3 Everyday Things you can do to Prepare for the Revision Process

EVERNEATH 2: It's Everneath-ier is officially in copyedits!!! Yay!!!

I often get asked what the revision process is like, especially for the second book. It's hard to describe it, so I compiled a list of every day things you can do to experience the feeling. 

1. Give yourself a paper cut. Then take one lemon - the ripest one you can find - and shove it in your eyeball until it reaches your brain. Repeat with a second lemon and your other eye. Ask yourself if the original paper cut was necessary for the progression of the story.

2. Have a baby. Request that the OB-GYN rate the process as it happens. Have him evaluate the pacing of contractions, and mark any spots where he thought the action was "slow", especially any times he was "bored enough to leave the room".  After the baby comes out, have him critique the baby's appearance, noting all the blemishes. Then ask him to shove the baby back inside you, with the instruction to “try it again.”

3. Pick your four favorite friends and take them to lunch. Then ask the waiter to listen in on the conversation. At the end of lunch, have the waiter pick his least favorite of your friends. You know, the person who was the most boring or has the fattest thighs or whatever. Then take a gun and shoot that friend dead. You'll notice how much less cluttered the table feels after that. 

Okay. I'm off to have lunch with my four favorite friends... wait. They just cancelled. WHY??!!

World-Building: When You're Missing the Essential World-Building Bone in your Body

So, I'm under deadline. I know it seems like I was just under deadline, and that's because I was. 


For those of you who don't know, I'm revising EVERNEATH 2: It's Everneath-ier. This time around, we are focusing on world-building. 


And let me tell you something right now: I was born without the world-building bone in my elbow. Doctors were amazed; they would take my x-rays around and show other doctors, and remark, "This little baby is going to have a helluva time trying to build a world that's not exactly like the one we live on."


Most of my world-building looks like this:


Okay, so lets take a planet:

Now we have to ask ourselves, where will the people live?


Let's add some land:

Good. Now, how will life grow? What will the people drink?


Let's add some water. 

And... oh crap. I've made Earth. AGAIN! 


Then I crumble up the paper and throw it away and start over. 


I was supposed to world-build in the last round of edits, but instead I threw in some razzle-dazzle. I gave my editor the old flim-flam-flummox, then I dazed and dizzied her, because how could she see that I couldn't world build when she had sequins in her eyes?


As a final number, I threw in a tap dance. 

But the thing is, I can't tap dance, and my editor could see just fine with the sequins in her eyes, and she still said, "Hey, how about we world-build a little?"


Then I tried to explain to her about my unique anatomy:

But she was not impressed. Apparently, she thinks I can do this. 

So, yon bloggerville, I think I can do this too. 


But just in case, does anyone know what the Underworld looks like? Anyone at all? Geography and demography would be great. And for heaven's sake, do not let it resemble Earth!

The EVERNEATH Good Guy and Bad Boy Quiz... and What Kid B did with my Sequel

Status: Watching "Through the Wormhole" with Morgan Freeman. My mind is blown. But I have to watch it because I believe the EVERNEATH is accessible through a wormhole. It's research. 


Hey y'all. Sorry for the blog silence on Monday, but every time I tried to blog I came across this:

Yep. That there is a looming deadline, and on Monday it was looming large. My first revision on the EVERNEATH sequel was due Monday. 


I celebrated turning in my revision by sleeping all day yesterday. And having a cold. Partay! I am upright today, though, so here I am. On the blog. 


A couple of things to share with you:

Thing #1: Have you ever wondered if you go for the Good Guy or the Bad Boy? Well, I have the solution for you. Take the EVERNEATH Good Guy or Bad Boy Quiz and your question will be answered. 


For your information, I got the "Good Guy". 


Sam got the "Bad Boy". 


I don't know what this means. But take the quiz, and then come on back here and tell me what you got. And for those of you who have read the book already, you may recognize some of the choices. But you can still make up your mind which thing you'd rather do. And as we all know, The EVERNEATH is all about choices... dun Dun DUN! 


Thing #2: Like any other parent, I've been hanging Kid B's artwork up on the fridge:

Well, the other day I printed out a hard copy of EVERNEATH the sequel, and left it in my kitchen. When I came back, I found various pages hanging up all around the kitchen, like this one on the fridge:

*I had to remove this first picture. Apparently hubby says you can read it, and it contains spoilers. Sorry!*


and these two on the cupboards:

Apparently Kid B is just as proud of my artwork as I am of his. 


So, how was everyone's Thanksgiving? I went to my family's ranch. I'll share pictures next blog. 

My Three Favorite Sentences from the #3ARCs contest! And my scenario for one of them...

I had my nieces choose the winners of the #3arcs contest. Since I knew some of the contestants (either personally or through the interwebz), I didn't want my biases to influence any decisions. 

Here are their favorite tweets using the words SLIDE, GLIMMER and EVER. 

1. from @ashliepants

SLIDE secrets to ears that can't EVER tell, just because the moon GLIMMERS doesn't mean all is well...

2. from @LisaAldin

As I SLIDE my blood-crusted hands from the cuffs, a GLIMMER of light appears under the door, and I wonder if this game will EVER end. 

3. from @woven_

As she let the coin SLIDE from her palm into the GLIMMERing fountain, she knew she wanted this with to come true more than EVER.

I think my nieces did a fantastic job picking the winners. You should've seen them last night poring over the entries. They took their task very seriously.

WINNERS: Please email me your mailing addresses! brodiashton at gmail dot com 

You will receive a 3-ARC prize pack of SLIDE, GLIMMER and EVERNEATH! 

It's hard to imagine a time when anyone would utter those sentences, so I came up with my own scenarios.

For #1:

A man stands by a pond that reflects the moonlight, thinking the toil of his life. Two years ago, a witch cast a spell upon the man, cursing him to speak only in cryptic rhymes. 

A beautiful woman approaches. She has been searching for the man her entire life. "Please, tell me what I need to do to break the curse. Please!"

The man replies, "SLIDE secrets to ears that can't EVER tell, just because the moon GLIMMERS doesn't mean all is well..."

The woman grunts in frustration. 

I'll let you come up with scenarios for the other two. Please feel free to share! 

So... how's everyone doing? I'm armpit deep in revisions, with only my blog readers to tell me whether it's sunny or snowy outside. So tell me.

Seven Easy Steps to Reading a Revision Letter

So, last Friday I got my revision letter for the sequel to Everneath (EVERNEATH 2: IT'S EVERNEATH-IER). This is always a scary time, I think for most writers. Unless you're Stephenie Meyer. She probably writes her own revision letters. Because she can do that. Because she's Stephenie Freakin' Meyer. 

When I know my revision letter is coming, I like to prepare myself. I look in the mirror and say:

"Your editor likes you. She likes your book. She likes your characters. It's not personal."

and

"Remember revision letters are just more writing. You like writing."

Then I get all existential:

"Remember your book is just a bunch of words. Made up of tiny letters. Which are really just blips on a computer screen. Why are you so attached to blips? What did they ever do for you?"

and then I get personal:

"Seriously, reflection, your hair is, like, white."

and then defensive:

"Shut up, mirror-me! The box told me I'd look like Sarah Jessica Parker!"

Then you get the actual letter. I have a process for this that involves seven easy steps. I'm not saying this will work for everyone. I'm just saying it works for me. 

Seven Steps to Reading a Revision Letter

1. The moment when you get the revision letter, spring back from the computer as if it is rabid. 

This will give you literal space between you and all of your mistakes.

2. Jog a few laps around the kitchen island, shouting old World War II phrases of battle, like: "Mayday Mayday!" and "Tora Tora Tora!" and "Vive l'Empereur !"

This will get your blood flowing, thus getting you ready for the next step, which is...

3. Reading the letter.  

Not you, though. You still stay away from the letter. Let someone more responsible, and less prone to hair dyeing mistakes, read the letter. In my case this person is Sam.

4. Have your more responsible half read all of the positive sentences from the letter, and skim over the rest. 

This will sound something like: "Blah blah blah... Oh, she really likes the ending. Blah blah blah blah... oh, she uses the word 'potential' a lot here. Blah blah blah."

5. Print the letter. 

While it is printing, stand next to the printer with your significant other, counting the pages as they print. Say things like, "It's probably going to be nineteen* pages long!" so that you can be pleasantly surprised when it is shorter.

*caution: Aim high because you really don't want to hit that number.

This time, it was seven pages long.

6. Go to dinner, and have your significant other mention briefly some of the highlights of the things your editor wants to change. 

This way, when you read the actual letter, you can already have some ideas as to how to fix things. You can even convince yourself that you were going to fix these things anyway, and her letter just confirms it.

7. Finally, blog about reading the editorial letter before you read the editorial letter. 

Um... check.

I just realized my "Seven Steps to Reading a Revision Letter" program doesn't involve actually reading the letter. So, I guess I should end this post and read it, since I got it three days ago. Unless you don't want me to go.

*eyes unread revision letter on kitchen table*

Cuz I could totally stay. And hang out for a bit. We could talk and stuff.

*imagines revision letter mocking me*

I mean, really. One more day of freedom won't hurt, right?

Why I Love my Editor... and Why I Flash my Computer Screen sometimes

I love my editor. 

You never know how you're going to work with someone until you're actually working with them. After three rounds of revising, I'm realizing how lucky I am to have someone like Kristin in my corner, because...

1. She never gets annoyed by all the posts I write about the joys of revising.

2. Two days ago, we exchanged emails discussing the implications if Justin Bieber decided to enroll in a typical high school. (The Bieb won't be denied!)

Yes, this really was part of the revision process.

3. Yesterday, we emailed back and forth about our cursing preferences: which words we personally used, which ones we didn't, which ones were too "street", too flippant, or too crass for my main character.

Someone who swears too much is like the school floozy. Nobody's gonna want to buy the milk when they can get the cow for free.

4. She doesn't mind when I use metaphors that make absolutely no sense, which makes me wonder, if that free cow tips over in the forest, would you then have to pay for the milk?

*swears a little under her breath*

5. She's incredibly patient when she has to write the same instructions over and over in the margins.

The Top three instructions on this round?

3. "Let's take this further!"

2. "a little awkward..."

And the number one instruction... "SHOW!"

So, all you writers, the number one rule to "Show, don't Tell" never goes away. Sometimes, even when you think you're showing, you're really telling. About showing. I'm dizzy.

I've taken to answering these instructions out loud to the computer screen.  Yes, like a crazy person.

Answers:

3. "... Your place or mine."

2. "...Welcome to my life." *awkward hugs*

1. For this one, I usually just flash the computer screen.

I'm under the wire on this round. Blogging may be sporadic. Who am I kidding? I always blog! I love to blog! And I vow, from this day forward, I will try to SHOW, not tell, in my posts. At the very least, I will flash the computer screen before pressing "Publish Post". 

So, what are all y'all's plans for the weekend? Anyone snowed in, like us?