Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Free Book Friday Contest winners: And Sam's Latest Offenses against me

Book Contest Winners:

Thanks to all who entered by answering the questions, or following the blog. To kick off the "Free Book Friday", Smokey the Hairless Cat has chosen THREE winners.

1. Brittany Landgrebe

2. Briana (Book Pixie)
3. Jessica Christensen Congrats to the winners.

And for the rest, another contest Friday. (No hard questions, I promise).

Winners, please email me at brosam (at) gmail (dot) com with your book choice from the pictures below. (These are all autographed. I was too lazy to type them out, hence the picture). Choose at least two, in case there is overlap.
Rafa Watch: My lover is back in top form, beating flamboyant frenchman Gael Monfils. You know what I really like about Rafa? He's full of quirks. All writers have quirks, most are mad as snakes. And I'm betting a high percentage of my blog readers have quirks.

Rafa's quirks:

1. He picks his wedgie between every point. (I found out the polite way to say this is, "He adjusts his pants.")

2. His water bottles have to be placed under his chair just so, and on every changeover, he takes a sip from each one and then returns them to their exact position.

3. He doesn't step on the lines in between points.

4. He tucks his hair behind his ears before each serve.

5. He towels off between every point.

Maybe that's why I love him so. He's mental.

My Holiday weekend in a nutshell:

Sam is Heartless
On Monday, Sam’s sister had a poolside barbecue. Halfway though my hotdog, I started to choke.

Sam’s offenses:
1. At first, he looked annoyed that I was interrupting some story someone else was telling.

2. Then, he patted my knee. As if that action would dislodge the hotdog stuck in my throat.

3. He asks if I have a drink. When I shake my head vigorously, he puts on a concerned face and (subconsciously) takes a sip of his Tab as he watches me sputter.

Um, I guess the honeymoon’s over?


In my quest to become Hott!TM Friend A and I have been lifting weights at the gym. Friend A is a star. If we were Crockett and Tubbs, she’d be Elle Macpherson, and I’d be Tubbs.

In one mirrored corner of the workout area, there is a padded floor, and a large sign above it that says, “Courage Corner.”
I used to think it was really lame. And every time I felt tired, I’d growl to Amy, “C’mon. It’s Courage Corner. We cannot fail!”

But on Monday, we went to Courage Corner to do abs, and found it was full. So we had to settle for another area of the gym, a corner I now refer to as “Judgment Alley.”

The entire wall in this corner is a window, instead of a mirror. And on the other side of the window are the Yoga nuts. They face the window, twisting their bodies into shapes that can only be described as alien. And they just stare through the window, into our little padded corner.
You can see how close they would be... noses to glass

I got a hernia just watching them. There’s an army of them, perfect little rows and rows. And they were watching me. Waiting for me to lug my big fat human butt over to the padded floor (directly in front of them) to do my “crunches”. (I use the quotation marks purposely there).

For a minute, I couldn’t help feeling like the entire world was made up of yoga nuts, and I was a caged animal in the zoo, and they were all watching me, saying, “Look at the fat chick. A rare species, seldom seen out of the wild.”

Nut #2: “Ah, isn’t it cute? It thinks it’s doing crunches. Sweet, tubby little thing.”

Nut #3: “Don’t feed it, though. It may snap at the slightest provocation.”
Can anyone relate?


  1. come on courage don't fail me now!

    LOL tubbs! you are not tubbs. but it still made me laugh.

    who does Sam think he is anyway? Rafa wouldn't treat you like that!

  2. I know. Rafa would charm the hotdog out of my throat. He's that good.

  3. Shellie--don't compare me to Rafa in any way, I will lose that battle every single time.

    In defense of my Brodi choking actions--
    1. I couldn't understand what she was saying...I mean, she could have told me that she was choking...all the pointing and the waving is not as effective as her running and finding a piece of paper and pen and writing down for me to read what was going on. I am not real good at charades.
    2.It was a Tab drink and Brodi does not like Tab so talk about a real cruel decision that I would be forcing her to make--drink Tab or choke. I am not going to make my wife make such a horrific decision on what to do. Not fair to her.

    And Bro, you are so not Tubbs. If you insist that you are Tubbs, then it would only be the Tubbs that had an incredibly sexy makeover because you are as hott! as they come.

  4. Sam- "In defense of my Brodi choking actions--"?

    Did you mean to sound as if you were the one choking me? Or was that just a Freudian slip?

  5. Oh man, that did not sound right, did it?

    I meant to say, 'In defense of my actions while Brodi was choking (and I had nothing to do with her choking) and why I am very sorry for my slow response in helping her. I love her so'

    Was that better? LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

  6. Sam- so much better. Thank you.

    So, where are you planning on living, now that I've had the locks changed?

  7. Congratulations to the winners!!

    Wouldn't Rafa be considered superstitious? It sounds similar to the ailment that plagues most baseball players. I must say though, he looks so very *ahem* hot in those bright colors!

    Since you posted, I figure you saved yourself from suffocation or did Sam finally figure it out after watching you struggle for hours?

    In defense of Brodi, Sam, you do know that when choking they encourage you to use hand signals because by the time you find paper and pen, you could be blue and dead...right?!?

    Brodi - when we got our yellow lab, I made sure our dogloo (dog-igloo) was big enough for hubby to at least crawl into and curl up...just a helpful suggestion....

    Oh and Brodi, if you are Tubbs, I'm an rare functioning beached blue whale or a relative of Jabba the Hut. (hehehehe)

  8. Una- Thank you for the idea. Sam- you may have the tent. Your welcome.

    And Jabba the Hut is hot. Don't ever think otherwise.

  9. All I can say is at least you were able to eat a hot dog at a get-together. Dave, bless his heart, is usually the first one to the food table and I'm left trying to make sure the kids are fed and that they don't jump into the pool naked. I'm just lucky if I can get a chip down before Dave has eaten all the food :)

    Funny dog story: my neighbors were pouring cement in the driveway yesterday and guess what they found this morning in the cement...little dog paw prints all through their driveway. I don't know why they were upset at Duke :)

  10. Erin- That is hilarious about Duke! It's a good thing cement doesn't leave marks on dog paws. Does it?

  11. ugh, there are some parts of the gym that I won't even go to because of the people that hang out there. The huge testosterone guys & the sports bra wearing girls & I wear my husbands basketball shorts and a XL BYU shirt. HA! I need my own hidden courage corner while working out.

  12. And, that is the very reason I have NEVER, not once, set foot in a gym. Ever.

    Aaaaaaccck! =S

    We do own several machines and a weight bench/set. Then nobody can watch me not using them! =]

  13. It's why I go to a non-chain gym. It is much less a meat market than the neighborhood hang out.

    Although I haven't been in a while...maybe that is why Jabba's been calling me cous!

  14. Mel- That must mean you have the discipline to do the work at home. I need some of that!

    Olivia- nothing wrong with your ensemble. Except the "BYU" part. :)

    Una- I've single-handedly turned my gym from a meat market to a flab market. It's beautiful.

    Briana- Yay! you won! Email received. Book on its way. (like, tomorrow).

  15. I would have subscribed via RSS to your blog anyway. I promise. I always get a hearty laugh out of your posts (but only if that is what I am supposed to get!) I mean really, where else would I get this:

    “Ah, isn’t it cute? It thinks it’s doing crunches. Sweet, tubby little thing.”

  16. Ah, thanks, Melissa. Of course, I was sort of fishing for a compliment...

  17. You people need to have a serious FHE or something on the well known "Universal Sign of Choking" I have always said we should be teaching this sign with the ABCs, and RRRs and 123s and etcs....On second thought Brodi...maybe you should google "Self-Heimlich manuever for future reference" you know just to be safe?

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  19. Taffy- patting on the knee is not the Surgeon General's recommended technique for choking? That makes no sense. :)

    Dorien- Where'd your comment go?

  20. I'm trying to think of the person that designed that gym. Not even for the yoga/caged crunchies. Who would think, "Hey lets name this Courage Corner! People will see that and they'll totally join just for that."

    At the rec center I used to work out at (now I go to a closer gym) the weight room had windows into the basketball courts. We did our calf exercises against that window but they could only from about our ribs up...moving up and down. It probably looked so weird to those guys.

  21. Yay! I love free books! I've been needing something new to read, too.

    I've never gone to a gym. This is for three reasons:
    1. I'm too cheap to pay for a membership.
    2. It takes far too much work to actually get up and go to the gym (I'm an expert at talking myself out of things).
    3. I'm afraid the gym yuppies will devour me out of hunger due to their "diets" (read: starving themselves).

    I'm totally rooting for Rafa all the way. Did you read the story about the fan that ran onto the court and kissed him? He got arrested, but Rafa laughed it off. Jail time would totally be worth it for a Rafa kiss.

  22. do you and Sam need to go sit in the "time out" corner =)

  23. For all you readers of Brodi's blog, here is a little conversation I had with Brodi on the way to the gym. By the way, I am friend A, and yes I am a hypochondriac(I have no clue if I spelled that right!)

    Friend A.- I have metal taste in my mouth, I think that might be a sign of a stroke. you want a piece of gum?

    Friend A- I am serious!

    Brodi- I know! I am secretly hoping you are so I can take you to the hospital and we don't have to go to the gym.

    Courage Corner was put there for you!!! although I think if they are going to have a corner like that at least they could do is add a little bit better music to the playlist. I am going to suggest Ozzy Osbornes
    "I Don't Want To Stop"

    By the way you are soooo not Tubbs!

  24. Debbie- Too funny- the basketball guys seeing your top halves!

    Jessica- Wasn't Rafa the coolest? Instead of being indignant or something, he was so gracious. I totally should've tried that move when I saw him play in Cali in the spring.

    Deanna- Sam totally needs a time out. He's the one who did something wrong. I'm right 95% of the time.

    Amy- All I was saying was that if you were getting a stroke anyway, it was very good timing. Okay, that doesn't make it sound any better.

    At least I'm humoring you. You know I'm one of the only people who would actually say, "Yeah. Maybe you are having a stroke. Do you think my boogers indicate that I have a brain tumor?"

    (Another actual conversation on our drive to the gym).