Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sam's a Greater Man Than I... and He's Conspiring Against Me.

How about some very important status updates?

Solitaire games played: 520
Win percentage: 15.3%


There seem to be two camps of people:
1. Those who think I should have noticed the $282 total charge for one book.
2. Those who think Sam shouldn't have left the stupid doorknobs in his virtual basket in the first place.

So, which camp are you? You can tell me. I won't hold it against you. It's not like I know where you live. Or do I?

Sam is much more magnanimous than I am. What he calls my "adventurous spirit", I refer to as "attention deficit disorder."

He'll often say to me, "Honey, if I die first, I just want you to be happy. If you find someone who makes you happy, get married."

me: "Thank you. And if I die first..."

sam: "Yes?"

me: "I want you to follow soon after."

sam: "But what about the kids?"

me: "If they're over 18, with good prospects, then follow me."

sam: "What if they're still little?"

me: "Stay and raise them until they are viable. Then hit the gas pedal and head for a cliff."

sam: "Wouldn't you want them to have a mom?"

me: "Nope. They've got my mom, your mom, and my sister. That's enough mom for anyone. And trust me, if you feel tempted to find someone else, I shall haunt her all of her living days."

sam: "You don't believe in ghosts."

me: "I'll find a way."

So, yeah, there is a total double standard. And you ladies who were waiting for your chance with Sam? Consider this a threat.


Speaking of double standards, my lovuhh Rafa will be playing in the French Open starting next week. (It's a double standard because Sam would never be allowed to call someone his "lovuhh". Except Rebecca DeMornay. He's always had a thing for her, and I don't really mind because she's not so much this...

she's more this...

And that's not to say she's not beautiful or anything, because I'd give up a lot to look as good as she does, but still... Sam is welcome to date her. Magnanimous, right?)
Anyway, back to Rafa. The French Open is played on clay courts, and Rafa was born on a clay court. (I think that's actually true.) So tune in when you get a chance.


Holy Brain-blower Batman. Does anyone else feel like the creators of Lost have crossed the streams, causing total protonic reversal? (Can anyone name the movie?)
I won't ruin anything for those of you who haven't seen the finale, but I will say I bet you a meeelion dollars the writers are just as confused as we are. Only they've taken it so far, there's no way we can prove it.

Oh, and detonating a hydrogen bomb should never be a "go-to" plan of action. Just as a general rule.

So, the key to quitting caffeine is not blogging about it. I haven't quit cold turkey, but I've significantly reduced my caffeine footprint.

The problem is, last night when I had my first Diet Coke in a long time, I went crazy. Like, in the literal sense. I started accusing Sam of "conspiring" against me. Who says stuff like that?

But I was so enthralled with the word "conspiring", I couldn't stop myself. Normally, I would never act like that, so I can only assume it has something to do with caffeine. Perhaps I shouldn't have quit?

Sam is one confused unhip white dude today.


  1. I think the show Lost is for writers who are naturally incoherent. It allows them the freedom and creativity to write without actually having to follow anything...remotely like a straight line of thought.

    If Sam hadn't left the doorknobs in the basket in the first place, then this mess wouldn't have happened. So Sam, in my opinion loses this round.

    Ha - I love it, my hubby and I have had the same conversation. I thought men were supposed to be territorial?

    Brodi - I know your pain. When I first gave up first bite of a restaurant dessert...WHOA! Talk about bouncing off of walls!! Hang in there!

  2. Una-
    One vote for Brodi, thank you. And I'm glad to hear I'm not the only territorial wife out there.

  3. I'm with you on the whole marriage after my spouse dies thing. I don't want Corey (hubby) to remarry, whereas, he doesn't mind if I do. I probably wouldn't, but I still think it's funny.

    Corey and I have a mutual understanding. I can think Ewan McGregor is hot and want to jump his bones and he can think the same about Zooey Deschanel. Other than our one allowance, we have to keep our thoughts to ourselves, lol.

    However, a huge double-standard is that I'm allowed to wear this ( around the house and in public. But, Corey would be skinned alive if he were to wear the same thing with scantily clad women.

  4. I'm with you on the doorknob issue. If anything, Sam should be thanking you for not noticing what else was in the cart. That would have meant you were spending serious, focused time on Amazon instead of making a super-quick purchase for a reader. If you're anything like me, that kind of quality time with Amazon results in a much higher bill than $282. So, really, you SAVED him money if you think about it.

    Second, I think I'd tell my husband he could remarry after I die. After all, he'll never find someone as great as I am! ;)

    Third, who DOESN'T accuse her husband of conspiring against her? I do that every day...umm, does that mean I should cut back on my Diet Coke habit too?

  5. PS - I'm with both of you on the doorknobs thing. Anybody can make that kind of mistake. So, I say compromise and blame each other equally. ;)

  6. Jenni- Love the shirt. Ewan McGregor and Zooey Deschanel? Interesting, and rather random, choices!

    Jessica- thank you for the perspective. I'll let Sam know how much money I saved him.

  7. I am perplexed how much support that Brodi has received for ignoring the costs of a purchase, a cost that would have been 28 times the regular cost of the book. I have now learned that this was indeed my fault.

    Next time honey, please ignore the final purchase cost as I am hoping to stick the lovely Rebecca DeMornay in my checkout cart and have her delivered to our house without you noticing.

    And Rafa may have been born on a clay court, but Roger has been a good study. It should be fun.

  8. i have to side w/sam...
    but i do still love you BOTH equally.

    undecided on the remarrying part for kyle...i suppose he should get another shot. he may like the next one better than me some days! LOL

    although if kyle dies, i am ONLY marrying for money next time.

    does that make me shallow?

  9. So if I saw something in the cart I might think, "hm maybe hubby was planning on buying this for me for my bday." I mean seriously, how romantic are doorknobs. And like you said, at least you made sure to get the free shipping!

    Hubby and I have an understanding about when I die. Since I do all the finances around here (the thought of it makes his brain explode) he has to remarry so he can have access to said money. I've written a note (ok not really but I've teased him about it) to the new wife telling her where to access all the accounts. As long as thats the only reason he remarrys. Haha.

  10. Dorien- I still love you.

    Debbie- Accounting ability is a great foundation for a second marriage. If Sam goes first, I would have no idea where or what our finances were. I'd have to place an ad called "must love numbers."

  11. Brodi, you're gonna kill me. I have finally decided to end my lurker-hood on your blog for one simple reason: to side with Sam about the doorknobs. My reasoning is that Sam consciously & knowingly chose to leave the doorknobs in his basket--he knew exactly what he was doing and he did it on purpose. I'm afraid that even you would have to admit that your own actions were not quite's say, deliberate.

    Can we still be friends? You are free to say no if you choose, but I must remind you that even if you boot me as a friend, I'm still family. Sorry about that. We'll just need to come up with a carefully disguised avoidance strategy for Christmas parties, baby showers, and cabin barbecues.

    BTW, there's one other thing I have to agree with Sam about. Even though it's true that becoming an author has led to the evolution of a "new" Brodi (see Sam's post for details), I too LOVE this Brodi and think she is so much fun. I love all the versions of Brodi, and I'm sure Sam does too :) .

    Am I off the hook yet?

  12. Um, no Amy. You are so not off the hook! I jest. I will take any abuse you have to dish out, because it's all worth it if it means you de-lurked. Happy De-Lurk day!

    That being said, in my defense, I totally "deliberately" pushed the purchase button, so I can totally "deliberate" Sam's butt off any day!

  13. So.......if you deliberately pushed the purchase button, didn't you deliberately purchase 2 doorlocks for your reader? I'm not sure that admitting to any deliberate behavior actually strengthens your argument that it was Sam, not you, who erred. Just sayin'.

    Can you tell that I'm totally pushing my luck here, since I apparently have immunity on my De-Lurking Day?

  14. I'll admit, Amy. My argument makes absolutely no sense. But I thought if I threw gibberish at you, you would admit defeat. I was wrong!

  15. Ah, I loved the finale of LOST! To see Sawyer to raw and emotional was, well, you know. Yes, I am getting very confused too but that's okay...still the best show ever!!

    (the dark mother is calling you...)

  16. OK, good point--gibberish usually does takes me down. I'm done harassing you now--I'll go back to being a harmless lurker. Maybe you'll encourage me to stay in Lurker-dom in the future! No hard feelings if you need to throw a drink in my face or something next Thursday :) .

  17. Cam- I know. Nothing better than a desperate Sawyer.

    Amy- no going back to Lurkerville. I'll call you out every blog if you do. Consider this a threat!

  18. Hmmm, can we expect a smack-down in the next blog: Brodie vs. Amy - the Giberish showdown!

    I'll bring the popcorn!

  19. Woo Hoo! Cousin smackdown: War of Words.

    Unfortunately, in a war of words, Amy wins hands down. That's what happens when your cousin is a certified genius.

  20. I agree with all the comments that have been made already so I'm not sure what I want to say...except, I finally have the internet hooked up to my home thanks to Sam. So, one vote for Sam. Although Brodi helped me move all my crap for 3 days straight so 2 votes for Bro. Thanks for all your help guys, but might pull ahead with votes this weekend...Remember our Sod Party! Yippee!

  21. Aw, shucks, Brodi, you're gonna make me cry! I would suspect that this is just a ploy to make me switch my vote, but I know you too well--you're a genuine sweetheart. Let's keep in mind that the whole reason you let Sam on your blog to subsequently spill the beans about your doorlock "incident" is you have written a frakkin' book! BTW, I don't think I've ever in my life used the word "frakkin'" before--I did that just for you. And even if you hadn't written a book, Sam clearly reminded us of all your other awesome achievements, so I think you win the title of certified genius amongst the cousins. BTW #2, I have never in my life left so many comments on anyone's blog ever, so I don't think you need to worry too much about me going back to Lurkerville.