turned in my latest book, and am anxiously awaiting revision notes, I thought I should at least blog about the book.

Here's the blurb from the goodreads page about DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY: A standalone novel about a recent scholarship recipient who sets out to expose debauchery at her exclusive private school in Washington, D.C., only to find herself falling in love with the baddest boy of all.

Feel free to support me by marking it as to-read!

If you are wondering who I based the main character's love interest on, you need only be a regular reader of my blog. From back when I blogged regularly. 

Here's a hint, abs first: 

Any guesses? 

The main love interest even shares the same first name as my longtime crush.

Let me know if you know what I know about the guy based on the guy from my dreams. Also, if the preceding sentence made sense, you might be CIA. 

As an update on me, and myself, and the ever-present "I", I am recovering from a year-long bad hair day. It's not terminal, but it did prevent me from blogging. 

Also, is anybody else so excited about M*A*S*H* being available on Netflix? I can't believe there are actually episodes I have never seen. 

Also, if you're in the New York area on March 10th, I'll be appearing at Books of Wonder. Come and see me! 

Okay, that's all for now. Hugs and kisses.  

My Puppy Ate a Bee. That is not a Euphemism.

Let me start out this post by saying my puppy is totally fine. 

But this morning, Jewels was sitting on the porch, and this bee starts flying around her head. She watches it for a few seconds, and then she leaps toward it and gulps it down. 

Yep. My puppy ate a bee. 

She shook her head several times, which makes sense because bees can be hard to swallow.

I want to ask her about her thought process. 

Was it like this: 

Hey! It's flying... It's yellow... It has a stinger... It must be FOOD!!!

Or maybe:

I wonder if it will still make that buzzing sound on the inside? I MUST KNOW!!

Or maybe:

If I ingest it, I might acquire its powers. I've always wanted to fly! (Spoiler alert: she can't fly).

It's not like she was hungry. She'd just had breakfast and a puppy treat. No, she made a conscious decision to eat the bee, and then she snatched it out of the air like a frog would snatch a fly. 

Kid C is very worried about her. After all, there's a chance the bee might sting Jewels on its way out. I tried to assure him that Jewels' digestive juices will probably disintegrate the stinger. Because these are things moms just know. Mother's intuition, call it. Like don't swim after eating... I know you're hiding something behind your back... Puppy digestive juices will take care of a stinger pre-defecation...

She's sleeping peacefully right now. That is hopefully a sign the bee is dead.

We learned a powerful lesson today, which is: How do you eat a bee? One bite at a time.

My Latest Book News! And introducing the Lady Janies.

Hey y'all! 

So some of you mentioned the fact that my writing advice introductory video http://youtu.be/f1hUdo0PsbA doesn't have any actual writing advice.

This is for two reasons:

1. It's an introductory video.

2. Mama always said, if you want the milk, you have to milk the cow. 

Wait a second. She said if you want to pay for milk, you have to buy a cow. No, wait. If you want to attract a cow, don't buy milk from another cow. Actually I'm not sure how the saying goes. But I'm pretty sure she meant, "If you want writing advice, you'll have to wait until the person giving the advice makes a video about it."

Secondly, I have some great news! I'm writing a book with my besties Cynthia Hand (the Unearthly series) and Jodi Meadows (the Incarnate series) and HarperCollins just bought it!

Here's the announcement:

Told in the vein of The Princess Bride! 

Comic retelling of a girl who was queen for nine days and then got her head chopped off! Hilarious!

We are so excited! Here is our own YouTube discussion of the project, and our introduction to the Lady Janies YouTube channel! (You can subscribe if you feel so inclined. We will have lots of fun stuff going on there, like giveaways and shenanigans and chaos). 

So, that's the latest! 

My New Series on Writing Advice... and... a Puppy!

Hey y'all.

So my break from blogging turned out to be a really really big break from blogging. But I had a good excuse. I was getting my nails done. 

Not to go all poetic on your bums, but I can't help it: My intended break was but a drop, my actual break was an ocean. My intended break was a grain of sand, my actual break was the beach. My intended break was the color red, my actual break was the number 42. (Okay, by now, I'm not even following along).

The previous paragraph might make you think, "Why would I ever take writing advice from the author of that odious passage?"

To which I answer, "Aren't you impressed I used the phrase 'odious passage?'" Without even googling "phrases only erudite people say"?

I feel that I might be losing you. So, I will randomly insert a picture of my new cute puppy. She fell asleep while eating my shoe. 

There. Do I have your attention again? Excellent. So, onto the writing advice series. Every writing advice series needs an introductory video. So, here is the introductory video. It is only 30 seconds long, but it will tell you everything you need to know about my writing advice series. And... it might just save your life.   

I am also going to update my books page and appearances page. Because I'm pretty sure I've had a third book come out. And I'm pretty sure I have a couple of more announcements to make regarding forthcoming books. 

So... what have y'all been up to this past year? Any news to celebrate? Any annoying people in your life to curse? My favorite way to get back at people is to make a voodoo doll of the offender, and then, while the doll is asleep, stick the doll's hand in a bowl of warm water. I will be happy to help any of you to do that. 

EVERTRUE LAUNCH, and Heads Up, Austin and Nashville

Hello Lovelies! 

Just a heads up:

The final book in the Everneath trilogy, EVERTRUE, is coming out a week from tomorrow. A WEEK FROM TOMORROW! 

Y'all are invited to a launch party that night! 

January 21st, 2013
at The King's English 
7:00 p.m. 

Here are some other Appearances I'll be making!  

Austin, Texas
January 28, 2014 
6:30pm – The Book Spot (Round Rock) – with Jodi Meadows


Nashville, Tennessee
January 31, 2014 
6:30pm -- Parnassus – with Jodi Meadows, C.J. Redwine, and Myra McEntire

I'm Baaaaaaaaack! And let me tell you about a Great Writer's Conference!

(Imagine the title of this blog said in a creepy "Jack Nicholson" All-Work-And-No-Play kind of voice.)

(Oh wait... He never says "I'm baaaaaaack", right? He says "Heeeeeeeere's Johnny".)

(So which movie has the guy saying, "I'm baaaaaaaaack?")

(Should a blog post start out with this many parentheses?)

(No)

Hey y'all! I'm back from my summer blogging break. You didn't know I was taking a summer blogging break, did you? Well, neither did I. But the suits who run this blog (they don't exist) insisted I take a break (because I'm totally lazy). 

(By the way, we have officially reached the world record for "Most Parentheses in a Single Blog Post.")

(They will be awarding me the Parenthetical Crown tonight in a special ceremony). 

(Do periods go outside the parentheses? Or inside?.).

Anyway, the reason I'm here is to tell you about an awesome writing conference! For writers! It's this thing:

(contrary to what is being advertised, no writers will be put under literal construction)

I will be delivering the keynote address. Which means I will be using my entire repertoire of cuss words (because I swear like a sailor when I'm nervous). 

Here's what the organizers have to say: “The $49 includes a catered lunch and the day offers networking opportunities and book signings with our authors. Whether writing fiction, non-fiction, or for adults, young adults, or children, there’ll be something for everyone.”

Are you a writer who would like to connect with other writers, be inspired, or learn some crafty stuff? Then this is the place for you! You can register here.

Also, for those of you who will be at Salt Lake Comic Con, I'll be speaking on a panel Saturday at noon. And if that isn't enough to entice you to go, I will be wearing an elf costume. 

Hope to see you at either of these thingees! 

Now... how was your summer?

My Adventure at the RT Convention... and Other Stuff. With Pictures!

So I've been hesitant to blog lately. The reasons for this are twofold: (Seriously, I look for any excuse to say the word "twofold" or "threefold" or "thricefold". I don't know why)

1. Because it's been a few weeks, and I would have a lot to catch y'all up on...

2. There is no two. (Remember the extremes I go to just to use the word "twofold"?)

But now I just have to bite the bullet. And it tastes metally. 

Here's what I've been doing the last few weeks (and the accompanying pictures): 

Sold books at the EDGEFEST concert in Dallas Texas...

(Answering the age old question: Can authors jump simultaneously?? Um... almost, but no.)

Then I went to the Romantic Times Convention in Kansas City. I knew I was in the right place, because here is the room key...

I further knew because he was waiting for me in my room. Kidding. 

I also knew I was in the right place because there was a giant poster for Sharon Page...

Oh, and for me too! 

 One of the best parts of the convention is getting together with author friends, old and new!

A table full of YA Authors, including: Suzanne Lazear, Josephine Angelini, Victoria Scott, Kiera Cass, Amy Plum... and more)

On a whim, as I was passing a haircuttery in a mall, I bounced in and chopped my locks! And then the hair dresser was like, "Stop chopping your own locks! I'll cut it! I'll CUT IT!"

Do not adjust your screen. That's not a boy you see there, that's me!  

I met the guy (Brady!) who filmed both of my awesome book trailers...

Brady, sizing me up and making the correct decision NOT to put me in the EVERTRUE trailer...)

And just because it was a random weekend, have you ever wondered what an elevator full of YA authors looks like?  

We made many great memories in that elevator... And by memories, I mean we rode it up, and then down as needed. 

  I signed books in between Jennifer Armentrout and Leigh Bardugo...

Leigh said she was pulling a "Ned Stark". And if you get that, then I love you. 

 Did I mention hanging out with a billion YA Authors? 

Okay, not quite a billion. Just under. 

 And when the food didn't come soon enough...

I tried out the panorama button on my iPhone...

Male model sandwich!

Seriously, friends for life...

(CJ Omololu, Zoraida Cordova, Victoria Scott, Corinne Jackson, Tamera Ireland Stone)

 I signed a buttload of books (remember, the "buttload" is an actual unit of measurement: A butt is defined to be 2 hogsheads, which in the US is 63 gallons)...

Many thanks to HarperCollins for sponsoring so many events, and for providing 63 gallons of books! 

I also attended the Whitney Awards Gala with a table full of my favorite people...

(including my agent Michael Bourret, My mom, Jeff Savage and his wife, James Dashner and his wife...)

 Oh yeah. I won a Whitney Award too...

Took me a while to figure out I could actually open the trophy, like a book. Okay, my agent had to point it out to me. He's so good at his job.

Phew. That was a lot. Now I feel like I can blog more regular-like, without my head exploding. (because there are currently brain bits splattered across my screen). 

So... what have y'all been up to??????????????????? Ew. A brain bit just made the question key stick...

How I look to my Kid on this Mother's Day...

My Mother's Day Portrait, by Kid C. 

Before you judge, just know that I've always needed bigger arms to counteract my abnormally tiny legs...

Other than that, it's spot on. Long hair, constant smile, and no nose. That happens to be the look I strive for when I'm getting ready in the morning. 

Kid B made me a potted planter, full of pipe cleaners in the shape of flowers. 

When I picked the pot up, he changed his mind and decided it was for him. After accusing me of stealing it, he grabbed it out of my hands, emptied it of pipe cleaners and straightened each one of them out. Once there was no trace of the flower shapes, he took the fake grass and sprinkled it on the living room floor. 

Seeing my forlorn expression, he handed me a wadded up candy wrapper and said, "Happy Mother's Day." 

me (looking at the decimated carnage that was once a mother's day pot, and then at the garbage in my hand): "Um... thank you?"

him (beaming): "You're welcome!"

Happy Mother's Day to all of you women out there, kids or no kids, flowers or just pipe cleaners. And to those fathers pulling double duty. What did all y'all do today?

How When it Comes to Love, My Mom Duped me. And then I Duped Kid C

My mama always told me to keep the guys guessing, and never let 'em see you swoon. So the other day, Kid C was talking to me about a few girls that he likes. I tried to dispense a little bit of similar motherly advice. 

me: "So, you know, if you like a girl, you might want to play it cool-"

Kid C holds his hand up, as if to say I got this. 

Kid C: "I know, mom. I know. It's called 'playing hard to get'."

I guess I've been talking to him about it more than I thought.

me: "So what do you think that means?"

Kid C: "It means I avoid her. And I tell her that I like other girls. I don't go as far as to tell her I hate her, or trip her or anything, but I make sure she knows I don't like her much, and I'd rather be near someone else."

me (with a sigh, thinking I may have overshot the whole "playing hard to get" lesson for years...): "Okay, let's start over. Let's practice starting a conversation with her."

Kid c: (BLANK LOOK)

me: "You know, like 'Hey! How are you?'"

Kid C: (BLANK LOOK)

And I realize it's too late. I've already indoctrinated him with the hard to get mentality. Suddenly, my high school social life (or lack thereof) flashes before my eyes. 

I remember my agent, after reading my book, said to me, "It seems like the main character doesn't like the main love interest very much."

I was stunned. I was all, "She LOVES him! How did you not get that?"

He's all, "Well how does she show it?"

Me: "Didn't you see her run out of the room every time he walked in? And then that one scene where she yells at him? and tells him she hates him?? If that's not love..." My voice faded off. 

Him: "Um... Yeah..."

Me (lightning strikes): "Ahhhhh. That's not love." And  then, shaking my fist in the air: "CURSES MOM!! I was DUPED!"

I'm so sorry, Kid C. 

What I've Been Doing... NOT Licking Thor, that's for sure.

Okay, so I've had a few not-so-subtle nudges from blog readers, friends and family members (I'm totally looking at you, Jacksons) about putting up a new blog post. 

Here's what happened: I turned in the last round of edits on EVERTRUE (I still call it Everneath 3: It's Everneathiest) and then did you know there's an off switch in your brain? A literal off switch? That's the only explanation for what I've been doing during the last couple of weeks. Somebody flipped the off switch. 

I mean, I've done some of the usual stuff... 

Like now you see it...

because what's a barber shop without a pool table and a lei?

Now you don't.

... that's a handsom face in the mirror... wait, is that moi?

Now you see it...

Isn't she cute?

Now you don't. 

It's a boy! 

I kicked some balls...

...and pulled a hamstring. (This was also the "before the concussion" pic)

I consulted with my godfather...

... he told me to go to the mattresses. So I went to just the one mattress. And fell asleep.

I danced with Fred Astaire. But I have to admit, I felt like a third wheel...

... Um, Fred? Fred? I'm over here, Fred.
Okay, Fred, this is getting ridiculous. It's like you don't think we're dancing together. 

I used my feminine wiles... all two of them...

... That's right, Ben. I totally pulled my hammy right here...
And you see this leg? I've got another one just like it. And it goes all the way up... to my hip.

And finally, I let Thor know that I really lick him.. I mean like him...

Because if you were this close to Thor, you'd lick him too. Admit it. 

So yeah, I've been totally busy. 

What have all y'all been up to? 

Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is a tad cumbersome... Here's the Real Title

So, after what feels like months being underwater with revisions... (wait a second... it WAS months) EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is now officially in copyedits!

Which means it's basically done!

(I say basically, because copyedits still have to be done, but it's like mostly done. Like, medium well.)

So now, without further ado... (adieu? adoo?) I'd like to introduce y'all to the real title of EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest. Because EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest is not the real title, although I have greatly enjoyed typing EVERNEATH 3: It's EVERNEATH-iest over and over and over.

The title is...

EVERTRUE

I really like this title. I hope you do too. 

And now... to collapse. 

My Week in Pictures... L.A. Version

I'm in Los Angeles for work this week. Here's what my week in pictures looks like:

You can't go to L.A. without seeing Universal Studios, right? I think you get fined if you try...

Cynthia Hand (author of the Unearthly Series), me, Jodi Meadows (author of the Incarnate Series).
We wore our hair in pigtails so we could find each other easily.

 We met lots of crazy characters...

like Shrek and Fiona...

Why is Fiona so mad? 

 And the Scooby Gang...

Did you notice that Daphne tried to put her hair in pigtails too?

And Curious George...

Curious George was a little too curious about my pigtails. He kept pulling on one of them, and then he'd shrug innocently as if to say, "Hey! I'm a monkey!" Like that excuses it...

 And a random set of Asian brothers... 

Spotted them sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, blending in with everyone...

 To cap off the day, I ate my weight in cotton candy. And that, let me tell you, is a lot of cotton candy. 

Objects in picture are much larger than they appear... Except my cheeks. Those are about spot on.

 The next day, we spoke to a novel-writing class at Pepperdine University, whose campus is so beautiful it should be illegal. I'm not jealous. 

The three of us with with the ugly coastline and mediocre deep blue sea in the background. Gross. 

Then we had lunch at a place in Malibu by the ocean...

How come everything in California is by the ocean? Don't they care that they're making the rest of us insanely jealous? I hate every person in this picture.

By which point, hubs accused me of playing and not working. So, just to appease him, I got to work. 

I always carry my purse while jackhammering...

That pothole on Generic Street in Manhattan is now fixed. 

You're welcome, New York. 

By the way, I'll be appearing at the Barnes and Noble in Westlake tomorrow night at 7pm with Cynthia Hand and Jodi Meadows.

And then on Saturday, we will be at Books Inc. in Mountain View California at 5:00 pm. 

Anyone in the L.A. or San Fran areas? Come out and say hi. 

So... what are y'all up to? Anyone jackhammer a pothole lately? 

In Which the Consequences for Losing my Pillbox are Disastrous

I have a husband who fills my pillbox for me weekly. The reason for this is two-fold: 1. I'm too lazy to fill my own pillbox. I really can't be bothered to flip lids and divvy out pills. 2. I'm forgetful. I really can't be bothered to remember.

I know, you'd want to be married to that too, right? 

Well, about a week before my deadline, I misplaced my pill box. But because I was staying up late most nights to write, I never got a chance to tell hubs. So every night, at like 1 am, I would go to the medicine cabinet and just grab my pills individually. 

Fast forward a few days. Let me paint you a picture. 

I woke up in the morning and felt the need for an omelet with a side of a brick of chocolate. So I ate an omelet and a brick of chocolate. Then I went to the grocery store and bought a giant bag of corn chips and a big jar of that nacho cheese, and came home and melted the cheese and ate the entire thing. Then, for the leftover chips, I grated a bunch of cheese and melted it directly on top. 

Then I went to the gas station to buy five packages of grape Hi-Chews. And the gas station attendant was all, "Hey! I haven't seen you since last night. You already need five more packages of candy?" 

And I was all *flips him off*

Then I went to a birthday lunch for my sis-in-law, and I ordered one meal to eat at the restaurant and one to take home.

And then when I got home - and feeling the need for vegetables - I made myself some creamy cilantro dressing and steamed an entire bag of broccoli and dipped the broccoli in the dressing, but the dressing wasn't enough so I got another jar of nacho sauce so I could dip the broccoli in the cheese first and then the dressing. 

And with a full mouth, I called into the other room, "Sam! Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

And he's all, "I can't understand you, due to the fact that your mouth is filled with broccoli/nacho stuffs."

And I'm all, "CAN YOU MAKE A RUN TO WENDY'S FOR ME??"

And he's all, "Talking louder will not make you easier to understand. You have to empty your mouth first."

And I'm all, "Empty my mouth? So there's no food in it? Death first!"

And he's all, "Seriously, swallow!"

So, with a dramatic eye roll, I swallowed and didn't put anything new in my mouth so I could ask him, "Can you make a run to Wendy's for me?"

He gave me a surprised look, partly because I'd never in the history of our marriage asked him to make a run to Wendy's for me, and partly because I had just eaten ALL THE FOOD. 

He's all, "Um... okay. What do you want?"

me: "Two baked potatoes, with everything, and a large chili. Extra cheese. Hold the chives. Because chives are gross. And a frosty."

Him: "..."

me (putting another nacho-broccoli in my mouth because I've waited long enough): "What?"

him: "You want TWO baked potatoes? AND the large chili?"

me: "WHAT ABOUT GETTING ME THREE DINNERS DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???"

Later that night, I went to the medicine cabinet to get my pills, and I saw an extra prescription bottle in the top right corner. I looked at the label. It was for my pills. 

Then I looked at the prescription bottle I'd just taken a pill from. It was prednisone. A steroid for people who can't breathe. It was also a dosage for a large man. 

One of the side effects of the pill is INCREASED HUNGER. 

I'd been taking prednisone for AN ENTIRE WEEK. While I was on DEADLINE. (I think another side effect is putting every fifth word in ALL CAPS). 

You can probably guess what happened next.

Yep. I got so mad at Sam for not noticing I was taking the wrong pill all week, and for the freshman fifteen I'd put on. 

He's so sorry.

By the way, I'll be at the Provo Library tonight at 7pm with the Dark Days tour. That is, if I can fit in my car.