Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why I Threatened to Make a Necklace out of Human Hands

Hey y'all. 

Okay, so there are a few things I want to tell you about.

First up
I am one of the Debutantes in Badass Bookie's 2012 Debutante Event! All you need to know is that there will be tons of giveaways of the biggest titles of 2012, ARCs, swag, and each author chooses a prom dress! You can check out the details here.

And next up... actually that Debutante thing was the only thing. It just felt like a few things. Because lately, everything seems bigger than it actually is. Every task more difficult. Every direction more confusing. 

This might be due to the fact that my revision deadline is two weeks away. And then Thanksgiving. And then Christmas. And then Book Launch. Plus Kid B and Kid C's birthdays in the middle of all that.

Sam said to me this morning: "Kid C has to bring a collection to Scouts today. There has to be at least 10 of whatever he's collecting, and it has to be organized somehow."

me (vacant stare): "Um... okay. So?"

Sam: "So... what should he collect?"

me: "Um... bread?"

Sam (long pause): "Lemme explain again. Kid C has to bring a collection to Scouts. Of something he can actually collect. Something that won't, like, mold and stuff. What can we throw together?"

me (looking around kitchen): "Um... light bulbs."

Sam: "No."

me (eying sink): "Water?"

Sam: "Now you're not even trying."

me (staring at cups): "Water spots?"

Sam (waving a hand slowly in front of my face)

me (watching his hand): "Hands! Good idea. He can collect hands. He can string them together and make a necklace."

Sam (backing away slowly): "Um... It's okay. I'll figure it out."

me (calmly): "But you might need help. With the chopping. And you're gonna need my soldering iron to seal the ends of the veins and stuff."

I looked up, but Sam was gone. Truthfully, I have no desire to make a necklace of hands. But at the time it seemed easier to fake crazy than to actually help Kid C with his collection.

Anyone else feeling the stress right now?


  1. *hug* Stress can be a bear.

    For me, the elections over as of last night when the council completed the canvass. A few cleanup items and putting everything away for two years. A funeral for a beloved uncle on Saturday in Wyoming and Thanksgiving next week.

    I think my stress situation will improve in December.

    Oh. Dang.



  2. Donna- Yes, January! Everything is better in January. All that inversion and stuff. :)

  3. Yes, the stress is in full swing. The semester is winding down, which means final projects are due and finals are just around the corner. My niece is getting married the day after Thanksgiving so my holiday plans are kind of shot, even though I'm really happy for her and excited about it. I just wasn't expecting to spend Black Friday at a wedding.

    Good luck with your revisions and good luck with Kid C's collection plate. He could collect stamps, stickers, rocks, names (I collect names), or coins.

  4. I was totally following you with the hand and cauterizing iron and stuff. It would have worked!

    Cheese. I know, strange and doesn't fit the qualifier of the mold stuff, but he could tie it with with Diary of a Wimpy Kid and conduct a science experiment, seeing which kinds gets what kind of a mold. I'm telling you, it could go places.

  5. Oh yeah, I'm with you on the stress. I used to pretend I was crazy at my job so people would leave me alone. I'd talk to an imaginary friend. Not that anyone fell for it but maybe they did...just a little. ;)

  6. I just keep saying it will get better in . . . well, I don't know when. October is crazy with halloween stuff, November and December with Christmas stuff, January with the clean up of Christmas stuff, February with 2 kids birthdays and Valentines stuff. Maybe March? Oh ya, taxes. April is Easter and the start of spring sports. May is end of school stuff and June-August is Summer stuff. So maybe in September?

  7. it's the most wonderful time of the year, right?


  8. Jenni- Good ideas! Where were you yesterday?!

    Tasha- Cauterizing! That was the word I was trying to remember. Obviously, I am not crafty enough to actually own a cauterizing iron.

    Jenny- I talk to imaginary friends all the time. And they talk back. It's not a sign of crazy. Right?

    Paula- And so begins the Countdown to September! I'll start making the paper chain. :)

    Dorien- That should totally be a song.

  9. Definitely a busy time of year, and then add to it all your book-related craziness. Yikes! Your hand necklace made me think of Johnny Depp's toe necklace in Pirates of the Caribbean and I had to laugh :) Here's hoping your plate feels a little less full soon.

  10. Jaime- A feet necklace? Now that's just gross. :)

  11. Ugg, life. Sometimes it seems too big for any of us.
    But keep on keepin' on.

    Unfortunately I can just imagine a necklace of hands around a person. All these hands grouping at the shoulders, chest, and back of the poor wearer. Icky but vivid.

  12. That story was hilarious.

    Oddly enough for me this is the most relaxed I've been yet this year. It says a lot when Christmas is your most relaxed time. Hope it calms down for you soon.

  13. Shelly- Ewwww! But vivid. :)

    S.P.- Please share whatever your secret is!

  14. Ha ha ha! Soooo funny. Love it and you. :)

  15. I was just reading an ancient Indian legend about a guy named He-Who-Wears-Human-Heads-as-Earrings, who dyed his hair bright red by spitting on his hands and then running them through the strands. Yes, that's only one step away from She-Who-Wears-Human-Hands-as-Necklaces. Perhaps you should dye your hair red next as a warning to anybody who gets in your way before your meet your deadline.