Friday, November 20, 2009

New Moon by the Numbers... and the Final Free Book Friday

1. Free Book Friday: Last one before the holidays! Leave a comment today to enter

2. New Moon Report

I went to see New Moon last night/early this morning, and I'm shocked I have any sort of blog in me. I'll go more into depth Monday, but here's New Moon by the numbers:

*Time I left my house: 10:15 p.m.

*Time I got home: 4:45 a.m. The next morning. The next morning. As in, a few hours ago.

*Number of times I suggested playing "Twilight/New Moon Car Games" on the way to the theater: 2

*Number of people who actually knew any "Twilight/New Moon Car Games": 0

*Number of fans in long lines around the building, shivering in blankets: thousands

*Number of times we cut in line because we didn't want to shiver: 1

*Number of security guards ready to use their biceps to force tween line-cutters back to the very back: 24

*Number of security guards who pictured themselves as Jacob and the Wolf Pack securing the boundaries of Forks: 24
*Number of fans in line to use the girls bathroom: 12

A few hyper girls said they were thinking of using the men's room, and they wondered if any men were in there. I said, "This theater on this night is probably the one time you're guaranteed there are no men in sight."

They didn't find me funny. One said, "There are dedicated boyfriends out there who will see New Moon on opening night."

I wanted to say, "Oh, I thought we were talking about men."

*Number of goodies inside my swag bag: 10.
Including a tiny little bottle of lotion called "Essence of Jacob".

*Number of races represented at Forks High School in the Olympic Peninsula: 42.

*Number of times Edward blinked because of his creepy contacts: millions
I'm sorry, but those contacts made the Cullens in this movie look like a mix between cheetahs and aliens.

*Number of people who actually believed Edward when he earnestly stated, "This is the last time you'll ever see me.": zero

*Number of times the audience swooned over Jacob's abs: 17

*Number of times the audience swooned over the wolf pack's abs: 10

*Number of times the audience swooned over Edward: 12

*Number of times the audience swooned over some random old old couple in one of the previews: 1
It was a very weird moment.

*Number of times Bella got lost in the woods: 2 or 3 or maybe 4

*Number of times Edward called Bella his "spider monkey": none.
And I thought the movie was the worse for it.

*Number of straight months Bella can sit in her room, not eating, and staring out the window: 4

*Number of times the camera circled her during those months: 4

*Number of times I got carsick: 4

*Number of times we thought the CG effects made Jacob's hands look like the size of Subaru's: 3

*Number of neck kinks we got from sitting on the front row: still counting

*Number of times Edward walked slo-mo: 4 (I thought vamps were supposed to be fast)

*Number of times Bella totally messed with Jacob's head: more than a few

*Number of times Jacob promised not to hurt her, and then turned around and hurt her within a few hours, and then told her he broke his promise: 2. or 3.

*Number of times I wondered WTH I was doing at a theater in Provo at 2:00 in the morning: a few

*Number of times I wished I was anywhere else: zero

*Number of times I got Essence of Jacob all over my steering wheel: 1
It's okay. It was an earthy, rustic smell, almost as if I'd been petting him all night.

Anyone else see it? What did you think?


  1. The only reason that I went to Twilight was to hear the SpiderMonkey line. With that in it, there is little reason for me to go.

    I slept pretty well last night...I went to bed around 11:45pm.

  2. grace is taking me today!
    can't wait!

    so are you team jacob or edward?

    or just "team sam?"


  3. This made me laugh so much! Especially the number of times you got carsick. I'll have to see it sometime. Thanks for the good laugh!

  4. Brodi, thank you, as always, for your awesome reporting skills. I definitely feel like I was there. Now I don't have to go to the Provo theater and see it for myself. Ever.

  5. I just know that when I see this movie I'll have your commentary running through my mind...I think it'll make the movie that much more enjoyable.

    And...I'm seriously considering switching to Team Jacob (even though I KNOW how the series ends) just because of those abs. *sigh*

  6. HAHA! I'm glad you came. I'm sorry we didn't get to chat. And I am SO WITH YOU on the car sick moments. There were a couple. When there was that weird flip shot, when Sam jumped off the cliff, made me feel sick too. And I concur with all of your assessments of the movie. I love every minute of it too!

  7. haha during the movie my friend and i were quietly talking back to the screen. The girls behind us didn't find us as hilarious as we thought we were and threatened to kill us a couple times. Luckily we made it home safe and i don't think we were followed.

  8. I'm super glad you came along. When I woke up this morning I had to pry my eyeballs out of my skull from looking through it all night. Ya-ouch-ee.

  9. I haven't seen it yet. I couldn't miss work today, so I didn't want to stay up that late. However, because of the antibiotic I'm on, I didn't get to sleep until 4:00 anyway. So, at this moment in time, I'm a little miffed for not caving and seeing it at midnight. I do have tickets for this afternoon, though.

  10. I was planning on seeing it today, but I didn't think to buy my tickets 14 months in advance, so no New Moon for me. I very much enjoyed seeing it vicariously through you!
    P.S. I recall from Twilight that Forks DID seem to be surprisingly ethnically diverse...

  11. Wow! New Moon seems much more exciting now. Thanks for the laugh. I'm sure that I will make my own tally when I see the movie.

  12. Sam- I'm so happy for you, that you went to bed so early. Yay you. I'll be taking a nap now... you got the kids?

    everyone who's going to see it: I expect a report afterward in the comments, telling me your thoughts!

    Dorien- Sam has a team? He'll be so happy to hear that. Unless you're talking about the werewolf Sam...

    Jenilyn- I suggest dramamine.

    Kim- Don't even think my blog gets you out of seeing it.

    Jessica- the movie made me want to switch to team Jacob, even though in the books I'm purely team Edward.

    Alysa- I expect a report.

    Ellabell- Twihard fans can be so touchy! I discovered this the hard way.

    Debbie- My contact literally rejected my eyeball this morning. I'm going to bed.

    Jenni- again, I expect a report.

    Juliana- Apparently all the minorities migrate to the Northwest region of the U.S. Who knew?

  13. Becky- make your own tally, and then entertain us with it!

  14. I'm among those seeing it tonight and dragging the hubby along and calling it a date. I totally love the idea of keeping tallies of how many times the audience swoons! I'm stealing that idea, and I'll report back. Thanks for a funny release-day post! :D

  15. just got back!

    still team edward here....
    grace had to keep wiping drool off
    her face every time jacob came on screen.


    anyone want to go again?

    i'm free tonight!

  16. I am soo excited, I'm seeing it tonight! Loved the report, hilarious as always. I am totally team Jacob all the way, the movie won't even need to sway me!

  17. So I can't tell if you liked it or not?????

    It was fabulous and not missing one thing because of a lack of monkey talk in any way shape or form.




  18. I'm going tomorrow night with gals from the neighborhood. Can't believe I bought a ticket online MONDAY! And I'm going to stand in line tomorrow night with a bunch of twitterpated twilighters to see this movie. This is what's happened to me since moving to UT! A year ago I would have said never to standing in line for a movie about one of these books. Let alone read them. But here I am. And I'm actually excited about it! Never say never. Thanks for the pre-empt rundown Brod. I'll tell you what I think...

    ps - Did the dominating female audience seriously swoon? Aloud?

  19. I lived in the NW and it is quite a melting pot--thank you very much.

    I have to admit to always being a Team Edward from the books--but Jacob, man he really is somthing! Kind of makes me feel all warm and toasty!

  20. Nikki- Enjoy! I saw Twilight with Hubby, and it was a very enjoyable experience.

    Dorien- I'll see it again anytime! But I figure since I went this morning, and I'm going tomorrow morning...

    Cam- And even more Fabulous. I loved it.

    Cath- the audience seriously swooned aloud. I think there will be enough twihard fans on Saturday that you will get to experience this wonder of the universe.

    Eden- Jacob is toasty. 108 degrees.

  21. Fabulous, now I definitely don't have to see it. Besides, I'm with Sam-- no Spider Monkey line? Forget it.

    (Yeah right, like I was even considering seeing it anyway.)

    On a completely unrelated note-- you know you've been watching too much Fringe when you're helping your kid cut out a handprint turkey and the 5 fingers just seem... off. Like one is missing...

  22. Britt- I just read your comment to Sam... So funny about Fringe! We both laughed at that one.

  23. I'm coming back with my report of New Moon. OH. MY. GOSH. It was so good! It makes me mad that Catherine Hardwicke directed the first movie and the budget was so low. New Moon is how it should be done!

    Kay, my favorite things about the movie:
    1. Jacob's abs. Need I say more? I think not.
    2. Victoria's hair is actually red not orange.
    3. Even with the blinking, I liked the contacts in this movie better.
    4. The effects were so much better than Twilight.

    I loved the way they handled this story. I thought all the actors did a good job. I even liked Edward when he said good-bye to Bella. But, I understand where you're coming from.

    Kay, the best part is I'm going to see it again tomorrow morning and then at least another time next week with my in-laws. I'm trying to talk Corey into going on Monday since he wants to see it and I want to see it again. *blushes*

  24. Jenni- I'm seeing it tomorrow too, and I can't wait. I guarantee I'll be seeing it a third time next week!

  25. I'm so disappointed! Not about the movie, which was fun, but about audience participation in our theater. No. of times anybody squealed for Edward: zero! No. of times for Jacob: 3. No. of times hubby rolled his eyes: 30 (by his own count). Good times, though. Great humor this time around, like the fake movie (hubby's favorite part).

  26. Nikki - I loved the fake movie! And the way Jessuca acted when Bella went off with the weird guys. What was wrong with your audience? It's opening weekend! Swooning should be required.

  27. great commentary - almost feel like I was there. Now I won't bother to see it.

  28. Mary- my post was supposed to make you want to go!

  29. Yeah.....I was prepared to like this one more than I did Twilight, but, no. =P

    I got dizzy when they circled Bella, too! Ha ha.

    I thought the contacts were okay...I just wish, for the love, that Bella would ONCE look Edward in the eyes!!! Argh!!

  30. Mel- Totally didn't notice the Bella thing, but now that I think about it, she never looks him in the eyes! I also wished Edward could've had a moment... just a moment... where he wasn't so darn morose. Even though I know that was the tone of the movie.

  31. I noticed the eye thing too. I understand why she does it. She's insecure about herself around him, but it's still annoying. Hopefully, that'll change when they film the last half of Breaking Dawn (if they film it).

    Brodi, I also wish Edward would have a moment when he isn't morose. It won't happen in Eclipse, though. The only point that will happen is after Renesmee's born in Breaking Dawn. But again, only if they film it.

    And, I totally agree with the car sick thing. Ugh!

  32. Wait a sec... who's Renesmee? Bella has a baby?

    I can't wait until they film the second half of Breaking Dawn. I long to see Edward bite through a uterus with his teeth.

    I think they should go for the R rating on that one.

  33. Ack, I guess I am behind here. Haven't seen the movie. I'm ok with no opening night. Or weekend. Or month... Can't the movie just come to me?

  34. Melissa- If you love it, it will come to you... Wait. I'm mixing up my movie metaphors.

    Okay, if you build it, it will come to you. Which I guess means if you build a movie theater, New Moon will come to you.

    Actually, my blog is a faithful report, so really you've already seen it.

  35. I saw it on Friday and I loved it. I barely even needed to see it with the amazing report you gave, though!

  36. lulabell- I think my report needed more pictures of Jacob's abs though.

  37. I've got to sneak in my comment before your Monday blog. It was fun to join you all for the midnight craziness. That was my first, and I'm pretty sure only, opening nighter. It might not have seemed so bad if I hadn't gotten sick the next day. I am very much looking forward to your fuller report tomorrow... I saw you taking notes!

  38. Bro, we missed seeing this with you. It was awesome, huh? I was sitting between Bree and Sara, so yeah, I was thoroughly entertained.

  39. Heids- So fun. But I do admit I felt like I was going to die the next day. My headache reached all the way to my fingertips.

    Valynne- I know, I'm so sad I didn't get to see it with you guys. We'll just have to go again, right? Right??