Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Breakfast Mishap at SCBWI, and How I'm Planning on Getting to Heaven

So, during SCBWI in L.A., I went to breakfast with Emily Wing Smith and He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned on the Blog (Matt Kirby). I ordered french toast, and when it was delivered to my table, next to it was a giant slab of the most delicious butter I'd ever tasted. 
(Not the actual french toast, but it looked a lot like this)

I spread the butter on the toast, and finished it off. Then I was left with half the butter and my side of potatoes, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just spoon the butter into my mouth.

But I didn't want to look silly. Especially since I was in the middle of explaining to Matt and Emily how Heaven could possibly be accessible through a wormhole. 

I figured it wouldn't look gluttonous if I used my potato chunks to scoop up the butter, since butter and potatoes are supposed to go together anyway. Matt Kirby still gave me a strange look.

I was about halfway through the schlob of butter, and just reaching the climax of my theory that angels are really aliens, when Matt interrupted me and asked, "What do you think that is you're eating?" 

I paused, fork mid-mouth. "Butter."

"Um, no. It's whipped cream. I've been wondering why you're dipping your potatoes in it."

me: "Well, I didn't want to look stupid."
He gave me a look that said Mission Not Accomplished.

I examined the fork, with the chunk of potatoes topped with a dollop of whipped cream. "Now that I know it's whipped cream, I'll just spoon it directly into my mouth, and bypass the middle-man potato."

After Matt was done laughing (which was quite some time later) I said, "This doesn't discount my theory of the existence of ancient alien astronauts."

Are you wondering what got me thinking about all this sy-fy stuff? Well, what do you say when your seven-year-old asks how you get to heaven? Literally?

Talk about this stuff long enough, and he'll eventually stop asking questions.

And has time officially stood still in August? 


  1. Loved it! Why didn't you do anything like this when we went to lunch? (Not that it wasn't fun, but you know...)

  2. So... do you have to be an actual writer to go to these conferences, or can you just pretend to be one? And how do you find out about them? Do you have to be invited?

    (I'm thinking the grown-up conversation might be worth checking one out!)

    p.s. my word verification is hethers. What is this, 1989?

  3. Whew. I thought you were going to talk about the OTHER breakfast mishap, the one in which I lied so hard I probably won't be joining the aliens in heaven.
    Thanks for not mentioning THAT

  4. If I had a penny for every time that I dipped potatoes (or chicken, or meatloaf or bananas) into a pile of whipping cream that I thought was butter, I would be a very rich man.

    You haven't lived until you have whipped cream-ed topped potatoes. It is almost as good as chocolate mousse covered potatoes.

  5. Nicole- that lunch with you actually stands out as a rare moment where I didn't do anything overtly stupid.

    Sal- Anyone can go to these conferences! p.s. Now I have to go rent Heathers. Excellent flick.

    Lindsey- Of course not! I'm saving that post for Friday. Don't worry though, I will only refer to you as "L.L."

    Sam- And if you think about it, Whipped Cream is just pre-butter, right?

  6. Ha ha! That's awesome! I love that the whipped cream is the most delicious butter you've ever tasted. Of course it is! Yum! :)

  7. Now I'm hungry. Thanks a lot. Hope the conference was great, haven't had time to follow your blog in a few weeks. What else is coming up on the calendar?

  8. Jenni- I wondered why they would sweeten the butter...

    Cam- Coming up on the calendar:
    (Announcer voice):
    Ooonnnn Frriiiiddddaayyyy!
    Hang on to your hats and glasses, because Brodi will be presenting... a story! Where she does embarrassing things, makes incorrect assumptions, and wackiness ensues!

    Don't miss it!

    Actually, I don't really have anything on the calendar. Just counting the days until Michael submits my manuscript. So if you know of a way to speed up time...

  9. ha ha on the butter/whipped cream brodi.

    i think time is moving backwards. today i bought a big roll of duct tape at Walmart. i am taping all of my children together and locking them in the laundry room.

    i am hoping it takes them ALL DAY to get undone and come out....

    if i were a drinker, i would have been driven to it this week.

    10 more days, 10 more days, 10 more days!

    p.s. tell kid c you get into heaven by NOT annoying your mother during the last month of summer vacation! HA!

  10. Dorien- I'd think you were kidding about duct-taping your children together, but then I remember that one time your kids duct taped your youngest to the wall, and you got pictures. (Admittedly the funniest pictures I've ever seen).

    10 more days!!!

  11. As you so ably demonstrated in an earlier post, butter and whipped cream both start as cream! Sweetened butter (which actually exists--yum!) seems to me to be whipped cream that is just agitated more.

    And even if it wasn't--nothing wrong with whipped cream on potatoes. We put marshmallows on yams at Christmas!

    Time seems to be streaking along up here. Come on up sometime and I'll show you what I mean! :) That even though our kids don't go back to school until September 7!!

    (Susan's kids in AZ started back today!)

  12. That is hilarious! Also, I am intrigued by your wormhole theory. Impressive.

  13. Robin- Pack the bags. I'm movin' to Arizona.

    Violet- I'm glad at least one person out there is impressed with it. :)

  14. I know wormholes are true!!!

    Also, remember we decided whipped cream is just pre-butter, or more accurately "cream of butter," or more accurately "creme de beurre."

  15. Emily- Creme de Beurre! It sounded so sophisticated.

  16. Are we in August, I thought it was May? Maybe there are worm holes and I fell into one. Love your theory!

    I'm still trying to figure out how whipped cream can be mistaken for butter. Are your taste buds okay? Could they be blooming?

  17. Una- I'm telling you, it did not look like whipped cream. It looked like two little scoops of whipped butter! So, when my brain is thinking "butter", it's also telling my taste buds to taste "butter".

    You buying this?

    p.s. Is there a wormhole that will take me directly to September? Because that would be very convenient right now.

  18. This made me laugh out loud. What a funny story!

    Good luck dealing with whipped cream in future. :)

  19. Amy- Thanks. Next time, I'm just gonna spoon whatever it is in my mouth, even if it is butter!