A Flash Forward to the Future for Kid B, and Why I Cried Yesterday

Hey y'all. Yesterday marked The End of the Chimichanga Challenge:


Team Tamale (me): 25,641 words in 21 days.


Team Gluten Intolerant (Bree Despain): Excellent progress, until a trip to Disneyland sidelined her.


Both great showings, but nothing close to the winner...


Team Churro (Kristin Thetford): 40,222 words in 21 days.


That is pretty amazing. So I asked Kristin to share a couple of her favorite lines from her WIP (Work In Progress):

As soon as I received that black envelope, I knew it would be bad.

I wasn't wrong.

I approach the girl in front of me. "You do know that you will most likely be killed."

She nods, and her smile is a sinister twist of thin lips. "I was born for this."

He knows that, despite my ultimate goal, I will have nightmares over what I have done here.

Pretty engaging lines, don't you think? So, if you get a chance, give her a holla in the comments. I will be personally mailing her the grand prize, which is a burrito. Why not a chimichanga, you ask? Well, because burritos are healthier, and I don't have a deep fat fryer. 

On to the post. 

I had a brush with the future yesterday. Kid B is graduating from his special needs preschool, and they sent us this photo to commemorate the event:

 

They obviously explained the solemnity of the occasion to little Kid B. He looks like he's 5 going on 18 in this picture. I imagine it went like this:

Picture taker: "Okay, Kid B. Try to look like you never had any fun."

Kid B: "But I want to smile!"

Picture taker: "Play time is over! Real adults never smile."

Kid B: "But I'm five!"

Picture taker: "Not for long! You see that thing around your neck? That's called a tie. And it's never coming off! Mwah ha ha ha ha."

I don't know how they got him in a shirt and tie. I can only imagine the whole get-up is an all-in-one sort of thing that they threw over him in the last minute.

What I do know is this: I am so not ready for him to grow up. 

This is a new feeling for me. I never understood those mothers who cried on the first day of kindergarten. I was always the crazy neighbor raising my Diet Coke glass and shouting "Mazel Tov!". Usually, beginning in the labor and delivery room, I start counting down the days til they turn 18 and head off into the world.

I used to wonder why we couldn't be more like animals in the wild. Have the babies, make sure they survive their first week, chew their food for them, and then push them out of their nests to see if they could fly. (Why the baby tigers were in the nest in the first place was always a mystery.)

I even tried to do this at home. First priority was to get them to hold their own bottles. Next was to change their own diapers. Then my master plan was to push them out the door and yell, "Fly, little one. Fly!"

But seeing this picture? *sniff* Really, Pingree School, you're killing me.

When you can't write, just type... and Favorite Lines from the sequel to EVERNEATH

Hey y'all. It's time for a...


Chimichanga Challenge Update:


Team Tamale: 11,845 words (out of 40,000)
Team Gluten-Intolerant: Disneyland (out of 40,000)


Yep, Bree Despain is in Disneyland. So let me just say right now, what were we smoking when we said 40,000 words?


But the contest has kick-started me into the second book. Most authors I know warned me that writing a second book, under contract, under deadline, would be much harder than writing the first.


Now I know what they mean. This second book has been the naughty child. It's shy, stubborn, and it gives me the silent treatment. I kept trying to coax the story out of its bedroom, but most of these attempts ended in a door slammed in my face.


So I sort of just ignored it. But here's something I learned... something we should print on a bumper sticker or something:


The book won't get written if you ignore it.


Catchy, isn't it? Even more simply put: It won't get written if you don't write it.


I know it seems obvious, but it's so easy to forget. If you're like me, you like for your inspiration to hit first, and then the writing comes. But sometimes, you have to write first.


And that's when the writing can be painful... like I have to quite literally take my hand, shove it up my nose, dig around in my brain for the right words, and then yank them out, covered in cerebral goo.


Sometimes you have to forget about the writing and focus on the typing. Just type. Type as many words as you can in an hour.


And through this random typing, I discovered a few scenes I wasn't expecting. I love these scenes. But it took a lot of bad typing, and bad words, to get there.


Just for fun, I thought I'd share some of my favorite lines from EVERNEATH 2. I know they are out of context, but hopefully you'll enjoy them. (I shared a few on Twitter last week).


"Aren’t you the least bit curious about how I got you into bed last night?"


“You haven’t changed a bit. No 'how do you do?' no talk of the weather. Just a good swift kick to the groin.”


"I couldn't help but notice you confiscated a clump of my hair last night."
"What was your first clue?"
"The ripping pain at my temple."


"Sorry, but the vomit spewing from your mouth drowned out that last word. What were you going to do?"

"I hope you realize, if you forget him... he WILL die. You know this, right? Tell me you know this."

Okay, I don't know if those will even be interesting when they're so out of context. Most of them are spoken by the same character. (A character I have grown to love. Obsessively). 

If you're ever stuck on writing, try typing. I promise it will get better. 

What do y'all do when you're stuck? And do you like the lines? And if you're in the Chimichanga Challenge, what's your word count?

Chimi-Challenge Update, My Trip Pictures, and My Left Shoe

Chimichanga Challenge Update:


Team Tamale (me): 1,256/40,000 words.


Team Gluten Intolerant (Bree): 17 handwritten pages/40,000 words


I don't know what that translates into, but I think Team GI is ahead. But I have some great news for those of you competing as well: The deadline has been randomly extended to May 10, 2011! That gives us all 4 extra days.


Please give me your totals in the comments if you are joining in the challenge. And if you're not, feel free to trash-talk either team.


On to the blog:


I can sum up our trip to Southern Utah in 9 words:

We hiked:

The gang: looking extra thrilled to be there, and proving that
despite their surroundings, they can still manage to look thoroughly unimpressed.

My bro-in-law Dave, on crutches and still hiking after extensive knee surgery.
My sister calls him "gimpy" and proclaims him to be useless. And that was before the injury.

We rode scooters:

My dad: proving that chemo can't hold him back.

Why drive anywhere when you can scooter?
And may I add that you have to have a surprising amount of butt muscles to scooter, even going downhill.

We dug:

Niece N: Sacrificing her arm and head for the glory of an extra deep hole.

We buried:

Kid B: trying to determine if he is indeed having fun,
considering we kept having to convince him.

Kid C and Niece N: A test run for when they are buried together.

And when the kids acted up, we banished them to the narrows. (We made them watch 127 hours first.)

Scared of tight spaces? Oh yeah, we totally hiked up that crack. IYOE. (Insert Your Own Euphemism)
At least, the kids hiked up it. I ran away screaming like a little girl. I swear that crack gets narrower every year. 

Kid C deep in the narrows. We encouraged him the entire way, and he only believed us for a few minutes when we told him he'd have to cut his arm off to make it through the last bit.

Kid C: This could be you!

Speaking of my awesome sister...

Erin, taking her cue from the English and wearing a wide-brimmed hat.

Erin is known for getting things not quite right, but almost. For instance, when talking about her love for Diet Coke, she said, "I have a wooden leg for that stuff." 

We went to a movie the other day, and on the way home we got talking about Daniel Day Lewis. She's all, "Wasn't he the guy in that Last of the Moccasins movie?"

Yes, Daniel Day Lewis starred in that movie about the day when everyone had to go barefoot in the wilderness because there were no more Moccasins left.

Then she was all, "And didn't he get an award for that other movie? My Left Shoe?"

Totally. He got an award for playing a guy annoyed by his left shoe. "My Left Shoe: The One That Itches."

So, so close. I love her so much. And does she have a hidden shoe fetish I don't know about?


Also, if you're in the Salt Lake area, know this: It's Emily Wing Smith's Launch Party for Back When You Were Easier to Love!


Thursday
The King's English
7:00 p.m.


Our Barry Manilow cover band, The Barely Manilows, will be debuting our hit single, at the Copacabana! 


Seriously, I'm pretty sure this will be a one time thing, so be there or be elsewhere. Who's with me?

Three things, A Rant, And the Return of the Great Author Smackdown

Word Progress: 0/40,000*

*This will make sense once you read the blog post.

Hey y'all. Three things on this sunny Friday Morning:

1. A rant.

This morning, I had a doctor's appointment scheduled. I've been waiting six months for this appointment. 

The doctor's office called me several times during the week, warning me not to be late. They are not forgiving of new patients who are late.

About a half hour before the appointment, I received a phone call, telling me the doctor had to cancel because she was off delivering a baby.

That's all fine. So I call back to reschedule, and the office person says the soonest she can fit me in again would be in six weeks. 

What the WHAT? Six weeks? They cancel on me 30 minutes before the appointment, after warning me all week about the dire consequences if I was late, and the soonest they can reschedule is in six weeks?

Does anyone else think that's crazy? 

The scheduler asked me if the end of May was good for me. Because I am not afraid of confrontation, I replied with a scathing "Um, yeah. That should work fine."

Why am I so scared of schedulers? Because my uncle was killed by a scheduler.

Kidding. I suck.

2. Lady of Leisure

Kid C (8 years old) said to me the other day: "Brodi, I think you are the most relaxed person in our family."

me: "What do you mean?"

him: "You don't go to work. You don't go to school." Thoughtful pause. "There must be something you can do..."

3. An Author Smackdown: The Chimichanga Challenge Returns

40,000 words in 21 days. 

Many of you will remember that Everneath came about because of a contest I had with author Bree Despain: The Chimichanga Challenge. It was a race to finish our novels.  (Mine became Everneath, hers was the sequel to The Dark Divine). 

Side note: I can't really remember why we called it the Chimichanga Challenge, but I think it was because we were talking about it in the parking lot of Costco when a strange man tried to sell us tamales out of a zip-lock bag he was carrying.Tamales... Chimichangas.... there you go.

To motivate each other for our current WIPs (Works-in-Progress), we are having another race. Here's the rundown.

Team names remain the same:

Brodi.... Team Tamale

Bree......Team Gluten-Intolerant

Object of the Race:

To reach 40,000 words (in addition to the ones already written) by May 6, 2011. 21 days from now.

The Rules:

a. Never talk about Fight Club.

b. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

c. Never bury the lead.

The Point:

Brodi finishes EVERNEATH 2

Bree finishes DARK DIVINE 3

We will blog about our progress, and we will trash talk each other. (Can you believe she can't handle dairy products? Wuss.)

And, dear blog readers, you can divide yourselves into teams as well. Join one of our teams, or form your own team and start writing! And contrary to many religious zealots, you can bat for both teams if you want.

Here's the best part: If we all reach 40,000 words in 21 days, we all win! Yay! Winners can treat themselves to whatever they want. Everyone can win!

But I will say: Last time, I totally won. 

So, what do you think? Do you want to form your own team? Do you want to join one of ours? Who do you like better, me or Bree? What do you like better? Tamales or Gluten Free Rice Bread?

Do you think the doctor totally should've squeezed me in before six weeks?