Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Spouse speaks, err, blogs for Brodi today

So, Brodi asked me to fill in for her and write up a blog post.  As you know, she is finishing up her second book (which totally is rockin', by the way) and she is short on time, so for a small nominal fee, I was brought in to blog for her.   She gave me only 2 requirements - No nude pictures of myself and don't drive away followers (which very well may be the same thing).  Thanks to all of you kind readers of her blog for the questions.  I am ready to rock and roll with some answers:

Nicole K asks: I would like to know if Sam is going to blog about Bachelor Pad? 
How can I answer this and still be taken seriously anywhere, ANYWHERE?  Yes, I have watched Bachelor Pad this summer.  (hangs head in shame).  If you have never watched this show, kudos to you for being a sane person.  Basically, this show has pulled past contestants from the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and threw them in a house together to live...and then each person votes to kick others off the show.  Last person standing (usually with self esteem long gone) wins $250K.  Let me just say - these people are crazy.  Typical scenario - guy kisses girl thinking it will help him stay in the game.  Same guy then kisses another girl thinking it will help him really stay in the game.  1st girl gets mad at guy.  Guy is nervous because now girls start not liking him.  He apologizes.  Girls happy again.  He kisses 1st girl again.  He then kisses 2nd girl again.  Girl gets mad.  Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat.  Seriously, most of these contestants have the crazies.  I will admit that I have yelled at the tv.  I will not admit to throwing my shoe at the television.  Utah's very own Michelle has a chance to win.  Not that ANYONE cares.

Robin asks several questions: Sam--do you, like my husband, have to force your wife to knock off and go to bed at a decent hour?  
Brodi is 'spirited.'  If I tell her to knock it off and go to bed...she will stay up longer.  If I tell her to go to sleep in an hour, she will go to sleep 2 hours later.  We go to bed at similar hours...usually sometime between 11 and 12 each night.  But, I often fall asleep on the couch and stumble to the bed around 2 in the morning.   If Brodi's mind is on overdrive, she aint going to bed until she passes out. 

Did Brodi buy you a nice thank-you gift with her advance? 
Yep, she went out of town to LA and NYC for fun/conferences.  Oh wait, for me?  Yes, we were able to put food on the table.

When Brodi becomes a bestseller early next year, will you quit your job? 
Probably not, my work would be completely lost without me.  They need me.  They need me.  They need me.  Don't they?  Do you know something that I don't know?    

Who do you see as your greatest competition: Rafa or Jack?
Tough.  I would say Rafa though.  Mainly because his name comes up every single day. 
For example:  Sam: "Hey Bro, lets stay home tonight and hang out." 
Brodi: "Rafa would take me out dancing and clubbing." 
Sam: "OK, get on your dancing shoes, we are going to the Bay."
She has Rafa, I have Ana I.  Luckily, both of these tennis stars have allowed us to have each other while they compete in all of their tournaments.  And look, these two players also hang out with each other outside of the tennis court.

Rachel asks: Question for Sam: Who is funnier in real life, you or Brodi? What advice do you have for my husband, as one spouse of an author to another?
As you can see from this blog post, Brodi is much funnier in real life. But if you give me a Rockstar drink or crack cocaine, I can be pretty crazy funny too. The best advice that I can give is to keep pushing the spouse. EVERYONE thinks that they can write, but that is really not true. It is difficult, time consuming, frustrating, etc. The business is tough. It is difficult to write a is difficult to find an is difficult to sell a book. It aint easy. So, be there for your spouse and support him/her and give encouragement.  And speaking as Brodi's spouse, she is a great writer so it has been really easy to be so supportive.  She is fabulous and I am happy to be her biggest male cheerleader.

Leigh Ann asks: Okay, Mr. Ashton: What are your three favorite meals to cook, clean up after, and serve Brodi at the end of a long day of writing with a long night stretching ahead of her? Hmmm? Bonus points: What is the average length of the footrubs you give her while she types?
Thanks for the questions Leigh Ann, I have not been called Mr. Ashton since she was a television reporter.  Brodi kept her maiden name, so my last name is Johnson.  But, I have no problem with being called Mr. Ashton, Hot Stuff, Sam the man, Sexy guy, Metrosexual Man, Mr. Ashton Johnson, etc.  
Favorite meals?  Besides spaghetti, hamburgers and the best ribeye steaks that you could imagine, I am not really a cook.  So, we do lots of fabulous takeouts from Citris Grill, the Pub, any Thai place, etc.  I am a very good dish clean upper and I am happy to do so.  Brodi won't let me go near her feet, so no foot rubs.  It might have something to do with always trying to tickle her feet.  Yeah, she doesn't like that.  Not one bit. 

Small Town Shelly Brown asks: Sam, what do you do while Brodi is writing? 

When she is writing, I like to work on my dance moves.  Tuesdays are 'We be break dancing' day (check out kitty doing some breakin' moves).  Thursdays are set aside for Modern Dance and Sundays are Ballroom Dancing days.  I also like to spend my days watching reruns of Bachelor Pad.  I also spend time on planning where to pick up takeout for tomorrow nights dinner.  I also spend crazy amount of times looking for the best deals in anything.  I could be buying a pair or $3 socks and I spend 25 minutes trying to find those same socks for $2.50.  I also make sure that the kids are not playing in the streets.  I try to sneak in 5 minutes of playing the Atari as well.  

Ok, this blog post is long enough for now.  I still have some questions to answer on Friday including one from my lovely sister.  If there is anything else you would like to know, please ask away.  I will be working on my responses nonstop for the next 2 days to get ready for Friday's blog post.  Thanks to you all for reading Brodi's blog.  She totally rocks and all of your comments always makes her day. 


  1. Question for Sam: Will you be going back to the middle east for work again?

    Question for Brodi: Did you see how your man Rafa got snubbed at the VMA Do Something Awards?

  2. Sal- I tried to do something! I threw my considerable weight around, but nobody noticed.

    Sam- Excellent work on the blog. And I'm so proud you got your pictures of Ana Ivanovic in. Although it makes it look like Rafa and Ana are dating. Which we all know is totally untrue.

    I can't wait to see your new dance moves...

  3. Bachelor Pad has been redeemed this season by the most romantic moment in any previous Bachelor-related show, and that is Ames leaving the show with Jackie. That act has even surpassed each and every one of the marriage proposals we've seen over the years. Ames is the man.

    Just sayin'.

  4. Bachelor Pad and dancing cats in one post?? Don't know if the world can handle such things. :) Great post, Sam! It gave me a great idea....make my husband do some guest posts for me. He's funny, like you, as well. And he humors my crazy ideas most of the time (like you obviously do for Brodi). :)

  5. You have an Atari! I'm so jealous! I love the Atari.

    I know I already asked a question, but I'm going to ask one again because this post made me think of it. Does/did it bother you that Brodi didn't change her name? I know my husband wouldn't have liked it.

    Also, just so you know, the Yoshi backpack is winning. My husband thinks it will be cool to have one. So, I may get one yet!

  6. SalGal - our company will continue to work in the Middle East, Africa, etc.

    Bro - I can't wait to show you some more of my killer dance moves.

    Matt - Come on over any Monday night...we can order pizza, wrap ourselves up in blankets and enjoy another fine Bachelor Pad episode.

    Kassie - the cat and the bikin'd bodied contestants of Bachelor Pad pictures forced me to reboot my computer 3 times. It couldn't handle the awesomeness.

    Jenni E - yay to the Yoshi backpack. As cool as it gets. Also, I will answer your last name question on Friday.

  7. rofl - you two make quite the pair.

  8. Ah, a tempting offer. Can the blankets be snuggies?

  9. Excellent Bachelor Pad Post. It really is like watching a car accident in slow motion. Just when you think it can't get any worse, OHHHHH, here comes another crash.

  10. i've read brodi's posts for awhile, but i'm not a frequent commenter, however, this post is too crazy not to pass up.

    (1) you call brodi, bro, which makes total sense if you hear it, but if you're reading it, my first thought was, he calls her his brother? huh, that's an unusual nickname for one's wife. but then, wait for it, then i got it. no moss on this gal.

    (2) every time i see rafa, i giggle at his unevenly sized arms.

    (3) how do you two ever get anything done around the house? i mean, besides cracking each other up?

    thanks for spewing your silliness onto the interwebs. we all enjoy!

  11. Donna - Brodi brings the awesomeness, I bring the Tab cola and poptarts. We are a good combo that way.

    Matt - snuggies are just fine. I think I even have a Utah Ute one somewhere around the house. Can't wait for Monday!

    Nicole - yep...Lots of awesome trainwrecks on that show with Vienna and Kasey front and center.

    Abby - thanks for commenting. Yeah, Bro can sound a little strange. I guess I could have just always called her 'Ro' but then people would think I was always itching to go rowing. I can't really win with using any nickname for her. In regards to Rafa - yeah, he is crazy ugly freak with his ugly arms. Now I just need to convince 'Bro' on that. She is fine getting things done around the house...after a long day of work for both of us, she is not amused by my 'humor.'

  12. You have a fabulous blog! I’m an author and illustrator and I made some awards to give to fellow bloggers whose sites I enjoy. I want to award you with one of my homemade awards: Powerful Woman Writer Award. There are no pass along requirements. This is just to reward you for all the hard work you do!

    Go to and pick up your award.

  13. What? No fabulous thank-you gift for being an awesome supportive husband? I'm sure she's just waiting until she can afford to buy you a date with Ana. I hear those are expensive.

    My hubby starts at 9:00 with the regular reminders of bedtime. Of course, he can throw my day-job in my face.... :)

  14. OH my gosh.. is that the atari from grandma and grandpa ashton"s house?!?!

  15. Dancing, cat video's, atari, slickdeals...sounds like time well spent to me!

    I have been trying to make the inordinate amount of time I spend on pay for itself... the jury is still out on this one.

  16. *blushes from sheer embarrassment*
    Even though you said you like to do takeout, the three meals you said you can cook sound darn good to me!
    (Thanks for answering)

  17. Leigh Ann - do not be embarrassed at all. It is a logical assumption and an assumption that has been made countless times before. So, no worries. And yes, I agree...those 3 meals are pretty good. Basically, I have lived on those three meals for years.

    Small Town - I love Great site. So is

    Marianne - I responded to your post in a post today...but it is not from the Ashtons. But, how awesome is it that they had one there too?