1. The winner of the EVERNEATH arc is up on Debbie's and Windy's blogs. It's the first book I've ever signed, and I was a little nervous. Seriously, why would someone want my autograph? So, I embellished a little.
|Now, it's actually worth something.|
2. Each Tuesday and Thursday, I will be posting exclusive quotes from EVERNEATH on the EVERNEATH facebook page. The first two quotes (introducing you to Nikki and Jack) are up. Scroll down the wall to find them. (I just saw I have 199 "likes". Quick! Go be #200!)
On to the post:
More Evidence a Critique Group is Invaluable
The other evening, we had a critique group, and I submitted my first couple of chapters. In them, one of the characters pukes.
Here's where an astute critique group comes in. Bree Despain was very concerned about the puking.
Bree: "But... where did it land."
me: "Where did what land?"
Bree: "The puke. I mean, you said it was 'firehose proportions'. Did it... spray everywhere?"
me: "I don't know. It was just puke."
Bree: "But then... she... talks afterward."
Bree: "I mean, does she have little bits of... puke stuck in her teeth?"
me: "Fine, I'll give her a piece of gum."
Bree: "But... then won't the gum have little bits of puke in it?"
me: "Fine. She can rinse her mouth out, and then she can chew the gum."
Bree: "And then... what about her nose-"
me: "She'll blow her nose!"
Bree: "And then you say some of it lands on that guy's shoe."
Bree: "I mean, that is just disgusting. And the smell..."
me: "Okay, how about this? When she feels it coming on, she leans over the railing of the porch, and cleanly pukes in the bush. The wind is blowing in the opposite direction, so there's no smell. After she pukes, she takes the garden hose, washes her mouth out, farmer-blows her nose, and then unwraps a piece of gum."
Bree (considering): "That doesn't seem very realistic."
She's right though. The last thing I want people imagining when they read my book is the pungent smell of rancid puke. I mean, sure it's fine for the blog on a Friday morning. But in a book? Not so much.
What do y'all think?
I don't know about you, but when I'm at a movie, and I see the couple wake up in the morning... and kiss... in bed... all I can think is, "Hello! Disgusting morning breath!" So I can totally see where she's coming from.
Ha ha! Your conversation with Bree is priceless because I can actually hear it in my head in both of your voices. LOL.ReplyDelete
Um, I don't mind reading about puke if it's necessary to the story. I don't think you need to overembellish all the details. Just the fact that she puked is enough....
Oh Bro, you don't have morning breath. Your breath in the morning smells like someone took a bunch of roses, peppermint patties and new fresh car smell and blended them in a blender and then put it in your mouth. Its wonderful.ReplyDelete
More description of puke is always needed. It will increase your male readership...also more beheadings and more talk about basketball.
Jenni- So, you don't want to hear that the puke has lots of little bits of carrots in it? Good to know!ReplyDelete
Sam- My breath doesn't automatically smell that good. Before you wake up, I rinse my mouth out with "New Car Smell" mouthwash.
This conversation totally cracked me up. I was fine with the whole puking thing until Bree started going into detail about the "little bits of puke" in everything. Then I started to feel sick. LOL!ReplyDelete
Seriously though, I think it's fine if someone pukes, ('cause people *do* actually do that). Just...maybe don't go into detail about the puke chunks. :)
P.S. I love when you include critique group conversations in your blog. They make my day. :)
Once again, you've cracked me up. I've never heard of farmer-blowing ones nose, but I plan to incorporate it into my vocabulary ASAP.ReplyDelete
And I HATE puke. So if I were the one standing with her when the fire-hose proportion of puke came spewing out, I would have done a little fire-hose puking myself. Blech!
Yeah, I agree with Kristin, I was fine with the puking until it got to detailed. So where do you buy this new-car-smell mouthwash? ;)ReplyDelete
So funny. :) I am feeling a bit nauseous thinking about fire-hose amounts of spewage with carrots chunks, though. Hee hee.ReplyDelete
puke and morning breath--two things i can live w/o imagining in detail! :O)ReplyDelete
I'm okay with puke--it happens--but Bree's right that you can't just puke and ignore the aftermath.ReplyDelete
Also, I wish I hadn't read this at lunchtime.
you gotta love a book (or the promise of one) that includes the detailed events of life, especially the unfortunate parts like puke and where it lands.ReplyDelete
i can't wait to see what you (and bree) do if a character catches a case of montezuma's revenge.
Kristin- I know! Isn't it enough to say "he puked" without going into details? Leave it to the reader to imagination, right?ReplyDelete
Gina- I love the sympathy pukes! When puking becomes contagious.
Jenny- At any fine gas station! The mouthwash is shaped like a pine tree.
Leisha- I totally shouldn't have mentioned carrot chunks. I should've said... milk curds. :)
Dorien- Sorry. This is the last time I ever blog about anything gross. I should just stick to pus.
Robin- Sorry about your lunch!
Abby- Ewwwwwww! :)
How funny you wrote this today because I've got puke in the scene I'm writing now, and yeah, it's problematic.ReplyDelete
Gotta love the reality check questions. And they do go through our minds as readers even if it's just an ewwwReplyDelete
Ha ha! Hilarious! I have a character puke in one of my books... I've never thought about the aftermath! lol Good to know!ReplyDelete
Alyosha- yes! "Aftermath of Puke" is always a good lesson to learn when writing a book!ReplyDelete
Donna- I know. I've been thinking "Ewwwww" all weekend with this blog post. Maybe I will take the scene out entirely.
Chantele- Yes, every spewage has consequences. :)
Ha ha!! I thought I was the only person who thought that way. When two new lovers awake in each others arms, and start talking to each other....yuck!! Bad breath! (Now if they were married and had been together for, say, seventeen years, then I can totally see it. And see one of the two people going, "EW!" Go eat some toothpaste!) =]ReplyDelete
I admit, this is the kind of thing that distracts me. Puke is fine. Heaven knows I clean it up often enough around here. But I would definitely be reading and be like, "So what about the mess?" It's kind of like how I'm always distracted by shapeshifters (of any ilk) who show up wearing clothes. Or people who go invisible. WHAT ABOUT THE CLOTHES? So Bree asked some fair questions. Inquiring minds want to know . . . what happened to the puke?ReplyDelete
mel- so glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way!ReplyDelete
Melanie- I will make sure the puke has consequences. Actually, after all this, I think it will be better to just have the main character dry heave!
Ha - so funny - hate puke. If someone pukes around me I have to fight to not puke too. If I was that guy I'd have to leave quick or add to the pukage (is that a word?).ReplyDelete