Monday, October 19, 2009

Three Freaky Things: A.K.A. If a Crab Mated with a Spider, it would look like this...

Good Monday. This blog post will be short, because F.O.B. (friend of the blog) "H" said my post on Friday was too freakin' long, and she didn't even bother reading it because of the length. I'd insert something terribly clever here, in an effort to show "H" how every word on my blog has a place, but I am striving for brevity.

So, on with the blog. (I'm thinking that was the longest introduction ever to the actual post. Sorry.)

In the Spirit of Halloween:

The Top Three Things that Scared the Boogers out of me This Weekend. (Never fear, Sam was on booger-cleanup, so we didn't have to burn down the house).

*Warning: The third thing has a crazy-arse picture of the eight-legged variety, so if my last spider post made you vomit your own heart, don't look. Consider yourself warned.

1. Saw Paranormal Activity.

Proof that a movie doesn't need a big budget to be freaky. Also proof that the scariest monsters are the ones you don't see... dun dun dunnnn. Also proof that ouija boards are never a good idea. Also, if something is haunting you, don't antagonize it. Oh yeah, one more thing. Always keep baby powder on hand at home, just in case... wait. I don't want to spoil it for you.

Anyone else see it? If so, let me know what you thought.

2. Did I ever mention I have an itty-bitty fear of plants? Not flowers, or grass, or that sort of stuff. No, I'm scared of anything that a. grows freakishly fast. b. wraps itself around another plant c. clings to stuff.

Like Japanese Junk Trees that sprout over 7 feet high in under a week? I scream like a little girl. Don't even get me started on mushrooms that pop up overnight.

So, you can imagine the fear in my heart when I walked into the playroom downstairs and found this...The outside vine had found a way in! The window was closed, and locked, but the little bugger came through the wall. Did you hear that? Came through the wall. Just looking for a cankle to wrap its tentacles around.

3. Okay, this is my favorite. Some neighborhood girls found a spider in our apple tree. It's back was huge, and its web looked like balls of cotton. Hubby and Neighbor R captured the thing in a jar, but not before it posed for this stellar pic. Prepare yourselves...

*Added: Yes, this is the actual spider we found. Neighbor "R" took the picture.

Is that the creepiest crawly you've ever seen? At first we thought it was a baby spider sac on its back. But after some trusty Google work, we discovered it's a Crab Spider. Have you ever seen anything like it? I haven't.

So, how was all y'all's weekend? Anything fun? Anything Halloweenie?


  1. I think your neighborhood is trying to eat you. The plant, the spider. It's all coming for your Brodi. I'd start to run if I were you. (Is that the actual spider they found? Oh gosh thats just nasty.)
    I'm not a real scary movie fan myself. Thats not to say I dont watch them, I just dont enjoy them as much as I used to. Since being married my hubby will usually hide in dark places or crouch down behind things and jump out at me (directly after seeing said scary movie). So it's not really the movie but the actions afterwards. Not cool.

  2. Debbie- Yes, it is the actual spider! I updated the post to reflect that.

    If Sam jumped out at me after a scary movie, he'd be missing a finger right now.

  3. So give me a BIG was this orange little monster? Size of a quarter, size of a small shoe...?

  4. Oooooo... I really want to see that movie now. I love scary movies- A LOT. Scott doesn't jump out at me, because while I do love scary movies I get really scared & wig out for a bit afterward. Like you, he'd have a broken finger.

  5. I actually think that vine coming through the wall is the scariest thing on this post. Are you serious about that? Yikes!

  6. Kristen, I would say size of a quarter. (but my imagination has since made it the size of a football field).

    Olivia- I used to hate scary movies because I wouldn't sleep for days afterward. It's only been in the past five or so years that I've been able to watch them. But if Sam goes out of town again... I'm screwed.

  7. Nikki- Yes! It really came through the wall! Freaky, right? Truly if I were to rank the list, the plant would probably be #1 scary.

  8. That spider is super freaky and is going to give me nightmares tonight. You just can't resist torturing me, can you? *shudders*

    Yeah, I think you have a Little Shop of Horrors going on in your play room. Just don't name it Seymour or start feeding it people. It will all just go downhill from there!

    I used to hate scary movies, but I love to watch them now as long as they don't involve spiders. Paranormal Activity seems like a winner.

  9. Jenni- That gives me an idea. I think I'll wrap the vine around one of our teddy bear's necks so it looks like the vine strangled it. So Sam will come home, and see a teddy bear dangling from the ceiling, eyes bugging out... what do you think? Cool, huh? Nobody tell Sam!

  10. I saw crab spiders all over in Hawaii. The really creepy thing about them is that NOTHING kills them (except for maybe something heavy to squish them). I mean, no pesticides work on them. You have to use bleach to take out those little buggers.

  11. Matt- are you kidding me? Ugh! I was a little worried that if I squashed it, the back would explode and release a cloud of poisonous gas fumes. Sorta like a dirty bomb.

  12. don't like scary movies. Laughed over your fear of plants (though that is weird that the plant came through the wall!), and the spider is really freaky. Happy Halloween!

  13. ok that spider is AT LEAST the size of my fist...really and truly!

    ugliest thing EVER! EVER! EVER!

    and i used to like scary movies, now they just scare me so much i can't sleep at night.

    i prefer musicals to scary movies now! ;O)

  14. Tamara- Weird, huh? Thanks for reading!

    Dorien- The spider's still in a jar, if you want it to sleep over. Or he's a good conversation topic and centerpiece at a dinner party. Mwah ha ha.

  15. That is a sick looking spider...I think I need to puke now.

  16. That is a sick looking spider...I think I need to puke now.

  17. Cam- always happy to brighten your day.

  18. My Gerber Gator Serrator knife and I have a date one weekend soon with a vine in my storage shed. It broke in this summer and has wound its tendrils around everything. I'll have to empty the shed just to hack the beastie to death.

    Nature reclaiming its own? Or maybe it just has a box fetish.

    Douglas Cootey
    ☆ @DouglasCootey on Twitter
    A Splintered Mind

  19. In college I had an asparagus fern named Fred (or was it Frank?). It was an adorable plant until is suddenly sprouted runners and tried to take over my entire apartment. Then Franken Fred had to die. It was creepy.

  20. Douglas- Good luck with that. I've heard that once they break through walls, they develop artificial intelligence. Just sayin'.

    Bree- "Franken Fred". Funny! Do you ordinarily name your plants?

  21. Brodi, can you please come move by me? The mice don't hide in your walls, the spiders are rare (and itty-bitty). Also, plants don't invade your dwelling.

    That way you could take me to the grocery store without living in a haunted village.

  22. Emily- why didn't I think of that? That would totally solve all of our commuting problems. Now to talk Sam into it...

  23. So was the Paranormal movie any good? I wasn't convinced by the previews to see it. I am a suspense movie person when it comes to scary - I used to watch the "horror"/scary films but I just can't stomach it anymore (or the nightmares that follow). Give me a movie with low to no required special effects for gore.

    You'd be amazed Brodi what a plant, especially an aggressive vine can do. Never plant vines near your house, ivy on a building may look neat, but it's a nest for bugs and the ivy will try to take the mortar of the bricks or the bricks themselves just does in trying to anchor.

    Never seen a crab spider, hope to NEVER see a crab spider, but thanks for the picture!

    And your blog wasn't too long on Friday, but then again, I'm one of the long winded commentators!

  24. Una- I thought it was creepy, as long as it doesn't get so over-hyped that everyone's expectations are sky high. It was definitely low-budget, and it still gave me the chills. But it doesn't really take much to give me the chills.

    I agree- vines must go!

  25. Thanks the heads up about the spider picture! Skipped it. Phew.

  26. Okay, still goosebumpy from that picture. Yuck. We have caught some really weird spiders down by the creek, that baby is right up there.

  27. And we live in the SAME neighborhood??? Yikes! That is one nasty spider! Are there more out there?

    As for brevity - I'm the queen of UN-brevity. Way too verbose and long-winded. But when it comes to your posts I read every word. Even your "long" ones. Sometimes I don't get to them until a week or so later. But I DO read them!

  28. The movie was very entertaining. I was proud of you for not randomly screaming.

    I hope you didn't cut off that vine. I was planning on having it go thru every room in the house.

    I will also note that you failed to mention that I was the one who caught the spider...ok, it was Neighbor R, but he definitely needed my support to catch that spider.

  29. Heids- you can't skip a post! Just read it with your eyes closed.

    Keersten- creeks are the worst places for critters. They love them their water.

    Cath- Don't worry. I'm discovering strange and unusual occurrences only happen at our house. The neighbors are just fine. It's really not fair.

    Sam- 1. You're welcome.
    2. I will move if that happens.
    3. How manly of you.

  30. Bro, that vine is freaky. I'm not normally afraid of plants, but ewwww. And I don't do scary movies, so I'll just have to trust you on that one.

  31. Valynne- So I guess I should take back the vine I bought you for Christmas?

  32. Skipped the spider pick, I kill enough as it is. And yes, they do tend to leave a lot of, shall we say, juiciness, behind. St George has more bugs than I thought possible. It's 9 am and I've already killed a cockroach and a cricket. Yuck.

    I've never liked scary movies. I grew up in the Friday the 13th era and nothing freaked me out more than that stuff. I steer clear now if I can, because I have a hubby much like Debbie's.

    Your posts are great, never too long. I can't get enough of your great sense of humor!

  33. Kimberly- Spider juices. Ewww. We had cockroaches in our place in D.C., and when we first moved in, we'd turn on the lights and watch them scamper away. Yuck.