Wednesday, December 8, 2010

An Update on The War on Christmas... The Insurgents Strike Back

Happy December 8th everyone! Or should I say, Happy 8th day into America's War on Christmas!
(It may look peaceful, but trust me, the storm's brewing. 
And, oh yeah, there's a war going on outside, too.)

From what I gather watching the news reports, Christmas controls 60% of the territory, but "Holidays" is making a north-westerly assault on the Christmas stronghold of "Kids will never surrender Santa Claus, so bite me Holidays!" 

That skirmish began when Holidays used a name change from "The Christmas Parade" to "The Holiday Parade" as a diversion tactic so it could attack from behind using the "Don't you know the Christmas traditions of mistletoe and holly and yule logs have their origins in paganism? You're pagans! Zing!" strategy.

They momentarily considered a cease-fire for the month of December, but then they realized that would eat up all of their prime fighting time. Looks like no one's going home to their families this season.

The battle culminated when Holidays came up with a catchy little ditty: "Go Christmas, Go Hanukkah, Go Kwanzaa, Go solstice... go Christmas, go Hanukkah, go whatever holiday you Wannakuh"

To which Christmas replied "I'll go all Wannakuh on your butt!"

I do not make light of this war. My Uncle was wounded by a stray pinecone. He hasn't been the same since. He wanders around the house, muttering, "I wanna Wannakuh, I wanna Wannakuh."

The collateral damage of war.

So, how is all y'all's holiday/Christmas/Hannakuh/Kwanzaa/Solstice season going? Anyone have stories from the front?


  1. In the words of Amy Wong from Futurama: "Oh no! This could be the year without a Kwanzaa, like every year before 1966." Zing!

  2. The worst is the War on Valentine's Day. People trying to call it 'love day' and things like that...poor Mr. Valentine.

  3. Sam- I know. Mr. Valentine is totally forgotten in all the hustle and bustle of the holiday, and his voice is drowned out by all the smooching.

    It's just plain sad, really.

  4. I was starting to fall prey to the Happy Holiday syndrome (I had it on the top of my Christmas card) though I've promptly changed it to support the Merry Christmas side instead.

  5. Ah, nothing like war during the ...celebratory season. I'm a Merry Christmas supporter myself, but I guess if I were Jewish I wouldn't be. A Merry Christmas supporter that is.

  6. Debbie- Way to resist the temptation to switch sides! (No matter which side you're on.)

    Melissa- December is the perfect month for a good brawl. Have you been the the front (K-Mart) during the blue light special? War is hell.

  7. Sometimes we like to send out Christmas cards printed in Spanish. The war is moving in on them, too! Ticks me off when I find a super cute card that says "happy holidays" or any other generic holiday reference.

    In other news, we've put the smackdown on the "holiday" references in our house and go full-on born-again christian when wishing others a Happy Christmas.

    Also, you forgot Festivus. (Now where'd that aluminum pool stick get to?)

  8. SalGal- My cards say Merry Festivus. So, we have that holiday covered. :)