Five Signs you have Revision Brain

Sorry I'm so late to the blog today. I've been arse-deep in revisions, and I realized I have a serious affliction. One that has no known cure.

No, there is not a tree growing in my lung like this guy:

Yes, that's a real x-ray. Yes, it's an understatement to say the knowledge that such a medical mishap can happen has affected me. Deeply. 

Luckily my condition is a more common one, known as Revision Brain. I'd like to enlighten you as to the condition.

Five Signs you have Revision Brain:

5. You can't think of anything for #5.

4. The smiley faces your editor places in the margins of your manuscript to let you know she likes something, go from looking like this:

to looking like this:

3. You snap at your hubby over the appearance of a tomato in the fridge.

me: "Where did this tomato come from?"

him: "I don't know."

me: "It wasn't in here this morning."

him: "Maybe I brought it home from work, when I brought home the sandwiches."

me: "Well, did you or didn't you?"

him: "I don't remember. Look, it's a perfectly good tomato. Just eat it if you want to."

me: "I would never eat a tomato of dubious origin."

him: "Fine. Throw it away. I don't care."

me: "What do you mean my edits suck?"

3. You wake up at random intervals during the middle of the night, and frantically write down a brilliant idea in the notebook you keep by your bedside, but in the morning, you read the notes and they say: 

Remember for Chapter 17!! : MC eats cheese in her underwear.

In trying to decipher the note, and uncover the brilliance you are sure is there, you ask yourself stupid questions, like, "Did I mean the MC wears underwear while eating cheese, or did I mean the MC eats cheese found in her underwear?"

*Rest easy, there are no scenes involving cheese and underwear in my book. I promise.

2. You're sure you could sooner climb Mount Everest than write a blog post.

And the number one sign you have revision brain: You re-read said blog post and realize you counted down from five wrong. 

What about y'all?

Revisiting the 80's: a.k.a., the Five Stages of Grief

Happy Monday y'all.

Thanks for all the entries in the "Help Brodi Express her Feelings" contest. I learned a lot from the comments. For instance, emotions often lead to gastrointestinal issues.

And the random winner of the signed copy of PARANORMALCY, chosen by the Random Number Generator, is...

Rebecca!

Please email me your address at: brodiashton (at) gmail (dot) com.

As an added prize, I will use the emotions you gave me somewhere in my book. I don't know if you'll consider that a prize, but I think it's pretty cool.

Moving on...

Sam and I went to an 80's Prom Party over the weekend.

Me and Sam: When he said he was going in "Tighty Whities",  I was hoping he meant something else.

In anticipation of the event, we had to search for 80's clothes.

We went from Denial: "There's no way we're dressing up."

to Anger: "Who actually plans to revisit the 80's? Even the 80's knows it should stay dead. It was the 80's that took its own life in the early 90's, when it felt useless and unloved."

to Bargaining: "I'll tease my bangs if you wear the pink suspenders you wore last night..."

to Depression: "I swear it wasn't that long ago that these stirrup pants used to fit..."

and finally to acceptance: "Molly Ringwald would've killed for this outfit! It's okay to cut the fingers off my Isotoner* gloves, isn't it?"

*Side note: My mom gives me a pair of Isotoner gloves every year for Christmas. I have boxes and boxes of them, unopened, in all sorts of colors. Every year, when I unwrap the gloves, I say, "Thanks! I totally needed these!" And then they go to the dedicated "Isotoner Glove Drawer" in my dresser.

**Side note to the side note: It's okay I told that story, my mom doesn't read my blog.

At the party, I sang karaoke with my writer peep Valynne (#4 crazy). During the musical interlude, I showed off the move that got me countless wrist corsages in high school.

Here's a shot with my writer's group, The SIX, and I'm sure y'all recognize the man in the middle. (Rick Springfield). 

 

Me, Kim, Sara, Emily, Bree, Valynne. Otherwise known as, #1, #6, #5, #2, #3, and #4. (We rank ourselves in order of most to least crazy). 

Here's a picture of The OTHER SIX. (That's how we affectionately refer to our hubbies.)

 

Stand back, ladies. They're taken. Unless you really want them. Then we're open to negotiations.

The men did an awesome rendition of "Turn Around Bright Eyes," and rumor has it there's video evidence of the performance. I'm hoping to unearth it for Wednesday's blog.

How was all y'all's weekend? 

The Hardest Part of Revising so Far: Let's Discuss our FEELINGS! (and I'm Giving Away a Book)

Yay, it's Friday! I'm giving away an autographed book in exchange for your help. I'm talking to you. Yes, you.

I am arse-deep in revisions right now, and as I read through my editor's notes, I'm noticing a pattern in her margin-comments. See if you can spot it:

"How does Nikki feel about this?"

"What does Nikki feel at this point?"

"How does Nikki feel?"

"What are Nikki's feelings?"

And your final clue:

"Yeah, but how does she feel?"

Did you guess the theme?

I don't think my therapist has been doing his job, because each time I see one of these notes, I think, oh man. Talking about feelings again. I might as well be a girl.

  

Okay, I am a girl. But I've never been very good at expressing feelings. 

Sure, I've had feelings. But when that happens, I usually take two aspirins and go to bed, trusting that by the morning, they will be gone. 

So, here's where you come in. Please leave me a comment, and tell me how you feel about something. Anything. It can be an emotion:

ex: I felt angry

or it can be a physical reaction:

ex: The blood rushed to my cheeks.

I'll draw a name from the comments, and that person will win a signed copy of Kiersten White's PARANORMALCY.

What do you think? Can you help a girl out?

On your mark... Get set... EMOTE!

Talk of Blood and Brain Viruses: Typical Book Launch Party for James Dashner

Hey y'all.

First off, I wanted to share a link to this auction to benefit Pakistan Flood victims. There are awesome ARC's and swag up for grabs. Click here to see what's on the table. Most of you know how I feel about the people in this area of the world, and I love to see people here take action to help out.

Anywho...

So, we went to James Dashner's launch party for THE SCORCH TRIALS, the second book in the Maze Runner triolgy. 

He did a great job, especially when he talked about how amazing his agent is, and I have to say, his agent sounds like a gem. (Okay, we have the same agent).

James, looking casual, talking about brain viruses.

Some highlights:

-James shared at least two secrets he "wasn't supposed to divulge*."

*He didn't use the word 'divulge'. Divulge is a very big word. 

-He told the audience he did at least 20 minutes of research for THE SCORCH TRIALS. He even looked at a map.

-He said the word "fart" and then in an effort to make up for such an offense, he told the kids in the room not to say the word "fart", and by doing so, he said the word "fart" about 486 more times.

-When he met my twin nieces (niece E and niece E), he told them how lucky they were to have me as an aunt, and how even luckier they were that they weren't actually blood related to me. 

-I told him where he could shove his book. (He could shove it forward on to the table in front of him, so he could sign it, of course.)

-Just to get the last word in, I gave myself a paper cut and bled on him, and then ran out the door yelling, "Now look who's blood related, beeee-yaaatch!" 

I'm hoping this disturbing scene makes it into his third book, The Death Cure, since his books are chock full of disturbing scenes.

On today's agenda:

I've made progress on H-E-L-L. (btw, some of you made reference to an actual word my acronym spells out. Any similarity to an actual word is accidental.) Yesterday I finished writing a prologue for my book. Item #1 on the Revision list, check. 

Now on to items 2-582.

How's all y'all's week going?

Revision Letters: The Unkindest Paper Cut of All

Good Monday, yon bloggerland.

This week, I received two wonderful surprises from my publisher.

The first has to be the coolest part about this whole book deal so far: 

 I named him "Box-O-Books"

A giant box of Harper Collins books! 

When I saw it, I have to admit I went a little weak in the knees, and my heart went all twitterpated, and before I knew it, I was breaking up with Sam in favor of this new Box-o-lover. 

Sam claimed there was room in our house for both him and Box-o-books, but I reminded him we only have a Queen-sized bed.

And sometimes, Box-o-books likes to spread out.

I wouldn't want to cramp Box-o-books' style. 

For a few days, I was on cloud 11, (the lesser-known cousin of cloud 9) and I wondered if there was anything that could bring me back down to earth. 

Then I got this:

 Revision Letter

Just like Box-o-books, Revision Letter (otherwise known as the Helping me Evaluate and Learn Letter, or H-E-L-L) likes to spread out. To a whopping ten pages, single spaced. Inside the letter were ideas on character development, world building, and possible theories as to Kennedy's assassination. 

(At least, I'm pretty sure I saw reference to a "Magic Bullet" somewhere deep in H-E-L-L, like on page 9).

I think I also found the Lindbergh baby in there. 

Anyway, with Box-o-books and H-E-L-L sharing a bed, Sam is definitely on the couch. I would take the couch, but part of the revision process is to let H-E-L-L marinate and sink in, and the best way to do that is to sleep with it. 

Oh, wait. My editor said sleep on it. 

Okay. But when I wake up with paper cuts, I'm suing.

How was all y'all's weekend?

I got to be the guest blogger on Nathan Bransford's blog on Saturday. Click here to read it.

And now...

*dives into H-E-L-L*

More Burning Questions about the Book Deal, and Brodi gets Blurbified

First off, I was interviewed on Emily Wing Smith's Blog, so check it out here if you get a chance. 

Moving on.


BLURBIFYING* BRODI
*Not a real word. This blog disavows this post, and has reprimanded the writer.


I have to share another one of those "Never thought the day would come" moments. I'm a blurb! I'm a blurb! In Publishers Marketplace. 

October 6, 2010
		Children's: Young Adult		Brodi Ashton's THE EVER'NEATH, based in part on the myth of Persephone, in which a seventeen-year-old, after having spent the past six months in the underworld escapes to the surface -- to her old life, her family, her boyfriend -- for another six months before she's banished back to the underworld once again, this time for eternity, to Kristin Daly at Balzer & Bray, in a three-book deal, for publication in Winter 2012, by Michael Bourret at Dystel & Goderich Literary Management (NA).

 Y'all will probably have that blurb memorized by the time my book comes out. Sorry.

MORE QUESTIONS

Okay, so there are some more questions that have been popping up about the book stuff, so I decided to run them through our beloved Question-Maker. (Some of you were giving the QM flack in the last post, but I have to tell you, the QM came from humble beginnings, and he has no idea as to social cues. I don’t think he means to be rude. But today he’s promised to be on his best behavior.)

THE BURNING QUESTIONS from the QM:

QM: You have a book deal. So, you think you’re somethin’ else, now, don’t ya?

Me: (Sigh) I don’t think that’s a real question.

QM: Oh. Sorry. I was just shootin’ the breeze.  Didn’t know we were live. (taps on the mike, chews his tobaccy) Let’s have a looksy… Okay. Here. Isn’t your first book in the trilogy done? So, what are you going to do for the year plus until your book comes out?

Me. Excellent question, QM. Even though the book was finished when we submitted it, and even though I revised with my agent, it’s still technically a “first draft.” Now the real revisions with my editor begin.

QM: Hmm. Couldn’t get it right the first time?

Me: Nobody does.

QM: I have a little book here called The Twilight Saga that would beg to differ.

Me: Not a question, Question-Maker. Try again.

QM: How much did you get for your advance?

Me: That’s not polite, Question-Maker. You don’t see me asking how much you make at your job, do you?

QM: Fair enough. How about if you just tell me, and I promise not to tell anyone else?

Me: How about you move on to the real questions.

QM: Fine. (Flips through the 3x5 cards) Here we go. Do you ever get that, not-so-fresh feeling?

…

Me: I can tell it’s almost the weekend. How about we take a break.

QM: Is this a break? Or a break UP?

So, the question-maker and I are going to couple's counseling this weekend, apparently. What are y'all doing?

Kid B Reinvents the Game of Soccer. We're still Working out the Glitches.

So, It's that time of year. Kid B's soccer season has begun again. 

Remember his first game last year?

I think this year we've improved. Check it out:

Did you see him? How about now?

Yep. Kid B's coach told him to "play forward" and Kid B thought he said, "play dead." Common mistake. Could happen to anyone. 

My favorite part of his soccer games is the strange looks he gets:

 The other coach is all, "Is he okay?"

The little girl's all, "Whaaaaa?"

The thing is, neither of them understands Kid B's strategy. He's a road block. Can you imagine if someone is dribbling the ball down the field, and happens to slam into Kid B's blockade? (It's a big field, so there's maybe a 1 in 500 chance it could happen). 

But if it does happen, it would be... maaaaaayhemmmmmmmm! (Said in a monster truck rally voice).

I'm still holding out hope for a soccer scholarship. Hey, if I can get a book deal, he can totally get paid to play soccer.